Episode 1 — Jake Johnson, Our Close Friend

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Sean and Hayes take us through their respective journeys and share how they became two A-List it boys. They do a quick recap of the Emmys by discussing Steve Levitan’s message during his acceptance speech and open up the “Teaser Freezer” as they analyze the teaser for Regular Joe’s “Don Jon.” Then, the boys welcome JAKE JOHNSON of the News Girl who tells us how he gets into the “funny zone” by reaching into the “Popcorn Gallery” and performs a scene from the News Girl by hopping into the “Scene Machine.”

[Joshie 125]

.

[kneisage 2108]

Yesss so excited for this show. This was a great episode. Honestly I'm surprised the big studio executives haven't already shut this down because of you guys' no-bullshit, totally twisted take on Hollywood, but I know it would take more than a few suits to take down guys like Hayes and Sean. I'm glad you guys are back!!! Keep up the great work.

[NotTheNarnold 413]

This Jack Johnson guy from the News Girl seems kinda scary, I think he was intimidated by Sean and Hayes. Seemed kinda defensive about the News Girl and the Mimby Project, I think he's upset about that new HILARIOUS show Daddies is on before them, I think it draws like 5 Billion Viewers a night. Probably cause its edgy and such a new idea! I mean grown adults living with there parents, WHAAAAAATTTT?!?!?!?!?! You guys should get Seths Green or Seths McFunland on the show to talk about how they came up with such an original premise.

 

Serious note, I love the new song, it had me bussin up.

[chanson 9697]

So glad you guys are back!

 

I really enjoyed the show and Jack Johnson was really delightful. I would have liked to hear some of his music though so that I could pretend that I didn't enjoy it and so that I could talk about how overexposed it is... Also, I'm kinda disappointed that you guys didn't ask all of my questions to him, especially the one about policy options in Syria. If there's one thing I've learned in my 23 (and 11/12) years of life, it's that people in Hollywood are the best informed and most qualified people when it comes to US foreign policy and world affairs. In fact, in my Poly Sci class we had a guest lecturer named Sean Pennsylvania, who's apparently some Hollywood guy (never heard of him) and he told us that the Iraq war might have been all about oil and not keeping America safe... I had no idea. I've been going to the University of Washington for four years now and taking political science the whole time and my professors, all of whom have PhDs and publish in well-regarded scholarly journals and have written numerous best-selling books, have never once given us such an honest, real portrait of what really happens in foreign relations... So I'm sorry if I seem a little disappointed that you guys aren't using your celebrity and this public forum to better the world.

 

Also, Hayes, come on, you know how to pronounce my name by now. I'll let you in on a little secret, Hayes. (Sean and Sean's extensive network of agents, publicists, fans, any members of his entourage, and anyone in anyway associated with Sean or any of his diverse extensive business interests and holdings, please stop reading) You've always been my favorite (there's something about Sean's voice that makes me want to punch him in the gullet). Valerie Bryant told me you were some kind of asshole and Andy Kneis told me that he thinks Sean is bomb.com but wasn't sure about you and I was like "hey guys, Hayes is clearly the most chilled-out Boston-adjacent-strong bro in the Earwolf organization and anyone who says otherwise is gonna have to answer to me and my posse". However, Sean's irritating shrew-like voice is starting to sound pretty damn good, so maybe work on the name thing and we can all be friends again. Okay? Okay.

 

Just so you guys know, I definitely didn't rate you guys on iJamz (or subscribe) and I also made sure that I didn't like you guys on Facepamphlet. The last thing I want is more of this show or to be involved in it's long-term continued success in any way. I'm glad I could help keep it under the radar.

 

Love You, Bye.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQo1HIcSVtg

[MartJ 44]

Wow fantastic insight guys!

 

After listening to this I'm thinking a better name for Hollywood would be Hollyweird if you know what I mean. So random. Love it!

[prestonsinfield 6]

seemed like jack's sinuses were giving him some problems, but he plowed through like a real pro.

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

I hope it's ok if I just go straight into a pitch here. I'm sure you guys can appreciate a knucklehead who wants to kick butt and drop names in the red-carpet-lined back hallways of this industry we call showbiz and there's no better way I can think of than going right to source of Hollyweird (nice one, Mart), a guy who is ostensibly a transformer and another who might have walked on the moon.

 

Alright, so Sean mentioned being a bit of a jock type which got me to thinking-- why aren't there any sports on TV? It's like we have all these singing and dancing documentary shows, but nothing that shows off athletic skill. What I'm proposing here is a news show where theres two groups of people, maybe one group is like a bunch of really "real" people who think they rule, and some other people are always out on the road, which basically is their world. Call it like Real Rules v.s. Road World Challenge or something.

 

Anyway, not only do they compete against each other, but they LIVE with each other. Hey, guess what Christian lady? Your roommate is an Atheist. Oh, hi, girl who’s afraid of snakes, wanna meet your roommate? It’s a snake charmer. Gee, it’s too bad about that peanut allergy, guy, it must really suck to not be able to enjoy a nice peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Anyway, here’s your roommate, I think you might know him; it’s Mr. Peanut. Dang, it’s too bad that your family was run over by a bus, dude. On a completely different note, here’s your roommate; a fucking bus.

 

Anyway, just an idea to get the ball rolling. If you guys want to meet up and talk it over, maybe over a cup of joe, drop me a line at hollyweirdinsiderhahajustkiddinghollywoodinsider6969@aol.com

[burdrulz 1760]

I finally feel like i'll be able to break into hollywood. Are all you fellow freaks and geeeks and misfits and thin lizzy fans ready to get paid dude?

 

Better hit the gym buds, We're gonna be sittin' pretty in like two or three months (depending).

 

Btw Hayes, I can totally relate. I've been getting all these calls for what i'm assuming is appearances for auditions or court or something ever since i accidentally took my pants and underwear off at the sony lot children's play ground. Try as hard as you would like my friend, but fame is a little floozy named destiny. who may or may not be a child.

 

look i recognize that i'm not funny alright.

[Dubdub74 0]

I have to say, reunited and it feels so good, so glad that Shawyn and Heys really held Anchorman's feet to the fire on this show. Whatever Earwolv is paying these guys should be tripled, I am sure that it is chump change compared to the royalty checks from say your Twister or an Apollo 13, but it is more about putting Anchorman and Oldrich in their place.

 

Who do guys think will be the next guest?

A. Lauren Lapkus

B. Paul F. Tompkins

C. Rob Reiner

D. Bus Stop T.M.E

[Poika 615]

Every time they came back from break with the woman whispering, "Hollywood Handbook," I kept thinking, "Hollywood Handjob."

[sarahride 83]

x

[Somebody 12]

Thanks guys, that was a rough couple of weeks.

[showshowbro 1177]

Good job boys. Great job boys! For those of you that haven't already signed up, the waiting list for the pro version is still relatively short. I'm just ahead of 'Mr. Seinfeld' at slot #68.

 

 

^^Even though I'm re-listening to the podcast, this is how it feels.^^

 

p.s. When did you meet DJ Spaghetti Os?? Small world....

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

This new show is enjoyable. My favorite shows is still Gelmania, but I will probably give this show a shot for one or two more episodes.

[GoofusOmega 32]

This was so good. Just like a constant chuckle on my end.

[chanson 9697]

PS - Is Sean insinuating that he's Banksy? I feel like I may have said that at some point in the past. I believe it. Don't worry Sean, your secret is safe with me.

 

PPS - You guys apologized for the show not being a well-oiled machine, but as far as I can tell, it was pretty well-oiled. In fact, if engineer Cody hadn't fucked it up, it would have been the most perfect podcast ever. First engineer Brett, now engineer Cody... I see what they're doing and it's not gonna work. You guys are too big to fail at this point.

 

Engineers Brett & Cody: I know that Entertainment Tonight and USWeekly are offering you guys obscene amounts of money to sabotage Hayes and Sean because they want to see the big guys brought down to everyone else's level or whatever, but it's not gonna work. Maybe Hayes and Sean don't see it because they believe that all people are inherently good, but don't think that us listeners don't see it. Because we do. Clearly Sean and Hayes are just naturally better than us mere mortals. So maybe just do your jobs and stop trying to ruin other, more successful people's careers. Like, Sean and Hayes didn't even want this, they're already burdened enough by the weight of fame and being role models and constantly being photographed and having to worry about nip-slips and not wearing underwear and then you guys come along and try to make their lives even more difficult. Really? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

[Clem Dawg 896]

Just wanted to jump in and offer a big thank you to whoever posted the 1 star review of our show on iTunes, I'm looking at you Toby Keith Sweat, and the "just as annoying as their last show" review was a nice touch. BUT... I feel like we can do even more to keep us underground. Let's tell our buddies not to like the Facebook page (trying to get that removed), let's pump up some of those MaxFun and Nerdist programs (I hear You Made It Weird is good), LET'S BURN SOUNDCLOUD TO THE GROUND!

 

I believe in you guys, and that's why I ask so much of you. We're stronger than we even know.

 

-Hayes

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

Just doing my part, gang.

 

Seriously, guys. I know we all like to have fun on here and try to bus' each other up so a lot of you are probably like "hey, I'm going to like the facebook page because those knuckleheads told me not to, that'll be really cut 'em up!" But seriously, now is not the time for this.

 

 

69! 69 people like it!

 

For once in our miserable lives can't we just do something right and leave this perfection alone?

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

New podcast, new pilot for Sean, new season of Jeopardy for Hayes... Not to jinx anything, but I've watched enough episodes of VH1 Behind the Music to know that this is the high times part of the montage.

 

Soon, we're going to start hearing a lot more segments of Hayes vs Sean in-fighting. You'll both each have wicked substance abuse issues. That's just Hollywood days and Hollywood nights for ya. With this inevitable fall from grace in mind maybe you should ply these questions to your next guest:

 

1) How do you avoid the Randy Quaid star-whackers?

2) How do you avoid living life on Tom Sizemore terms?

3) Has anyone in the scientology offices helped you clear yourself of harmful thetan levels?

[Hayzie Bone 843]

Hey HandbookHeads -- tomorrow (Thursday) we are recording our third episode with Aaron Pally from The Happyenders. Do you guys have any questions for him? Not sure what else he has been in but I think he does a lot of that weird adult's swim stuff. Not for us, but I guess they're not trying to be, right?

 

Anyway, it's okay if you just don't have any questions. We will try to ask him why there's no sports on tv but he may not know.

[kneisage 2108]

Jesus christ, you guys. Hayes and Sean very clearly asked us to not post in the forums. I can't believe some people would be so selfish to post a post in these forums and drive up the popularity of the show against the wishes of the creators. We're getting dangerously close to HOT status for Christ's sake.

 

Let's take this discussion to the Gelmania forums where it belongs.

 

EDIT: Oops just saw Hayes' post...

A question for Adam Pally: With the advent of DVR and internet streaming, are you worried that people now have the ability to pause your show on their TV and you'd be stuck making a goofy face?

 

One more: As a Hollywood insider, do you know what happened to M. Night Shyamalan? Why are his movies not good anymore? Follow up: does his name stand for "Midnight Shyamalan"?

 

Thanks

[TylerMarciniak 20]

Great episode guys. Jake Johnson was freaking great, he played along with you guys perfectly.

 

Absolutely loved the first episode.

 

I have no question because i'm not clever. I guess ask the sports question that sounds good.

[chanson 9697]

For Adam Ballsy (see what I did there?):

 

1.)I have always been an admirer of Adam Pally's facial hair. As a fellow beard farmer, I would like to know what Adam does to make keep his beard so awesome.

 

2.)In regard to the government shutdown, I would like Adam Pally to give us an insight into possible compromises that could be struck between the tea-party Republicans in the House and the rest of the Republican party to end the shutdown and avoid defaulting on the debt. Was using the debt ceiling as a bargaining chip for the eventual repeal of the Affordable Care Act a wise strategy or has it ended up furthering the the public's disillusion with the Republican party as a whole and how can the party recover from such a botched operation? Is there a solution that hasn't been proposed by the Democrats or the Republicans or have we reached the final stand-off which will lead to the demise of the current bipartisan political system that has been in place since the Civil War? - I have a paper due on Wednesday and I'd like a Hollywood insider's opinion. My professor is a huge Happy Endings fan, so I think I could get some extra credit that I otherwise wouldn't deserve.

 

3.)Something about Scientology

 

4.)The sports question

 

5.)How can we make Ty Marciniakk more clever?

 

6.)Why hasn't Andy seen Vibes yet? Would this solve the government shutdown?

 

7.)Is Sean Banksy?

 

Love You, Bye.

 

PS - I'm super excited for Adam Pally to be on the show. He's one of my favorite tv people. Jake Johnson was also on that list. It's like you guys can read my mind. All you need is Bus Stop the Mystery Executive and you'll have my holy trinity.

[Hunter 96]

I want to know if it's easier or harder to act while wearing a hat.