Episode 6 — Paul Rust, Our Close Friend

[burdrulz 1760]

You guys I haven't been able to listen to the ep. yet!

 

I'm still in New York City aka The City, and I have to tell you I've had a really good time.

 

While I haven't been able to sit down for 1 hour and listen to a podcast, my hotel room, which is in the over designed mexican owned la americano has cable!!!

 

I've watched #american pickers, Storage wars, pit boss, chealse is late, espn (sport heads unite amirite?), among many other shows.

 

How's the city you ask? I haven't been outside yet. It just seems so scary.

 

But They just got a motorcycle on american pickers. Now I accidentally sat on the remote and changed the channel to a christian mingle commercial! and I must say, I ammm iinteresstedddd

 

ax men sunday at 9 on history.

 

i'm drunk again

[chanson 9697]

burdrulz,

 

There should be a law that you always have to be drunk and within reach of an internet enabled device. If I ever run for office, this will form the majority of my platform.

 

PS - I'm not sure if Jesus would approve of ChristianMingle... It seems like Jesus would want Christians to use their sexual organs as weapons of conversion in the fight against heathenism. He might call it spreading the good news or some bullshit. I call it proselytizing by pounding pagan poonany.

[Hunter 96]

I ordered the pro version last week. Today I received a big rock, an old bucket, and a drawing of a sailboat.

 

Thanks Hollywood Handbook

[burdrulz 1760]

Scoop Troopers!

 

Got a little bit of a scoop for you guys.

 

So as you may or may not know I am in New York (really cool i know i'm really important), on 'business' I might add (even cooler, baller not on a budget). Also I am in fact staying at the Americano, one of Chelsea's premier hotels or whatever i don't know.

 

THIS literally just happened, went outside for a cig, saw this big tour bus and I was like, "i wonder what famous person that is?". In walks my main dawg Keith Urban!!!!

 

It gets better, who do you think is hand and hand. My main honey dip Nickky Kidmane.

 

Their just hanging out getting lunch, it's no big deal. They may or may not be staying here, and I may or may not be going up to the bar late night on the roof, and purchasing like fuckin' $18 vodka tonics, that aren't even double or tall, and sit there waiting for my two favorite people to come up and join me so we can watch american pickers together.

 

Anyway, yes this is actually true which i think is funnier than if it wasn't true. And if you're thinking about it, yes I already went up to nicole kidman and politely said "I loved your work in Top Gun"

 

She leaned over to me and said in her aussie accent "i wisn't en Top Gin"

 

and then I was like, "oh i'm so sorry I meant Daytona's of Lightning and Thunders"

 

Needless to say it went really well.

[Freja 1290]

Dammit. I hate being a forum newbie. I fell for the Frankie Muniz hoax last week and so listened in absolute shock as I heard the formidable Paul Roast begin to speak on this week's ep. SO EMBARRASSING. Should have known not to trust anyone in Hollywood (that's where you guys are all from, right??)

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

I fell for the Frankie Muniz hoax last week

 

HOAXES AND LIES? How dare you? Listen, I try to provide the freshest scoops to the rest of the scoop troop as best I can. Sometimes wires get crossed. It wouldn't be Hollywood business without the occasional scheduling mixups. I guarantee that Francisco "Frankie" Muniz IV will be on the show.

 

Keep on submitting your questions for Frankie! All of your burning questions about his racing career and his band, Kingsfoil, will be answered.

[Clem Dawg 896]

Submit your questions for... Ellie Kemper!

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

Two questions for Ellie:

 

1. How has your theatrical training with Jon Hamm prepared you when it comes to bouncing lines off Mimby?

2. Can you speak a bit about the vicious rumors surrounding Bridesmaids? Particularly how Melissa McCartney had her agent convince the producer to tell the director to switch the diarrhea scene away from your character

[skizelo 2536]

What's Steve Carrel like as a boss?

[kneisage 2108]

Ellie, once I heard a story that during an improv scene at the UC Berkeley theater you laughed so hard you peed your pants and then you were dragged across the stage by another person in the scene, leaving a trail of pee.

 

So my question is this: is Jon Hamm as handsome in real life as he is on TV?

[Freja 1290]

Ellie, what's the hottest Hollywood kiss you've ever had? What kinds of things did you do to prepare for it? Who else in Hollywood would you like to kiss but haven't kissed yet? Does it bother you that people always ask Hollywood actresses what it's like to kiss _____ <insert leading man's name>? I sure hope not!

[robinsbruce 4985]

Follow up question to freja's. What do you think it would be like to kiss sean and or hayes in Hollywood (if they weren't both in long-term relationships with each other's daughters)?

[burdrulz 1760]

Elle,

 

How excited are you to be the first girl on Hollywood Handbook. Hopefully you can control your urge to kiss the hosts the entire time. Couple hunks if you know what i mean.

[greggy 15909]

ms ellie kemper: dang, your really smart and cool, is being smart required to be a star?? i hope not

[xoValeriexo 4369]

What's your favorite song from The Simpsons Sing the Blues?

 

How much scoop could a scoop troop scoop if a scoop troop could scoop scoop?

 

Have you ever been surprised by a boner?

 

Is it fun to be you?

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

Mrs Kemper,

 

Wikipedia tells me that you went to Princeton University, so my question is, I bet you think you're pretty smart, huh?

What is "Kraft Services"? Is it just like, cheese and stuff?

Do you ever get tired of eating nothing but cheeses while on set?

How much money is Christina Fay paying you to star in her new series?

Was it hard to get used to those cameras always being around in Your Office?

Is Russel Brandt nice?

What are your favorite type of jelly beans? Are they Ellie Bellies? Or do you prefer Jelly Ellies?

 

Just kidding. I know that they're called Jelly Bellies.

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

espn (sport heads unite amirite?),

 

am i reading this wrong? sports... ON TELEVISION?

[burdrulz 1760]

ms ellie kemper: dang, your really smart and cool, is being smart required to be a star?? i hope not

 

 

I really hope being smart is not a requirement...

 

I also hope that being able to read is not a requirement either...

[burdrulz 1760]

What's your favorite song from The Simpsons Sing the Blues?

 

How much scoop could a scoop troop scoop if a scoop troop could scoop scoop?

 

Have you ever been surprised by a boner?

 

Is it fun to be you?

 

These are very good questions, but I wanted to elaborate a little bit on these if you wouldn't mind Valerie.

 

1. Do you feel like the scoop troop is really digging into the bare bone depths of the scoops? One would think that if the scoop troop was really as into the scoops as much they said they were they would be really interested in scoops about hollywood hot shots at fancy art hotels eating lunch with their children and having a scary strange man come up to them and ask them about their most un interesting movies which they weren't even in and would probably like to forget that they were in. You would think if a scooper had happened to scoop this scoop up and plop it up on the forums they would have like 40 likes by now...

 

2. Boners can be weird. Do you love Whitney Cummings stand up routine on boners and dicks in general? Are you sad she doesn't have a show anymore? When you say her name do you say it with an empadis on the WH-iiiii-tt-nnn-aaa-yyy?

 

3. And finally, Have you seen Bridesmaids? Very powerful.

[chanson 9697]

Ellie Kemper,

 

Are your parents disappointed that you didn't do something important with your Princeton education?

 

Why are redheads so damn sexy?

 

ValBry's boner question. Because (ScoopTroop, notebooks out) sometimes I'm surprised by my own boners. I can only imagine how others must feel about them. (I imagine a mix of surprise and disgust but primarily a surprisingly disgusting feeling of arousal.)

 

Burdrulz's Bridesmaids question.

[NotTheNarnold 413]

Please ask her one of my very in depth questions this week.

 

Emily what was is like growing up with my favorite podcaster Elizabeth Laime (who follows me on Twitter unlike two knuckleheads that host another wolf cast)

 

Jimmy Ham taught you acting, how was that? Did all the girls in the class swoon over him?

 

Why don't Hayes and Sean follow me on twitter?

[kobthatreal 5896]

Emily Kempurd, when will you realize that no one has had sex in space yet?

[chanson 9697]

Apparently I've run out of positive votes. Only Earwolf would have the audacity to limit my daily amount of positivity I can spread to others. Fascists.

 

Now Valerie Bryant is being deprived of a like on her post with the boner question. This is completely unjust.

 

All I can say is that I bet Jesse Thorn wouldn't limit my positivity in his forums. He's all about maximizing positivity.

 

Someone should ask Ellie if she would limit the amount of positivity someone can spread to their fellow Hollywood Handjob Forum Commenters and if she feels that it's just that they be deprived of the recognition they are entitled to for their witty and comical forum posts.

 

Also ask her if she prefers Jesse Thorn or Scott Anchorman... or Chris Hardwick if we're going for Podcasting juggernauts, but he's too pretty to be a real podcasting mogul.

 

Another thing you can ask Ellie about or just discuss amongst yourselves: Real World: Ex-Plosion: thoughts? This next season of the Real World is in San Francisco and after a month, the housemates will be joined (without knowing this will happen ahead of time) by their exes... Is this going to enhance the second greatest show on TV (after The Challenge) or make it lamesauce? Since you so abruptly abandoned the Reality SHOW show, you can at least do us loyal fans a solid and talk about The Real World and The Challenge periodically. Especially when such a crazy shake-up is taking place. I'm really starting to get RSS withdrawals.

 

PS - I just realized that maybe you two are the masterminds/twisted minds/crazy geniuses/improv comics/writers/actors/podcasters that came up with this next generation Real World. Now I really wanna know how you guys came up with the idea.

[Hunter 96]

For Ellie Kemper:

 

When they give you clothes to do acting in, is that nice?

 

For anyone (probably Engineer Bread):

 

You ever eat a whole bug?

[Cody Nelson 22]

My question is for Elvie Kempler:

 

When you were working on Mystery Boys, did you know Donald "Too Scary" Glover was Childish Gambino? If so, why not leak it to the public for your own personal gain as your career has floundered in the years since.