Episode 78.5 — Minisode 78.5

[JulyDiaz 2797]

What can you expect from next week’s Christmas movie? Expect Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito competing for the best holiday decorations that can be seen from space. Paul goes through some Corrections & Omissions for last week’s movie Crossroads, salutes all the people who have been traveling for the holidays by reading your tales of woe, and shares his dream cast for a buddy cop film all from a crawl space at his parent’s house. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

[Joe Lerini 7329]

Paul mixed up Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina, The Teenage Witch! That pisses me off!

 

*shakes fist angrily*

[cmac94 191]

Paul, if you're reading this

• I am a him, not a her. I thought Mister Wompler would be a good hint, but all is forgiven.
  
• I know you were joking, but I would love to be a guest and can be reached on twitter in the .000001% chance you weren't kidding.
  

[mattman92ish 823]

is it weird that paul in cramped spaces gets me hot and bothered? it must be the lurking threat of danger or the twist of the unknown.. excited for the new ep!

[iamnotlanuk 0]

Second place and my username mispronounced in a minisode of HDTGM? Great Christmas gift.

[CodyJohnson 0]

Isn't a basement crawlspace arguably the best place to kill someone?

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Man, what happened to Matthew Broderick? I'm trying to remember his last remotely decent movie.

 

Election?

[Jesse Carrigan 119]

I feel like I just won the internet.

 

Paul: ...Bib Fortuna -- I love that reference -- really brought it home this week...Number one winner of the week, Bib Fortuna, for all that math!

 

I knew getting that college education would pay off one day.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

Man, what happened to Matthew Broderick? I'm trying to remember his last remotely decent movie.

 

Election?

 

Just looked at his IMDB. Among large roles, that's about right. Off the top of my head, I would have said he's been really inactive during that time, but he's actually been steadily churning out a mix of flops, small roles, and completely forgettable movies. I guess he's always got that Sex and the City money to fall back on.

[Shannon 2953]

Attention people who like to click buttons and vote on things: to get in the end of 2013 spirit, the new FYI Poll for the next week or so is "the best of 2013", a list of the most voted for movies from this year. Let's see which one is really the best

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Paul, would you describe the farting, sex novel writing man next to you on the plane as someone who would hang out in cigar shops?

 

 

Deck the Halls trailer...my god. It just ran the entire gambit of obnoxious trailer soundtracks. Any one of them should be a huge red flag:

 

-Calm music--->record scratch (my monocle has popped out!)

-The Nutcracker Suite (zany antics!)

-Generic "badass" electric guitar (this means war!)

-"Hip" beats (we know how to get down with the kids)

-Music get unplugged (alternate version of record scratch)

-Nutcracker Suite...again

-Characters screaming drowning out everything else

-"Hip" remix of classic song

 

 

Pitch meeting for this movie:

 

INT. CIGAR SHOP - DAY

 

A grizzled bear of a man chomps down on a bitchin Cuban stogie.

SMOKER

Ok, so it's National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, but it's only the parts

about the lights and yuppie neighbors! Oh yeah, and none of the jokes

either. Fuckin' A!

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Actually line of dialogue from Deck the Halls: "Come on, it's the stupidiest think I've ever heard. You want our lights to be seen from space? It's certifiable." Sure, the same character says, "all good ideas are crazy" in the very next sentence (and then threatens to withold sex if said lights are taken down), but it's like the possibility of this movie being really fucking stupid crossed the filmmakers' minds, then they said, "No, this is great stuff guys!"

[kobthatreal 5896]

This movie is insane. About an hour into it I figured I had seen enough and didn't need to watch anymore. Did the ending save the movie?

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Dayum. This is their first movie I hadn't seen so I actually went and watched it first.

 

Fuuuuuck. I can only do it in 5 minute chunks. Right off the bat the scene with him walking down the street greeting everyone with lame gag after lame gag. Only two and a half minutes in and I'm already saying, "Fuck this movie." The way he greets everyone reminded me of HDTGM's 88 Minutes episode with Pacino greeting everyone he sees by name.

 

Then Broderick gets home and his wife is the only attractive woman from Sex & the City. At exactly the 5 minute mark, he lays out a ton of flat exposition to her that's just summary of the previous 5 minutes (the entire movie up until now).

 

And that's the first 5 minute chunk check out. Fuck this movie. Merry Christmas.

[Joven 373]

Then Broderick gets home and his wife is the only attractive woman from Sex & the City. At exactly the 5 minute mark, he lays out a ton of flat exposition to her that's just summary of the previous 5 minutes (the entire movie up until now).

 

Super ultra flat exposition, I dont think it could be any less expositiony. Its almost written like it was supposed to be a rousing speech, to get deep insight into his emotional commitment to the whole stupid christmas thing...but the person who wrote it never heard of emotions, and Broderick didn't care enough to add any (or was stopped from doing so, troll 2 style). So far my vibe from how this movie is going (also just in the first 5 minutes or so) is that the writer never heard anybody have a conversation with another living person before making this movie.