In honour of "A Night of Hulkamania", I present, "The Lies of Hulkmania".

[Smigg 1488]

So, Terry "Hulk Hogan" Bollea is known for being the second biggest draw in WWF/WWE history (after 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin), having a somewhat interesting acting career, and starring in a horrific sex tape with the ex-wife of Bubba The Love Sponge.

 

However, did you know that The Hulkster is a dynamite bullshit artist? Well, here are some of the whoppers that Hogan has provided the world. Some from his books, some from interviews, but all of them, unbelievable. These are actual lies, but they are somewhat paraphrased for brevity, but you can find them in various places.

 

"Elvis Presley would come to the arena to see me wrestle when I was working in Memphis."

 

(Hogan started working in Memphis in 1979, a full two years after Elvis died.)

 

"I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler," Hogan said. "I played bass. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich, and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days, but it didn't work out."

 

(Lars Ulrich has gone on record that he's never even met Hogan, let alone be in a position to ask Hogan to play bass for Metallica)

 

"After WrestleMania II, John Belushi came out drinking with us in LA, but he couldn't keep up with us, so we kicked him out"

(Belushi had been dead four years at this point)

 

"Because of the time difference between the USA and Japan, the travel back and forth meant that I worked 400 days in one year"

(Don't even need to explain this one)

 

"When I wrestled Andre The Giant, at the time, he was standing 7'4" and weighed over 800lbs, when I slammed him, I tore every muscle in my lower back... Andre died a few days after the match"

 

(Well, not only were Andre's measurements GREATLY exaggerated, Andre died a full six years later)

 

"I met a sick kid in a British hospital in 1992, I invited him to watch me in the main event at SummerSlam at Wembley Stadium, when I looked out into the crowd, the seat was empty, and I knew that he had died, that's why I wrote "Hulkster in Heaven"."

(Wow, this is a big one, for starters, Hogan has NEVER wrestled in Wembley Stadium, or Wembley Arena at the time. More importantly, he wasn't actually in the WWF at the time, however, "Hulkster in Heaven" is a real song, they could make a "How Did This Get Made" episode just on the song)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b9JfhANM9B0

 

Done crying? Okay, let's keep going

 

"I was supposed to be the the guy on the Foreman Grill, but I wasn't home to take the call, so they gave it to George Foreman instead. So I ended up putting my name on a Meatball Maker"

 

(This one could be plausable, if he could actually stick to the story, some versions of the event said he rejected the idea, others say he wasn't home, some say that instead of the Meatball Maker, he endorsed a "Power Blender")

 

"I was supposed to be the lead actor in "The Wrestler", but I turned down the role, and they gave it to Mickey Rourke"

 

(Darren Aronofsky has actually come out and said that Hulk is talking shit, as the only other actor even considered for the role was Nicolas Cage. Hogan has also said he has turned down the lead role in "The Highlander" as well as a role in Robin Hood: Men in Tights)

 

"I had a little run with those guys, because when I first started going to Japan in 1977-78, I spent 22 to 24 weeks a year in Japan. I was broken in by a Japanese wrestler who taught amateur wrestling and the hooks and some of the submission holds. I was sent over to (unclear name) pro wrestling in Japan and at the end of the day there was a company called Pride in Japan. That company was part of New Japan Pro Wrestling so when you walk into the locker room every night, there would be a piece of paper with names in Japanese and I would have to get one of the referees to tell me who I was wrestling. There was a lot of Pride guys - I think the UFC just bought Pride - back in the day you never knew when you were getting in the ring whether they were a real wrestler or a shooter every night you had no idea what you were in for so there were a lot of MMA guys who were both pro wrestling and with Pride that were on the card. I had a lot of surprises back in the early days."

 

(For those of you who don't know, PRIDE was a Mixed Martial Arts promotion in Japan, alot of the current UFC fighters spent some time in PRIDE. However, PRIDE wasn't founded until 1997, a full 20 years after Hogan said he was fighting these guys)

 

There's plenty more to come, as Hogan is a rich vein of hilarious bullshit.

[RyanSz 3140]

Hogan is known as one of the greatest politicians in the history of wrestling and has always been out for himself, but some of these things are laughably false, even for him. I remember hearing the Foreman Grill story and when talking about Pride, Hogan may have mixed that up with Pancrase, which started in 93, that was a very grey mix of pro wrestling and MMA.

[Smigg 1488]

Yeah, Pancrase was an offshoot of the UWFi, wrestlers like Masakatzu Funaki, Minoru Suzuki and Ken Shamrock wanted to see if they could have real fights under Pro Wrestling rules (they worked some fights, like Shamrock losing the King of Pancrase title to Suzuki, but that was because they didn't want him as champion whilst fighting in the UFC.)

 

Shooto predated Pancrase, I think that started in 1985, and you also had RINGS which started in 1991.

[HotSaucerman 2051]

You can't really trust Hogan ever since he went Hollywood and turned heel back in the nWo days. The nWo, by the way, was just... too... sweeeeeeeet!!!!

[Smigg 1488]

Okay, some more from the Huckster

 

"I was in a charity "Boxer vs. Wrestler" fight with George Foreman, and I hung in with him, he even hit me with a shot that made my legs go numb"

(There's absolutely ZERO evidence that this "charity fight" ever took place, none whatsoever.)

"The Rock broke almost all of my ribs at WrestleMania 18 with the Rock Bottom, he wanted to end the match there and then, I told him to relax, and told him to give me another Rock Bottom for good measure"

 

(For those of you that are unaware of what the Rock Bottom is, take a looksee at this...

 

 

Now, the infamous, rib shattering happens at 2 minutes into this compilation

 

"I used to sweat so much, Vince McMahon had to keep on buying new belts, he would buy 10 or 12 belts per month, because I was sweating through them"

 

(Hogan held the WWF World Championship for 2,185 days in all, it's about 73 months, if Vince was to buy 10 belts a month, whilst you can buy a replica for about $250, a genuine, TV belt, that sets the company back A LOT of money. The current WWE belt cost $50,000, so, imagine laying that much out, 10 times a month)

 

"Harley Race showed up to the building in Kansas City, and threatened the WWF staff with a gun, he then set the ring on fire. He then told them that he was coming back later to break both my legs, and then put a bullet in them... Harley Race came back, I was sat on the toilet and Davey Boy Smith ran into the bathroom and said "He's here!" So I got up without wiping my ass, went out to confront Harley... he stuck his hand out, and thanked me for what I had done for the Wrestling business, and asked for a job in the WWF"

 

(Harley Race is a fucking badass, so if he's gonna threaten someone, he doesn't need to use a gun, he once intimidated a Doctor into giving Mick Foley free medical treatment just by talking to him. Also, Harley was the NWA World Heavyweight Champion in a time when the NWA was huge, so him asking Hogan for a job when he was one of the biggest stars in the world is ridiculous).

[dlo burns 129]

I told him to relax, and told him to give me another Rock Bottom for good measure

 

And the best out of context line goes to...

[Smigg 1488]

Excellent

[IHugKittens 53]

I loved the man as a kid and I idolized him. I think he's a piece of shit now.

Maybe it's a touchy subject and you deliberately avoided mentioning it but here's a clip of him and his piece of shit son Nick talking on the phone. The son was in prison for turning another kid vegetable as a result of a drunk driving crash. Father and son Hogan both agree that it's only the other kid's fault for ending up that way:

 

[seanotron 2307]

There's also his weird relationship with his daughter

 

 

Excuse me while I barf, and not out my wiener.

[RyanSz 3140]

I loved the man as a kid and I idolized him. I think he's a piece of shit now.

Maybe it's a touchy subject and you deliberately avoided mentioning it but here's a clip of him and his piece of shit son Nick talking on the phone. The son was in prison for turning another kid vegetable as a result of a drunk driving crash. Father and son Hogan both agree that it's only the other kid's fault for ending up that way:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1BH629T9Ug

It's even worse when the son talks with momma Hogan. She actually says that the friend's mom never really understood her own son and that momma Hogan was more of a mom to the guy than she was.

[Smigg 1488]

I loved the man as a kid and I idolized him. I think he's a piece of shit now.

Maybe it's a touchy subject and you deliberately avoided mentioning it but here's a clip of him and his piece of shit son Nick talking on the phone. The son was in prison for turning another kid vegetable as a result of a drunk driving crash. Father and son Hogan both agree that it's only the other kid's fault for ending up that way:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1BH629T9Ug

 

No I didn't avoid it, I was just sharing hilarious bullshit, but feel free to share whatever. He also threatened another kid who was trying to pull Brooke, he told him that he'd send Hell's Angels to his house to break his legs and that the kid was (and I wish I was making this up) "Messing with Hulkamania, brother".

[Rattrap007 52]

"I used to sweat so much, Vince McMahon had to keep on buying new belts, he would buy 10 or 12 belts per month, because I was sweating through them"

 

(Hogan held the WWF World Championship for 2,185 days in all, it's about 73 months, if Vince was to buy 10 belts a month, whilst you can buy a replica for about $250, a genuine, TV belt, that sets the company back A LOT of money. The current WWE belt cost $50,000, so, imagine laying that much out, 10 times a month)

 

My one thought is that they just changed the leather backing and kept the gold/metal face plate. No remaking one of those things. The leather belt might only cost $30-50 at most. That is the part the sweat would damage anyway.

[Smigg 1488]

 

My one thought is that they just changed the leather backing and kept the gold/metal face plate. No remaking one of those things. The leather belt might only cost $30-50 at most. That is the part the sweat would damage anyway.

 

Well, you'd think that, but this is Hogan, he means entirely new belts, the exact quote from his novel... I mean "Autobiography" was "10 or 12 title belts a month", so they'd throw out the title belt, and buy an entirely knew one.

[Smigg 1488]

Okay, I found one which continues the "Hulkster in Heaven" story, and takes it to an entirely new scumbag direction.

 

"I read the story of Jamie Bulger, and that inspired me to write 'Hulkster in Heaven'"

 

Now, if you don't know the story of Jamie Bulger, just don't look it up, for your own sake, it's a horrendous story, which makes it even worse that Hogan would use it to make himself look good, especially considering he told a completely different story in the book.

"I originally came up with the idea for the New World Order group in WCW. But, I wanted it to be Brutus Beefcake, The Nasty Boys and myself."

(WCW didn't even come up with the idea for the nWo, they stole the idea from New Japan. What makes it even better, they pitched the idea of him joining the group, he shot the idea down, said he wanted to be a good guy, even though he was getting booed out of all the arenas, and wasn't until he saw how well Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were being booked, and he changed his mind)

[Smigg 1488]

Now, I know we've been taking the piss out of Hogan, but he does possess something that very few people have, and that's the most amazing eyesight the world has ever seen

 

[RyanSz 3140]

Okay, I found one which continues the "Hulkster in Heaven" story, and takes it to an entirely new scumbag direction.

 

"I read the story of Jamie Bulger, and that inspired me to write 'Hulkster in Heaven'"

 

Now, if you don't know the story of Jamie Bulger, just don't look it up, for your own sake, it's a horrendous story, which makes it even worse that Hogan would use it to make himself look good, especially considering he told a completely different story in the book.

"I originally came up with the idea for the New World Order group in WCW. But, I wanted it to be Brutus Beefcake, The Nasty Boys and myself."

(WCW didn't even come up with the idea for the nWo, they stole the idea from New Japan. What makes it even better, they pitched the idea of him joining the group, he shot the idea down, said he wanted to be a good guy, even though he was getting booed out of all the arenas, and wasn't until he saw how well Scott Hall and Kevin Nash were being booked, and he changed his mind)

Hogan even admitted in interviews that he turned down the spot initially, but realized he was getting stale as a good guy and decided to take the leap. It was either going to be him, Sting, or Bret Hart. They couldn't get Hart after he was offered a 20 year deal with the WWF, and they decided on putting Hogan in the NWO. As for the video with the Wall, that's even more hilarious when at that time, Hogan wore glasses in his regular life so for him to see the Wall from what must have been a mile away is a real head-scratcher. This whole scenario with Hogan's BS is eerily similar to the scene of the WCW movie "Ready to Rumble" where two idiot wrestling fans contradict their favorite wrestler's parents about their son's life, solely because it was in his authorized biography, even going as far to claim that the dad was dead even though he was standing right in front of him.

[Smigg 1488]

Hogan even admitted in interviews that he turned down the spot initially, but realized he was getting stale as a good guy and decided to take the leap. It was either going to be him, Sting, or Bret Hart. They couldn't get Hart after he was offered a 20 year deal with the WWF, and they decided on putting Hogan in the NWO. As for the video with the Wall, that's even more hilarious when at that time, Hogan wore glasses in his regular life so for him to see the Wall from what must have been a mile away is a real head-scratcher. This whole scenario with Hogan's BS is eerily similar to the scene of the WCW movie "Ready to Rumble" where two idiot wrestling fans contradict their favorite wrestler's parents about their son's life, solely because it was in his authorized biography, even going as far to claim that the dad was dead even though he was standing right in front of him.

 

Yeah, the version that Nash tells (who is a bullshit artist in his own right) said that they went to Hogan, he said no, they went to Sting, he about pitched a temper tantrum, there was even talk of trying to lure the British Bulldog over too. Then Hogan "saw the Money Train leaving the station" and decided to hop on.

 

Here's something funny about that whole nWo thing, because of the pay structure in WCW, they actual LOST money on nWo shirts.

 

Ooooh, they should to Ready to Rumble on the show.

[RyanSz 3140]

Yeah WCW was famous for losing money they should have been making. During one of their Australian tours in the final years of the company, they had great house shows that were constantly sold out, despite putting out a terrible product. Unfortunately they were losing money because they made deals with the different arenas saying they would pay back the cost of any empty seats within the arena, this unfortunately and I'm assuming unwittingly, the seats that were empty due to putting up production equipment and sets.

[Smigg 1488]

The funny thing is, Eric Bischoff buying the company could have saved it if Jamie Kellner didn't come into the picture at Turner and say "Fuck you, we're not having any Wrestling on our network" (he didn't say it like that, but that's the gist of it). So, Bischoff's people said "If there's no distribution, there's no money" and pulled out. They sold it to Vince for $3 million dollars. A figure that Chris Jericho said "If I knew it was going for that much, I'd have bought it myself."

 

WWE actually did try shop WCW around different networks, but Buff Bagwell and Booker T had a TERRIBLE match, and fucked up the deal. And then there's the Stasiak incident at WrestleMania.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I don't know who else watches Raw, but Hogan's been back lately, and he'll be "hosting" WrestleMania in a month. Anyway, he came out at the beginning of the show last night and started talking about his WMIII match with Andre, and I was so afraid/hoping that he was going to add another layer of bullshit to that story, which gets crazier and crazier with every telling. I think at last count, Andre was something like 128 feet tall, weighed eleventy million zillion pounds, and was slammed to the core of the Earth, throwing the planet slightly off it's axis, which is why we now have global warming or something. Instead, Hogan was just using Andre's name to hype a memorial battle royale that will at least give most of the roster something to do at 'Mania, which is always nice.

[Smigg 1488]

The best one was when he showed up in TNA, his first show, they show this limo pulling up, and Hogan getting out of it, commentators losing their shit "HOGAN IS HERE!!"

 

Then, his first line in a TNA ring "I've been in the back all day, brother!"

 

Hogan fucked TNA right up.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

The best one was when he showed up in TNA, his first show, they show this limo pulling up, and Hogan getting out of it, commentators losing their shit "HOGAN IS HERE!!"

 

Then, his first line in a TNA ring "I've been in the back all day, brother!"

 

Hogan fucked TNA right up.

Can you imagine if that's really how it worked though, like if guys were pulling up to the arena exactly 5 minutes before they were supposed to be there? From all accounts though, that's kind of what WAS happening in the dying days of WCW.

 

Speaking of TNA, there's a local wrestling blog here in Pittsburgh run by some indy guys that talk about the business, recap shows, and generally make fun of stuff. They had a running thing for a while when talking about guys in the WWE pulling up in limos where they'd keep going back to this clip of AJ Styles, when he was champion of TNA at the time, pulling up in a rental car. It wasn't fan footage of him coming to the arena earlier in the day, it was an actual scripted backstage segment on the show where he was getting out of a rental, carrying the belt, and hauling a carry-on bag. He was probably wearing a fanny pack too. And TNA wonders why they're treated like a glorified indy...

[Smigg 1488]

Or, the recent thing with MVP buying up the company, and what they did horribly wrong.

 

1) When the "new owner" showed up, instead of having him turn up in a limo, he turns up in a van, not a hummer, or anything like that, a van.

 

2) The guy is a former Mid Card guy in WWE, so, what they've basically said is that a mid carder in WWE is paid well enough to buy a controlling stake in TNA.

 

WCW was just a law unto itself. JJ Dillon, who was WCW's Talent Relations guy said that there were guys working harder to get out of work than they were in the ring. Nash backed it up and said he saw guys in the locker room saying "I don't give a shit if I'm not on the card, I've got 3 years left on my contract."

 

Although, it was alright for Nash, he was on a favoured nations contract. When WCW folded, he was making a guarunteed $3m per year.

[Smigg 1488]

 

How on earth did this place ever fail?

[RyanSz 3140]

A figure that Chris Jericho said "If I knew it was going for that much, I'd have bought it myself."

 

WWE actually did try shop WCW around different networks, but Buff Bagwell and Booker T had a TERRIBLE match, and fucked up the deal. And then there's the Stasiak incident at WrestleMania.

 

I had seen Jericho's interview where he mentioned that, but the amount Vince paid for WCW has fluctuated from as high as 5 million to as low as 2, but either way it was a steal, especially considering SFX, the group Bischoff was with, had offer Ted Turner half a billion for the company and TV contract.

 

 

Instead, Hogan was just using Andre's name to hype a memorial battle royale that will at least give most of the roster something to do at 'Mania, which is always nice.

 

Yeah every Wrestlemania usually has a dark opener which is a battle royal so that the lower card guys can get the bonus for technically being at Wrestlemania, but now with this hype it will probably open the PPV. And to be fair MVP was an upper-midcard guy and occasional main eventer, especially when he was on Smackdown, so it is a decent get for TNA. I just don't trust them to do the right thing with the character.

 

What's funny now is that the WWE is basically doing stuff that WCW was doing by letting a wrestler be a booker and on-screen talent in Triple H (which never works out for the promotion as the guy usually just bumps up himself and his buddies over those that the fans want to see) and for keeping guys at the top way longer than they should, though it seems they are trying to cycle in a new face of the company. I always enjoy watching the big events for the WWE like the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania for nostalgia reasons.

 

I used to write for Bleacher Report and it's always great talking something that people have such a connection with. Though at times the fanboy becomes too much for some, especially if you say anything about the current IWC darling.