300: Rise of an Empire

[Wien 401]

From IO9's clearly not sarcastic review:

http://io9.com/300-rise-of-an-empire-is-like-shakespeare-for-the-inte-1538992740

 

"If you are looking for a shallow, rapey movie that undercuts its amazing battle scenes with boring monologues, then I'm afraid you're out of luck when it comes to 300: Rise of an Empire. This movie is going to be remembered for centuries, the same way Shakespeare's plays have been, for its complex treatment of political enmity in a changing world. With its sympathetic, well-rounded characters and thoughtful allegorical references to current events, 300: Rise of an Empire is probably Snyder's greatest triumph. That's right — it's even better than Sucker Punch."

 

This instantly made me think of the HDTGM Sucker Punch episode. It seems like everything that Zack Snyder does is rapey. I am beginning to get the sense that HE is just a rapey fellow.

[RyanSz 3140]

Just got finished watching this and it wasn't so bad as long as you know what you are seeing, stylish action with not much else. There is blood spill that would rival Kill Bill vol 1 and the fights are really the focal point as the makers of this realize it's what people are coming to see. There is a bit of a tonal change in what seems to be an attempt to ape that of Game of Thrones as there is a woman's tits center screen for a good 30 seconds within the first five minutes of the movie, a throne made of skulls, rapes, fuck fighting, and quasi politics. It would make for an okay episode, but I have a feeling people are going to skewer this movie when it's pretty clear what it was going to be.

[Lando 2019]

I would imagine that if your job was to review movies and as a result you had to watch nearly every movie that comes out, after having seen Hercules and Pompeii this movie would feel like a masterpiece.

[Wien 401]

There is a Hercules movie out?

[RyanSz 3140]

Yeah the shitty one with Kellan Lutz, it was out for about a week or two before disappearing from theaters.

[seanotron 2307]

Since it's a sequel I'm excited to see how they manage to ramp up the action. And by action I mean racism & homophobia.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I would imagine that if your job was to review movies and as a result you had to watch nearly every movie that comes out, after having seen Hercules and Pompeii this movie would feel like a masterpiece.

This "300" sequel looks to be the conclusion of the "Wait, these AREN'T all the same movie?" trilogy of First Quarter 2014, and while my girlfriend told me it was just OK, I have to imagine that this trio of films at least went out on a high note...or at least the highest note it was capable of going out on.

[RyanSz 3140]

Since it's a sequel I'm excited to see how they manage to ramp up the action. And by action I mean racism & homophobia.

Homophobia? If anything these are the most unintentionally homoerotic movies since Dude Where's My Car?

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

There was that weird "joke" in the original 300 about Athenians being "boy lovers," as if Athenians were the only Greek dudes who liked fucking other Greek dudes. It'd be like a person from Wisconsin making fun of a person from Minnesota for having a fondness for eating cheese.

[seanotron 2307]

Homophobia? If anything these are the most unintentionally homoerotic movies since Dude Where's My Car?

 

The key word there is 'unintentionally'. The actual content is kind of aggressively anti-gay. But what else should one expect from a movie based on a Frank Miller comic?

[seanotron 2307]

This "300" sequel looks to be the conclusion of the "Wait, these AREN'T all the same movie?" trilogy of First Quarter 2014, and while my girlfriend told me it was just OK, I have to imagine that this trio of films at least went out on a high note...or at least the highest note it was capable of going out on.

 

*SPOILERS and stuff but seriously who cares it was Pompeii for goodness sake

 

I was roped into seeing Pompeii, and I have to say it was at least entertainingly awful. The two leads were dull as dishwater so I couldn't really tell you whether they were trying or not, but the absolute black hole of bad acting at the center of that movie is Kiefer Sutherland. If you're looking to cast someone as the embodiment of upper-class aristocracy, you don't go for Kiefer. Kiefer is always the wrong answer. I have to assume they wanted Donald Sutherland because he can totally pull this kind of thing off, but he was probably like, 'Look, I've got Hunger Games money, I don't need this shit.' Seriously, Kiefer Sutherland is SO BAD YOU GUYS OMG. He feels like he's been dropped in from a community theater production of Shakespeare in the Park.

 

This movie also manages to pull off horror movie trope #12 - kill all your black characters. I was hoping it was going to subvert it, because it seemed like they were going to let Adewale live, but then they killed him and I lost my mind. But then they kind of made up for it in the end by killing the dull-as-dishwater leads. Speaking of which, I have to hand it to Adewale, that guy has been in some seriously terrible movies but he never phones it in.

[dlo burns 129]

There was that weird "joke" in the original 300 about Athenians being "boy lovers," as if Athenians were the only Greek dudes who liked fucking other Greek dudes. It'd be like a person from Wisconsin making fun of a person from Minnesota for having a fondness for eating cheese.

I loved how you turned it into something so innocent at the end.

[RyanSz 3140]

Are we really worrying about spoilers for Pompeii since we all know how the real story ends and the fact that the last scene of the movie is on the poster?

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

I loved how you turned it into something so innocent at the end.

 

Haha, thanks... though I think, to the upper-class ancient Greeks like the ones in 300, fucking young boys was probably a more wholesome activity than eating cheese. They were pretty gross.

[RachelWilliams 7]

I tend to believe that Zach Snyder is not really a film maker but rather a perpetrator of crimes against humanity who should one day be put on trial in The Hague. So I will not be seeing this but I have enjoyed the splendidly pointed reviews it has inspired such as this one from a historian who assesses movies on their historical accuracy and entertainment value.

 

http://www.theguardi...-greeks-salamis

 

;"The first few minutes of 300: Rise of an Empire set out its wares: there's beheading, jiggling breasts, rape, a world view derived from Fox News (Darius the Great of Persia invaded Greece, we learn, because he was "annoyed by Greek freedom", macho military anachronism (Greek hero Themistocles is skilled in something called "Athenian shock combat"), blood and mud both spurting around in 3D on the screen like thick black slime, waxed chests, teeny tiny leather man-panties, a portentous voiceover and racism. If you love all that stuff, saddle up your battle rhino: the wilful massacre of ancient Mediterranean history that was 300 is back."

 

"Distractingly, almost every scene has been overlaid by VFX of sparks, cinders and bits of dust floating around in the air, so that the whole affair begins to resemble a gay neoconservative snowglobe."

 

The only positive we can draw from the untimely passing of Edward Said is that he did not live to see this.

Edited March 16, 2014 by JadedLibertine

[jarrycanada 2483]

Are we really worrying about spoilers for Pompeii since we all know how the real story ends and the fact that the last scene of the movie is on the poster?

 

You know i saw the trailer for Pompeii on tv the other night and i was saying to a friend of mine, they made a second Pompeii movie? I had to look it up before I realized the error in my thinking. didn't know it was spelled with two ii

[dlo burns 129]

 

You know i saw the trailer for Pompeii on tv the other night and i was saying to a friend of mine, they made a second Pompeii movie? I had to look it up before I realized the error in my thinking. didn't know it was spelled with two ii

 

2 Pom 2 Pei

[jarrycanada 2483]

 

2 Pom 2 Pei

 

That sounds like a strange asian porn movie. does that movie have table tennis balls in it?

what film was that btw that played on that joke of table tennis balls at a strip bar, anyone?