Episode 59 — Paul Scheer, Our Close Friend

[honlads 8798]

SICK d.

[Andrew 4646]

Great D, keep those Ds coming. There is a picture of my D on the internet but he is good at 'puters so I am afraid to post it here in case he gets mad and says I can't use 'puter any more and I have to go to bed early without my juice.

[alargebucket 1589]

Respect to Chuck's mom for locking down that D. And word to Chuck's D for locking down a pattern that stood out from the couch and walls. He'll never lose her.

 

My parents, similar era. Watch out, tho. This is a quality M/D pairing.

 

 

 

[skizelo 2536]

I just listened to [an]' ep of You Made it Weird.

Can someone computer-hug me? That was really tough to listen to

 

There there Jacob, I can't stand Pete Holme's p-cast either.

Also, guess the source image

[JacobCrites 4977]

 

 

There there Jacob, I can't stand Pete Holme's p-cast either.

Also, guess the source image

This is my favorite post of all time

[agata 2789]

[robinsbruce 4985]

Don't tease us Agata, what be this?

[agata 2789]

stickers

[robinsbruce 4985]

gimme. gimme. gimme.

 

EDIT: WE DONT GET TO PICK WHICH STICKERS WE WANT?

[Charlie Murphy Brown 4977]

"It's all about the tracking." Definitively! And the vertical hold. How else are you suppose to make out what's what in the scrambled porn on grandma's TV set? Hurry change the channel here she comes!

[VinsanityV22 500]

How is there not a shirt on the Earwolf shop with "PUT THE PLANE ON THE MAGAZINE!" on it! O.O

[chanson 9697]

Delicate snowflakes, Greggy. Delicate snowflakes.

i think anastasia just came up with the one good 'is ____ movies?' joke

 

thats too negative sorry, every post is beautiful

 

Delicate snowflakes, Greggy. Delicate snowflakes.

[chanson 9697]

You can be a #heel on the forums but there are a lot of us. Not a ton of #babyfaces around these parts. Just Anastasia, burdrulz, showshowbro, Rod Aug, Michael Bay of Pigs, brgrho, Jacob C. and Corpsefucker Shitlord. The rest of us are #heel. Buncha William Regals and Bastion Boogers.

 

I'm not even gonna pretend to have any fucking clue what any of this means.

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

AGATA CAN YOU PLEASE SEND ME STICKERS?

[xoValeriexo 4369]

Charlie Murphy-Brown, your mom is adorable and your dad looks like a Pete Holmes-level nice guy, which makes me think he might be a child molester. Not saying he definitely is, it's just something you might want to look into.

 

trkybrgrho, do your parents still smoke weed? Your dad looks like a "new country" singer. Your mom looks like a really cool, laid-back fourteen year old.

 

Agata, I'm unna buy 'em all. Don't let anyone else at 'em until you let me at 'em, okay? Now let me at 'em.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

Haven't read any of these posts this week but I bet there is at least like six that were pretty funny so good job you six!! (You know who you are)

 

Quick update on MY life: I looked in the mirror today and gave myself a kiss because I looked cute and hey, I deserved it!

 

*Joe steps away from the computer knowing that he NAILED that post. He thinks to himself, "Six good posts this week? Heh. More like seven now. Good job kid, you're on your way." In his head, all of this is being said to Joe by his coach and mentor, number 23, Michael Jordan himself. MJ rustles Joe's hair and pats Joe on the back. "Whaddya say you come out with your coach and go toss the ol pigskin around and shoot some three point slam dunks, kiddo?"

 

Pigskin? Shoot some three point slam dunks? Something was wrong and Joe knew it. The greatest basketball player of all time would surely know that a football and NOT a basketball is nicknamed the "pigskin." Joe knows this because he knows a whole lot about sports and is really cool and handsome. "So, how about it sport?" Michael asked. Joe knew he needed to play it cool. He would ask his coach a question that only the REAL Michael Jordan could answer. If this were an imposter, Joe would need to be pretty subtle about how to ask the question. Joe was the most handsome man in the world. "Sure thing, coach! I love basketball! By the way coach, I need to ask you a question. Are you the real Michael Jordan or an imposter trying to assassinate me?" Nailed it, Joe thought. "You are smart and good looking. I AM an imposter trying to assassinate you." The Faux-Jordan waved his hand and his illusion dissolved. Where an athletically built African-American basketball player stood, now appeared a thin Caucasian with a staff, cape and horned helmet. It was Loki the trickster from the Thor comics and films. "I love comics and being a nerd," thought handsome Joe. "But how did you know I wasn't the real Michael Jordan?" asked Loki. Joe flashed his winning smile and he could feel somewhere in the world that he made a woman pregnant by doing so. "Easy. I was Michael Jordan's coach and not the other way around." Joe picked up a basketball and spun it on his finger like a Harlem globe-trotter. "I hope that girl that I got pregnant with my smile doesn't get an abortion. Did you know that the cardiovascular system is the first major system to function. At about 22 days after conception the child's heart begins to circulate his own blood, unique to that of his mother's, and his heartbeat can be detected on ultrasound," he said. "Wow, I didn't know that. This 'abortion' thing sounds pretty awful. And I would know. I tried to enslave an entire planet under my control," Loki retorted. Loki extended his arms out saying, "Well, I guess you better take me to prison now for being a bad boy." "Sorry it had to come to this. At least you got to learn some great facts about why pro-choice is not a choice at all" Joe replied. Loki had his hands clasped in irons and was taken to Azkaban, a magical prison for the worst criminals in the world. Joe thought about delivering Loki to his brother Thor in Asgard but he knew those prisons would not hold him. Joe went back to his computer after kissing his hot babe girlfriend, Kate Upton, and saw that his post had gotten 100 likes, a threshold previously thought unobtainable. "This feels good" thought Joe, "but not as good as teaching the world about how abortion is murder and if you have one, you get a one-way ticket to the Hell Express. Having dinner every night with Satan and his lackeys? No thanks! That's a bit scary and NOT my idea of fun." Joe sat back in his chair all relaxed like Chewbacca does in that one scene in Empire Strikes Back after Leia had just kissed Luke on Hoth. It was like that but only more cool. It was then that Joe noticed his phone had lit up with a text. It was from Mr. President Obama. "World in trouble, Need your help saving it because only you can Mr. BondMcGurl." Joe looked up from his brand new iPhone 8 that was exclusive to him only because he was so cool. "Here we go again!"*.

[honlads 8798]

I located a shot of my D that I had forgotten was on my Instagram. Fair warning: It's a small D.

 

 

 

[burdrulz 1760]

Just wanted to say I'm so pissed.

 

1. because my parents got me this shitty 'think pad' computer when I wanted that sick ass dell from best buy

 

2. I tried to go to that internet website and now my shit is fried!?

 

 

also just saw the stickers and I'm super stoked.

 

I already know we all gonna buy them, but the real question is, where you gonna stick yours?

 

I'm thinking my refrigerator

[Andrew 4646]

I promise a lifetime supply of likes to the first person to post a picture of the sticker stuck on their D.

[alargebucket 1589]

I promise a lifetime supply of likes to the first person to post a picture of the sticker stuck on their D.

Technicality. No. Down. Boo. Over.

 

[chanson 9697]

Haven't read any of these posts this week but I bet there is at least like six that were pretty funny so good job you six!! (You know who you are)

 

Quick update on MY life: I looked in the mirror today and gave myself a kiss because I looked cute and hey, I deserved it!

 

*Joe steps away from the computer knowing that he NAILED that post. He thinks to himself, "Six good posts this week? Heh. More like seven now. Good job kid, you're on your way." In his head, all of this is being said to Joe by his coach and mentor, number 23, Michael Jordan himself. MJ rustles Joe's hair and pats Joe on the back. "Whaddya say you come out with your coach and go toss the ol pigskin around and shoot some three point slam dunks, kiddo?"

 

Pigskin? Shoot some three point slam dunks? Something was wrong and Joe knew it. The greatest basketball player of all time would surely know that a football and NOT a basketball is nicknamed the "pigskin." Joe knows this because he knows a whole lot about sports and is really cool and handsome. "So, how about it sport?" Michael asked. Joe knew he needed to play it cool. He would ask his coach a question that only the REAL Michael Jordan could answer. If this were an imposter, Joe would need to be pretty subtle about how to ask the question. Joe was the most handsome man in the world. "Sure thing, coach! I love basketball! By the way coach, I need to ask you a question. Are you the real Michael Jordan or an imposter trying to assassinate me?" Nailed it, Joe thought. "You are smart and good looking. I AM an imposter trying to assassinate you." The Faux-Jordan waved his hand and his illusion dissolved. Where an athletically built African-American basketball player stood, now appeared a thin Caucasian with a staff, cape and horned helmet. It was Loki the trickster from the Thor comics and films. "I love comics and being a nerd," thought handsome Joe. "But how did you know I wasn't the real Michael Jordan?" asked Loki. Joe flashed his winning smile and he could feel somewhere in the world that he made a woman pregnant by doing so. "Easy. I was Michael Jordan's coach and not the other way around." Joe picked up a basketball and spun it on his finger like a Harlem globe-trotter. "I hope that girl that I got pregnant with my smile doesn't get an abortion. Did you know that the cardiovascular system is the first major system to function. At about 22 days after conception the child's heart begins to circulate his own blood, unique to that of his mother's, and his heartbeat can be detected on ultrasound," he said. "Wow, I didn't know that. This 'abortion' thing sounds pretty awful. And I would know. I tried to enslave an entire planet under my control," Loki retorted. Loki extended his arms out saying, "Well, I guess you better take me to prison now for being a bad boy." "Sorry it had to come to this. At least you got to learn some great facts about why pro-choice is not a choice at all" Joe replied. Loki had his hands clasped in irons and was taken to Azkaban, a magical prison for the worst criminals in the world. Joe thought about delivering Loki to his brother Thor in Asgard but he knew those prisons would not hold him. Joe went back to his computer after kissing his hot babe girlfriend, Kate Upton, and saw that his post had gotten 100 likes, a threshold previously thought unobtainable. "This feels good" thought Joe, "but not as good as teaching the world about how abortion is murder and if you have one, you get a one-way ticket to the Hell Express. Having dinner every night with Satan and his lackeys? No thanks! That's a bit scary and NOT my idea of fun." Joe sat back in his chair all relaxed like Chewbacca does in that one scene in Empire Strikes Back after Leia had just kissed Luke on Hoth. It was like that but only more cool. It was then that Joe noticed his phone had lit up with a text. It was from Mr. President Obama. "World in trouble, Need your help saving it because only you can Mr. BondMcGurl." Joe looked up from his brand new iPhone 8 that was exclusive to him only because he was so cool. "Here we go again!"*.

 

Didn't read it, but I liked it anyway.

 

I'm a rebel.

 

Edit: I did happen to accidentally read something about someone getting pregnant from a smile so my instincts were correct.

[Assblaster(truly_blessed) 125]

do you guys think about the past a lot?

[watchayakan 1021]

do you guys think about the past a lot?

I think about it in an analytical manner but not a regret kind of way. Like, "Why did that cute girl laugh at me?" or "Why did daddy leave me?"

[Assblaster(truly_blessed) 125]

I think about it in an analytical manner but not a regret kind of way. Like, "Why did that cute girl laugh at me?" or "Why did daddy leave me?"

You don't ever think things could be better if you had a second chance?

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

do you guys think about the past a lot?

Depends what you mean by "a lot." And by "past." In any case, the answer is sometimes*.

 

*I don't feel comfortable speaking for the ladies on this, but you did address your question specifically to the guys.