Episode 90 — Brian Huskey, Our LIVE Friend

[souprman 10477]

it has a nice rhythm that draws you in after a moment. oddly calming. 4 & a half stars (visual pun?).

[marshall mellow 1671]

This live episode was just the best. More live shows please Sean and Hayes.

 

Also, maybe have Bozos on as a guest next time ? I would pay serious $$ to see him tell his "best show" joke live at UCB.

[SteveH 11126]

I'm glad Hayes was reading the forum and everyone's concerns about him saying it was the last episode ever - so he decided to do the right thing and fly Tom Scharpling out to LA, set him up with some studio time at Earwolf, appear on his podcast, and casually mention that Tom will be a guest on an upcoming show, thus quelling any fears about the future of Hollywood handbook.

 

Classic Hayes.

[Houston 4819]

[Dwight is sitting at his desk. His body is rigid, but not in a good way. He hardly blinks. Hardly breathes.]

 

Jim: Dwight. Dwight. DWIGHT. Look, I can explain. You know how towards the end of our run Pam and I had some problems? You know when I forgot I was a nice fun guy and randomly became a huge dick only to remember I wasn’t a dick and everything was fine? Well, the reason I was act so weird is that my time in Philly changed me. I was away from home a lot. It was a lonely time. A man has needs, you know? I learned things about myself in those empty hotel rooms. So Pam and I were going to try to spice things up, you know? Leave Scranton with a literal bang.

 

[Dwight does not move. Does not blink. Creed creeps over.]

 

Creed: I know about a man’s needs Jim. I hear you are a lime guy. Two words, blue raspberry.

 

[Kevin approaches. Dwight sits motionless. The light in his eyes is gone.]

 

Kevin: Hey guys, you ever try the corndog cleanse? Just sat on an old corndog. It’s awesome.

[Tron_doe 703]

I want bozos joke etched Into my tombstone

[takehomejoke 670]

Bozos joke ftw, amirite? rotfl

 

I love youth culture

[Houston 4819]

[Dwight remains motionless. The office is dark. Everyone has left to see a killer shakespearian dinner theatre in town. A particular bespectacled gent was the talk of the show. Dwight knew nothing of this]

 

Dwight: anus. anus. anus. ANUS. ANUS. ANUS. ANUS. ANUS!

 

[Releasing a savage warcry he runs from the room.]

[jump cut to morning]

 

[Erin and Phyllis unlock the office. Turn on the lights. They are chatting casually.]

 

Erin: It’s a great song. The chorus goes ‘milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner fudge gets made’. I’ll show you later.

 

Phyllis (sheepishly): I make great fudge. It won 3rd prize at the county fair.

 

[Erin sits down at her desk]

 

Erin: WHAT THE [bleep]! WHAT [bleep]ing [bleep] put a [bleep] [bleep] dildo in my chair. My holes are sacred!

 

[Erin runs out of the office. Phyllis is seated and smiling. She shifts slightly to the right.]

[Houston 4819]

[Erin is talking in an animated fashion to Michael]

 

Erin: IN. MY. ASS. Michael. What is going on?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Michael: (looks around uncomfortably. checks his chair. It’s clear) JIM!

 

[Jim passes Meredith and Andy who is whistling and smiling. Meredith looks extra happy. Andy just looks like an oblivious moron. Stanley sneaks in late. Sits down at his desk. Stands up. Straightens his tie and walks back out of the office. Ryan and Kelly are MIA. Oscar was up late with the Senator. AGAIN. Jim enters Michael’s office.]

 

Michael: Jim, someone came into the office last night and stuck dildos in all the chairs. Who would do that Jim?

 

(Jim looks at the camera and smirks)

 

Michael: Jim this is serious. If the head office hears about this we’ll all have to sit through another sexual harassment seminar. We could lose our jobs.

 

Jim: Michael, it’s fine. I’m sure it was just a joke gone awry. Let’s talk to Dwight and review the surveillance footage from…………… Dwight………. what have you done?

[Toro y Moist 695]

This Hollywood Handbook thing is honestly pretty decent.

[takehomejoke 670]

The serial format is very becoming, Houston.

 

I don't know if Tom would be up for doing it the whole show, but in some ways Gary the Squirrel would be the perfect guest for HH.

[nohorseman 5423]

Who has a fresh signature, filled to the brim with Big Brother 17 notes that at best might make you blow air out of your nose a single time in amusement? That's right it's me.

[Game of Scones 5812]

three hour podcast? who this motherfucker think he is, pete holmes?

 

when do the boys start talk?

[nohorseman 5423]

three hour podcast? who this motherfucker think he is, pete holmes?

 

when do the boys start talk?

 

They're brought on at about 2 hours 1 minute, but don't say a whole lot until towards the end. I believe they were a little nervous, although Hayes's background laughter was a welcome spice. They however get in a groove at the end and bring the house down. I was very proud.

[Just Add Pepper 2026]

This Scharpling kid really has his finger on the pulse of Hollywood. In 20 minutes, he's talked about Mort Sahl, Sid Cesar, Tony Curtis, Al Pacino. Good to know there's still podcasts you can turn to for up-to-the minute Hollywood news.

[TheBlackSpank 137]

Easily one of the best episodes ever. Most sequels are never as good as the original, but Teen Pope 2 is really taking it to the next level. Also, Brett is the man, and I really feel like Sean is slowly conquering his fear of Frankingsteins. Don't give up, Sean! I believe in you!

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

I don't think they were nervous on that show I just don't think they were having much fun because Tom was barely involving them.

 

It did sound like Patton was genuinely interested in HH, though. He would be a good guest if they landed him.

 

Thanks for all the good vibes on my post yesterday. Seems to me that Hayes and Sean likes are overdue for it at this point but it's possible they want to battle it out for which one of them gets to personally stick the "popular" star on it.

[JacobCrites 4977]

Thinking of changing my name to Andy Daly Show With John Stewart Little Sebastian Bach

Thoughts?

[chanson 9697]

Dear Chanson,

 

I live on Whidbey Island and thusly fall within your dad's boat captain authority to collect taxes and "prima nocta" rights. I'm currently on Tinder and getting TONS of babes. How long after first dates does your dad have to "stuff it in and break it off?"

 

You guys have a bridge. You're doing it wrong.

[chanson 9697]

PS - you guys remember that fucking sick joke Bozos made?

[elizamuffins 4228]

PS - you guys remember that fucking sick joke Bozos made?

 

7/1 Never Forget

 

okay I made this now

 

Edited July 2, 2015 by elizamuffins

[Houston 4819]

Jim (on the phone): Pam! Take the kids. Drive. I don’t care where. JUST DRIVE. It’s Dwight..... It’s not ok.

 

Pam: I love you Jim.

 

Jim: I know.

 

[Jim hangs up the phone. Closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He tells himself he knew it would end this way, but the timing was wrong. Everything was wrong. But if you want to make God laugh, try to guess the date that a Schrute will watch the light fade from you eyes.

 

Jim checked the roof first. The man on the moon looked down on him smiling. Jim felt the moon looked like a smug son of a bitch, but knew better that to make a sound now. The end could be waiting around any corner.

 

Jim knew the end would come in the warehouse. Paper had shaped his life. Without paper there was no Pam. Without paper his beautiful children would not exist. Without paper he’d never have read about that day Bozos made what is now known universally as ‘The Joke’. Now paper would surround his end. He cautiously enters the warehouse. A single light shines down in the middle of the room. Years of pranks and hi jinx swirled through his mind. It was all in good fun, right? RIGHT? He didn’t hate Dwight…. did he? No. He was Tim Jim.]

 

Jim: Dwight? Buddy…. hey…. epic prank man. I would’ve never thought to forcibly sodomize the entire office. Crazy man. No way the office will forget that one. (whispers) no matter how hard they try.

 

Jim: Dwight, want to catch the late shakespeare show? Dwight? You here? Let’s talk about this.

 

[smelling of lime jell-o and sadness. Dwight emerges from the shadows. He silently approaches Jim. Jim’s senses are overwhelmed by fear punctuated by the sickly sweetness of artificial lime. It is time.]

 

Jim: Dwight, if you would just let me………

 

[Hands. Those strong hands. For years he saw them clickity-clack on an adjacent keyboard. Answering calls. Raging against imagined slights. Now they were crushing Jim’s windpipe.]

 

Jim (struggling): Dwight….. please…. we… can………….

 

Dwight (nose to nose with Jim. whispers): how’s your anus now?

 

 

[Jim’s eye’s flashed the resigned sadness. It’s the sadness comes with the knowing of the end. It had been a good ride. The light was gone. Jim was no longer Jim. He was a mass of flesh and bones wrapped in skin. Dwight began to softly weep. The sound of weeping was broken by the soft sound of flesh slapping on flesh. Dwight was slowly, tendering pounding Jim's lifeless body. He is now sobbing. Exhausted, Dwight leans close to Jim's ear and whispers “That night. In the warehouse. It should've been meeeeeeeee."

 

[/fades to black]

[DEATHMAN 3317]

UM

 

 

Excuse me

 

What the fuck is this

[Jakal 4475]

First faux Chanson, and now this! Have you people even read, "Joe's Handy Guide to Posting Like a Pro"??

[souprman 10477]

 

7/1 Never Forget

 

okay I made this now

 

double like

[SteveH 11126]

what if Gil Faizon and George St. Geegland Geegland were on an episode