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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 114.5 — Minisode 114.5

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Yeah, "Sharknado 3" was total dogshit. I kind of was only half paying attention to the second half (I didn't know that my space prophecy would come true so soon...), so am I wrong in remembering that there really didn't seem to be any sharks in a big chunk of that?

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Well Bo Derek was May and Tara Reid was April, so there hopefully won't be any hinky screen writing trick to get her back if they kill her off. I'm sure this is all setup to make viewers think the vote mattered when the production company has final say anyway a la American Idol. This movie made it seem like they were really pushing the Nova/Finn love angle more and more so maybe this is a way to write out Tara Reid and give fans the real love story that they wanted from the beginning. Also did anyone else get a comparison between April's chainsaw hand and the Blade doll from Puppet Master?

 

https://twitter.com/...030395726737408

 

Blade-puppet-master-vs-demonic-toys-14362284-514-475.jpg

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There's a character in this piece of shit named Harleen Quinn. Maybe our Harley/Joker derail from last week wasn't as irrelevant as we thought.

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This was me every two minutes:

 

paul-rudd.gif

 

I almost have no words for what I watched, I'm honestly not surprised/surprised by the SyFy channel's answer to the Jason Todd Death in the Family poll concerning April. These movies are becoming the Family Guy chicken fights because you think that they can't be topped but then another one comes out and your mind is blown.

i thought you were going to say they were like the chicken fights because you can't believe they keep going back to that played out crutch

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Well Bo Derek was May and Tara Reid was April, so there hopefully won't be any hinky screen writing trick to get her back if they kill her off.

 

Shows how much attention I was paying. That joke makes more sense now, but it's still not funny or clever.

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What's the hashtag for everyone in this franchise to die?

 

I want to say it's #StopAsylum but you might accidentally get your tweets mixed in with Donald Trump supporters...

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I really, really, really wanted Ann Coulter to deny that sharknadoes exist (along with her other crazy shit, she's a major climate change denier) right before a sharknado popped up and killed her. That would have been the only good part of this movie. Instead, she fucking surfed down, like, 10 stairs on a picture of George Washington with the dude from Sugar Ray.

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It looks like AprilLives is winning by a 3:1 margin:

http://topsy.com/ana...lives&via=Topsy

I think it's hilarious that there are less than 200 votes (out of an estimated 2.81 million viewers). I wonder if that includes all the tweets I saw that included both hashtags because I saw a lot of those...not that I was looking.

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I wonder how accurate it is, the original SyFy Sharknado tweet has been retweeeted 1.7K times. I figure even if that site isn't exactly correct it's probably generally correct. If anyone knows a better way to count let me know.

 

This one has the right idea:

pUrAD51.jpg

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Topsy is a good tool for that, so I'm sure it's pretty accurate. I work in marketing, and our social media team uses it to track a lot of shit.

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I already knew they were delaying the episode and yet this is still me all day without my HDTGM fix

 

giphy.gif

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I already knew they were delaying the episode and yet this is still me all day without my HDTGM fix

 

giphy.gif

I know. Today was my last day at my current job, and I had basically nothing to do. I really could have used some HDTGM to make it through.

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Did anyone notice that they tried to cram the entire trope of "seemingly good politician who is actually a bastard getting his comeuppance" into Bill Engvall's three minutes on screen? He starts out being friendly to Finn and a couple minutes later he is yelling at Secret Service agent Rick Fox that he deserves to be saved more than the President before he is eaten by a shark that falls through the convenient window in the bowels of the White House. As for the voting I can bet that a lot of those votes are done by bot accounts or people within the production company. No way would they dictate an actor's contract on a tweet poll, even a C level actress like Tara Reid. Even if they were honest and killed off the character, they would still find a way to put her in the fourth film some way, hopefully as a terminator so that it can crossover with the Asylum's shitty knockoff of that franchise.

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It wasnt as bad as I was expecting, though obviously worse than the 2nd, which was worse than the 1st. It never made me want the movie itself to get eaten by a shark to death.

 

Anyway, few things I jotted down while watching it:

 

Fin has a doofy run at the beginning, am I wrong about that?

And all that rush and urgency was just for a stupid medal ceremony? I get its supposed to be stupid fake out...but just a medal ceremony?

Also, who is this doofus they have playing the President, hes like the least presidential guy ever, I feel they should have got the President of the Navy from NTSF:SD:SUV instead.

I honestly don't get this exchange, could someone maybe elaborate/translate?

Finn: This is my brother.

Brother: I'm the good looking one.

Ann Coulter: Now you know how I feel.

I feel it was supposed to be a joke, but am unsure.

This is more of a general pop culture point as it bleeds into zombie crap too, but fuck chainsaws. I'm done with them.

 

Finn: Washington isn't safe, I can feel these storms now, i can tell when theres gonna be sharks.

June in my head: *sigh* I guess he can smell their blood...

 

That shark in the Lincoln memorials lap was cute, that was a nice touch I thought.

Where did that shark in the tunnel come from, not even talking the one past the vault door, but just randomly there was on that materialized in a hallway to take out a guard.

They couldn't even afford recoil effects on the guns in Finn's little slide maneuver I'm pretty sure they stole from Transformers? (although, the Asylum has shown they are perfectly willing to steal from Transformers.) Bonus points for Finn for actually kinda pulling the triggers on the guns, though.

They also couldn't even afford a new theme song? Just reuse the shitty one from the second? The intro animation was pretty neat though.

News person: "Worst Sharknado since the first one 2 years ago"...well, yeah.

Ok, I can see using Ann Coulter as a joke politician, but I thought even Sharknado should have been above Michelle Bachman.

Roller coaster person: "Hey lady you forgot your phone", well a. no she didn't, the VIP tour guide lady straight didn't give it back to her, and b. she totally should have heard all the people yelling at her about it.

That is a pretty sweet RV.

It said they evacuated or are evacuating the whole east coast, why is everyone in Orlando just going about their day like its nothing?

That was the dumbest "hitting on" scene I think I've ever seen, and that includes creepy/rapey OK Cupid messages I've seen women post online that they've received.

Thats not a military base...thats a summer camp holding a military themed camping day.

In the 1 or 2 years Nova has been roaming around, she managed to, as a civilian, get 100 hours flying things like F15 and F22's? Is this like that pepsi thing where you get a million bottle tops and win a harrier?

Why is the "failsafe" secret anti-shark thing, a.) a self destruct system, and b.) on the roof?

100 hours of fighter jet flight lady, helpless in a spin..."Eh, I can fly a little, I guess" guy pulls out a safe crash landing for her...

Also, why did the jet crash make them basically naked?

The only person ever effected by wind in these movies is Finn, either he has bird bones, or everyone else is made of star matter.

I did like the shark on the roller coaster loop, thought that was a nice touch.

Nice high tech football pads...err, I mean space suit, nice high tech space suits.

WHY IS THAT DINGUS FROM THE AMUSEMENT PARK STILL HANGING AROUND?!

Finn: I thought the Star Wars system didn't work?!

Gill (GET IT GUYZE?!): Thats what you were supposed to think...

*tries to use it*

hmm, OK nevermind, I guess it doesnt work afterall.

April was NOT that pregnant, either that baby is gonna die in like 30 seconds cause its super premature, or she just found it in the shark.

#AprilDies

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Hey guys, just spent the week drinking fruity rum drinks and cos-playing as Jimmy Buffett (i.e. writing shitty mystery novels and selling overpriced cheeseburgers).

 

I've got to say--reading through the forums--I feel like my week at the beach my have been slightly more rewarding than watching Sharknado 3, but I'll let you all decide if you think I need to go ahead and watch it before the episode comes out. Just remember, I had a fantastic time at the beach and I would hate for all the surplus chill-age I've just acquired to be squandered on an infuriating movie.

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I found it more boring than infuriating. There are a lot of cameos, from the world of politics and NASCAR that I didn't pick up on at all. I don't know if that would make it more interesting though.

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Is it possible they delayed the ep so they could do a double-feature with Lavalantula featuring what appears to be the petrified remains of Steve Guttenberg?

 

dreams.gif

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Did anyone else think that every single scene with Anthony Weiner was...weird? Not just because, hey Anthony Weiner is in this but there's something just really off about it, even compared to any other scene in NASA (like with that glasses-dude).

 

The lighting was completely different for one. The acting and mood on those tiny scenes are really tonally different. There's a complete lack of tongue in cheek drama and it's replaced with heightened ACTING.

 

It's a weird thing to pick out but I mean that baby scene at the end...I dont even know how to begin that conversation. So I just wanna focus on how weird this was;

 

weiner16tvf-1-web.jpg

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Did anyone else think that every single scene with Anthony Weiner was...weird? Not just because, hey Anthony Weiner is in this but there's something just really off about it, even compared to any other scene in NASA (like with that glasses-dude).

 

The lighting was completely different for one. The acting and mood on those tiny scenes are really tonally different. There's a complete lack of tongue in cheek drama and it's replaced with heightened ACTING.

 

It's a weird thing to pick out but I mean that baby scene at the end...I dont even know how to begin that conversation. So I just wanna focus on how weird this was;

 

weiner16tvf-1-web.jpg

 

There were also some very odd camera zooms in that scene. I remember at one point they seemed to zoom in on someone's back.

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