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EPISODE 112 — Agata, Gabe, July, Our Close Employees

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So I imagine next week's episode of Hollywood Handbook will be the call-in episode they recorded. I was unfortunately busy at the time of recording, so for the benefit of my forum friends, here's a bit of a "what could have been", call it gonzo fan fiction if you will.

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JAP: Hello, am I on?

 

SC: Yeah you're on, no need to say hello, Adele.

 

HD: It's like this guy thinks we haven't heard the Adele song and don't know he's ripping her off.

 

SC: Frankly, I'm tired of men thinking they can just walk all over Adele, and this guy here, I'm sorry what's your name?

 

JAP: Uh, Casey.

 

SC: This guy Casey, he's just one more in a long line of men who think they can steamroll this poor woman.

 

HD: Frankly, I don't know how he sleeps at night.

 

SC: Most likely trundled up in a big pile of money and penthouse magazines ANYWAY what are you calling for Casey?

 

JAP: Hey guys, it's Just Add Pepper from the for-

 

SC: Stop! I didn't ask who you were, I asked why you were calling.

 

HD: Mmmyes, not my tempo, Casey.

 

SC: Yes, definitely not my tempo either.

 

JAP: Sorry.

 

SC: Sounds a tad insincere but ok..I'll take it. Anyway, Just Add Pepper, why are you calling?

 

JAP: Well I was hoping to hear your guys' thoughts on Oscar season, any big movies you've seen and thought, that one's gonna take home the gold?

 

SC: Hm, well, that's a tough question for me personally to answer, since most of the big contenders are movies that I worked on.

 

HD: Me too, I also worked on most of the Oscar movies this year.

 

SC: Yes, like...Oscar Schindler's List II, Schindler's revenge.

 

HD: Oscar the Grouch: The Movie. Very close to my heart.

 

SC: Hmmyes, but aside from that, well I just think that Joy is gonna win it all this year, and you know why? Cause women are STRONG now. You hear that, Just Add Pepper?

 

JAP: Uh, yeah, that one looks really good.

 

HD: And just because women don't make as much money DOESN'T mean they can't invent a broom.

 

SC: Yes, and isn't that empowering? Anything else, Just Add Pepper?

 

JAP: No, that's, uh, that's it...thanks.

 

SC: Hmmkay, well I hope you learned something today.

 

HD: Yes, I hope this will be a real turning point for you.

 

JAP: Yeah, thanks guys.

 

HD: Byyyeeee

 

JAP: (hangs up)

 

SC: Man, what a piece of shit.

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Kid, you're going places

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You know a super great podcast, Superego. Shame it's released so scarcely

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damn capybaras got big dicks lmao mine is like 1/4 the size of that

I've never seen mine cause that'd be gay

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http://soundcloud.co...aldwin-brothers

 

New Brother Lovers episode for my baby bugs (you guys, duh).

 

grep, v funny, v good.

not to spoil anything but there IS an anecdote about a time i made david uncomfortable

so listen for that, but the rest is good too.

this is a baby bug

i guess

signing off

keep it real, pals

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I could have gone my whole life without ever having two capybaras having sex. Thank you for saving me from that terrible fate, Wargen.

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It's time for TeenCosmoGirl's Saturday Quizztravaganza, girlfriends!!!

 

Oh no! You just caught your Work Enemy talking major sh*t about your Work BFF! What do you do?

 

A.) Go tell your work BFF RIGHT AWAY. She deserves to know all the absurdly hurtful and soul-cutting things people say behind her back.

 

B.) Tell your Work Enemy in no uncertain terms to LAY OFF your friend. You don't care if you get in major trouble that could affect your career. A mostly shallow, workplace-based friendship is SO much more important than being able to pay rent.

 

C.) Report what you heard to your boss in hopes that your Work Enemy will get written up since you heard a rumor she was one conduct violation away from getting fired. Your entire soul will feel slimy but at least you won't have any more competition for that promotion from the girl who just got engaged to the guy you were hooking up with last winter!

 

D.) Do literally nothing to right this grievous wrong, but definitely go and make a joke about it on the Internet

 

E.) I'm not doing a hot dog go to bathroom thing, and fuck you guys for thinking I would.

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F.) Scheme together with your mean-girl friends to have your Work Enemy elected homecoming queen, but then on the big day reveal that it was all just a prank and she's actually totally unpopular. Have the homecoming king spit on her hair and push her off the stage.

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hi guys. haven't posted yet this week. was having a kinda rough time of it. it would have been cool if you guys would have refrained from posting once you realized I wasn't around, but I get it, the show must go on and I'm not upset no one asked about me either you hurtful monsters.

 

this ep was really sweet and funny. it pulled me out of my bad sad feelings and lifted me up much like Josh Groban does for, well, everyone if were being honest.

 

I loved the TWB peoples, they are smart and funny and I listened to 2 eps of TWB and I like TWB because TWB is good and funny.

 

but, I can't wait to see what big time celebrities the boys get for the next show! I hope it's Rupert Murdoch. Or Richard Simmons! or someone in-between like Chanson or Josh Groban or Margret Cho.

 

Here are a couple vids for ya. One is the documentation of an odd substance falling from the sky. (I know it looks like snow but it's not and we cant figure out exactly what it is. it might be Kotton Kandy mixed incorrectly.) The other is my friend Hat taking a walk in the weird stuff that fell from the sky which reminds me that's what David Bowie did in Nicolas Roeg's 1976 sci-fi masterpiece The Man Who Fell To Earth. OMG that first scene where he lands in the middle of a cab stand in Lower Manhattan and the cabbies are all honkin at him and he stands up, dusts himself off, and in a perfect New York accent says; "Hey! I'm fallin' here!" classic.

 

until next time, byeee!!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-IPyANQ7HE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skFthvVrpzA

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I just thought to pop-in and say: did anyone catch that the week after the forum was buzzing about Doughboys, Sean called in to Handbook East and said how podcasts are "conversations that you wish were over already" about "meals that you hadn't eaten"... Sean, baby, it's the interaction between Wiger and the spoonman we love!

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Hey guys,

 

Don't have anything interesting to post about HH or anything. But I need some catharsis.

 

I'm sure you don't give two hoots but I can honestly say my call with Tom has left me crippled. I have been obsessing over what I did wrong. "Why do I sound like a 16 year old girl?" I ask myself. "Why do I sound like someone who just had his wisdom teeth removed??"

 

I made the mistake of googling various combinations of my 'name', 'Scharpling' and 'Rush' and found that Andy Kindler thinks I "owe the universe an apology". Some other guy said I seemed like a Wurster character. And another dude picked up on my totally cringe-worthy "I feel like I know you". I haven't slept well in a few days. When I try to sleep, all I can do is fantasize about how I'm going to apologize.

 

(I wrote out a huge thing explaining my thoughts and my worries but it's ridiculous to post it here).

 

The lesson I learned and want to pass on: NEVER phone in to ANY call in show if you are socially anxious.

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This is why I will never call in to a show, or listen to a call-in show.

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Hey guys,

 

Don't have anything interesting to post about HH or anything. But I need some catharsis.

 

I'm sure you don't give two hoots but I can honestly say my call with Tom has left me crippled. I have been obsessing over what I did wrong. "Why do I sound like a 16 year old girl?" I ask myself. "Why do I sound like someone who just had his wisdom teeth removed??"

 

I made the mistake of googling various combinations of my 'name', 'Scharpling' and 'Rush' and found that Andy Kindler thinks I "owe the universe an apology". Some other guy said I seemed like a Wurster character. And another dude picked up on my totally cringe-worthy "I feel like I know you". I haven't slept well in a few days. When I try to sleep, all I can do is fantasize about how I'm going to apologize.

 

(I wrote out a huge thing explaining my thoughts and my worries but it's ridiculous to post it here).

 

The lesson I learned and want to pass on: NEVER phone in to ANY call in show if you are socially anxious.

Frog, I can't tell whether or not you're joking, but can you please tell me the approximate time stamp of when you were featured on the episode? I want to listen to assure you that you are wrong and you did great, but I don't have enough time to listen to the whole episode right now.

Andy Kindler is one of my all time favorite comedians, but if he really said that about you, I'm going to scalp my tickets to his upcoming show, use the money to buy an HBO subscription and make myself watch Bill Maher just to spite him.

 

UPDATE: I listened and I was right - you were great. You have a nice voice and were entertaining. Eggs even said he liked you, so I don't know why you're tripping. Most people don't like listening to themselves, so I can understand how it could have been an unpleasant experience for you. But as someone who's not you, I can objectively say that it wasn't bad and you have no reason to be worried. So go to sleep.

Edited by Silvrwoman
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Frog, I can't tell whether or not you're joking, but can you please tell me the approximate time stamp of when you were featured on the episode. I want to listen to assure you that you are wrong and you did great, but I don't have enough time to listen to the whole episode right now.

Andy Kindler is one of my all time favorite comedians, but if he really said that about you, I'm going to scalp my tickets to his upcoming show, use the money to buy an HBO subscription and make myself watch Bill Maher just to spite him.

 

I don't know why I would tell you... I don't want people to hear it. But... it's there.

 

Sort of worried I'll be run off the Internet.

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after years of avoiding them, and being 'too cool', i think i'm starting to like The Smiths.

 

can someone come over and cut my fucking ears off? also, will that same person transcribe every episode of Hollywood Handbook so I can read them since I won't be able to hear anymore?

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after years of avoiding them, and being 'too cool', i think i'm starting to like The Smiths.

 

can someone come over and cut my fucking ears off? also, will that same person transcribe every episode of Hollywood Handbook so I can read them since I won't be able to hear anymore?

 

Ask me. I won't say no. How could I? I'll just need a light that never goes out so I can see where I'm cutting. It's gruesome, but if you think I'm doing it wrong, you shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? Anyway whenever you're ready, I'll meet you at the cemetery gates.

 

 

"If you must write forums posts, the words you use should be your own. Don't plagiarize or take on loan." -Morrissey

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I fucking love The Smiths, up there with U2 as one of my favourite bands.

 

Anyway I came here to say I threw up earlier

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I fucking love The Smiths, up there with U2 as one of my favourite bands.

 

Anyway I came here to say I threw up earlier

 

"War by U2 is better than anything The Smiths have ever done" - Me for the last 4 years to people who like The Smiths. I'm a dick.

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