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EPISODE 114 — The Secret Story of the Missing Episode

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I have an announcement too.

 

I went to the same college as one of those questions guys - the freakingnomics one. Also, I belive Hayes wrote some nerdy sports articles for the freakingnomics website. So 6 degrees of Keving Baking. Too scary! what up what up! speak on that!

 

update: A skelington!

Edited by SteveH
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Dear Australian forumers,

 

What's 2016 like? Anything exciting for the rest of us to look forward to? Do "hoverboards" still have wheels?

 

With love,

 

mikebonetti, your friend from the past.

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We all have to decide who our midnight forum kiss is gonna be. I'll be taking applications for the next few hours

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We all have to decide who our midnight forum kiss is gonna be. I'll be taking applications for the next few hours

 

Anyone who doesn't have somebody in mind when midnight rolls around, I know someone who is always available for you to kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

...my butt!

 

(just kidding)

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Ahem, attention, I have an announcement.

 

Please make sure you are comfortable seated, as the news I am about to share may freak your bean beyond the normal parameters of bean freaking.

 

It has recently come to my attention that one “Chanson” of Hollywood Handbook call-in B-lister fame and myself have, as they are colloquially known, mutual pals. To my great surprise, I (a probable human) attended college with “fellow human beings” who “know Chanson personally.”

 

I know. I am shocked. Until this very evening I did not believe him to be human, but an android sent to this earth to worship Earwolf podcasts and snow. One who has done a moderate to fairly competent job maintaining humanoid cadence.

 

With this information, we become that much closer to unlocking the mystery behind this perplexing being.

 

One small step for Annie, one giant leap for for forum-kind.

 

Hey, that's kind of neat. Those coincidences can be cool and make the world seem a bit smaller.

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Do "hoverboards" still have wheels?

 

More importantly, do hoverboards still inexplicably catch on fire? I don't remember them being called "fireboards"?! I mean, right? I really don't think fireboards sounds like much fun because then you catch on fire. And hello...fire burns and burns hurts, guys.

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Once again, I am ending the year completely single and without even a sole romantic prospect. I have chosen this for myself so I that won't be distracted from my important work in the comedy podcast forum post industry. It's not at all because of my average looks, terrible personality and shockingly unrealistic standards, so tell whoever told you that to fuck off, Mom. I'm very happy about all of this, but I have one huge problem haunting me as I face the transition into the New Year:

 

I can't think of anything funny to kiss at midnight. :(

 

My drink? No, that's been done too many times before. I'm a comedy trailblazer if I am anything. But you know that, you've read my posts.

 

A really nice-looking wall? That could be funny, but if I'm standing by a wall I will be at the edges of the party instead of in the center where everyone can see how funny I'm being. I never stand anywhere but the direct epicenter of a party, as would you if you were a true Diva and Comedienne like me.

 

A random, unsuspecting girl? Yes, I agree that sexual assault is absolutely hilarious, and can you IMAGINE how viral the gifs of that moment would go? lmao, this is a good one for sure, but I have a confession to make and that is that I actually didn't get invited to a party after all so I'm just going to be playing Fallout 4 alone in my bedroom and there aren't going to be any girls there besides me.

 

Myself? Now this is funny and interesting, but I'm just really scared that my mouth might slip and I might end up kissing my elbow and turn into a boy. I don't think I could handle the hit to my Forum Likes Ratio.

 

My PS4 controller? Yes, I'm a girl. Yes, I play video games. Yes, I do it wearing my underwear in a sexy pose the whole time. But I do it for ME. Not to be funny. When a Hot Nerd Girl puts her mouth on video game equipment, that's a special and private thing.

 

A picture of someone? This could be hilarious cause I could find a picture of a really hot person like Michael Fassbender or Kristen Stewart and then make it look like I'm kissing them. Definitely pushing the envelope, but I just don't think this is edgy enough for me.

 

The Christmas tree I haven't taken down yet? Another killer idea, but I think this idea is just too high-concept and too alt for the public to handle. One day, society will be ready for jokes like this, but today is decidedly not that day.

 

If anyone has any suggestions for what funny things I can kiss tonight, please message me. I'm starting to genuinely worry I won't solve this in time.

 

PS- please ignore the context of the other posts about kissing things at midnight. It took me a while to write this, but when I started, I was the first one to talk about midnight kissing, and this post still deserves to be treated like the First Midnight Kissing Post. Thank you.

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Ashley I obviously watch you on my secret webcam I set up to see what you're typing so I can write in small straight to the point comments and earn all that sweet original content likes. Also just to show you how hilarious I actually am, check this out... Kissing stuff @midnight LMAO remember like the show. New king in town boys better recognize

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Hershey's kiss.

 

KISS album cover.

 

Draw lips on your hand-mouth, then spend the 15 minutes leading up to midnight loudly trying to persuade/coerce your hand to kiss you, in a super creepy aggressive way.

 

At midnight yell "KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID!" then for the rest of the party go around asking everyone if they understood your joke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....my butt! Hahaha I can't believe you fell for it TWICE!

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"let's start at the beginning: the big bang" makes it 4/4 hh refs on the cbb:bo?

Jeez, CBB, why don't you marry HH if you love it so much?

 

 

 

No, seriously, marry it. I ship these two podcasts.

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My top five best friends of 2015

 

1. My very best friend Jeffrey who is so nice and cool and funny.

2. N/A

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. N/A

 

Edit: WHAT

 

JEFFREY

 

JEFFREY NO

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Has Chanson jumped the shark?

 

 

I've never understood what that meant to be honest.

 

I think its a reference to that one time you actually jumped a shark.

 

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To Whom it May Concern:

 

I have told Ashley and Jeffrey on multiple occasions that pet names are private, and they should never refer to me as "Thundercock" or "N/A" on a public forum. Sadly, it has been brought to my attention that they have once again betrayed my trust.

 

Therefore, I am hereby requesting the mods provide me with new forum friends. I know this is a lot to ask, and may be a daunting task because my former forum friends have set the bar so high, but I appreciate you taking this matter seriously.

 

xoxo,

Silvr

 

P.S. If it's an inmate again, this time I'd prefer a non-violent offender, or at least one that still has internet privileges and/or laughs at my jokes

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I know that everyone’s probably very concerned that I am going to mess up this flirting opportunity with Bruce. But I’d like to assure you all that I am going to do great. In fact, ever since today’s “Sup” post, I have spent hours upon hours studying the following articles and I am very confident now that I know exactly what to do:

 

How to Attract a Skater Guy

 

How to Act Normal Around Your Crush

 

How to Make a Boy Notice You at School

 

How to Tease a Guy (for Teens and Kids)

 

How to Ask a Guy to Show His Muscles to You

 

How to Take off a Shirt

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Jeez, CBB, why don't you marry HH if you love it so much?

 

 

 

No, seriously, marry it. I ship these two podcasts.

 

Is that a HH reference? need citations

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Nothing much. What's up with you?

 

Oh not much here either. I've been wearing the same shirt for a few weeks but I think Im finally about to crack this bad boy and get it off.

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My top five best friends of 2015

 

1. Chanson

2. Souprman

3. Norm

4. Thundercock69

5. A dog

The feeling's mutual!

 

Friendship=Over

 

Good luck finding another sentient chickn sandwich that'll give you the light of day, ya ninny.

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I'll be kissing my mom tonight because I love her very much and I'm a good boy

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Nice try Joe but I'm not gonna make a joke about kissing your mom too. Cause I too am a good boy and not rude to my best friends. Can't catch me!

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