Tiptoes

[cdawg87 8]

Here's the synopsis of he 2003 smash hit "Tiptoes" of off imdb:

"Carol is an artist, Steven trains firefighters. They've lived together for months and plan to marry soon, except that Steve's left out an important detail about himself and his chromosomes: his parents, twin brother, and many of his relatives are dwarfs. Carol learns this when Steve's brother Rolfe drops by, the day after she discovers she's pregnant. Why hasn't he told her about his family? She calls on them, and they take her to their hearts. But tensions mount between the lovers as she believes he's ambivalent and angry about his family, and he thinks she's romanticizing the life and many health problems of little people. Can they get over these emotional barriers?"

This movie is RIDICULOUS. I don't even know where to begin. "When the going gets rough, it's only the size of your heart that counts" is an actual line from the trailer. Gary Oldman plays a dwarf in what someone at the studio decided was "the role of a lifetime".

I guess one great thing about this movie is that it's the first movie to employ that many little people since "The Wizard of Oz", but other than that, this movie is fucking awful. I'm not 100% sure, but from a genetics standpoint, I don't think there's any chance that Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale's kid can come out a dwarf.

Here's the whole reason the problem begins in the first place: Like a few times a week, McConaughey fucks Kate Beckinsale in his sleep, which is why she gets pregnant because he doesn't wear condoms when they're having sleep sex. WHAT?!?!?!
Trailer:

[jughead 189]

Fuck yes! Must be done.

[cdawg87 8]

Did I mention that Matthew's character once engaged in a midget circle jerk? Oh, and there's a lot of hunched over dancing on his part. I'm surprised Verne Troyer wasn't invited to the party

[Julia 477]

All of my friends thought this was a spoof trailer when they first saw it. Seems too insane to be real, but it is!

[dave_dw 0]

Love it! This movie is amazingly bad. Especially Gary Oldman who is clearly a full-sized man who often sitting inside a hollowed out couch with fake legs sitting in front of him.

[andreslucero 38]

This movie may be TOO BAD to review! I... I don't know where they would even start.

[HappyPanda 0]

I heard about this movie on Doug Loves Movies and had to check out the trailer. This looks to be so hilariously bad with some huge stars in it: Gary Oldman, Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale. This movie is just begging to be reviewed by the crew. Please please review this movie.

[Meehn 0]

Daniel Tosh does a review of it, pretty funny.

http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/spoiler-alert---tiptoes---uncut

[jcmars 0]

Please explain. PLEASE.

[deadplace 0]

PLEASE.

[Slugzilla 0]

Are you a normal sized man who is keeping his dwarf (not midget!) family a secret from your fiancé? Does your twin brother travel around in a tiny sidecar with an angry drunk French dwarf who picks up white prostitutes with braids? Are your firefighter retreats getting in the way of your personal life? Then this is the movie for you! Tip Toes stars Matthew McConaughey as a Jewish man struggling to cope as the only normal sized person of his family. When his twin brother, played by Gary Oldman acting throughout the entire movie on his knees, surprises McConaughey's fiancé (Kate Beckinsale) and reveals his tiny secret, (see what I did there) the couple must face some difficult questions regarding their unborn child.

[cdawg87 8]

It's super funny that Gary Oldman just got nominated for an Oscar, yet all I see is Rolf.

 

No, Gary Oldman is still the man despite this abortion of a "film"

[ChristopherCorbin 1]

How much money would I have to donate to Earwolf in order for you guys to do the worst movie ever made starring matthew mcconaughey, and Gary Oldman. It's called Tiptoes. Please just go watch the preview and see what I am talking about. The movie is f'ing CRAZY!!!

[pscudese 701]

This is a MUST! It will be the best you've ever done!

[pscudese 701]

Please look at this trailer:

 

After seeing two minutes of this film, there is absolutely no way you could not feature it on your lovely podcast. From the VO alone, the studio considers this film to be a "role of a lifetime" for Gary Oldman. Yes, that Gary Oldman!

[Nasher 29]

Surely there must be one hell of a debate over a statement like "the worst movie ever made starring matthew mcconaughey"... luckily "and Gary Oldman" makes the process easier.

 

Dear god i just watched the trailer.. I can't believe what i was seeing.. there are some serious names in there not least of which, the now venerated, Mr Dinklage.

 

 

Kate Beckinsale - Leather catsuit = Fail.

[Nasher 29]

Now I have to watch this movie .. they made it the next cast.. dear god I'm not sure if i could handle it.. but I haven't let a bad movie stop me yet.

[johnadams 3]

How did the entire Dwarf cast not walk out on this production when they found out a non-dwarf would be cast to play a dwarf. Seriously Gary? Walking around on your knees?!

[TimThompson 22]

How much money would I have to donate to Earwolf in order for you guys to do the worst movie ever made starring matthew mcconaughey, and Gary Oldman. It's called Tiptoes. Please just go watch the preview and see what I am talking about. The movie is f'ing CRAZY!!!

 

Well done on this recommendation...this movie should be the HDTGM benchmark.

[Nasher 29]

Quick and especially dirty, just as the movie made me feel... dirty.. not particularly quick.

 

 

[Shannon 2953]

I went to a record store closing yesterday, I saw this movie on sale for $2.

 

...still couldn't bring myself to purchase it.