Episode 15.5 — Minisode 16

[admin 330]

You've read the reviews. You've heard the jokes. Are you ready to experience the insanity that is The Smurfs? If so, feel free to unleash your Smurf-induced rage on us by sending in your best "smurfed-out" vulgarities. Submit your smurf-substitutions here and on Facebook and, as always, we'll read our favorites on air. Smurf you next week!

[paulxanders 0]

"She had the tastiest little smurfberry," Papa recalled, chewing his smurfstained beard, wondering why the Village had ever outlawed smurfalingus.

[DreamingStarkly 13]

"I found a gallon of smurf in her uterus," said Dr. Robbins, as he removed a magnum sized smurf from smurfette's gaping smurfy.

[liberalcrow 0]

I thought I knew what regret was, but when I saw those smurf-me eyes staring through the crack in the door, I removed the chain and let the personification of regret in my room. It wasn’t just the eyes. Not far down a face I’ve smurfed all over in the past, were the perfect pair of SSLs (you know, smurf smurfing lips). When they started moving, I got a real Gargamel. I guess that’s why I didn’t see the gun.

“SMURF ME IN THE SMURF! You shot me in the smurf!”

My mind was red with fear and pain and confusion…was it because I called her a smurf the last time I smurfed her? I got my answer quick. While I was bleeding and crying on the bed, she strapped on a smurf and began smurfing me in my smurf wound. “Who’s the smurf now! You are, you smurfless smurf! Enjoy your new life as a smurfette.”

She smurfed me like that for an hour. I don’t know how I survived, but the most amazing part was that she hadn’t finished. As I was passing out for the third time, I saw a man with a surgeon’s mask enter the room. Four days later I woke up, hoping it was all a horrible nightmare. When I looked in the mirror I exclaimed, “ Holy Smurf! I’m a smurfin’ Snork!”

[WillisJames 21]

Papa Smurf is pitching a new act to a talent agent. The talent agent asks what the show is about and Papa Smurf replies, “Well, it starts off with a dark empty stage, Smurfette walks out alone and starts doing a smurfy dance. She takes off her top to reveal her perky smurfs, then she pulls up skirt and starts playing with her smurf. Next thing you know, five smurfs walk out, whip out their smurfs and start smurfing-off around her. They smurf all over her face, then I walk out, lick up the smurf, and lay down while Smurfette takes a giant smurf in my mouth. Show over.”
“That sounds great, but what’s it called?” the talent agent asks.
“The Smurfocrats”

[Julia 477]

Who's going to be the first person to take Brett Gelman's iBrain and substitute the word "smurf" throughout it?

[tyjohnson5 0]

Yo, yo, I'll smurf ya smurfhole closed. And keep smurfin you, and smurfin you, and smurfin you.

[JoshTheLink 0]

I smurfed her so hard in her smurf that she lost control of her smurf and smurfed all over my smurf.

[Crash_Thompson 0]

A Smurf and his family walk into a talent agent's office and say, "We've got a Smurf of an act for you!" The Papa smurf then pulls out his smurf and starts smurfing all over Smurfette's smurf. Then Papa smurf rips off Smurfette's smurf and begins smurfing her smurf in front of the other little smurfs. The little smurfs start smurfing Papa smurfs big blue smurfs until he smurfs all over Smurfette smurfing smurf. Then Papa smurf smurfs them both in their smurfing smurfs and Smurfette smurfs up the smurf as it leaks out of their smurfs. Smurfette than puts a gun in her smurf and smurfs her smurfing smurf into smurf-blivion and all the rest of the smurfs take a bow.

The talent agent asks, "What do you call this act?"

"The Smurfs", says Papa Smurf.

"Smurf off!" says the talent agent.

[CarolineEAnd 41]

Throw in a couple of shorter ones, you guys. Pithy is almost always funnier and think about the length of the submissions that usually get read on air.

[Crash_Thompson 0]

"How did it get smurfed? How did it get SMURFED?!" --"Cage-y" Smurf

[Gidbot 0]

Fuck this Smurf.

[Crash_Thompson 0]

"It's the one that says 'Bad Mother-Smurfer on it." --Smurfuel L. Jackson

[SamEyeAm 2]

Everybody's gone smurfin'...smurfin' usaaaaay

[Mr. Mustard 0]

#1: "I ... DRINK ... YOUR .... SMURFSHAKE!!!"
#2: Two smurfs are listiening to music using an expensive speaker system. The chord is loose and is causing much feedback, so Smurf One asks Smurf Two what happened to make the chord so unstable. Smurf Two replies, "I think someone just pushed it in too hard and now it's loose" Smurf One looks his friend in the face and slyly retorts, "That's what Smurf said". Tearjerking laughter ensues.

[SamEyeAm 2]

Smurf unto others and you would have others anal rape you.

[RyanHolowaty 0]

I would rather have a hot, runny, post indian food, Michael Moore sized smurf dropped on my face than watch this smurfing movie.

[Deelo 0]

"Come on baby, just the smurf?"

Incidentally this makes it 2 out of 2 movies John Oliver has been in being on hdtgm. That's a better record than Nicolas Cage.

[Arthur 1]

I got the blue smurf-juice all over her smurfettes after I finished smurfing her in the smurf.

[sacvile 1]

She smurfed her pregnancy in the third trimester. I'm just as shocked as you are.

[AgentOrange 9]

My favorite smurfing video to smurf off to, is two smurfs one cup!

[JRay 14]

Papa Smurf was in his mushroom in smurf village preparing for the annual smurf talent show. In walks, Brainy Smurf, Vanity Smurf, Hefty Smurf, and Smurfette . “We’re here to audition our act” said Smurfette. “Go right ahead” said Papa Smurf.

So, Hefty drops his little white pants and starts smurfing smurfette right there on the floor, Then Brainy drops his pants and whips out his smurfhood, Vanity drops to his knees and begins furiously smurfing Brainy Smurf off.

Then Smurfette starts fist-smurfing brainy straight up his smurf while he's getting smurfed off. After a few moments of this everyone stood up and formed a smurf-centipede, smurfette was at the front of the line and took off her white cap and began smurfing golden streams into it. When it was filled to the brim, all four smurfs took a a few gulps and then began up-smurfing all over each other.

By this time Papa Smurf had his pants around his ankles and was smurffing off contentedly, when suddenly Gargamel and his cat Azrael pried open the roof to the mushroom. For a moment he was stunned at the sight before him, even Azrael gagged at the smell of fresh smurf-chuck and smurf-torum wafting through the air. Then Gargamel hiked up his robe and exposed his massive throbbing smurf , then he lifted the cat's tail and impaled poor Azrael up her smurf and left her suspended there in mid-air.

Covered in a sheen of smurf, Hefty scampered up Gargamel’s leg, parted his smurf-cheeks, and dove head first up his smurf-hole, he smurfed his way through Gargamel's digestive system and popped out of his mouth covered in lumpy brown smurf...and a few smurf-berries, he then climbed down Gargamels chest and clung to Azrael's whiskers and started face-smurfing her.

At this point, smurf-covered Hefty is face-smurfing Azrael the cat who is being mid-air smurfed by Gargamel, who is watching smurfette with vanity's blue fist up her smurf-hole, and Brainy's foot up her front-smurf, while Brainy is having his smurf covered Smurf-hood polished by Vanity.

Suddenly Papa Smurf Jumps up on the desk with his smurf in his hand and lets out a massive growl as he reaches smurfgasm and sprays sticky blue smurf-milk all over the room.

Exhausted Papa smurf collapses back into his chair and wipes the sweat from his brow, "That's some act my dear little smurfs" but what do you call it?"

"The Smurfristocrates!"

[Xaston 98]

"Who's going to be the first person to take Brett Gelman's iBrain and substitute the word "smurf" throughout it?" - Julia Hayes

Someone get this woman a development deal.

[johnadams 3]

Everyone in Smurf Village was surprised to find Pervy Smurf hanging in his closet after failing to perform auto Smurfic Smurfixication on himself.

[DeadChildrenMakeBadLaws 0]