Episode 27 — Twilight Breaking Dawn Pt 1

[admin 330]

If you've had the misfortune of being imprinted with Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, than please join us as we journey through the boring yet endlessly confusing relationship of Bella and Edward. Doug Benson is our guest of honor and together we try out hardest to understand this love story that has captivated the tweens of the nation. Does Doug love this movie? You'll have to listen to find out!

[Julia 477]

I think I'll just stick with True Blood - where the vampires are attractive and the sex scenes are graphic.

[sarahride 83]

I have a new-found fondness for Doug Benson.

[snarla 2]

The trope of characters turning to Google for vampire info is a good one - Bella does this in the first movie, as I recall, and there are lots of dramatic closeups on Wikipedia pages and like Geocities websites. A character also does this on an episode The Vampire Diaries, but they use Bing because I'm pretty sure the CW has a deal with them.

[FLS_Carnage 0]

Good episode. The baby is half human half vampire.

[slothborn 38]

.

[Mivalu 0]

When Jacob imprints on the baby, he actually is in love with the baby. Later on in the book, they pretty much refer to the future where he'll be *with* Renesmee.

I feel so bad that I know that.

[lolola 0]

Um, there is a "Jacob" character in Romeo and Juliet named Paris, who is originally supposed to marry Juliet. And in the Luhrmann movie he's played by your buddy... Paul Rudd!!

[BenV 8]

So this is the episode in which we discover that June has some weird, weird issues. "Women have an inherent fear of men." ???

[nwatna06 2]

Half of the craziness from the wedding and honeymoon can be explained by the fact that the writer of the series is Mormon and wrote the story to promote abstinance till marriage. So sadly an 18 year old wedding is not as uncommon as it should be. It's still batshit insane though

[Alan342 0]

I gotta agree with BenV, I normally think she's hilarious and spot on, but her obvious love for these movies and her explanation of things like that really made me go whaaaaa? I was waiting the whole time for her to say, just kidding you guys, it totally sucks.

[HenryMortonStanley 0]

I have to give serious credit to Jason Mantzoukas for calling this movie out on how bizarre and inappropriate Bella's motivations are in this series. It would be funnier if there weren't so many young people receiving the messages of this movie. And I can't imagine what Bella and Edward will actually talk about when they're out of danger. They literally have nothing to connect them except the implicit threat of Bella's death by Edward, Jacob, the coach from the Damned United. This movie is bonkers.

[Maerlyn 2]

I never thought I would ever utter these words, but I'm looking forward to the release of Breaking Dawn part II, solely to hear it made fun of on HDTGM.

[lmmskipper 0]

I can't believe I'm going to comment on something so ridiculous, but Imprinting...

To quote Twilight Saga Wiki, "Imprinting is the involuntary mechanism by which Quileute shape-shifters find their soul-mates. "

I believe it was in the first movie where Jacob talks to Bella about it, and mentioned at the Quileute will be whatever they are suppose to be to the person, if the person happens to be a baby. Spoiler Alert!

So, basically, Jacob and Renesme are soul mates and will together forever.

(Yes, I've read and watch all of them. They are my ridiculous guilty pleasure that I complain about. So many issues...)

[1upcake 0]

Sadly, I had to read the novels for a class. All of the novels. All of them.

I know more than I need to. I won't comment on the big stuff, but I will say that the wolves are not actually werewolves - they are shapeshifters who can exclusively change into wolves...

**SPOILER ALERT**

And, according to the book, the baby grows crazy fast (I think she was a toddler by about 2 weeks old) and stops when she looks physically 18 - same age as her parents. No real reason for it. Just kinda happens like that. Pretty effed up.

Thanks for another GREAT episode! xx

[sarahride 83]

What fucking class required you to read these books? You should demand a refund.

[sarahride 83]

 

So this is the episode in which we discover that June has some weird, weird issues. "Women have an inherent fear of men." ???

 

 

Yes, this needs to be addressed. That statement is all kinds of bullshit.

[Hilarahh 0]

 

I have to give serious credit to Jason Mantzoukas for calling this movie out on how bizarre and inappropriate Bella's motivations are in this series. It would be funnier if there weren't so many young people receiving the messages of this movie. And I can't imagine what Bella and Edward will actually talk about when they're out of danger. They literally have nothing to connect them except the implicit threat of Bella's death by Edward, Jacob, the coach from the Damned United. This movie is bonkers.

 

I'm with Franklin Smith. If I didn't have a ladyboner for Jason Mantzoukas before, I sure as hell did when he made the comment about Bella having no agency. It blows my mind how this girl who is so "special" to these vampires and werewolfs or whoever--she makes almost no decisions for herself, and her feelings and even her BODY are not really her own anymore, according to them.

[Wien 401]

 

This really is one of the worst scenes in a movie I have ever seen in my god damned life.

[Wien 401]

"I have a deep dark secret to tell you, Bella. Something so grim in my past that it may make you think twice about marrying me. It is a horror that I have had to indure for generations.

 

I am a fucking SUPERHERO."

[sarahride 83]

 

So this is the episode in which we discover that June has some weird, weird issues. "Women have an inherent fear of men." ???

 

 

I haven't wanted to listen to the show ever since this happened.

[wyldride 285]

Two words: Fangsarean Section!

[Handinpants 91]

Doug briefly touched on and passed over what I consider the most important point in all of these horrible Twilight stories. Why do these vampires go to high school? Truly, why?

 

Let's say you are Edward Cullen, born during the era of cholera and transformed into a vampire at 19-ish. You've lived through the American Civil War, you've lived through the Great Depression. Why would spending time with American teenagers be of any interest to you whatsoever? He's 150+, she's sixteen. They are in love. It exceeds Hugh Hefner levels of gross. So, what do you think they talk about? He, the centuries-old immortal and she, the teenage girl with no friends. Probably, like, uhm, stuff and junk, maybe.

 

The Twilight stories are not vampire stories. Vampires are not love interests. They are inhuman monsters who prey upon the weak and the innocent. Twilight's vampires are cool goth kids (an oxymoron) wearing body glitter, and the series' story is shitty on the level of Sharknado. That said, there is some really nice cinematography in some of the films, so there's at least one legitimately redeeming quality to watching the Twilight films. And the smugness, obviously.