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tricklessmagician

Kickboxer (1989)

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Before he was JCVD, he was Kickboxer. With a tagline like "If your enemy refuses to be humbled...Destroy Him!" you know you're in for a treat. From underwater training to amazing dance moves, all set to a blend of 1980s rock and Thai pan flutes, this is the crown jewel of bad Van Damme films.

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Is it wrong that I enjoy this movie? For all its flaws which there are a ton, it's still a very fun film to watch. If I couldn't get past a paralyzed man being able to move his legs, I would not enjoy this film.

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Is it wrong that I enjoy this movie? For all its flaws which there are a ton, it's still a very fun film to watch. If I couldn't get past a paralyzed man being able to move his legs, I would not enjoy this film.

Don't you EVER think it's wrong to enjoy JCVD. It's not your fault that he made so many enjoyable films. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault...

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It's wrong if you DON'T enjoy this movie

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You don't want them to do Kickboxer, you want them to do the Kickboxer sequels, which include weirdness like:

 

Kickboxer 2:

 

- Jean-Claude Van Damme being killed off by Tong Po, whilst being played by someone else. With the main character being the younger brother of JCVD's character David Sloane

- Peter Boyle as a crooked fight promoter

- Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat at Tong Po's manager.

 

Kickboxer 3:

- Now we're in Brazil, David Sloane is the world champion

- As it turns out, there's an American down there, who is running a child sex and slavery ring

- David and his trainer find out about this, and decide to investigate the situation

 

Kickboxer 4:

- Now David Sloane is in prison, after being framed for Murder.

- And HEY! Tong Po is back! And he's played by a different guy!

- And HEY! He's decided that he's no longer a Muay Thai fighter, he's now a Drug Trafficker... In Mexico...

- Oh, and he's kidnapped David Sloane's wife.

- And Tong Po is holding a private Martial Arts tournament on his compound, so the DEA get Sloane out of prison to go undercover in the tournament, in the compound of the guy whose brother's he killed, and then kicked his ass.

- And HEY! JCVD is in this... by using Archive Footage... fighting Tong Po... using Archive Footage... Showing that this is clearly a different guy!

- And there's a character named LANDO, I believe he posts on this board. In fact, he's in this thread. Cool.

 

Kickboxer 5

- David Sloane is now dead, he was murdered, meaning the entire "Sloane Kickboxing Dynasty" have been murdered, enter Marc Dacascos, he is playing "Matt Reeves"

- This is just so weird, I can't even understand it.

- Basically, this guy has a "fighting organisation", and invites the best fighters in the world to work for him, if they decline, they're killed, Matt Reeves goes to South Africa to kick some ass.

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Kickboxer 3:

- Now we're in Brazil, David Sloane is the world champion

- As it turns out, there's an American down there, who is running a child sex and slavery ring

- David and his trainer find out about this, and decide to investigate the situation

 

 

I'm trying to imagine that situation playing out in real life. Some guys go to Brazil for a martial arts championship, get wind of a child sex ring and then case the joint, then go in and beat up a huge syndicate one by one. I know I'm just repeating what you said, but it's just insane

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Smigg thanks a bunch for your summaries of the sequels. I hadn't watched the sequels before and just got around to watching 2. You must be a superman to have been able to watch all the sequels. Fun fact in Kickboxer 2 they change the spelling of Sloane to Sloan. I'll have to watch the other 3 sequels thanks to your summary of them. Each sequel sounds much more crazy as it goes on.

 

In all honesty, I am looking forward to the new Kickboxer movie even if JCVD isn't Kurt Sloane. I'm glad he's back. It should be a fun one. I just have to wait till it's released sometime next year. I think Batista could make an interesting Tong Po.

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Here's Tong Po:

 

kickboxer-02.jpg

 

Here's Tong Po in Kickboxer 4:

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And, for the hell of it, the poster for Kickboxer 3 is a sight to behold.

kickboxer3_thumb[2].jpg

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Okay, if you want some more JCVD movie sequel weirdness, there are three Bloodsport sequels. None of which star JCVD, and only one (Bloodsport 2) featuring Ray Jackson.

 

Now, Bloodsport 2 stars Daniel Bernhardt, Pat Morita and James Hong, the poster looks like this:

item2aq.jpeg

Daniel Bernhardt plays "Alex Cardo", a thief who was caught stealing a katana sword (familiar?), but was sent to prison, where violence was encouraged. Then he trains and enters the Kumite, blah blah blah

 

Now, here's Bloodsport III's poster:

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Yes, the same picture in both posters. Daniel Bernhardt returns as Alex Cardo, to avenge the death of his trainer!

 

Now, here's Bloodsport 4's poster (having trouble posting the pic):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172184/

What the fuck! Did he just show up and they just had one picture taken?! So, Daniel Bernhardt returns as Alex Cardo... what?! I'm sorry, Daniel Bernhardt isn't "Alex Cardo", because he's an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FUCKING CHARACTER NAMED "KELLER!" So, completely different character, completely different story, there's no Pat Morita, because Alex Cardo no longer exists, because he's "Keller", different guy completely!

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Smigg thanks a bunch for your summaries of the sequels. I hadn't watched the sequels before and just got around to watching 2. You must be a superman to have been able to watch all the sequels. Fun fact in Kickboxer 2 they change the spelling of Sloane to Sloan. I'll have to watch the other 3 sequels thanks to your summary of them. Each sequel sounds much more crazy as it goes on.

 

In all honesty, I am looking forward to the new Kickboxer movie even if JCVD isn't Kurt Sloane. I'm glad he's back. It should be a fun one. I just have to wait till it's released sometime next year. I think Batista could make an interesting Tong Po.

 

Well, we have a channel called "Movies 24", this is such a shitty movie channel, their programming is made up exclusively by Straight-to-video and Made-for-TV movies, and they were on there, so I checked them out. These sequels are a sight to behold, both the Kickboxer and Bloodsport ones, I'm pretty sure they're on Youtube.

 

Regarding Movies 24, I can't talk too much shit on that channel, I saw a movie on there starring Steven Seagal and Stone Cold Steve Austin called "Maximum Conviction". Seagal and Austin, I don't care what anyone says, that's a fucking great combo.

 

As for the new one, I'm usually dead set against remakes of movies I loved from my childhood, but this has Tony Jaa in too, so I'm up for it. I'll watch Tony Jaa in anything.

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Tony Jaa is awesome in the Protector... I think that's the name of the movie. There's elephants martial arts and has something to do with Sydney.

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Yeah, although, here in the UK, it's called 'Warrior King'.

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Yeah, although, here in the UK, it's called 'Warrior King'.

That's a cooler name than the Protector. At least we drive on the right side of the road, pun intended.

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Is there going to be a moratorium on JCVD movies after Bloodsport and The Quest? I would argue that this movie is even crazier than those ones. I really just want to talk about how JCVD's jerry curled, porno stache wearing brother assumed he could beat the national champion of Thai kickboxing, despite not knowing how Muay Thai differs from western kickboxing. Here's a hint: there's a shit load of kneeing and throwing elbows.

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Is there going to be a moratorium on JCVD movies after Bloodsport and The Quest? I would argue that this movie is even crazier than those ones. I really just want to talk about how JCVD's jerry curled, porno stache wearing brother assumed he could beat the national champion of Thai kickboxing, despite not knowing how Muay Thai differs from western kickboxing. Here's a hint: there's a shit load of kneeing and throwing elbows.

 

Are we to believe that you don't want them to cover Double Impact, wherein JCVD plays both one character and said character's twin brother? It has some good JCVD in gratuitous spandex and flexibility shots.

 

https://www.wikiwand...n/Double_Impact

 

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This movie is begging to be covered.  It has the marks of a classic HDTGM episode in the making;

- sweet splits

- a training montage

- super sexy dancing

- boxing with glass covered knuckles

- & 3 three words just waiting to rattle the walls of Largo, or some unsuspecting theatre/lounge, "NOK SU KOW!  NOK SU KOW!  NOK SU KOW!" (never mind it means The White Warrior)

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Speaking of JCVD classics, this one is flawless.  The dance scene lmfao, Tong Po himself is rad to watch and the 'Nok Su Kow! Nok Su Kow!' chant 🙂 so good.

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Maybe they can do some back to back shows where they do this one and one of the sequels that look pretty bad in their own right. 

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