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Episode 26 — Freaks Come Out At Night


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#1 Earwolf Admin

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Posted 22 April 2013 - 11:03 PM

Sean and Hayes cheer themselves up from this tough week by delivering the news as Joey from Survivor, talk about Ready For Love being pulled from the NBC schedule, and do their best to stray away from having a gutter discussion while recapping the latest episode of Real World: Portland. Then, JOE SPELLMAN stops by to share stories of going to high school with Sean, talk about a whole genre of digging shows, and gives us a brief summary of the trailer park reality show Welcome to Myrtle Manor.

#2 Bruce Reid Robinson II

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 08:06 AM

ARE YOU HAPPY JOHSIE? ARE YOU HAPPY THAT SEAN AND HAYES KEPT IT OUT OF THE GUTTER FOR YOU?!?!!??

(heavy sighs)

also, DAFUQ is going on RW Portland? Those people are lunatics.

#3 Jerkface

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 09:03 AM

What was with all the weird tragedy/teenage abuse this week? Disappointed that this show seems to be introducing adult themes to the discussion to try and draw in those HBO/showtime aficionado listeners

#4 burdrulz

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 09:51 AM

I lived in Tolland Connecticut in high school. I used to go to Boston all the time, because it is in fact true that Boston is the biggest city in Connecticut. So really I think what Sean doesn't seem to be understanding... when we were texting about this tragedy last week... is simply that my town was closer to Boston than his...

That really sat me down you guys.

I mean you just had to hop right on 84... for god like 25 or 30 minutes, and then take 90 for maybe and hour and a half. shit... I don't want to make this about me... but oh my god dudes...

#5 Chanson

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 12:03 PM

Funny thing about Connecticut, they're called nutmeggers because they used to counterfeit nutmeg. Do you counterfeit nutmeg Sean? How are the people of Boston going to react when they go to buy nutmeg from some respectable looking people from Connecticut and find out that they've been sold counterfeit nutmeg? That's outrageous! Haven't they already suffered enough? Definitely not Boston strong. Someone from Boston would just take your money and then call you a queer. And in my experience, they would somehow work in that Dunkin Donuts is better than Starbucks... That's Boston strong.

Also, Seattle may not be Boston strong but we are Seattle nice, which means we'll pretend to be nice to you out of a sense of obligation but wish very deeply that you would leave us alone because you're probably causing us to be late to some kind of roller-derby, coffee, or software related event. So that's good.

#6 Jerkface

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 01:45 PM

I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a gutterhead. I want more clips of reality show contestants talking about sucking the skin off extremities.

#7 BroccoliRob

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 02:02 PM

After Nia said that she wanted to mutilate Jordan's penis, I was expecting there to be some drama involving the fact that Marlon had been hitting on her nonstop since she arrived. This still might happen in next week's episode, but my theory is that Marlon is smart enough to realize "Oh! This is a crazy person! If I stick my penis in her, I might not get it back. Thank you so much Jordan for throwing your penis on that grenade." (In this instance I mean grenade as the explosive device, not an unattractive woman ala Jersey Shore)

#8 Asteck

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 02:18 PM

Was the show Sean was bad-mouthing the Discovery Channel program Gold Rush? If so, he is WAY off base in regards to its quality. Hands down, Gold Rush is the funniest dramatic reality show on tv. It’s about a guy Todd Hoffman, who has a degree in religious studies, convincing a bunch of his friends to drop their lives and try to get rich in Alaska. None of them have mining experience and Todd can’t make a good decision to save his life. It is literally episode after episode of Todd making a bad decision, a crucial part of their operation breaking, or somebody getting hurt. Just one crippling disappointment after another. If you ever feel shitty about your life or a decision you’ve made, just watch an episode of Gold Rush and thank god you’re not Todd.

On RW, I feel like it would be impossible to describe that scene between Nia and Jordan in a remotely believable manner to somebody who hadn’t seen it. The details just get weirder and weirder.

“Yeah so she said she wanted to suck the skin off his dick… then she said she wanted everybody to watch…then she went outside for some reason… and took off her shirt… and crawled back in through a window…”

Also, a person died on the Chinese version of Splash. Her non-corporeal essence whispered “totally worth it” as she drifted from the watery mortal realm.

#9 toby keith sweat

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 06:03 PM

View PostAsteck, on 23 April 2013 - 02:18 PM, said:

Was the show Sean was bad-mouthing the Discovery Channel program Gold Rush? If so, he is WAY off base in regards to its quality. Hands down, Gold Rush is the funniest dramatic reality show on tv. It’s about a guy Todd Hoffman, who has a degree in religious studies, convincing a bunch of his friends to drop their lives and try to get rich in Alaska. None of them have mining experience and Todd can’t make a good decision to save his life. It is literally episode after episode of Todd making a bad decision, a crucial part of their operation breaking, or somebody getting hurt. Just one crippling disappointment after another. If you ever feel shitty about your life or a decision you’ve made, just watch an episode of Gold Rush and thank god you’re not Todd.


Plus, his dad sounds exactly like what you'd think of when you think "gold prospector".

Unfortunately, Todd's poor decision making isn't even the worst among gold digging shows. There's another one where a couple of idiots go to Africa to mine a gold claim, which obviously just loses them money. On the very first episode they tell you that originally it was a group of 3 of them, but the gold digging got to be such a money pit that the third guy killed himself. But beyond that it was just as boring as every other digging show out there.

And not to rub it in, Sean, because I know you've probably beat yourself up a lot about it, but man, you really blew it, man. It's just like the old saying goes, on your death bed are you gonna say "boy, I wish I had spent more time at work", or are you gonna think "boy, I wish I had got jerked off in a famous museum in front of the Mona Lisa?"

#10 Jeebies

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 06:16 PM

Can't help but look at Sean and Connecticut in a whole new light after this sode, guys.

#11 Asteck

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Posted 23 April 2013 - 07:38 PM

View PostToby Keith Sweat, on 23 April 2013 - 06:03 PM, said:

There's another one where a couple of idiots go to Africa to mine a gold claim, which obviously just loses them money. On the very first episode they tell you that originally it was a group of 3 of them, but the gold digging got to be such a money pit that the third guy killed himself. But beyond that it was just as boring as every other digging show out there.



I think I remember that. If I recall correctly, it ended with them failing so miserably at mining the gold that they just decide to spend the rest of their money on buying some. They buy a big bar from some gangsters for like half as much as it was worth and then - just as the guy is perfecting the “See honey, I told you spending all of our money on a gold mining venture in Africa was a good idea” speech he was going lay on his wife later - the gangsters run them off the road and steal the gold back. Leaving them with no money and no gold. Honestly, the show was so boring that I only watched that last episode.

#12 Luke HENDERSON!

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 12:08 PM

So...I got lost as to who was telling the story but...we can all agree one of these men was sexually assaulted by a teacher's wife, right?

#13 Bruce Reid Robinson II

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 12:55 PM

View PostLukas Holmes, on 24 April 2013 - 12:08 PM, said:

So...I got lost as to who was telling the story but...we can all agree one of these men was sexually assaulted by a teacher's wife, right?


Certainly. But it was in France so it was totes mellow.

#14 Asteck

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 01:03 PM

View PostLukas Holmes, on 24 April 2013 - 12:08 PM, said:

So...I got lost as to who was telling the story but...we can all agree one of these men was sexually assaulted by a teacher's wife, right?


Sean left out the part of the story where he had trouble getting back into America because they wouldn't let him get all of the high-fives he'd accumulated through customs.

#15 Luke HENDERSON!

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:36 PM

View PostAsteck, on 24 April 2013 - 01:03 PM, said:


Sean left out the part of the story where he had trouble getting back into America because they wouldn't let him get all of the high-fives he'd accumulated through customs.


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh mercy [wipes away tear].

But yeah...I mean he got molested right? Like. For real?

#16 Chanson

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Posted 24 April 2013 - 09:18 PM

Is it molestation if you're kinda into it?

Also, I'm pretty sure that you'd be laughed out of a French courtroom if you tried to press charges... Assuming they have laws about sexual assault at all. Let alone ones that cover women assaulting men. In fact, I'm pretty sure sexual assault is one of the prerequisites for citizenship in France.

#17 burdrulz

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 06:06 AM

Why don't you guys have a 'welcoming video' like most of the other earwolf podcasts?

#18 Asteck

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 01:17 PM

View PostLukas Holmes, on 24 April 2013 - 08:36 PM, said:


Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh mercy [wipes away tear].

But yeah...I mean he got molested right? Like. For real?


Thank you for your sweet, sincere laughter. The notion that you not only took the effort to record the amount of “ha’s” you bellowed, but that you also accurately reflected them on these forums has moved me [wipes away tear].
I feel indebted to you and will aid you through any means available to bring this monstrous child molester to justice. Clearly this was an event that shattered young Sean, turning him from a sweet, naïve boy into the cold, humorless podcast host we now know. Otherwise, why would he have left us so many clues? We know she is in England and has children (who she probably molests). That narrows it down. I’ll get in contact with some resources I have over there, but in the meantime, please do not allow yourself to lose any more sleep over this matter. You have my word – Justice will be served.

#19 Chanson

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 03:15 PM

View PostAsteck, on 25 April 2013 - 01:17 PM, said:


Thank you for your sweet, sincere laughter. The notion that you not only took the effort to record the amount of “ha’s” you bellowed, but that you also accurately reflected them on these forums has moved me [wipes away tear].
I feel indebted to you and will aid you through any means available to bring this monstrous child molester to justice. Clearly this was an event that shattered young Sean, turning him from a sweet, naïve boy into the cold, humorless podcast host we now know. Otherwise, why would he have left us so many clues? We know she is in England and has children (who she probably molests). That narrows it down. I’ll get in contact with some resources I have over there, but in the meantime, please do not allow yourself to lose any more sleep over this matter. You have my word – Justice will be served.


I suppose this does fall under the US Criminal Code's definition of extraterritorial jurisdiction so technically this could be tried in US courts... Just call up your local prosecutor and it's a done deal. We have all the evidence we need from the podcast.

#20 Luke HENDERSON!

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Posted 25 April 2013 - 03:51 PM

View PostChanson, on 25 April 2013 - 03:15 PM, said:


I suppose this does fall under the US Criminal Code's definition of extraterritorial jurisdiction so technically this could be tried in US courts... Just call up your local prosecutor and it's a done deal. We have all the evidence we need from the podcast.


And he did say something about the husband being arrested for molesting some kids right? So that should help as well. But I feel my burden of action starts and ends with commenting on the forums.