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JulyDiaz

Episode 190 - Hurricane Heist: LIVE!

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Live from Onion Fest in Chicago, Paul, June, and Jason wrap their heads around the 2018 heist action film The Hurricane Heist. They cover everything including the face in the hurricane, football plans for the hurricane, and crazy bagels. Plus, we got some math nerds in the audience to break down some numbers.

 

 

 

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Jason is still not on Twitter

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Do you know what I love about this movie?

 

Finchy!

 

finchy_1024.jpg

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The audience member mentions the hurricane would be category 17 hurricane but the scale only goes up to category 5 hurricanes. I could pretend I know this next part, but I'm just going to link to wikipedia about which has information about category 6 hurricanes.

 

In a movie filled with bad special effects, my absolute favorite was this scene where it's very clear the trucks were entirely CGI. I had to record this because it made me laugh so hard. The wheels can be seen through the concrete barrier.

 

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I laugh at all of you that had to pay to watch this dreck, because I got it for free! That's because this movie is an original production by Sky Cinema, which is a premium movie channel for the UK and the Republic of Ireland, it's a network of channels showing movies, and their own VOD service. I remember the lead up to the big premier, where they ran The Hurricane Heist on their "Sky Cinema Premier" channel (the channel for the new movies, this week, it's IT, and considering this could be read out on the Mini Episode, it's Blade Runner 2049), and in cinemas at the same time... because why would you leave your house, pay a shitload of money to watch the exact same movie you can watch at home, on a channel you already pay for?! It makes no sense.

 

However, this isn't the only "Sky Cinema Original Production", there is a veritable smorgasbord as quality movies!

 

Anon:

 

Starring Clive Owen and Amanda Seyfried, some detective drama where everybody is embedded with computer chips where everybody can access everybody elses information. But, when Clive Owen has to solve a series of murders, he meets Amanda Seyfriend, who has managed to subvert the database, and has no information available... it sounds shit.

 

Monster Family:

 

Starring Nick Frost, Emily Watson, Jason Isaacs, and Catherine Tate. It's an animated family comedy where some family don't get along, so some witch curses them, and they all become monsters and can only become human again if they start getting along. So, it's some Freaky Friday bollocks... it sounds shit.

 

Final Score:

 

Starring Pierce Brosnan and DAVE MOTHERFUCKING BAUTISTA!! Described as 'Die Hard in a Football Stadium'. A former soldier has to use his military skills to save 35,000 people from a terrorist plot at a football match... it sounds shit, but DAVE FUCKING BAUTISTA IS IN IT!! I'm watching this one when it comes out.

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Oh shit! This really does look like it's worth a watch!

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I was so hoping Jason would have called out the similarities between the Skull in the clouds to that of the Death Eater's Dark Mark...

 

l2WZktn.gif

 

9powzA1.gif

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Was anyone else flummoxed by how easy it was for all the folks running around to not be effected by the insane gusts of wind? We literally see cars just sliding around the streets but all of our actors are moving around as if it's just a shitty, rainy day.

 

And if we ever want to attack a bank heist under bad weather conditions, I highly recommend:

 

MdnZqv8.jpg

 

As IMDB describes it, "A armored-truck driver and his nephew try to prevent three million dollars from being taken by a local rival gang during a catastrophic flooding caused by a severe storm."

 

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This movie should have been called "Deus Ex Hurricana". It always provided just the right amount of destruction to help out the heroes but conveniently allowed them to walk through the winds while right next to them parked cars are being shoved down the street.

 

Part of the unflattering introduction to our hero Casey was her telling Connor that his Irish soul left Ireland two generations ago. He corrects her and lets her know he moved here when he was 5. So how does Casey think that accents work? That they are purely genetic?

 

One of the myriad production companies involved with this is named Entertainment Studios. Can anything beat that for the most bland company name? Especially for one involved in the creative arts? Loosest possible definition of creative arts there.

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Hey Paul.... So at the climax of the film, we are to assume that each of the three trucks is hauling $200 million. We also see that the cash in two of the three get sucked up into the hurricane.

 

So that means at some point, when the storm dies down, roughly $400 million dollars could rain down over Alabama and it's neighboring states.

 

When that does happen, will Maggie's superiors demote her further and if so, to what position?

 

Sincerely,

Pete the S-man

 

dPR7bXp.jpg

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That emergency alert sound started and I didn't realize how much living in Tornado Alley would fuck me up from ever hearing that sound even in a joking manner lol.

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Paul,

 

I respectfully disagree with you, Jason and June regarding the robber's game plan and when it came to the fate of the hostages.

 

From the very beginning, they tranq'd everyone. Also, the evening wear hackers were brought in to hack the safe and they would have been successful if Maggie did not change the passcode at the last minute. So if Maggie did not act on her hunch and all went to plan, I guess the robbers would have gotten away without killing one person.

 

Now my biggest issue with this, is that the evening wear folks and Perkins would have implicated for the crime since they are seen entering the facility by a number of employees and pulled guns on Moreno (the operator of the facility.) Hell, Perkins even shoots two security personnel point blank. It's not like the tranqs they shot have mind erasing capabilities.

 

In the end, Maggie being the fly in the ointment is not the precipitous for people being shot. Well maybe Moreno's blood is on her hands.... uh oh... here comes another demotion Maggie!

 

Sincerely,

Pete the S man

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The audience member mentions the hurricane would be category 17 hurricane but the scale only goes up to category 5 hurricanes. I could pretend I know this next part, but I'm just going to link to wikipedia about which has information about category 6 hurricanes.

 

 

Not to defend this movie but I think that audience member's take down of the hurricane science was based on mishearing what the character said. I don't think they ever said 600 mph winds I think they said the storm was 600 miles across.

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With how on the nose the name "Breeze" was in this movie, I'm amazed they didn't just go all in with the punny names.

 

Gail Forcewind

Tor Naydo

Gus T.

 

And considering it's a heist movie

 

Robin Banks

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This movie should have been called "Deus Ex Hurricana". It always provided just the right amount of destruction to help out the heroes but conveniently allowed them to walk through the winds while right next to them parked cars are being shoved down the street.

“Sentient storm? Don’t mind if I do” is definitely a t-shirt.

Guys, the storm is sentient -- that's a given. Fine, I accept it.

 

But why is the storm benevolent? Sure, the storm kills Will and Breeze's pa, but at the climax, we see Will and the Stormface make eye contact, and then Connor dies and Will, Breeze, and Maggie Grace get away.

 

Are we assuming that the storm recognizes Will, feels remorse for having killed his father 20 years ago, and then decided to help him out? Usually, the standard line is "The unstoppable killing force has returned to finish the job!"

 

Actually, the storm is pretty clearly on Will and Breeze's side the whole way through, long before Will and Stormface have their meet-cute at the end, so the storm seems to be more than sentient -- it's more like omniscient.

 

And of course, Will squarely blames climate change for all of the movie's crazy weather. So climate change has created god-storms. WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN US, AL GORE?!?

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When Casey and Will are concocting the car bomb idea, Casey says that they can pack a car full of kerosene and fertilizer, "just like Timothy McVeigh did."

 

Thanks, Tim. Your methods were sound and your legacy is intact.

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I was so hoping Jason would have called out the similarities between the Skull in the clouds to that of the Death Eater's Dark Mark...

 

l2WZktn.gif

 

9powzA1.gif

YES!!!!!!!

I was able to go to see the shows in Chicago (my first live shows and they were AMAZING) and when they started talking about Skull Cloud I was kind of shocked no one sitting next to me called down an usher to get the crazy lady who was angrily muttering about Death Eaters away from them as fast as possible.

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I'm going to make a grand statement and say that it is very attractive to me that Jason knows this much about Harry Potter. The true ideal amount of HP knowledge.

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So did Will and Breeze end up in like foster care after their dad is killed? Do they have a mother? Was she also killed by a storm monster? I kind of want to see a new version of this film where the storm monster takes them in and raises them.

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I'm going to make a grand statement and say that it is very attractive to me that Jason knows this much about Harry Potter. The true ideal amount of HP knowledge.

I fully agree. Super sexy and the fact that he has come around to the Huflepuff love... I'm here for it

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Guys, the storm is sentient -- that's a given. Fine, I accept it.

 

But why is the storm benevolent? Sure, the storm kills Will and Breeze's pa, but at the climax, we see Will and the Stormface make eye contact, and then Connor dies and Will, Breeze, and Maggie Grace get away.

 

Are we assuming that the storm recognizes Will, feels remorse for having killed his father 20 years ago, and then decided to help him out? Usually, the standard line is "The unstoppable killing force has returned to finish the job!"

 

Actually, the storm is pretty clearly on Will and Breeze's side the whole way through, long before Will and Stormface have their meet-cute at the end, so the storm seems to be more than sentient -- it's more like omniscient.

 

And of course, Will squarely blames climate change for all of the movie's crazy weather. So climate change has created god-storms. WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN US, AL GORE?!?

Does this mean the Storm can be reasoned with? if they gave it a proper offering could it have spared this town?

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Paul was well within his rights to forget that this movie takes place in Gulfport, AL because there is no Gulfport in Alabama. I'd say they made up a small town on purpose so they didn't besmirch the sheriff of an actual city. Or they got it confused with Gulfport, Mississippi and never bothered to check. About even odds on those two.

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Jason and Paul both expressed consternation at the "former high school football star never moves past the glory days" trope in movies.

 

Guys, it isn't just a movie trope. Several of the star athletes from my small southern town high school are still in that small southern town, and they all still hang out together and feel inappropriately smug and badass for what they did two decades ago during their teens. I know a few of them who went to the same Large Regional State University that I went to, and all they did was hang out together and get drunk for a few semesters before failing out. If I recall, a few of them did the frat rush thing and struck out, so they tried unsuccessfully to start their own frat.

 

What you have to understand about the star player on the small hometown team -- they probably didn't have to do homework or go to class, they probably didn't have to get a job, they probably got out of at least two speeding tickets because they cops who pulled them over recognized them, and they were never expected to "grow" or "mature" or "be decent people." All that ticky-tack bullshit was just a distraction from the "big game." So when they get to actual adulthood, the fact that the seas don't part for them like they used to is too much to bear, and they're fully inequipped to deal with real life.

 

I was an all-county basketball player, so I got a taste of that kind of local privilege. But I also hated high school and most of the people in my town, so I got out and beyond it as soon as I was able. I think you sorta have to hate high school in order to move beyond it ... if your high school experience was too good, then you can be crippled by it.

 

EDIT to say: I know this is sophomoric analysis of a well-covered topic, but I've suddenly gotten a bunch of messages about my 20th HS reunion, which is next year, so it's a freshly picked scab that bleeds in this post ;)

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Does this mean the Storm can be reasoned with? if they gave it a proper offering could it have spared this town?

Or maybe the storm felt pity? Like "sorry about your old man ... how about I kill this international band of bank robbers for you, just for old time's sake?"

 

I'm surprised there was a nod of "knowing understanding" between the storm and Will. Like, "yeah, I see you down there. You got away this time. I'll get you next year."

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