Milk Money (1994)

[inactiveuser501 168]

I found out about this through the Nostalgia Critic's (Doug Walker) review, and loved the review. The premise alone warrants an episode, but when I decided to watch it, there was just so much craziness that everyone is missing out on. There are jokes about Incest, extended double entendres about Math Tutors and Prostitutes, the fact that everyone in town stares at Melanie Griffith for wearing a low cut dress, the school scene, the love story (or lackof) with the boy Frank and the brunnette girl, This movie is a disaster, and that's not even going into the Pretty Woman Ripoffs or whether this is supposed to be a family comedy or a sex comedy. The best way to describe it is American Pie with Kids and Sentimentality, aka HDTGM Gold.

[whysoawesome 7]

Yes... This movie is SO fucked up. 11 year olds pay a prostitute to see her boobs in the first 10 mins

[sillstaw 414]

Normally, I'm not one of those people who goes on about Hollywood types being out of touch with common America. But holy crap, how detached from reality do you have to be to try and make a movie where kids paying to watch a prostitute get naked is played as a positive experience and NOT as the prelude to a murderous-child story?

[inactiveuser501 168]

I also want to know the logic behind the idea that out of the presumed dozens of prostitute in the city this kid is in, Melanie Griffith is the one that he believes should be married to his dad within the first, oh, I'd say 10 MINUTES OF MEETING HER.

[Johnny Unusual 525]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xhqxbgDnjQ

 

Wow.

[VinsanityV22 500]

Haha. I found this out just now thanks to the Nostalgia Critic too. Holy shit; this is THE most fucked up movie premise ever. OMG. I don't know what to say (beyond, naturally, how did this get made!?).

 

Sometimes, I want the HDTGM crew to do a movie beyond making fun of it. Sometimes, I kinda just need them to to prove it exists, That, yes, this happened. And what the hell do you do with it. How do real people react to this; preferably hilarious people. Because there were scores of executives who greenlit this. There was at least one person who wrote this. A director! A casting directory who had to find the three kids to act in this. There's SO MANY PEOPLE who made this happen. I don't know why. Who is this for?

 

This is one of those movies.

 

This one breaks my brain.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Hey guys Ed Harris just wants to save the marshlands, so if you could ahead and get onboard with that it would be ideal.

 

Also, Melanie Griffith has ovaries drawn on her shirt in the middle of a class of 12 year olds.

[Zusie 1]

This movie is bananas. The only reasoning that I can come up with for its existence is that following Pretty Woman the idea of a "hooker with a heart" seemed profitable.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

This is on Netflix right now, and its really fucking strange. It tries to be light and fun but its a movie with a plot centering around a hooker trying to evade a pimp who just cut another pimps heart out.

 

Also Ed Harris has an amazingly quick turnaround after he finds out Melanie Griffith is a prostitute sleeping in his sons treehouse.

[jarrycanada 2483]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xhqxbgDnjQ

 

Wow.

 

This and Blank Check please!

[TrevorAlonzo 38]

I always thought this was a shitty idea even as a kid.

[EddyCacapipi 5]

Saw this in afterschool care which even as a kid I felt was inappropriate. However, it is now on Netflix.

[RyanSz 3140]

Holy crap I remember seeing this as a kid but for some reason I always remembered it as Daryl Hannah being in the role of V. I love that basically the early to mid 90s was an experimenting ground for filmmakers to ask themselves "you think this premise will make a lot of money at the box office?" and were then given funding to make these batshit crazy movies.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

The best thing about this movie is that I can all but guarantee that this movie was an attempt to recreate the success of Pretty Woman in a more "family friendly" PG rating.

 

Its like someone watched Pretty Woman and thought "that was fun, now if only if there was a movie about a man falling in love with a prostitute that I could watch with my children too."

[Jillybean 104]

The fact that it's called "Milk Money," is next level bonkers. Just every single thing about this movie is wrong. I feel like the original idea for this movie started as a dare that just kept going and, "after a series of escalating dares" actually went into production.

[CaptainAmazing 127]

It sounds like someone took one of the key problems with My Stepmother is an Alien and decided to turn that up to 11.

 

I didn't see this movie as a kid, but I remember seeing a TV spot for it where the kid brings her to his class. As if teaching, he announces, "THIS is a woman!," like no one in the class has ever seen a woman before. She then pulls down the top part of her top, to reveal her bra, teaching them...nothing, really. Maybe what a bra looks like? Of course, they couldn't show boobs on TV or in a family movie, which embodies the whole problem with the movie.

 

I looked up this movie on Wikipedia and learned that someone wrote this script on spec (without a guarantee of getting paid), and it got picked up for a record $1.1 million.

 

Instead of a normal review, Roger Ebert imagined what the conversation between the studio execs who greenlit it must have been like.

 

I learned other HDTGM-worthy moments like how apparently the kids are all 11 and know what sex is, so it has to come up with another convoluted reason for them to need to see what boobs look like. Also the main kid is required to give a presentation that ends up as the one I already mentioned, but he makes sure the teacher isn't watching, which defeats the purpose of giving it.

[Jillybean 104]

It’s on Amazon Prime. Huzzah!!