Episode 23 — They Got Me At Debauchery

[admin 330]

Sean and Hayes once again ask listeners to donate to their Kickstarter to help them with an upcoming Celebrity Date Auction, tell us which moments of The Voice made them cry, and take a look back at Bachelor Pad 3 by playing a clip of their old public radio show. Then, JOE MANDE shows up to talk to a caller about Next Knuckler and walks us through a typical episode of Bar Rescue.

[chanson 9697]

I want to take this time to talk about the best show on television today, Real World Portland.

 

Favorite Character: Daisy. ...or Joi's butt, I think it has really stolen the show.

 

So, does anyone else get a weird vibe from Averey? She seems cool but I just feel like there's some weird shit going on in that head. Maybe it's just the fact that she moved from Michigan to Tempe, AZ. I mean, who moves to Tempe voluntarily? And she's not going to ASU? What the fuck? Also, in the hot tub with Anastasia they set up the relationship between her and Johnny with her saying how she doesn't want to get involved with anyone in the house, a classic Real World mistake. And then she says "it's not like I'm gonna fall in love in three months." Oh boy, good thing we're all in on the secret that she definitely does.

 

And is anyone else noticing an interest in ladies from Joi? Maybe it's just wishful thinking but she seems a little heteroflexible at the very least.

 

Also, Anastasia's first words: "I'm 5'11" so I do a lot of promotional modeling." So what you're saying is that everyone who's 5'11" does promotional modeling because that's what people who are members of the 5'11" club do? I'm 5'11" and I've never done promotional modeling... I'm also a guy, but I don't see what that has to do with it. I already hate her and hope she gets hit by a hipster on a fixed gear bike or is involved in a tragic burlesque accident. Maybe it's just the fact that she meets the world with a heaping helping of incredulity and shocking mistrust. Like when the guys decide to pretend that Jordan punched Johnny, after they reveal that they were just kidding she says "I was ready to avoid you too." I don't know, that's just super dumb. Get the fuck out of everyone else's business.

 

And then the sinferno at Dante's (the bar scene) with the debauchery. I like that they used this scene to show the true side of Portland. This definitely is what Portland is like, weird as fuck for the sake of being weird as fuck. Jordan meets the girl who just got married but whose husband is "very accepting," and whose relationship has "its open moments." Also a dude tries to force himself on Averey saying "it's not my fault she's into it." And innocence is lost.

 

Any thoughts on why they teased so much of this season? I mean, we already know that Johnny and Averey are practically married. We know that someone gets replaced. Is it because there's so much that's gonna happen or is it because it would be fucking impossible to keep up if they didn't?

 

 

 

Also, for anyone who was a fan of Buckwild, Shain Gandee, probably the best person on that show in terms of both entertainment and being the least awful, has apparently died. That's really too bad, I actually liked that guy, he seemed like a good dude. May he rest in peace and my thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends.

 

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1704696/shain-gandee-dead.jhtml

[Picklefucker 188]

Thanks for finally saying what we were all thinking about those stump-handed freaks. Those guys are bullshit, and we've tolerated them for far too long.

[Jerkface 58]

I'm saddened that Sean and Hayes would imply that my mom is fake, yet did not show the same skepticism to Mel Got Served. As far as I know we never heard her Mom. Are not all Mom fans of Reality Show Show created equally? Do they not enjoy Quilt City like the rest of us?

[BroccoliRob 78]

It's is going to be a great season of the Real World. Some of the best seasons are the ones where almost everyone is unlikable, and it looks like RW Portland won't disappoint! I would have to say that Anastasia is my least liked member for pretty much the same reasons Chanson mentioned. Also, I don't like the perpetuation of the myth that she's super hot when on the close ups you can tell how unhealthily skinny she is. I am really looking forward to the imminent violence that this season promises.

[Asteck 1250]

Sadly it’s not Anastasia who’s going home. She’s the one who answers the phone call of Nia saying she’s going to be their new roommate. Oh well, you can tell she’s going to be one of those that you just loooove to hate.

 

Do you remember a few years ago when somebody made those realistic renderings of the Simpsons characters and their exaggerated features made them really grotesque and horrific? I’ve always thought that John Taffer was sort of a living version of one of those if you’d transformed Shrek.

 

I’m all about yelp. A review I wrote about that Togo’s in the Costco parking lot off of Los Feliz was so highly regarded that the owner personally messaged me to thank me. I consider it my greatest achievement since moving to LA with the goal of becoming a writer.

[chanson 9697]

Sadly it’s not Anastasia who’s going home. She’s the one who answers the phone call of Nia saying she’s going to be their new roommate. Oh well, you can tell she’s going to be one of those that you just loooove to hate.

 

God damnit, you're right.

 

However, I don't think she falls into the love to hate category because she isn't evil or manipulative or anything like that. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that she probably doesn't even know that she's so terrible. That's why it hurts so much to watch her, because every breath she takes is one more opportunity for her to whine at you about some way she's been victimized by you or someone else. You can't love hating someone like that because there's no respect for the game they're playing regardless of whether you agree with it or not. In this case she's just the permanent wet blanket making a big deal about dumb shit. This is the one time that I wish the Real World had an audience vote to eliminate someone...

 

Oh, but how satisfying will it be if she ever goes into the Challenge and gets destroyed in one of the physical challenges...

 

I'm not normally this mean, but damn she gets to me.

[chanson 9697]

Fuck.

 

Asteck, you're totally right. I do love to hate her. You know me better than I know myself.

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I actually found myself becoming quite livid with the guys. The way they treated the girls they brought home was ridiculous. Like they couldn't even talk to them once they decided they weren't hot enough to have sex with.

 

I kind of like Anastasia. But I guess I'm a wet noodle too.. a stick in the mud.. and oftentimes a bump on a log.

[Lukas Holmes 2287]

The NPR recording was SIMPLY PRICELESS! The inflections, the pauses...it sounded exactly like an NPR report. Holy crap. Priceless.

[chanson 9697]

I actually found myself becoming quite livid with the guys. The way they treated the girls they brought home was ridiculous. Like they couldn't even talk to them once they decided they weren't hot enough to have sex with.

 

You're totally right that they were being totally lousy and terrible, no doubt about that. There's no excuse for how they were acting.

 

I guess my issue is how Anastasia made such a big deal about it and escalated it (after just meeting these people) rather than just not getting involved. It just seems like she was looking for something to pounce on them about before even really getting to know them, which makes great TV, but isn't exactly the best method of operation when it comes to the first day of living in a new house with six other people you don't know. There's just something inherently unfair about that, in my opinion.

 

It could just be the editing too, for all I know she could be a totally sweet girl who was just a bit defensive and nervous about being in a new living situation in a city she doesn't know with six other strangers. Maybe tonight we'll see a nicer, softer side of Anastasia that will change my mind. I hope so.

[Jerkface 58]

The NPR recording was SIMPLY PRICELESS! The inflections, the pauses...it sounded exactly like an NPR report. Holy crap. Priceless.

 

I believe the authenticity comes from the factual origins of the recording. What do you think these guys were doing before they got on Earwolf? COLLEGE radio? Please.

[Asteck 1250]

Fuck.

 

Asteck, you're totally right. I do love to hate her. You know me better than I know myself.

 

I think you have to try to take things from Anastasia’s perspective. See, she used to be just a nerdy girl in high school and only “blossomed” or “booked a modeling gig and realized that the way you look can dictate how you treat people” when she was nineteen. That was only three years ago! She’s practically a newborn. So when it comes to super common situations like inviting five girls to come home with you so you can insult them and immediately tell them to leave, she doesn’t know how to react. She missed that part of high school. She was just a nerdy girl doing nerdy things like flying quadrocopters through hoops and crying when she’s asked to explain who created Pong.

 

On top of that, there was something “off” about Jordan. Everybody knows that the height of a woman dictates how intimidating men find them. Heck, it’s one of the first things Joi brings up, stating that “guys find her intimidating because she’s 5’ 9 which is tall for an Asian girl.” Anastasia’s 5’11 and when she puts on heals, that’s off the charts intimidating. I don’t know about you guys, but when she came on the screen, I had to turn on all the lights in my apartment, hide under a blanket and look up how tv’s work to make sure she couldn’t “get” me. Poor Averey is so short and un-intimidating that the cameras can barely pick up her image. The rest of the cast aren’t even aware she’s living with them

 

This wasn’t the case for Jordan. In fact he seemed to be doing the opposite of what a normal human would do. Anastasia would tell him to stop spilling her drink and instead of obeying, he would dump out more. She had known it would be like this from the start. She knew from her years as a nerdy girl that only one chromosome pair separates humans from apes. And how many chromosomes are there in a finger? I’m not sure, but those things are tiny, so I can safely assume at least three, and Jordan was missing a whole hand’s worth of them! So what did that make him? Maybe somewhere between a dog that could detect cancer or an elephant that knew how to paint, but certainly not human.

 

When Anastasia first met him and spotted that hand she let out a sigh and grumbled “I had to be on that season of the Real World.” “That,” referring to the bold move on MTV’s part to cast FIVE strangers, instead of the usual seven, and two animals to fill in the rest. It was a controversial choice, but left alone, there weren’t many opportunities for drama with Daisy. Anastasia’s just not the kind of girl to let that difference in species stop her from speaking her mind. In one of the previews you can see her berating an inebriated Daisy, screaming “I don’t care if she can’t see reds, you don’t treat your roommates that way!” The preview doesn’t really provide any context for the argument.

 

Anyways, you can tell there’s a lot going on with Anastasia, which is why I love to hate her. I also think Jordan is a huge pile of garbage, but that’s just projecting human standards onto him so it’s not really fair.

 

On an off note, the black dude from the first Real World: Las Vegas did that exact same move of just showing his dick to a couple of the girls. So I don’t know if that’s just a common thing or not.

[chanson 9697]

On an off note, the black dude from the first Real World: Las Vegas did that exact same move of just showing his dick to a couple of the girls. So I don’t know if that’s just a common thing or not.

 

You mean Alton? Alton is a game changer.

 

In fact, game changing is similar to the common law legal system wherein higher courts can set legal precedents that must be followed by lower courts within their jurisdiction; Alton, being a game changer, has the authority (and some scholars would say the responsibility) to do things that change the game and ultimately create a precedent. Exposing his dick created a precedent that must now be observed by all future cast members. I believe Alton's jurisdiction extends to the Real World, the Challenge, and formerly extended to Road Rules. Some liberals would like to see this precedent extend all the way to Teen Mom, the Jersey Shore, and Buckwild but I believe that each show should be able to make its own rules as the founding VJs intended.

 

I believe that it was the great VJ Carson Daly who said at his inauguration that "each show should remain sovereign and must be free to have a cast that can determine the standards and decorum thereof. Ought a network of sluts and whoremongers be forced to abide by the rules set by the major networks? No. This truth is self-evident. No tyrant may tell us that our standards are too low. So too must each show remain sovereign or else we risk slutty drunken behavior disappearing from the television altogether." In this speech one can see allusions to the humanist outlook of the great thinkers of the Scottish Enlightenment and a clear influence from the Magna Carta. His speach was quite fortuitous because soon after the revolutions at the major networks caused them to adopt looser standards on shows such as the Bachelor and Survivor.

[Asteck 1250]

Yeah Alton!

 

Ha, Jess is so far below 5'11 that until last night I totally forgot she was on the cast and got the number of roommates wrong!

 

Man, last night's episode was a doozy.

[OliverGatalo 16]

What a strong last 20 minutes you guys, but I kept expecting you to segue into international reality shows:

 

 

You know, the winners of the talent programs actually have careers afterwards in Korea, and Japan.

[chanson 9697]

 

You know, the winners of the talent programs actually have careers afterwards in Korea, and Japan.

 

Yeah, Kim Jong-un was on North Korea's Next Top Glorious Leader and look at the career he's having.

[greggy 15909]

npr voices on this ep were so so strong, top tier RSS