Episode 71.5 — Minisode 71.5

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Dumbledore is the father of Ladies Love Cool James! These are the things dreams are made of.

You just blew my mind; this is like the time you said Soccermom co-wrote Shark Tale.

 

Har Mar Superstar has GOT to be the guest.

 

Cool James thought the movie was great apparently.

You are probably on point. I'm still holding a candle for Ladies Love Cool James, though.

 

I was a kid so I didn't know then, but it's interesting how much Magritte they cribbed for this movie.

 

[sarahmazing 5]

I loved this movie when I was a kid. My parents rented it and I thought it was awesome. I haven't seen it in almost 20 years, though, and the trailer made me realize that the only thing I remember was Joan Cusack's weird playdoh wig. I am so excited to rewatch it.

[wakefresh 689]

Har Mar Superstar has GOT to be the guest.

 

He's been reading LL Cool J's biography on Nocturnal Emotions lately, and it's been aaaaaaaaaaamazing.

 

The last bit he read Toys was mentioned and I remember thinking, in an already insane reading of an insane book, "this shit sounds insane."

 

Cool James thought the movie was great apparently.

 

I remember when that book came out, LL had a beef with Canibus and in Canibus' song, "Second Round K.O." he talks about reading it to get material for his lyrics. There's even a shot of him with the book reading it in the video of Second Round KO.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I remember when that book came out, LL had a beef with Canibus and in Canibus' song, "Second Round K.O." he talks about reading it to get material for his lyrics. There's even a shot of him with the book reading it in the video of Second Round KO.

I have no idea who that is. That reminds, there must be SO many tracks from like a decade or so ago, when attacking your rival in song was a sign how tough you were, that must make absolutely no sense whatsoever anymore because the person being attacked in them or even the attacker themselves ceased being relevant within months of it being recorded.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

I remember when that book came out, LL had a beef with Canibus and in Canibus' song, "Second Round K.O." he talks about reading it to get material for his lyrics. There's even a shot of him with the book reading it in the video of Second Round KO.

Oh, and that also reminds me, there was some hair metal guitarist that put out an album years and years ago where the cover featured him pissing in front of headstones with the names of Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, and Yngwie Malmsteen on them. The review I read for it said something like "(Guitarist whose name i can't remember) claims that he'll piss on the graves of these guys, and that's fine, as long as it keeps him from making music". I love that kind of stuff.

[wakefresh 689]

I have no idea who that is. That reminds, there must be SO many tracks from like a decade or so ago, when attacking your rival in song was a sign how tough you were, that must make absolutely no sense whatsoever anymore because the person being attacked in them or even the attacker themselves ceased being relevant within months of it being recorded.

 

You have to be a hip-hop head to know about the Canibus vs LL battle.

 

So, Canibus is a young and upcoming rapper who gets a verse on LL's "4,3,2,1" song, which is also notable for being one of the first appearances of DMX (pre-crack). So, the story goes is that Canibus has a line in his verse that says something like, "let me borrow that mic on your arm". This is in reference to LL's tat of a microphone on his right arm. So, when they are mixing the record, LL get's all huffy and re-records his verse to shit on Canibus and that is the version that is released to the public.

 

Canibus is like, "what the fuck, man?"

 

LL, doesn't care and isn't taking the newcomer seriously at all. That whole album was doing gangbusters (this is the album that had "Doin It" and "Hey Lover") and LL is touring, making videos, etc. So, Canibus makes Second Round KO and basically says LL ain't shit, has never been shit, and most of his fans wear high heels, so you can't take him seriously anymore. Basically, Canibus says LL went Hollywood.

 

LL responds on his song, "Jack the Ripper" and really piles the shit on Canibus. So, much so, that Canibus' career is over before it ever got a chance to take off.

 

So, LL brought this guy on the scene, gave him some shine, then smacked his ass back to obscurity. That's reason you don't know who Canibus is PlanB; you don't cross James Todd Smith and get away with it.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

You have to be a hip-hop head to know about the Canibus vs LL battle.

 

So, Canibus is a young and upcoming rapper who gets a verse on LL's "4,3,2,1" song, which is also notable for being one of the first appearances of DMX (pre-crack). So, the story goes is that Canibus has a line in his verse that says something like, "let me borrow that mic on your arm". This is in reference to LL's tat of a microphone on his right arm. So, when they are mixing the record, LL get's all huffy and re-records his verse to shit on Canibus and that is the version that is released to the public.

 

Canibus is like, "what the fuck, man?"

 

LL, doesn't care and isn't taking the newcomer seriously at all. That whole album was doing gangbusters (this is the album that had "Doin It" and "Hey Lover") and LL is touring, making videos, etc. So, Canibus makes Second Round KO and basically says LL ain't shit, has never been shit, and most of his fans wear high heels, so you can't take him seriously anymore. Basically, Canibus says LL went Hollywood.

 

LL responds on his song, "Jack the Ripper" and really piles the shit on Canibus. So, much so, that Canibus' career is over before it ever got a chance to take off.

 

So, LL brought this guy on the scene, gave him some shine, then smacked his ass back to obscurity. That's reason you don't know who Canibus is PlanB; you don't cross James Todd Smith and get away with it.

Did LL admit to being all huffy, or was that just this Canibus person's story? Was it possible that it wasn't recorded well, or maybe it just didn't fit the song in some other way, and Canibus, being a hot-headed newcomer just took it as a personal dis? All over a single line in a verse? That'd be like if I made a movie and wiped my ass with a VHS copy of "Boys N The Hood" because John Singleton cut a scene out of "Abduction" where I was an extra. If I keep my mouth shut, he never knows I'm upset, doesn't even know who I am, and doesn't make a movie called "PlanBFromOuterSpace Can Go Fuck Himself" in retaliation that kills any chances of me having a film career. I have to admit though, I think I'd get off on the attention, and my parents would be so proud...

[wakefresh 689]

Did LL admit to being all huffy, or was that just this Canibus person's story? Was it possible that it wasn't recorded well, or maybe it just didn't fit the song in some other way, and Canibus, being a hot-headed newcomer just took it as a personal dis? All over a single line in a verse? That'd be like if I made a movie and wiped my ass with a VHS copy of "Boys N The Hood" because John Singleton cut a scene out of "Abduction" where I was an extra. If I keep my mouth shut, he never knows I'm upset, doesn't even know who I am, and doesn't make a movie called "PlanBFromOuterSpace Can Go Fuck Himself" in retaliation that kills any chances of me having a film career. I have to admit though, I think I'd get off on the attention, and my parents would be so proud...

 

Oh no, LL was being all huffy. The song was already done because everyone did their verse according to their personal schedules. They weren't all in the studio together making the song. LL was listening to a rough cut of the master and flipped his shit over Canibus' line. So, he re-recorded his verse on the spot and released that instead.

 

There is actually a phone conversation that one of them recorded (I think it was Canibus) where LL basically says, "Just eat shit on this one, ok? I know I dissed you. You know I dissed you. But the general public doesn't know anything at all is amiss, so just roll with it."

 

But Canibus didn't, so LL smacked him back down. LL has a history of over-reacting to other people's lines. Kool Moe Dee had a line that talked about radios or something, and LL took that as a diss against him and started beef with Kool Moe Dee. You don't hear too much about him nowadays either. Like I said, don't cross James Todd Smith.

[robinsbruce 4985]

Like I said, don't cross James Todd Smith.

 

The insecure pimp-hand is strong with L.L.

[neilly 105]

I feel a Shariq Torres/PlanB Battle coming on!

[wakefresh 689]

 

The insecure pimp-hand is strong with L.L.

 

Jamie Foxx said LL was gonna beat him up while filming Any Given Sunday because LL yelled at him about calling the plays wrong. Jamie Foxx was like, "I'm not a quaterback. You're not a running back. We're actors. This is make believe right now."

[wakefresh 689]

I feel like I'm talking too much about LL right now. I'm gonna stop before he turns his eye on me and destroys my career.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

Oh no, LL was being all huffy. The song was already done because everyone did their verse according to their personal schedules. They weren't all in the studio together making the song. LL was listening to a rough cut of the master and flipped his shit over Canibus' line. So, he re-recorded his verse on the spot and released that instead.

 

There is actually a phone conversation that one of them recorded (I think it was Canibus) where LL basically says, "Just eat shit on this one, ok? I know I dissed you. You know I dissed you. But the general public doesn't know anything at all is amiss, so just roll with it."

 

But Canibus didn't, so LL smacked him back down. LL has a history of over-reacting to other people's lines. Kool Moe Dee had a line that talked about radios or something, and LL took that as a diss against him and started beef with Kool Moe Dee. You don't hear too much about him nowadays either. Like I said, don't cross James Todd Smith.

So LL was like "Be cool, new guy, and maybe we can straighten things out later", but Canibus talked out of school, and now he's a footnote when he could have really been something? You know the old saying: "You mess with the shark, and you get the fin, which LL's head is like". It didn't make sense when Grandma B first said that to me, but around '99 or so, it became so, so clear...

[ADoer 11]

This should be interesting.

 

I just remember this having a sort of ... Willy Wonka/Beatlesesque retro-arty sorta look and feel (and i think it was done well?) and of course Williams is the zany madcap toy inventor?

 

So what seems to be the unique thing is that it might have been the first movies to introduce Rappers into costarring roles?

I remember I did not like that.

 

As a general rule I find almost every rapper sucks at acting. Possible exception being Snoop Dog or someone else I don't care about.

I remember I never did really know or care about what the movie was meant to be about or had any desire to think of it again. Until now!

[katexmachina 23]

...you don't cross James Todd Smith and get away with it.

 

LL Cool J's middle name is "Todd."

[katexmachina 23]

 

Jamie Foxx said LL was gonna beat him up while filming Any Given Sunday because LL yelled at him about calling the plays wrong. Jamie Foxx was like, "I'm not a quaterback. You're not a running back. We're actors. This is make believe right now."

 

Jamie Foxx was in Toys as well! I remember really wanting to see this movie when I was a kid, because of the poster, but I'm not sure if I ever did. I watched it today and can appreciate some of the beautiful framing and really impressive sets and props, etc. Beyond that, it was a miserably long and uninteresting story with koo-koo performances. Robin Williams' and Robin Wright's flirting...yuck.

[Wien 401]

I am 15 mins into this movie and it is a fevered nightmare materialized. I don't know if I have the mental fortitude to handle this right now.

[Wien 401]

Wait, that happy workers factory music that was playing is diegetic?? You mean they're actually listening to that song while they work??

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

This movie is so fucking frustrating. Some of the visuals are absolutely gorgeous, especially the outdoor scenes in the field,* while others just scream "1990s"-type ugliness. It's also bizarrely prescient about the use of automated drones in warfare... but it's handled in such a clumsy and uninteresting way.

 

And yeah, that fucking music. The worker song is like something you'd use to satirize the glorification of factory life, the kidn of glorification you might see in the Soviet Union, but here it's used literally and showed to be actively enjoyed by the factory workers. What the FUCK is going on?

 

*http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105629/trivia?item=tr0726854

[wakefresh 689]

This should be interesting.

 

I just remember this having a sort of ... Willy Wonka/Beatlesesque retro-arty sorta look and feel (and i think it was done well?) and of course Williams is the zany madcap toy inventor?

 

So what seems to be the unique thing is that it might have been the first movies to introduce Rappers into costarring roles?

I remember I did not like that.

 

As a general rule I find almost every rapper sucks at acting. Possible exception being Snoop Dog or someone else I don't care about.

I remember I never did really know or care about what the movie was meant to be about or had any desire to think of it again. Until now!

 

Tupac was the best rapper/actor. He killed in the Juice and in Gridlock'd.

[wakefresh 689]

 

LL Cool J's middle name is "Todd."

 

Shhhh, if you say his name three times in the mirror, he'll write a diss song about you.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Yeah, the Willy Wonka thing. I feel like you could have pitched this movie as a prequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, to show how such a lovably WACKY character came to be in charge of a factory... but then this movie happened.

 

I also feel that this movie is part of why people started to really hate on Robin Williams. There are parts, especially the scenes between him and Robin Wright, where he's just doing Robin shtick, but it's not funny or charming or even interesting to watch, it's just awkward. The scenes are designed for him to be awkward, so not only is there this base level of Uncomfortable in the scene, but Williams is spewing out unfunny statements in his trademark way, elongating an already laborious sequence. Ugh.

 

And he did 'The Fisher King' the previous year. What happened?

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Yeah, the Willy Wonka thing. I feel like you could have pitched this movie as a prequel to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, to show how such a lovably WACKY character came to be in charge of a factory... but then this movie happened.

[...]

And he did 'The Fisher King' the previous year. What happened?

Yeah, Fisher King was great and is now kinda underappreciated, in my opinion. I think Gilliam still has another good movie in him, trying to get out.

 

I feel like Robin Williams is a terrible comic actor but who can do well in dramatic roles with the right director (Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society). For a really stunning example of this, check out

. I think many comedians in films need tight reins, especially manic people like Williams.

 

He has been in some terrible shlock, though. Bicentennial Man, Jack, Patch Adams (ugh ugh blech), etc. I don't think Toys is quite there yet.

[seanotron 2307]

I watched this again last night, just to make sure that my enjoyment wasn't tainted by false recollections. I actually like LL in this. He seemed to have reasonably good comedic timing and the running gag about his covert training was solid. It's interesting to see how many movies actually borrowed from this later on down the line. A variation on the bit with the music video in the hallway is basically used in Ghost Protocol. LL always wearing clothes to match the furniture is recycled in the Robert Downey Sherlock movies. And the commentary on drone warfare is oddly topical. I had also forgotten how charming Robin Wright was.

 

I have to face the fact that I'm a Toys apologist.

[Snake 165]

There were so many little WTF moments in this that I feel got obscured by the overall nonsense of this movie. Things like:

 

1.) they make a video game called "Mr. Squirt's Wet Adventure" or something like that

 

2.) Did the general strangle the other military dude when they were on the x-ray cam and he was pitching the war toys to him? It looks like he actually killed him, right? Because they never actually addressed that but it really seemed like he did.

 

3.) William's courtship was so creepy it was really hard to watch. His "I want to get laid" Satan handpuppet was ...... something ......