Episode 77 — Hudson Hawk

[MadderMartigan 2]

Nundercover has to have:

 

1: An awesome ancient fighting style...maybe nunjitsu?

 

2: The lines:

A: "Come hell, or holy water..."

B: "Well, that ought to cruci-fix-him."

C: Guard: "Nun shall pass!" Nun: "Well, that was easy enough."

 

3: A Whoopi Goldberg cameo.

[Cam Bert 8145]

When I was a kid I always assumed that the candy bar names reflected more of the character. Like how there are more than one Kit Kat in a pack, that's why Kit Kat copies people. Butterfinger is obviously clumsy. Snickers because he's always smiling/snickering. I never could figure out the Almond Joy connection though, but then again I prefer Mounds.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

And now that we've introduced the bullshit supernatural sequel (holla, PlanB), we can have:

 

Nundercover 7: Space Nun*

 

The Nun wakes up from cryogenic sleep 200 years in the future in a facility with other Catholics deemed too sexy or dangerous. Unknown to her, it's actually the orbiting lab of a corporation developing military technology that has been experimenting with gene splicing and attempting to clone the perfect Nun soldier. The Nun is about to face her toughest opponent yet -- herself.

 

Tagline: NUN WILL SURVIVE.

 

*sorry, can't think of a good pun.

Thanks for the shoutout! I haven't been around all week, so I only just saw it, and my phone isn't letting me "like" anything at the moment. I think we've covered most of the sequel bases, but there needs to be a "Halloween 3" of the series? What the hell will "Nundercover: Season of the Witch" be?

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Here's what's odd to me.

 

If you read the shooting script to Die Hard, you'll spot so many scenes where classic lines and jokes were missing. Bruce Willis came up with stuff on set and improved the scene every time. Like in the end with the gun tape, the script just had some generic tough guy line, but Willis just started cracking up during the take and the other actors played along to end up with an improved final cut.

 

Like the crew pointed out, you can tell so many scenes and lines in Hudson Hawk were made up on the spot. "Wouldn't it be funny if..." I'm not surprised What About Steve ended up the way it did when they allowed Bullock to do that, but how did it happen when they let Willis? A guy with a proven track record of improving scenes?

 

I guess it comes down the director being talented enough to know what works. When to say no, and when to keep or chuck things in the editing room. Hudson Hawk was Michael Lehmann's 2nd movie ever after Heathers. He did Airheads after that, then proceeded to do nothing but TV and some of the worst romantic comedies ever made.

[demagog_dog 50]

I'll wait for the NUNcut verision to come out on bluray, thanks...

[franklincomesalive 1]

I'm late to the game but I have a few possible Nundercover ideas.

 

1. Nundercover: Just Nun of the Guys

 

Outraged by the Catholic Church's policy of not ordaining women as priests, a young nun borrows her brother's clothes and mannerisms and enrolls in a Los Angeles seminary. While there she helps a fellow student and love interest face down the seminary's main bully, played by William Zabka. At the annual seminary retreat she shocks everyone by kissing her priestly love interest and then revealing her breasts to him to prove she is a woman. Although she succeeds in showing her classmates that she has what it takes to be a priest, her crush is sickened by her female body parts and admits that he was actually attracted to her when she was pretending to be a guy.

 

2. Nundercover: Nundead

A young nun is murdered by local street toughs only to be resurrected by Jesus in order to seek revenge against the underprivileged kids who took her life. Siskel and Ebert would give this two thumbs up if they were also undead.

 

3. Nundercover: Sins of the Father

A police woman goes undercover as a nun to stop a pedophile priest from molesting children. (This one actually may have already happened).

[franklincomesalive 1]

OK, one more:

 

Nundercover: Sister Kristen Beyond Nunderdome

 

A scantily clad nun named Sister Kristen goes undercover as a grain merchant in order to infiltrate Bartertown and steal back relics that Aunty Entity had taken from the church several years earlier. While there Sister Kristen meets Master-Blaster and realizes that neither intelligence nor height can stand in the way of true love.

[franklincomesalive 1]

And finally:

 

Nundercover: Judgement Day

 

Coming this summer, a young FBI agent, Trish Parker, goes undercover as a nun to investigate possible tax fraud at a New York City convent. During her investigation she finds shocking evidence implicating the worldwide Catholic Church in child trafficking, leading to an FBI/Interpol investigation of the Vatican. Realizing that there is a mole in the convent system, Pope Benedick I, the newly elected Pope, spares no cost in trying to out the undercover nun. Directed by former baseball player Rusty Kuntz (pronounced Koontz) this film will challenge your preconceived notions of the charitable tax deduction in the U.S. tax code and the role of child labor in the global economic system.

[Famous Mortimer 5]

I've done all this in the minisode thread, and I normally love the podcast, but this one was just way off. It's like none of the podcasters (and very few people in this thread) are prepared to accept it's supposed to be a comedy, it's supposed to be over the top, and that the actors are in on it.

 

If Hudson Hawk had turned a decent profit, but had otherwise been the exact same movie, it wouldn't be on this podcast. There'd be "remember when Bruce Willis made crazy comedies like this?" reviews on a few sites, but otherwise it'd be in the same boat as the rest of the films he made in the late 80s / early 90s, (in other words: mostly forgotten except Die Hard). Willis would have never badmouthed it, Grant's abuse would have been seen as small potatoes, and that would be that.

 

Given the podcasters have been in comedies that were pretty badly savaged by the critics in recent years - by Rotten Tomatoes scores, Ass Backwards is at 28%, Piranha 3DD at 13% (The Dictator got 57%, but even the positive reviews are a bit cagey) - you think they'd be a bit more generous towards other films which got a similar savaging. But apparently not. It's just not that bad a film - its a comedy far odder than it has any right to be, never takes itself seriously and thoroughly entertains (me, anyway).

 

Even saying all that, I'd have excused the podcast if their reasons for not liking it were articulated a bit better than "as if that would happen!"

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

Whoah! Looks like they got their first 5 star amazon reviewer to visit the board!

 

You realize they've done at least a dozen other "comedies"? Calling yourself a comedy is not a free pass to be terrible. The Love Guru and Tomcats called themselves comedies too.

 

Hudson Hawk isn't terrible for not being a serious Igmar Bergman treatise on the subjective nature of madness, it's terrible for trying too hard with D.O.A jokes, forced quirks, and a severe lack of editing.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

I feel like the whole movie gag of "someone traveling with an unconventional vehicle going unconventional speeds manages to toss correct change into the toll booth" was specifically a late 80s / early 90s thing. I remembered Scrooged did it and if I thought about it some more I'm sure others would come up. Weird that movie makers chose that period to resurrect a live action Looney Toons bit.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

You realize they've done at least a dozen other "comedies"? Calling yourself a comedy is not a free pass to be terrible. The Love Guru and Tomcats called themselves comedies too.

 

Yes, well said.

 

The only movie where I felt like they misjudged the tonal intent was Spice World, but I'd still never make the argument that that isn't a bad movie.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

Given the podcasters have been in comedies that were pretty badly savaged by the critics in recent years - by Rotten Tomatoes scores, Ass Backwards is at 28%, Piranha 3DD at 13% (The Dictator got 57%, but even the positive reviews are a bit cagey)

Those films have nothing to do with your opinion of Hudson Hawk. Don't get personal.

[DeathToMikeyBay 130]

God dammit. I broke down and checked out this movie again for the first time in over 10 years.

 

This whole movie is like if Twin Peaks was nothing but the dancing scenes

 

 

 

Mercury Rising might have been a duller movie, but Hudson Hawk just filled me with raw rage. Almost every scene makes you want to stand up and shout, "Oh fuck you, movie."

 

You can't have a heist movie without tension. As soon as you introduce Looney Toons logic that anything can happen, there's no more tension. You also need unexpected obstacles and things going wrong. New things need to come up during planning that get in the way. Things need to go wrong during the heist, forcing them to improvise.

 

One super detailed heist is more fun to watch than five quick and easy heists. You maybe show ONE quick and easy heist at the beginning to establish the thieves and how good they are, then you focus on the main heist the rest of the time.

 

Even all that could be forgiven as a goofball comedy if the jokes were funny. But.....yeah.

[Wien 401]

Its Christmas morning, I played Santa, the household is asleep, I am listening to this episode on my headphones in bed, and I randomly decided to google "hat convention in July".

 

http://www.blackhat.com/us-13/

 

I almost lost my shit. Until further reading explained that its an internet security convention. I almost had my Christmas early.

[Jamie Power 224]

 

I think after Seanotron's genuinely upsetting Deck The Halls-inspired image we could start a new category of depressing meme.

 

[Disgustipater 30]

I just listened to this episode and after they mentioned that Jason looked like Da Vinci, I did a Google search to see for myself, and the "related searches" made me laugh:

 

[Darbler Cheesegarbler 1110]

Nundercover should be the Earwolf's first foray into film.

[RyanSz 3140]

I've done all this in the minisode thread, and I normally love the podcast, but this one was just way off. It's like none of the podcasters (and very few people in this thread) are prepared to accept it's supposed to be a comedy, it's supposed to be over the top, and that the actors are in on it.

 

If Hudson Hawk had turned a decent profit, but had otherwise been the exact same movie, it wouldn't be on this podcast. There'd be "remember when Bruce Willis made crazy comedies like this?" reviews on a few sites, but otherwise it'd be in the same boat as the rest of the films he made in the late 80s / early 90s, (in other words: mostly forgotten except Die Hard). Willis would have never badmouthed it, Grant's abuse would have been seen as small potatoes, and that would be that.

 

Given the podcasters have been in comedies that were pretty badly savaged by the critics in recent years - by Rotten Tomatoes scores, Ass Backwards is at 28%, Piranha 3DD at 13% (The Dictator got 57%, but even the positive reviews are a bit cagey) - you think they'd be a bit more generous towards other films which got a similar savaging. But apparently not. It's just not that bad a film - its a comedy far odder than it has any right to be, never takes itself seriously and thoroughly entertains (me, anyway).

 

Even saying all that, I'd have excused the podcast if their reasons for not liking it were articulated a bit better than "as if that would happen!"

...Five Stars.