Episode 33 — Anders Holm, Our Close Friend

[Toby Keith Sweat 1000]

wow, it was really tough to hear sean get emotional about the goose nipping at his bottom through his overalls and making his tookus all spotted with bruises.

 

i knew that us midwestern fucking jerkoffs had to deal with that kind of pain, but you sometimes forget that our heroes were once just little farm orphans too and that they weren't born in a pair of totally fucking slick wayfarers and a v-neck so deep that it borders on being a vest while the nurse tries to sneak a peak at a certain part of their anatomy, they had to really work at it for at least a week or two

 

it just really makes you think

[honlads 8798]

Andy, here's a workout tip, for free. Every morning, first thing when I wake up, I sit against my headboard with my pillow tucked behind me to support my lumbar region, and I just slap the 'ceps for about 45 minutes. It's a shockingly good workout; I've gone from marshmallow biceps to a pair of concrete slabs in just a few short months.

[Asteck 1250]

I was reading about some of the other people in that LA Weekly article and I was a little confused by a statement made about the porn star, James Deen. The reporter wrote "... and his equipment - while perhaps not the stuff of legend - is certainly impressive." I thought to myself, that's a strange aside to make. Why would she be negging on his equipment? THEN I realized what she meant was it's not the stuff of legend RELATIVE to some other people. Some other people who are also included in the interesting people in LA article. Some other people who are sometimes confused with having three legs. Some other people who do a podcast. You get the idea. (The idea is that S&H's dongs make James Deen's look boring).

 

Edit: Sorry

[DEATHMAN 3317]

asteck please stop yelling

[skizelo 2536]

CORPSEFUCKER SHITLORD

e: i hope this name is so purely in the hope of getting Hayes to read it on the p'cast

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

I went in to Curves yesterday and just started bashing my 'ceps over and over near the entryway. Left, right, left, right, left, right. You know, to rub it in, but also to inspire those women and show them what their husbands COULD look like. Hopefully it worked, and the slobs at home will have their plumper wives lighting a fire under their flabby asses to look like me (and Hayes and Sean).

 

Anyway, long story short, the next 10 hours were a total BJ-fest in Curves and that's why I'm only getting into the bicep conversation now.

[honlads 8798]

Andy, here's a workout tip, for free. Every morning, first thing when I wake up, I sit against my headboard with my pillow tucked behind me to support my lumbar region, and I just slap the 'ceps for about 45 minutes. It's a shockingly good workout; I've gone from marshmallow biceps to a pair of concrete slabs in just a few short months.

 

Sorry, only noticing my typo now. Should read "pair of concrete scabs". I can't lead a normal life anymore, what with all of the babes mobbin' me bahahaaha no it's mostly because of the huge scabs and the pain.

[mwn 5470]

There has been a lot of discussion about boddy parts so far in this chat discussion, and I just want to say a hearty thank-you to everyone. I am now desperately randy at work and it's really helping my productivity.

[showshowbro 1177]

i'm with you on the slapping--coach says you gotta bump up if you wanna pump up.

 

have you guys noticed that weights just get in the way of your workout?? like sometimes i'm pumping the weights so hard that they shoot straight up out of my hands and the gym gets two new sky lights.

[greggy 15909]

you could slap your arms with the weights, or go break off a switch like your granny said

[kobthatreal 5896]

I don't work out. When ur built in the way some of us are in a certain region it can be a work out in itself just carrying it around. I haven't listened to this episode yet but when Sean and Hayes used to kick it with me before we all had kids we would call our man parts fire hoses. Do they still do that?

[greggy 15909]

that joke is very gross in light of the ep :c

edit: i dont want to be a joke police officer tho, i know its in good fun

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

...when Sean and Hayes used to kick it with me before we all had kids we would call our man parts fire hoses. Do they still do that?

 

Oh yeah, they totally do. But they also call fire hoses fire hoses. I don't want any of you sick pervert freak-a-zoids making "taste the hose" jokes about Hayes and Sean and the kids they gotta raise.

[greggy 15909]

ok i made a facbook because i enjoy being late to parties, my info is very vague but all true:

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100008325166016

i will accept anyone as a true friend

[skizelo 2536]

On the RSS relisten I've got up to episode 21 where they go live (as forewarned by a Hayes promo apparently recorded on a phone? While driving?). In hindsight it's clearly a desperate attempt to inject interest into a criminally underlistened 'cast, but at the time I thought it was a natural evolution for a show interested in audience participance and web 2.0.

e: e22 also marks the first time the boys talk over the theme-tune, an event akin to the discovery of fire, to my mind.

I'm t. -16 Lauren Lapkus epi, is how I view this.

[greggy 15909]

watch out for #37, its the best non-lapkus ep imo

[RyanWright 713]

I love the Guy Endore-Kaiser one where they tell the story about his bachelor party. Also I looked up GEK on fb once and mustve accidentally (<--- truly) sent his wife a friend request which she accepted which is pretty cool. I imagine she saw how attractive I am and thought "yea I must know that guy from Hollywood somehow"

[kneisage 2108]

make sure you listen close to the call-in shows for my dumbass voice stammering through a shitty call. Good stuff

[xoValeriexo 4369]

The forum meet-up is tonight, Sean thought while driving his fancy car at an unsafe speed down the freeway. Sean was afraid to be excited about the meet-up because he didn’t want to feel the familiar sting of disappointment. Actually, Sean was rather unfamiliar with disappointment – he’s very successful in all ways –but somehow he knew disappointment wouldn’t feel good. He rolled his window down and let the crisp breeze slap his face back into reality. This isn’t about me. This is about all of us. Sean looked over to the passenger’s seat where Hayes looked lost in thought. I wonder if he’s as afraid as I am, thought Sean. Sean reached his hand over to squeeze Hayes’ dick. Hayes’ body quickly responded with an erection, but Hayes’ mind told him to save his boner for later. Sean could see in his eyes that he wasn’t up for a cum sesh just yet. Fine, thought Sean, be that way. I’m gonna hook-up with all the forum hotties tonight anyway, so screw you.

 

Great, now Sean’s pissed at me, thought Hayes, pulling at his jeans to get his sticky balls off of his leg. A few hairs were roughly yanked out and Hayes felt like screaming, but he knew his pain would make Sean smile and he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “I hope Chanson will be there.” Why is Sean ignoring me, thought Hayes, I just want to save my boner for later. “Do you think Chanson will be there?” “I don’t fucking know, Hayes, why don’t you ask my fucking blue balls?” Hayes chose to disregard Sean’s cruel comment. “I wonder if the dj will be any good. I hope he plays a lot of 80s buttrock that we can all jokingly dance to. That would be so funny.” Sean didn’t laugh, but Hayes knew he thought it would be funny too.

 

Inside the convention hall where the forum meet-up is taking place there are literally thousands of forum members already there. Michael Bay of Pigs is hitting on the bartender “Then I commented ‘Papa Smurf getting a Pap Smear, so rando!’ and got three likes.” The bartender is surprisingly unimpressed. Michael Bay of Pigs bristles and says, “Fuck you anyway, I got a big ol’ dick.” The bartender calls him back over, but he’s already gone. Over at the snack table, Greggy and Freja are sharing a puff pastry filled with cream cheese. “These are so good”, Freja says. Greggy responds, “I brought the cream cheese from home. It’s one third the fat of regular cream cheese.” Freja kisses Greggy on the mouth and they continue to mouth kiss for a good hour, only stopping to take bites of cream cheese puffs. In the corner Tim Treese is finger fucking his own asshole while burdrulz watches from the shadows. This is going exactly as I planned, thinks The Narnold aka Skrimps.

 

Sean and Hayes enter the convention center, fashionably late and fashionably dressed. At the exact moment they enter The Beastie Boys’ “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)” starts playing. “What up? What up?” yells Hayes. God, he’s trying so hard to seem cool, thinks Sean. “What up? What up?” yells Sean. Everyone thinks I look so cool, thinks Sean. Hayes quickly scans the room, searching for Chanson. He’s nowhere to be found. A single tear falls down Hayes’ cheek and he quickly wipes it away and yells “Let’s do this!” but his voice cracks and it’s kind of awkward and sad. Sean gives him a pat on the butt and mean-whispers “Get it together, dillhole.” Hayes runs into the bathroom sobbing. Inside the bathroom Hayes hears another person crying. He looks under the stalls but doesn’t see any feet. “Is someone in here?” “Huh? Hayes?” Chanson steps out of the stall, his mascara running down his face. “You came?” “Yeah.. and you’re about to.” Chanson takes Hayes’ butt into his hands. Hayes likes it. Hayes kisses Chanson on the head (of his dick) and says “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life.” “Ditto” says Chanson, just like that cute scene from that movie I can’t remember ‘cause I never saw it. They fuck. Hard. In the main convention hall, Bruce Reid Robinson II says, “Hey, where’s Veebs?” Joe McGurl says simply “Diarrhea.” They kiss. Hard.

 

Years later, Hayes and Chanson are regaling their biological grandchildren with this story. The kids’ ears are perked up and they can’t believe how lucky they are to be the second generation offspring of these two men, thanks to science. “Everyone fell in love that night. I’d like to think we’re all soulmates, on some level. All of us forum folk found each other at the exact moment we needed to. And without those forums we never could’ve had you beautiful grandkids who we inexplicably got to name.” Teenaged Erika Thompson, tween JeffreyParties, 5^th grader showshowbro, kindergartner OcterDoctopus, and baby AndyKneis are all satisfied with the story. Inquisitive little Toby Keith Sweat, however, chirps “Grandpa, Grandpa, was the dj good like you wanted?” Hayes looks at Chanson and smiles. “I don’t know, precious little one, we were too busy fucking.”

 

RIP Sean. He killed himself, but no one cared, not even his mom.

[robinsbruce 4985]

Can I please like this fan fic a hundred more times???

 

I mean seriously. This is fucking incredible. I dont have a take on it because I genuinely love every word of this. Did you have a geocities site in the late nineties veebs cause this rings a little toooo true?

[greggy 15909]

edited to save scroll buttons

lol

[kobthatreal 5896]

HOOOOOLY SHIT. THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER READ ON THESE BOARDS.

[skizelo 2536]

The forum meet-up is tonight, Sean thought while driving his fancy car at an unsafe speed down the freeway. Sean was afraid to be excited about the meet-up because he didn’t want to feel the familiar sting of disappointment. Actually, Sean was rather unfamiliar with disappointment – he’s very successful in all ways –but somehow he knew disappointment wouldn’t feel good. He rolled his window down and let the crisp breeze slap his face back into reality. This isn’t about me. This is about all of us. Sean looked over to the passenger’s seat where Hayes looked lost in thought. I wonder if he’s as afraid as I am, thought Sean. Sean reached his hand over to squeeze Hayes’ dick. Hayes’ body quickly responded with an erection, but Hayes’ mind told him to save his boner for later. Sean could see in his eyes that he wasn’t up for a cum sesh just yet. Fine, thought Sean, be that way. I’m gonna hook-up with all the forum hotties tonight anyway, so screw you.

 

Great, now Sean’s pissed at me, thought Hayes, pulling at his jeans to get his sticky balls off of his leg. A few hairs were roughly yanked out and Hayes felt like screaming, but he knew his pain would make Sean smile and he didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. “I hope Chanson will be there.” Why is Sean ignoring me, thought Hayes, I just want to save my boner for later. “Do you think Chanson will be there?” “I don’t fucking know, Hayes, why don’t you ask my fucking blue balls?” Hayes chose to disregard Sean’s cruel comment. “I wonder if the dj will be any good. I hope he plays a lot of 80s buttrock that we can all jokingly dance to. That would be so funny.” Sean didn’t laugh, but Hayes knew he thought it would be funny too.

 

Inside the convention hall where the forum meet-up is taking place there are literally thousands of forum members already there. Michael Bay of Pigs is hitting on the bartender “Then I commented ‘Papa Smurf getting a Pap Smear, so rando!’ and got three likes.” The bartender is surprisingly unimpressed. Michael Bay of Pigs bristles and says, “Fuck you anyway, I got a big ol’ dick.” The bartender calls him back over, but he’s already gone. Over at the snack table, Greggy and Freja are sharing a puff pastry filled with cream cheese. “These are so good”, Freja says. Greggy responds, “I brought the cream cheese from home. It’s one third the fat of regular cream cheese.” Freja kisses Greggy on the mouth and they continue to mouth kiss for a good hour, only stopping to take bites of cream cheese puffs. In the corner Tim Treese is finger fucking his own asshole while burdrulz watches from the shadows. This is going exactly as I planned, thinks The Narnold aka Skrimps.

 

Sean and Hayes enter the convention center, fashionably late and fashionably dressed. At the exact moment they enter The Beastie Boys’ “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)” starts playing. “What up? What up?” yells Hayes. God, he’s trying so hard to seem cool, thinks Sean. “What up? What up?” yells Sean. Everyone thinks I look so cool, thinks Sean. Hayes quickly scans the room, searching for Chanson. He’s nowhere to be found. A single tear falls down Hayes’ cheek and he quickly wipes it away and yells “Let’s do this!” but his voice cracks and it’s kind of awkward and sad. Sean gives him a pat on the butt and mean-whispers “Get it together, dillhole.” Hayes runs into the bathroom sobbing. Inside the bathroom Hayes hears another person crying. He looks under the stalls but doesn’t see any feet. “Is someone in here?” “Huh? Hayes?” Chanson steps out of the stall, his mascara running down his face. “You came?” “Yeah.. and you’re about to.” Chanson takes Hayes’ butt into his hands. Hayes likes it. Hayes kisses Chanson on the head (of his dick) and says “I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life.” “Ditto” says Chanson, just like that cute scene from that movie I can’t remember ‘cause I never saw it. They fuck. Hard. In the main convention hall, Bruce Reid Robinson II says, “Hey, where’s Veebs?” Joe McGurl says simply “Diarrhea.” They kiss. Hard.

 

Years later, Hayes and Chanson are regaling their biological grandchildren with this story. The kids’ ears are perked up and they can’t believe how lucky they are to be the second generation offspring of these two men, thanks to science. “Everyone fell in love that night. I’d like to think we’re all soulmates, on some level. All of us forum folk found each other at the exact moment we needed to. And without those forums we never could’ve had you beautiful grandkids who we inexplicably got to name.” Teenaged Erika Thompson, tween JeffreyParties, 5^th grader showshowbro, kindergartner OcterDoctopus, and baby AndyKneis are all satisfied with the story. Inquisitive little Toby Keith Sweat, however, chirps “Grandpa, Grandpa, was the dj good like you wanted?” Hayes looks at Chanson and smiles. “I don’t know, precious little one, we were too busy fucking.”

 

RIP Sean. He killed himself, but no one cared, not even his mom.

not in it, left pointedly unliked.

[RyanWright 713]

not in it, left pointedly unliked.

I was hurt at first too but then I realized that I wasnt there because I was making out with VB like a boss

[Andrew 4646]

You didn't mention me, which was surely intentional, but I forgive you. Although I never forget.