Episode 34 — David Wain, Our Close Friend

[RyanWright 713]

what up everybody great stuff going on here. I cant comment on much reality but I do watch a worrisome amount of antiques roadshow. There's really no winner or loser but it is fun to watch some poor schlub's entire sense of heritage and tradition shatter behind his face when he learns that his greatgreatgreat grandpa's civil war sword is in actuality a lame reproduction from Sears & Roebuck worth only $50.

 

I do wish the bros would do some kind of open Q&A or love doctor type segment. I've spent the last 3 days party/bar hoppin trying to find a gf, I wish you all could've been there, it was pathetic

[xoValeriexo 4369]

 

I do wish the bros would do some kind of open Q&A or love doctor type segment. I've spent the last 3 days party/bar hoppin trying to find a gf, I wish you all could've been there, it was pathetic

 

I get the feeling Freja could give some pretty good advice on how to get chickadees. And I love yelling at the tv during The Bachelorette, so I definitely have a lot to offer too. And Agata is hot + young, so maybe she can be your motivation to be a better man.

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

What follows is the best pickup line and now that I'm in a long term relationship I can pass it on to you.

 

1.

"Hi, how are you? My name is ____."

(Other person's response. Whatever.)

 

2.

"Yeah, I'm just trying to meet new people."

(Other person's response. Whatever.)

 

3.

"Yeah. My mother threw away all my stuffed animals and said I need to find a real girlfriend."

(One or both of you then points to your schlong. Raise one or both eyebrows depending on other person's signals.)

[robinsbruce 4985]

Fucking flawless octer. Thanks breh breh!

[Freja 1290]

I do wish the bros would do some kind of open Q&A or love doctor type segment. I've spent the last 3 days party/bar hoppin trying to find a gf, I wish you all could've been there, it was pathetic

 

I've been strongly hinting for a while now that H+S should give more dating advice but they never bite-- I think it was just a one-time thing. Very unfair since they are so lucky in love and get all the chicks and stuff-- wish they'd spread the wealth around! I don't have a lot of suggestions for what to do, but I have a ton of suggestions for what NOT to do since I've been attracting a lot of dolts lately (but then again, as I expressed previously, I'm into Jordans and bodybuilding dot commers so I kinda deserve it, no?) Good luck, TJ! Been listening to a lot of Kishi Bashi lately! SO GOOD SO GOOD SO GOOD.

[kneisage 2108]

I've been with my girlfriend with 4 and a half years today but I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give a person since many other aspects of my life are a total mess

 

If anyone any questions or concerns though I would gladly answer them thank you

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

BRRII, thank you for being a supporter?

 

Also, should I include my name in my statement of purpose intro? They know its me already cause its included in MY application package.

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

You only need one word to get women. But you do need to know how many times to say it to convey the correct message. That word is "Hey..." and you have to lean in a little closer to the female each time you say it.

 

"Hey..." = "I'm interested in you. I wouldn't mind having a conversation and we'll see where it goes from there."

 

Feel free to use the single hey on any and every woman you see.

 

"Hey... Hey..." = "Let's fuck. Like seriously if we don't fucking fuck I'll be fucking disappointed."

 

Use your two hey approaches very carefully. The second hey is irresistible, so make sure you're prepared for the consequences that come along with it.

 

"Hey...Hey..................(lean in VERY close) .... Hey." = "Let's get married tonight. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

 

Basically don't use this ever unless you wanna get locked down like some pussy who wants to spend every Sunday doing chores with your girlfriend's parents and watching 19 Kids and Counting when the god damn Patriots are playing!

 

And that's what womens is.

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Yeah I could use some dating advice too. On Friday night I went out with a few friends and later on a few of the female friends tried to teach me how to talk to women (I'm not actually bad at small talk but I find it unnatural to approach strangers and also it seems weird the whole "picking up chicks" thing?) and we did a role-play. I did OK but then she said that she lives in Mountain View, and so do I, so I asked "Oh, where specifically?" This was apparently a big mistake and would have come across as very creepy to ask, even though I didn't mean it that way. It's a G.D minefield out there!

[burdrulz 1760]

Girl friends help pay the rent!

[robinsbruce 4985]

Yeah I could use some dating advice too. On Friday night I went out with a few friends and later on a few of the female friends tried to teach me how to talk to women (I'm not actually bad at small talk but I find it unnatural to approach strangers and also it seems weird the whole "picking up chicks" thing?) and we did a role-play. I did OK but then she said that she lives in Mountain View, and so do I, so I asked "Oh, where specifically?" This was apparently a big mistake and would have come across as very creepy to ask, even though I didn't mean it that way. It's a G.D minefield out there!

 

Dayum Tims. Should have said, "Of Mountain View huh?" then say something like, "thats pretty cool I live _______"(somewhere way more expensive) even if it is a lie. You want to make her feel poor. Then zero in on her skankiest friend and ask the lady you're actually interested in if said skanky friend is single. Now your lady is hooked cause she's all, "man this guy just made me feel poor and now he's interested in my obnoxious, emotionally destitute, entitled friend?" BINGO.

 

Now ask the lady that you like if SHE wants to get YOU a drink. Boom.

 

P.S. I had a dad-stache a while back (last month) and two women asked me out. So if all else fails just look weird as a bit and someone might notice.

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

BRR2: Oh man that's so brilliant... Do I need to pay you royalties for every pipe I lay using that strategy, or are you open source (GPL? MIT?)

[robinsbruce 4985]

BRR2: Oh man that's so brilliant... Do I need to pay you royalties for every pipe I lay using that strategy, or are you open source (GPL? MIT?)

 

Totes open source bro (OSU CGRB). Of course you could also get out of California, women in Bro-regon seem to have pretty low standards. The data I gathered with that mustache support that hypothesis.

[OcterDoctopus 1079]

"Where do you live in Mountain View? It's going to be so funny. Everyone is going to searching for you but nobody is going to be searching for me, so they won't find you because you'll be with me."

(steady eye contact)

[skizelo 2536]

You only need one word to get women. But you do need to know how many times to say it to convey the correct message. That word is "Hey..." and you have to lean in a little closer to the female each time you say it.

 

"Hey..." = "I'm interested in you. I wouldn't mind having a conversation and we'll see where it goes from there."

 

Feel free to use the single hey on any and every woman you see.

 

"Hey... Hey..." = "Let's fuck. Like seriously if we don't fucking fuck I'll be fucking disappointed."

 

Use your two hey approaches very carefully. The second hey is irresistible, so make sure you're prepared for the consequences that come along with it.

 

"Hey...Hey..................(lean in VERY close) .... Hey." = "Let's get married tonight. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

 

Basically don't use this ever unless you wanna get locked down like some pussy who wants to spend every Sunday doing chores with your girlfriend's parents and watching 19 Kids and Counting when the god damn Patriots are playing!

 

And that's what womens is.

 

Krusty the clown was the first PUA

[benk 257]

I wrote a whole thing about favorite types of music, all deconstructed and ironic and stuff, but then deleted it out of self-loathing and posted this.

[greggy 15909]

stop beating around the bushes ladies, just tell us the secret code words to make people like us

[kobthatreal 5896]

the whole thing about girls is you gotta look good. and you gotta have cool interests. make sure you say stuff like "skateboarding is so gay" and then let them know u have a long board. tell them that their eyes make you believe in god, because rando ass nature couldn't make that shit up in a trillion tries.

 

PROTIP: if a girl is seeming disinterested, spread your legs and grab the muscle (or fat) from your inner thigh with your hand and shake it around a little. it looks like u got the biggest cock in the world.

[RyanWright 713]

Girl friends help pay the rent!

lol man its like you can see into my soul

 

That is all great advice and some just basic anatomy. Thanks for the willingness to help but honestly I wouldnt even know what to ask. I scored a chick's number at a gas station otw to a party sat night, she comes over to hang out for awhile, things went well. The next morn I get on FB and shes changed her status to "in a relationship" At first I'm like oh shit! does she seriously think were like a couple bc of last night? Then I'm like oh shit! she just used me to make her ex bf jealous so they could get back together. an unwitting pawn in the game of love...but at least I have this forum and until lightning strikes I will just tell all my friends that Veebs, Freja, and Agata are all my combined gf that I met over summer break and that they are models that live in canada and that is why they have never heard of you and can never meet you... ever

 

PS if I ever get a gf IRL we will all have to break up...but just so you know, it's not you, it's me I just don't deserve you and I know you'll find someone much better than me bc you are soooo wonderful and I just want you to be happy

[Bozos of Basketball 3689]

 

Krusty the clown was the first PUA

 

Well Krusty is Jewish so he just needs to show chicks his bank account and he's in.

 

Maybe he flashes his other "greatest asset" as well.

 

That last part was an Eastbound reference. Hayes definitely gets it.

[kobthatreal 5896]

the right one will come. keep trying, but don't settle for some one who doesn't make you happy, or some one who doesn't appreciate you. I don't know if you're serious or not.

 

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take." - Dub Gretzky

[greggy 15909]

yeah the only real dating advice is just keep starting conversations with people who seem interesting to you, eventually you will find someone who is also interested in you

[RyanWright 713]

the right one will come. keep trying, but don't settle for some one who doesn't make you happy, or some one who doesn't appreciate you. I don't know if you're serious or not.

 

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take." - Dub Gretzky

thanks man, that is a true story but I'm not too bummed about it. I think alot of my problem is that I live in the butthole of america where most people are turds

[showshowbro 1177]

thanks man, that is a true story but I'm not too bummed about it. I think alot of my problem is that I live in the butthole of america where most people are turds

 

i'm late to the boards this week -- but i just wanted to add

 

A) Bozos wasn't lying about "hey" -- it is literally all you need and definitely the best pickup line. After 'hey' comes conversation.

Touch her shoulder briefly when she says something funny or when you agree with a point she's making, she'll probably start reciprocating and it will be much more obvious if any future moves you might wanna make will hit or miss.

C) Safe sex is better than no sex. Seriously though make sure she wears a helmet 'cause sometimes I bang chicks through the floor and they bump their heads and get an owwie on a strangers kitchen table.

 

-SHOSHO