Episode 98.5 — Minisode 98.5

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Grace Jones is a sentient android sculpted out of Martian marble by ancient aliens. No one should feel weird for being attracted to her.

 

My androgynoid desires manifest themselves thusly. I kneel before the Mighty Ms. Jones...

[broncotruck11 250]

This movie was a fkn drag to watch. Rodger Moore's double entendres weren't even that clever throughout the film. I mean at one point he makes one about like always having an erection in the morning (which I doubt a 62 year old rodger moore at the time still had morning wood) which was weird and tells one of the horseback riding girls if she 'likes to be in the saddle' or something along those lines...so dumb. I didn't understand why an hour of this movie was about fkn horses.

[dlo burns 129]

 

I don't know about Paul, but I do know I am uncomfortably attracted to May Day. I am kind of a weirdo.

 

Dolph and Grace were the perfect couple.

 

[Smigg 1488]

I'm both gutted, and not gutted that I missed "A View To a Kill" when it was on TV a few days ago. Gutted that I can't really take part in the threads. But also not gutted because I don't have to sit through a James Bond movie.

 

As I said previously, I FUCKING HATE JAMES BOND!

[broncotruck11 250]

So you have over 24 movies of james bond to choose from and you hate them all? GTFO

[Smigg 1488]

I hate every single last one of them.

[Smigg 1488]

 

Dolph and Grace were the perfect couple.

 

 

Dolph seems to have a history with tall women with Flat Tops.

 

[AnnieStone 153]

May Day = Jesus

[Cameron H. 23786]

May Day = Jesus

 

Sir Godfrey = John the Baptist

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

just watched it. cant wait to hear paul and jasons walkens impressions.

 

and was that dolph lundgren?

Fuckin' A right it was Dolph Lundgren!

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

The French guy that "has a fly in his soup" (The fuck? Doesn't even make sense...) had some of the worst ADR I've ever seen.

 

I'm old enough to remember when this movie was new, but not old enough to know if it was in any way controversial or if the Walken character was based on any specific person. I say this because I just started watching it on Netflix, and after the MGM logo there's a blurb that says "Neither the name 'Zorin' nor any other name or character in this film is meant to portray a real company or actual person". Anyone know what that's about? The Bond series has hated the shit out of the Russians for decades, but THEY never got a disclaimer or apology, so it seems weird that there'd be a disclaimer.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

May Day = Jesus

Look, besides her being black, I really don't see anything else that they have in common.

[reverendnathan 1]

It wasn't the most horrible movie I've seen, I'm not sure if it's even bad. 'Not good' I guess is what I'd call this movie. The real concern I guess is just the physical impossibility of setting up the entire scheme of everything... it's completely unbelievable from just about every turn that no one saw anything coming. That's a fast horse, why does it always have a bandage before the race? That's a lot of explosives-- why do you want it all massed up in this hole? Why the hell are you manufacturing chips below your mansion in France?! You don't even need James Bond to solve this one, literally no part of this man's operation make sense.

 

The most impossible thing though is bungalow blimp. Wouldn't every last worker have seen that? And why did it need to be disguised as a bungalow, anyways?! Oh, man. I think the only thing that kept me from rolling my eyes over and over for 131 minutes was to stop and watch Christopher Walken give an amazing performance.

[justinmh05 1968]

The French guy that "has a fly in his soup" (The fuck? Doesn't even make sense...) had some of the worst ADR I've ever seen.

 

I'm old enough to remember when this movie was new, but not old enough to know if it was in any way controversial or if the Walken character was based on any specific person. I say this because I just started watching it on Netflix, and after the MGM logo there's a blurb that says "Neither the name 'Zorin' nor any other name or character in this film is meant to portray a real company or actual person". Anyone know what that's about? The Bond series has hated the shit out of the Russians for decades, but THEY never got a disclaimer or apology, so it seems weird that there'd be a disclaimer.

 

Danjaq found out during post production that a real tech company called Zorin existed. They had to include a disclaimer to avoid a lawsuit.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

I finished watching this and now I'm gonna watch the commentary because I have it on DVD because I LOVE IT. Fuck you naysayers!

 

Come on guys, in the opening sequence, as Duran Duran sings the chorus of "dance into the fire," there are girls dancing with these weird, cheap Spencer's Gifts-looking neon fire decals pasted onto their naughty bits. That's fucking deep, bro!

[Jotchua 431]

I agree with previous sentiments that this might not be the worst of all the Bond films, but it's bad in a good way. The makeshift snowboarding was a perfect example. I will say that the running time was ludicrous.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

I will say that the running time was ludicrous.

 

Yes. It's soooo fucking boring, especially the first half. I really don't even think it's bad in a fun way, just straight up bad.

[denimgremlin 1179]

 

Yes. It's soooo fucking boring, especially the first half. I really don't even think it's bad in a fun way, just straight up bad.

 

I have to agree to an extant, I don't think A View to a Kill is that bad, I'm biased because I love Bond movies even the shitty ones, and I have a maybe masochistic affection for the Roger Moore era, but there are so many other Roger Moore Bond's that are bad but also more fun to watch, like Live and Let Die is this crazy racist attempt at a blaxploitation movie that ends with Yaphet Koto being inflated like balloon and Bond in Harlem acting like he just landed on Mars. or Man With the Golden Gun which has Roger Moore fight Herve Villacheze then lock him in a suitcase and both have a recurring racist country sheriff character, J W Pepper. or Octopussy were the climax involves Bond dressing up like a clown and infultrating circus to disarm a hidden nuke, also it has a woman it it named Octopussy!

[Cameron H. 23786]

I think Paul was overselling that 'badness' of View to a Kill - maybe to justify doing it on the podcast.

 

His mocking of the trailer was weird - it was just like every other action movie trailer from the '80s.

 

It seems like this is just an excuse to crossover with James Bonding, which is fine.

 

But View to a Kill is a middle of the road Bond movie - there are at least five (Moonraker, Tomorrow Never Dies, Die Another Day, The World is not Enough and Quantum of Solace) that are WAY worse in my opinion.

 

I have to agree to an extant, I don't think A View to a Kill is that bad, I'm biased because I love Bond movies even the shitty ones, and I have a maybe masochistic affection for the Roger Moore era, but there are so many other Roger Moore Bond's that are bad but also more fun to watch, like Live and Let Die is this crazy racist attempt at a blaxploitation movie that ends with Yaphet Koto being inflated like balloon and Bond in Harlem acting like he just landed on Mars. or Man With the Golden Gun which has Roger Moore fight Herve Villacheze then lock him in a suitcase and both have a recurring racist country sheriff character, J W Pepper. or Octopussy were the climax involves Bond dressing up like a clown and infultrating circus to disarm a hidden nuke, also it has a woman it it named Octopussy!

 

I agree with both of you, and although I have not listened to James Bonding (I've subscribed, but haven't gotten to it yet), it looks like (with the exception of Moonraker and Octopussy) they have done all of these already. I imagine that's why they weren't picked. For my money, I would have picked either Live and Let Die or Moonraker, both are bad, but watchable.

 

Watching A View to a Kill this time felt like a chore. It was just so long! Don't get me wrong, I don't mind watching a long film, but I feel if you are going to make a long film every minute needs to feel justified. This movie could have used a healthy dose of editing.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

Yes. It's soooo fucking boring, especially the first half. I really don't even think it's bad in a fun way, just straight up bad.

I threw this on the other night, and while I recall seeing it a lot when I was younger, I barely remembered anything from this aside from the mine and blimp stuff. It barely held my interest, I started doing other stuff, and the next thing I knew it was over. It did seem overly quippy though, like Bond had some shitty comeback for everything that didn't even make sense half the time.

[seanotron 2307]

 

I have to agree to an extant, I don't think A View to a Kill is that bad, I'm biased because I love Bond movies even the shitty ones, and I have a maybe masochistic affection for the Roger Moore era, but there are so many other Roger Moore Bond's that are bad but also more fun to watch, like Live and Let Die is this crazy racist attempt at a blaxploitation movie that ends with Yaphet Koto being inflated like balloon and Bond in Harlem acting like he just landed on Mars. or Man With the Golden Gun which has Roger Moore fight Herve Villacheze then lock him in a suitcase and both have a recurring racist country sheriff character, J W Pepper. or Octopussy were the climax involves Bond dressing up like a clown and infultrating circus to disarm a hidden nuke, also it has a woman it it named Octopussy!

 

Live and Let Die definitely sits atop the pile of insane Bond flicks.

 

"So we got Yaphet Kotto as our heavy."

 

"Really? Wow, that's great! What's his evil plan going to be? Creating a race of superhumans? Destory the world with a supervolcano? Secretly provoke a war between the US and China?"

 

"We thought we'd have him trying to take over the drug trade with a psychic virgin and his network of henchmen that operate out of his chain of soul food restaurants."

 

"....."

 

"Oh, and we thought we'd throw in voodoo because that will explain why all the islanders stay away from the heroin. Because they're scared of the spirits haunting the area."

 

"......................"

 

"You aren't saying much..."

 

"I'm trying to decide between putting my head in the oven or jumping right out the window."

[seanotron 2307]

It did seem overly quippy though, like Bond had some shitty comeback for everything that didn't even make sense half the time.

 

This was a problem throughout the Moore era, IMO. Connery was quick-witted but you got the sense he could also snap your neck if you pissed him off. Roger Moore never really pulled off the darker aspects of a character that kills people for a living.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

 

This was a problem throughout the Moore era, IMO. Connery was quick-witted but you got the sense he could also snap your neck if you pissed him off. Roger Moore never really pulled off the darker aspects of a character the kills people for a living.

This reminds me, there was a time when I was at work and someone asked what time it was, so I did the old "It's time for YOU to get a watch!" response, selling it like I'd invented the phrase, but the real joke became when I used it as my response to EVERYTHING for the entire rest of the day from "What's for lunch?" To "Did we get those test results back?".

[qaop_space 87]

oh lord that Beach Boys segment

[Kickpuncher 5012]

It did seem overly quippy though, like Bond had some shitty comeback for everything that didn't even make sense half the time.

 

I almost always get a chuckle out of stupid puns and those sorts of lines, but most of the 'quips' in this aren't remotely funny, or in some cases, it's like there's not even a joke there. Like one time, the cops that are chasing him get blocked by a train or stuck on train tracks or something, and he says something (in his "quip" tone) about them being on the wrong track. THAT'S NOT A JOKE. IT'S JUST WHAT'S HAPPENING.