Episode 73 — The Gilmore Guys, Our Close Friend

[marshall mellow 1671]

Jesus Christ, Superstar ?

[xoValeriexo 4369]

 

Remember that time I said you'd be a good dad because I didn't realize the guy in your picture wasn't you and I said that your face was a good dad face?

 

I think you actually told him he had a good best friend face.

 

Sorry I was late for the popcorn gallery. I don't care about Kumail too much anyway, so no big loss. Wait, since he's a video game guy does that mean you won't have Kyle Bosman on? No, no, no, no, no, please, no.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

BORING! I'm bored! If you all don't be more entertaining, and quick, I swear I'll go out and make friends in real life. I'm totally not bluffing here, so post more funny stuff. NOT BLUFFING!

 

Edit: I'm setting a time limit of three refreshes, and if nothing funny has been posted I am putting my computer down and doing something else. I don't make idle threats, so please take this very seriously.

[Casaba 5942]

How's this, Spunky?

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Oh thank god I was totally bluffing!

 

That's a good start, but keep them coming. You're all not off the hook yet!

[Casaba 5942]

Spunky, I have an assignment for you. Are you ready for this challenge?

 

EDIT: This can be for anyone: Write a very short story (one or two paragraphs) that involves two animals and a toaster.

[marshall mellow 1671]

[Joe McGurl 8358]

 

somethingsomethingsomethinglizardbrains

[robinsbruce 4985]

when are you fart knockers hanging out again

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Eric Burdon glanced toward the passenger seat. "You sure about this, Mick?"

 

Mick Gallagher flicked his cigarette out into the LA darkness with an evil sneer. "We've been over this a thousand times, Eric, don't be a fraidy-cat. We agreed that ska is the fucking worst, you were even more angry about it than me!"

 

"Yeah, but this is pretty extreme. I'm not sure it's really worth all this."

 

Mick sighed. "It's too late to back out now, so we do it like we planned. You pour the gasoline, I'll light it, then we head into the park with our bags and go camping. It's a foolproof alibi."

 

The muffled screams of Robert "Bucket" Hingley were barely audible from the trunk.

[Casaba 5942]

Bring it on, Bruce! I'll fuckin' hangout right now! I don't give a fuck!

 

(This is a character I'm working on right now: The agro joiner.)

 

EDIT: No, but really, Bruce, whenever you want to hang, you just lemme know, mmmkay?

 

(This is another character I'm working on right now: The helpful office lady)

[marshall mellow 1671]

Spunky, I have an assignment for you. Are you ready for this challenge?

 

EDIT: This can be for anyone: Write a very short story (one or two paragraphs) that involves two animals and a toaster.

 

Good God, Cat, another lizard? How many is that this week ? She’s got to be running out of places to hide them ! Where is she going with it ? Looks like she’s going to hide this one too. Cat, where are you hiding this one then ? Oh, into the kitchen eh ? I’ll have to see this. Straight onto the counter tops, eh ! Rules be damned. Hahaha. Where to now ? The sink ? Oh that would be hilarious ! I can just imagine the fright they’ll get when they see a dead lizard in the sink ! Good one cat. Not the sink ? The bread bin ? Yes, do it, do it, do it ! Ooh, my God, why are you holding it over the toaster ? Looks like you’re going to drop it in there if you’re not careful…. oh, she dropped it right into the toaster ! Gross ! Even for you cat, that’s a whole new level. And she’s cleaning her bum now, right on the table. I’ve seen enough.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

"Toast it," Joe McGurl said. Joe McGurl was the coolest student Bayside High School had ever seen. Word was that he had sex with Kelly Kapowski in Principal Belding's office...while Principal Belding watched and jerked it ate lunch in the other room, totally out of view and not watching or jerking it but still...pretty cool and badass of Joe McGurl. Today, Joe was wearing a military jacket, combat boots and some stone-washed jeans that made him look a bit like Tom Cruise in Top Gun if you squinted. I always wanted to get into that cool inner circle but I was only a freshman and he was a senior, how could I ever be so cool and handsome?

 

"Hey...Morris...are ya deaf? I said toast it." Oh, man. I'm blowing it. "How do I...I mean...I just don't think I can fit an entire badger inside this toaster, Joe." "You'll call me by my nickname, Morris. Only my mother calls me Joe and she actually calls me Joseph, so forget I even said that she calls me Joe. I smoked a stonie behind the gym so I'm a little high right now, sorry. The point is, is that no one calls me Joe, not even my mother." "Alright, sorry, Falcon." Jeez, that was close. I'm sweating bullets on the inside but I'm trying to keep myself together for Joe "Falcon" McGurl. "Look, fresh, I don't care HOW you fit the badger inside the toaster. When Falcon asks you to put a badger inside a toaster...YA PUT A BADGER INSID"

This ends your free preview of "Before I Needed to be Saved by a Bell at All" to continue reading, please upgrade.

 

 

 

[Casaba 5942]

Clunk!

The sound of the toast popping up in the toaster woke Cindy from her daydream. She gently pinched the toast with her thumb and forefinger and quickly transferred it to her plate before her fingers were burned. She stared down at her knife as she slowly spread the butter on her toast. This was another rough morning before another boring day at work. Cindy didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to be reminded that she was a secretary. She didn't want to think of her cubicle under the blinding florescent lights in her huge corporate office building. Her mind was elsewhere.

 

She sat down at her kitchen table with her toast. Her cat, also named Cindy, circled her legs beneath the table. Cindy bent down and gently scratched Cindy's head. She inherited this cat from a former coworker who moved, but she couldn't bare to change her name. It felt wrong somehow. As she ate her toast, Cindy thought of the previous weekend and how thrilling it had all been. Without much thought, on Friday after work, Cindy had packed a bag, asked a neighbor to feed Cindy, and jumped in her car. She drove all night until she couldn't drive anymore. She found herself in Austin, Texas in a bar, dancing her past life away. She went home with a nice man that night. Happy for a place to stay and some sweet loving. The next day she saw the sights, rode horseback, ate some good barbecue, saw a few bands play, and went home with a different man. Early Sunday morning she crept out of this stranger's house before he woke up, got back in her car, and headed home.

 

But now it was Monday morning again. The adventure was over. And the florescent lights were calling her.

[Casaba 5942]

...out into the LA darkness with an evil sneer.

 

Just to be clear, this is the Louisiana darkness, right?

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Sean mentioned liking Nature so here is our (Me and Bangsy) proposal for him to move to the Bay Area and become good (best?) friends with us:

 

 

 

 

Also check out the gross bug that really freaked our respective beans. Nature is gross. You gotta check it out and please preserve it and donate and whatever:

 

 

 

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

I was going for that "Louisiana noir" style.

 

Edit: If I'd been away from my computer I might never have learned that Elmore Leonard was born in New Orleans, and we'd all be dumber for it.

[Casaba 5942]

Sean, come enjoy the beautiful wooded areas of Northern California. They are plentiful here:

 

[Casaba 5942]

I was going for that "Louisiana noir" style.

 

Edit: If I'd been away from my computer I might never have learned that Elmore Leonard was born in New Orleans, and we'd all be dumber for it.

 

This is a good Louisiana noir:

 

 

It's not exactly a noir, but it uses a noir style and structure to tell a different kind of story. If you ever get the chance to see it, I highly recommend it.

[RanRan 3242]

She found herself in Austin, Texas in a bar, dancing her past life away. She went home with a nice man that night. Happy for a place to stay and some sweet loving. The next day she saw the sights, rode horseback, ate some good barbecue, saw a few bands play, and went home with a different man. Early Sunday morning she crept out of this stranger's house before he woke up, got back in her car, and headed home.

Good choices, Cindy.

 

"What do you think will happen if I shove a fork into this toaster?" Frank asked. Frank was a squirrel.

"I don't know. Let's both try it at the same time and see," said Jamal. Jamal was also a squirrel. They did it and they both got electrocuted and died. Everyone else in their social circle acted very sad about it but secretly felt a little relieved because Frank and Jamal had been very mean squirrels.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

 

This is a good Louisiana noir:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx5NTgtz6U8

 

It's not exactly a noir, but it uses a noir style and structure to tell a different kind of story. If you ever get the chance to see it, I highly recommend it.

 

Hmm. Generally I feel that black 'n' white movies equals old-timey and boring, and don't speak to my modern sensibilities, but because its you recommending it I may give it a try.

[Casaba 5942]

 

Hmm. Generally I feel that black 'n' white movies equals old-timey and boring, and don't speak to my modern sensibilities, but because its you recommending it I may give it a try.

 

[gototimsvlogdotnet 2886]

Any of you nerds Hendrix fans?

 

[xoValeriexo 4369]

“Hey kitten, come here.” The kitten didn’t know what to do, she’d never heard a dumpster talk before. A trash can, sure, a recycling bin, many times, but never a dumpster. Hesitantly the kitten stepped forward to peek inside the dumpster but she didn’t have the courage to open her eyes once she stuck her head in, “What do you want?” kitten said, trying to sound unafraid. “What are you closing your eyes for? I’m just a baby cat like you. Tee hee hee, fluffy I am, tee hee, cute lil whiskers I have.” The kitten pulled her head out of the dumpster as quickly as she could. She’d never heard such a beautiful song before. Who was this mystery kitten? And why did his song sound so much like Moondance? Kitten’s friend the rat glided down from the rooftop using a banana peel as a parachute. Kitten was puzzled. “What are you doing here? There are only supposed to be two animals in this story.” Rat replied, “Two animals and a what?” “Two animals and a…and a…” But it didn’t matter. Kitten was in love.

[DEATHMAN 3317]

HAYES & SEAN ALERT

 

they read an ad on comedy bang bang