EPISODE 105 — Safe Haven

[Cameron H. 23786]

 

Did he actually like Slayer? He seemed to be pretty negative at the thought of listening to Slayer. I can't see why anyone would be negative about it, Slayer are fantastic.

 

I assume so...I doubt it was his kids' or his dead wife's cassette. I took his negativity as him being coy about admitting that he fucking LOVES Slayer. Kind of like when you are into something and really want to geek out on it, but you're not sure how the person you are with will react. "It's either Mark Twain or we can listen to Slayer...I mean, we got Slayer here, if you want...I'm good either way. Just want you to be aware, we got Slayer on deck if requested...I don't really listen to them, but if YOU want to listen to them, I guess that'd be cool..."

 

I mean, it's either that or the people who made this are terrible writers...Oh, wait a minute...shit.

[Smigg 1488]

Well, I don't think he did like Slayer, considering my Slayer fandom, and being around other Slayer fans, their attitude isn't a coy "Well, you know, if you don't like Mark Twain... um... well... we have Slayer if you want..." it's more a "Why the fuck are we listening to this gay shit?! ARRRRRRGH FUCKIN' SLAAAAAAAYYYYYYYEEEERR!! If you don't like Slayer, then get the fuck out of my car... ya bitch!" before opening her car door, and shoving her out onto the side of the road, whilst speeding off with "Angel of Death" at full volume.

 

Although, I may be generalising.

 

If his wife was the Slayer fan, that would make the movie fucking awesome;

 

"Honey, I just want one thing when the time comes."

"What's that, baby?"

"At my funeral, would you play "Dead Skin Mask" off the 'Seasons in the Abyss' album?"

"No, that's just weird, it would be a funeral, I don't think it's right to play a song with the title 'Dead Skin Mask', at a funeral"

"Raining Blood?"

"No Slayer at the funeral!"

"If you don't like Slayer, then get the fuck out of my hospital ward... ya bitch!"

 

Then she opens the door, shoves him out, whilst turning up "Angel of Death" at full volume.

[Smigg 1488]

Here's something that needs to be brought up.

 

When Red West (Josh Dumahel's dad, I think) is in a movie where he works in a local store, the local store gets burned to the ground, and that movie is lampooned on "How Did This Get Made", here in Safe Haven, and in Road House.

 

So, Cobie Smulders causes things to happen to parents, and Red West's store's always burn down. There seem to be as many curses coming into this movie as there are genres.

[jimmywellington 9]

I'm interested in the story of "Bolo", the guy on the other wanted poster next to Katie/Erin. In my experience, a guy named "Bolo" has a story to tell.

 

BOLO = Be On the Look Out (for)

[Smigg 1488]

 

BOLO = Be On the Look Out (for)

 

That explains why the guy with the spiderweb tattoo who was where I'm from was called that.

[jarrycanada 2483]

 

That's right Quasar! Although I don't think any of us could be cooler...

 

 

This movie touched me in a way that I can't touch back. Seriously can we have showgirls already..

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

 

This has happened since like episode 20 of HDTGM. I just dug through the backlog of forums and look at this thread from mid-2013:

 

http://forum.earwolf...744-am-i-crazy/

 

Super annoying

 

Yes this is true... I was listening episode 98 "LOL: LIVE!" and Chelsea Peretti said that it happened to her with LOL at the 6min:47sec mark

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

 

That's right Quasar! Although I don't think any of us could be cooler...

 

I just feel obligated to do this...

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

If anything could have made this movie tolerable, it's a dancing Van Damme.

[jarrycanada 2483]

PlanBFromOuterSpace now you've gone and done it. how about a dance off.

 

 

Mind you that JCVD GIF is a classic.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

PlanBFromOuterSpace now you've gone and done it. how about a dance off.

 

 

Mind you that JCVD GIF is a classic.

Don't you mean a dance...FACE/Off?

 

Anyway...

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I'm interested in the story of "Bolo", the guy on the other wanted poster next to Katie/Erin. In my experience, a guy named "Bolo" has a story to tell. I know of two Bolo's in my life.

 

Bolo Yeung - The legendary Martial Arts star playing the iconic "Chong-Li" in Bloodsport.

 

Sorry, it seems I'm on a bit of a Van Damme KICK tonight and Bolo is one of my trigger words...

 

[jarrycanada 2483]

can't compete with that one, JCVD is a

.

you had me with #86 PlanBFromOuterSpace, now your just rubbing it in my face.

 

Mind you, that's just what my vision of my JCVD rear windshield wiper system would look like.

He's leg would go up and down to clean the window clean.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

This is my kind of dance...

[jarrycanada 2483]

[Smigg 1488]

[Cameron H. 23786]

Dear “Her,”

 

Hi, you don’t know me, but I am the dead wife of the man you are currently banging. I would like to say that my purpose for writing this is out of some altruistic feeling for my husband, but nothing could be further from the truth. I just felt the need to introduce myself as I am the specter and shadow you will be living under for the rest of your life. You see, although I may be gone, the love my husband felt for me will never fade and no matter what you say, feel, or do I will forever be the benchmark he secretly holds you against.

 

Now, you may think you’re something special, but let me ask you this: has he already taken you backward canoeing? Did it end up raining even though he insisted the weather report didn’t call for it? Have you discussed the eating habits of gorillas? Have you eaten dinner at that tackle shop where if you’re there passed closing they will just lock you in, check unpaid? Once you realized the staff had left for the evening, did you tango through the store? These are all classic Alex “moves.” You are not unique. You are merely the death rattle of my husband’s fading libido.

 

So, congratulations! You have earned the silver medal in the race for my husband’s affections, and I really just want you to remember one thing: When you wake up warm and cozy next to him tomorrow, the day after that, and for however long the charade of your “love” lasts, if I hadn’t died from this bullshit cancer, you would not be there. You’re only there because I can’t be.

 

In closing, I just want you to know that I have been studying the Dark Arts from the moment I was diagnosed with this disease, and if my Black Magicks are successful you will most definitely be meeting me in the future.

 

Yours spitefully,

Jo

 

P.S. I am enclosing this picture of myself just to rub it in your face more. That’s right. I look like Cobie goddamn Smulders!

 

 

P.P.S Boo!

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I'd like to believe that they had no idea that a camera was there...and that Cage still does his grocery shopping this way.

[SarahKlass 2]

I created this account just so I could discuss a topic that I could not get around in this movie and that was the age difference between Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough. In real life, and I assume in the movie, he's 40 and she's like 25. So 15 years isn't that crazy, I've been there, but a 25 year old who is coming out of her first marriage and now ready to settle down again AND become a step mother to two elementary school kids is kind of insane. I'm 26 and that kind of age difference is enough to be huge hurdle to jump but the added two children would take more than a couple of months (thats the time frame of the movie, right?) to overcome. She was immediately cool with being the new mom to kids who are about the same age difference from her as her new boyfriend.

Ok thanks.

[wakefresh 689]

I'm interested in the story of "Bolo", the guy on the other wanted poster next to Katie/Erin. In my experience, a guy named "Bolo" has a story to tell. I know of two Bolo's in my life.

 

Bolo Yeung - The legendary Martial Arts star playing the iconic "Chong-Li" in Bloodsport.

 

There was also a guy named "Bolo" where I lived, a local criminal/supposed hardman, with a completely shaved head (no eyebrows either), with a spiderweb tattooed on his ENTIRE head, there was a story about him tearing up a Job Centre after getting annoyed that they wouldn't pay him his benefits, after his excuse for not even looking for a job being "They're not gonna give a job to a bloke with a fucking spiderweb on his face, so what's the point in looking for a fucking job!" He got arrested seemingly weekly until he got stabbed in the neck in a bar fight.

 

So, with a name with that track record, I wanted to see what "Bolo" was doing.

 

Bolo Yeung was in Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon" too. He hilariously kills a fighter by jumping on his chest and then flexes his pecs at Bruce Lee.

[joshg 207]

Dear Jo,

 

Thank you for your thoughtful note. Yes, I am banging your husband, and it took all of a few weeks after moving here to do so. In fact, it was so easy, I didn't even have to try. Within a few days he was stalking me in the middle of the night, dropping off a bike as some sort of Sparksian courtship ritual. I rebuffed him for this creepy gesture and he still had me posing for family photos on the beach with his cereal commercial kids before we even held hands.

 

I was able to seduce him while looking over my shoulder for my psycho alcoholic husband. I seduced him while displaying absolutely no personality whatsoever: no interests, no original thoughts, no taste in any particular music or culture, no sense of humor or wit. Pretty sure my only skill was that I knew how to smile. Maybe he took one look at me and thought, "That is a woman with whom I can listen to Mark Twain audiobooks."

 

Oh, and I still managed to seduce him despite that one time he thought I was a murderer.

 

So perhaps your hold over him isn't as strong as you'd like to think. Perhaps you weren't as perfect a mother as you thought. Your son was obviously not prepared for the day when a new woman would come along - maybe that's a letter you could have written him? Is that unfair? Yes, but so is dating your imaginary ghost neighbor's husband.

 

And I noticed you wrote your son on his 18th birthday and his graduation day, and to your daughter on her wedding day. SEXIST MUCH??

 

Yours,

Katie

[mnwbk 0]

I heard about a show in New York in May, but I can't find any info about it. Does anyone know anythign about this?

 

Thank you!!

[Smigg 1488]

 

Bolo Yeung was in Bruce Lee's "Enter the Dragon" too. He hilariously kills a fighter by jumping on his chest and then flexes his pecs at Bruce Lee.

 

He did the same shit in Bloodsport, he jumped on Ray Jackson's head, and flexed his pecs at JCVD.

[volatile_hearts 0]

If we're to assume that the ghost-wife's goal was to find her husband someone new to love/bang, how many other women did she haunt before she met Katie?

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

Dear “Her,”

 

Hi, you don’t know me, but I am the dead wife of the man you are currently banging. I would like to say that my purpose for writing this is out of some altruistic feeling for my husband, but nothing could be further from the truth. I just felt the need to introduce myself as I am the specter and shadow you will be living under for the rest of your life. You see, although I may be gone, the love my husband felt for me will never fade and no matter what you say, feel, or do I will forever be the benchmark he secretly holds you against.

 

Now, you may think you’re something special, but let me ask you this: has he already taken you backward canoeing? Did it end up raining even though he insisted the weather report didn’t call for it? Have you discussed the eating habits of gorillas? Have you eaten dinner at that tackle shop where if you’re there passed closing they will just lock you in check unpaid? Once you realized the staff had left for the evening, did you tango through the store? These are all classic Alex “moves.” You are not unique. You are merely the death rattle of my husband’s fading libido.

 

So, congratulations! You have earned the silver medal in the race for my husband’s affections, and I really just want you to remember one thing: When you wake up warm and cozy next to him tomorrow, the day after that, and for however long the charade of your “love” lasts, if I hadn’t died from this bullshit cancer, you would not be there. You’re only there because I can’t be.

 

In closing, I just want you to know that I have been studying the Dark Arts from the moment I was diagnosed with this disease, and if my Black Magicks are successful you will most definitely be meeting me in the future.

 

Yours spitefully,

Jo

 

P.S. I am enclosing this picture of myself just to rub it in your face more. That’s right. I look like Cobie goddamn Smulders!

 

 

P.P.S Boo!

If I remember correctly (and I may not, as I'm pretty sure that I just made this up), this was the most awkward Carnac segment ever...

#AskYourGrandparents