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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 111 — Hercules in New York: LIVE!

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To answer next week's mini ep question, no, Nic Cage would NOT have made this movie better!

 

 

I think HDTGM found its new patron saint today. We'll start asking whether a movie would have been better with Arnold Stang. Spoiler alert: the answer will always be "yes." Even in this movie- he could have played Zeus as well as his own dead wife.

 

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Something else that blew my mind was when the Professor,* his daughter, and her boyfriend calmly have a discussion that Hercules is most likely suffering from Delusions of Grandeur and then collectively agree that, because they think he's a pretty dope dude, they just don't care. They aren't even a little bit concerned about the psychopath they've let into their lives? This is even after stating that other people suffering from DoG are usually institutionalized! So they are going to just ignore the fact that this mountain of a man, who has been exhibiting violent and erratic behavior, as well as symptoms that could possibly point toward schizophrenia, just because they think he's "fascinating" and kind of neat? Yup, that makes sense...

 

*Did anyone else think the Professor acted/looked like a Chris Parnell character?

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Something else that blew my mind was when the Professor,* his daughter, and her boyfriend calmly have a discussion that Hercules is most likely suffering from Delusions of Grandeur and then collectively agree that, because they think he's a pretty dope dude, they just don't care. They aren't even a little bit concerned about the psychopath they've let into their lives? This is even after stating that other people suffering from DoG are usually institutionalized! So they are going to just ignore the fact that this mountain of a man, who has been exhibiting violent and erratic behavior, as well as symptoms that could possibly point toward schizophrenia, just because they think he's "fascinating" and kind of neat? Yup, that makes sense...

 

*Did anyone else think the Professor acted like a Chris Parnell character?

 

His arc is basically the movie Six Degrees of Separation except instead of Will Smith pretending to be Sidney Poitier's son, it's Arnold pretending to be Zeus' son.

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Why has nobody brought up the tyre skidding sound effect when the car is on wet grass?

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I think this means DJ Sheppard watched The Island of Doctor Moreau *sober*, which is very upsetting.

 

Always sober when I'm jerking off to pig ladies. Always.

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I just wanted to link you guys to this Huffington Post article that was released in January of last year that included a little interview about the movie with the director of "Hercules in New York," Arthur Allan Seidelman.

 

Interesting tidbits: The cab that Arnold lifts up is a real cab, but with all the insides taken out.

Also--to quote Seidelman: the bear actually being a man in a bear suit was meant to be "intentionally obvious ...You’ve got to remember, this movie was intended as a spoof ... So I decided to do the bear sequence 'silly,' I’ll have to call it." Um, a spoof of what, exactly? Greek mythology? Bodybuilding? Did these guys think they were making a Mel Brooks movie? This ended up being closer to "Sharknado"--a movie that thinks it's winking at the camera, but is really just funny for all the wrong reasons:

 

Anyway: here it is:

 

http://www.huffingto..._n_4565069.html

 

Thanks for another great show!

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I'm risking my life here...but did anyone else find this one of the most boring episodes yet? They're just making fun of a cheap B-movie. Too easy.

 

I sort of agree with the idea that an old, low-budget movie isn't generally something they should be doing, but the Schwarzenegger factor is enough of a reason to make an exception here, and either way, this episode was a goddam delight.

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I saw the dubbed version on TBS as a kid. It was like a fever dream on a Sunday morning. None of the parts fit in my head.

 

All I could think about was the Bill Murray SNL Hercules sketch.

 

#ihavenolink

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Another thing I didn't understand was what exactly Hercules knew about the mortal world before going into it for the first time. When the taxi driver asks him for two bucks he seems confused by the concept of money, or at least the concept of him personally having to pay for something (leading to one of my favorite quotes of the movie: "Bucks? Does? What is all this zoological talk about male and female animals?" That line made me turn on subtitles). He also refers to cars as "chariots" multiple times. Yet, when Helen asks him what his father does, he says, "Uhhhhh he's retired" so I guess he sort of understands the concept of retirement? Or maybe he doesn't actually know what it means, but he picked up somewhere that s a more acceptable thing to say than, "My father's a god, duh" -- a tactic that didn't work when he tried it before.

 

And on a related note, when none of the gods or goddesses are hanging out in the real world, if that ever happens, do you think they still just stare into their weird crystal ball and spy on randos? Or do you think they just send gods and goddesses down just to make it interesting? It doesn't seem like there's much else to do on Mount Olympus.

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Another thing I didn't understand was what exactly Hercules knew about the mortal world before going into it for the first time.

 

Yeah, amazingly inconsistent. He's sees the fork lift and questions why the chariot has no horses, but has no issues with just getting into a taxi.

 

Hell, he didn't understand the concept of actors, I guess he wasn't paying much attention to Thespis.

 

 

I'm glad they described Arnold's acting as being Tommy Wisseu level bad, there are line he delivers that immediately made think of "I did nawt hit her, I did nawt".

 

 

In regards to his "romance", two highlights:

 

Firstly, Helen is speaking to her father about Hercules (around 30 minutes in), and within a single scene goes from disliking him and complaining about his actions to delivering this really odd smile and saying she would go out with him.

 

Secondly, how long was their date? It was obviously night at the zoo, partly dark while they were in the carriage (which featured the worst camera work I have ever witnessed, I can make it through the shaky cam of Cloverfield with no problems, but that was too much), then it seemed to be early morning perhaps? The sun was definitely out.

 

 

 

Also, Pretzies reaction shots were the greatest things I have ever seen.

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Secondly, how long was their date? It was obviously night at the zoo, partly dark while they were in the carriage (which featured the worst camera work I have ever witnessed, I can make it through the shaky cam of Cloverfield with no problems, but that was too much), then it seemed to be early morning perhaps? The sun was definitely out.

 

You know how directors/DPs like to shoot outdoor scenes during "the magic hour"? Whenever they shot that bear fight was the opposite of the magic hour.

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Did anyone else notice how both the women in the podcast loved Arnold's performance which was clearly based on them being attracted to him in this movie as well as Jason and Paul loving the performance of his love interest which was also clearly based on the fact that she was attractive. The outrage by the opposite sex's on this episode was amazing. I died when they say the female lead has something wrong with her.

 

 

Well, I am with the ladies. She wasn't very pretty.

 

I am normally not into muscles, but this time I could totally dig it.

Also, it was amusing watching for the times it seemed "take off the shirt" might have been written into the script just to see that bod.

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correction possibly! when they are doing the weight lifting competition, everyone thought that he had lost his power already, but i had gotten the idea that his strength had left him between those sets, so he could easily do the 750lb (and raised it twice) but it was gone when he went to do the 1000lb.

 

as for omissions...i dont remember anyone bringing it up, but the set for mt olympus is actually the conservatory gardens in central park. someone mentioned hearing a car honk, and the gardens are right on 5th ave so that might be why?

 

when juno is convincing nemesis to make herc normal, nemesis completely forgets a line that i think should have been "i dare not take part in undermining the will of the gods" but ends up being "i dare not take part in undermining the....the....of the gods!"

 

also WHY DOES JUNO JUST HAVE A RING FILLED WITH POWDER TO MAKE GODS MORTAL?!?!

 

eta:

why do the gangsters need pretzie to sign the contract? he doesnt seem to have actually managed herc into doing anything, so what need would there be to sign anything? isn't it hercules that should be signing a contract?

 

i'm sure there are plenty of other things im forgetting as well

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I sort of agree with the idea that an old, low-budget movie isn't generally something they should be doing, but the Schwarzenegger factor is enough of a reason to make an exception here, and either way, this episode was a goddam delight.

 

 

It's old enough to be pre irony, right? I mean, sure, cheap B movies have been lazy and campy for a long time, but I imagine this was still a fairly ernest attempt (at getting Arnold Strong to not seem somehow too inhuman to play a nonhuman), so to me it still fits into the HDTGM... criteria?

 

Especially since those criteria don't even exist.

 

(But I also don't personally watch any of the movies.)

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OMMISSION

 

I just want to add, while people are chiming in on whether Jason or June is TEH best, that ultimately Paul is my pick for the host the show can't live without, because it would literally disintegrate without him, and also because we all know Second Opinions is the best segment of any podcast ever, and he picks amazing material for that, so SO THERE.

 

*drops keyboard*

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For the record: Harry Crane thought he was above it, made a smug declaration that Arnold Strong would never work again, and became more and more sullen with each new Schwarzenegger blockbuster. Also, he probably ended up making a fool of himself at a party / industry function in front of Arnold. Stan and Peggy bought tickets, but ended up making out the entire time. Sally brought Bobby and Gene, and she hated it, but it was worth it to see them smile. Roger laughed his ass off the entire 90 minutes. Don skipped out on work and sat in a matinee deep in thought about his upcoming pitch for Auntie Ann's. Joan was too busy being a bad bitch doing it for herself, and never saw it.

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It's not a correction or omission but I just want to point out a moment where Herc needs to say "deity" and he clearly says "diet". Had subs on and this moment encapsulated his performance for me. "Don't know what I am doing, don't know what I'm saying, I have big muscles!"

 

Was watching this movie, which I think sits high the pantheon of HDTGM picks (pun intended) and thinking, this will be a great episode... And it was glorious!

 

PS. Moments in the show where June feels for some character in any way only to have Zouks flip out over it are very endearing and hilarious. Love this dynamic between the two.

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It's old enough to be pre irony, right? I mean, sure, cheap B movies have been lazy and campy for a long time, but I imagine this was still a fairly ernest attempt (at getting Arnold Strong to not seem somehow too inhuman to play a nonhuman), so to me it still fits into the HDTGM... criteria?

 

Especially since those criteria don't even exist.

 

(But I also don't personally watch any of the movies.)

This is exactly why I can't agree that the acting is Wiseau-level bad, because I think it's clear here that Arnold is trying to play ball and not just going off and doing his own crazy thing. Even though he's pretty bad at it at this point, he's just so damn likable as this big goof that just sort of got thrown into a movie, whereas "The Room" was nothing but The Tommy Wiseau Show from start to finish, with him just coming off as a ridiculous piece of shit when he's trying to convince us that he's the coolest and most sympathetic guy in the world.

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It's old enough to be pre irony, right? I mean, sure, cheap B movies have been lazy and campy for a long time, but I imagine this was still a fairly ernest attempt (at getting Arnold Strong to not seem somehow too inhuman to play a nonhuman), so to me it still fits into the HDTGM... criteria?

 

Especially since those criteria don't even exist.

 

(But I also don't personally watch any of the movies.)

 

It might be "pre-irony", but I think there was a whole cottage industry of B-movies being cranked out as quickly and as cheaply as possible without any pretense that they were making good movies (or even doing a good job of making a bad movie, which I'm sure is the approach that a lot of people involved in big-budget movies today take if they're being honest). I guess this is sort of the MST3K milieu. But like I said, I have zero problem with them picking this particular movie because of Schwarzenegger (both the historical curiosity of it being his first movie, and specifically how weird his performance is) and because it's ultimately a fun experience. I just think it's a well they shouldn't (and obviously haven't) go to with any regularity.

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KINDA OMISSION: While I know somebody early on mentioned this but the naming is all over the place. All the characters are suppose to be from Greek mythology but they used mostly the Roman naming. Juno, Mercury, and Pluto are the Roman names for Hera, Hermes, and Hades. Heck even Hercules should have been Heracles. However, they kept Apollo and Zeus as is. This wouldn't bother me so much if the movie didn't go out of it's way to point this out! When Mr. Turtle Pretzie was rereading the book on mythology he stole borrowed he reads aloud "Hercules, half god half man, was the son of Jupiter or Zeus as he was known to the Greeks." Why include this line? Why not just say son of Zeus? Why acknowledge you are aware they have different names?

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Not having Jason in the last full ep made his return this week jarring.

 

He made fun of an actor with a 60+ year career -- which Jason should be so lucky to have, was a complete dick to the audience -- a shtick that's more than worn itself out, called the women in the audience bitches, and just proceeded to yell over EVERYONE -- audience and hosts alike.

 

If I have to choose between not having June at a live show or not having Jason, I'll kick Jason out any day.

 

Someone take the cocaine away from him before the live shows PLEASE.

 

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I loved the fact that directly after they are discussing where Herc gets his wardrobe they cut to a ad for Jack Threads clothing. I really think Paul missed a trick by not opening the promo with 'If you're a greek god whose dropped to Earth from Mount Olympus and don't have appropriate attire for the modern era why not log on to our sponsor.'

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OMISSION/EXTRA INFORMATION: This isn't as much an omission as a fact relevant to this episode. AUSTRIANS LOVE THIS MOVIE (at least those in their 20's to 40's). I have lived in Austria for a few years now and had never heard of this movie before coming here. Multiple people here asked me when I first arrived if I had ever heard of it. They love to ridicule Arnold's terrible English, and they specifically quote that scene Paul played where he's speaking to Zeus (Zeh-us) and he's not understandable. It was an Austrian cultural experience to get drunk and watch this movie with friends.

 

ASIDE: I've been frequently asked how American's view Arnold, when he's in movies. Do we see him as an American guy or as a foreigner with an accent? Many here see him as having been Austrian but now being completely American. I have no good answer to this question, so I always quote the HDTGM "Jingle All the Way" episode where they point out that he's essentially presented as a small town all-American dad whose accent is not at all acknowledged, even though there is a mixup at the end with the only other Austrian man in the town, who is dressed in a Santa disguise.

 

My point is: look how far Arnold has come. He went from this...let's say "movie"... to being a mainstream actor who's foreigness is not even acknowledged as a character trait to explain his thick accent.

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