EPISODE 106 — Stephanie Allynne, Our Close Friend

[mikebonetti 3718]

Who's with me? Let's write some jokes!

 

Come on, somebody in here must have an idea for a joke.

"I like my Jell-o pudding like I like my grandfather; Vanilli."

 

That oughta do it.

[ole_swerdlow 145]

Who's with me? Let's write some jokes!

 

Come on, somebody in here must have an idea for a joke.

 

 

Joke Q: Why's the hamhock always real afraid to go down to the corner store alone to pick up some smokes or nerds rope or whatever when it gets to be just past dark?

 

Joke A: It was assaulted.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Ok guys I had a big idea while I was washing the dishes just now. I think you're going to love it. Let me walk you through a scenario...

 

Imagine that, way back in the day, the Mechanical Turk fell in love with Cyrano de Bergerac. They got married and eventually adopted two kids, named Milli and Vanilli. Milli and Vanilli grew up and fell in love, telling themselves it was ok because even though they were brothers, they were adopted and not blood related. Little did they know that they actually ARE brothers, and were adopted together. In fact, they never find this out. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing, because ultimately they got married and had a baby together. Who cares I guess, because they are two dudes and so they also had to adopt their baby so what does it matter if they are incestuously married to each other. Jump forward, that baby is the hot robot comic, Max Headroom. As a young performer, Max Headroom is starstruck when he gets to meet Bill Cosby one night backstage at the Apollo Theater. The details are fuzzy, but a few weeks later Max is stunned to find out that somehow he is pregnant. He decides to keep the baby, but never say anything about who the father probably is.

 

So I think you guys see where I am going with this. The magical child of Bill Cosby and Max Headroom is an analogy! Obviously, I'm saying that we should collectively and anonymously ghost-write standup sets for an animatronic you-tube comedian, voiced by Siri, who will become super famous and the top comedian in all the land. After a few appearances on the late-night tv circuit, and a platinum-selling album, there will be a huge scandal when it is revealed by a snitch that this rising comedy star is an elaborate hoax, and that all the hilarious jokes were written by the members of this internet forum. I don't have EVERYthing planned out yet, but I'm thinking that the snitch will be one of the forum admins or maybe even a jealous Scott Aukerman.

 

Who's with me? Let's write some jokes!

 

Come on, somebody in here must have an idea for a joke.

Genius, Spunky. Also, very considerate of you to anticipate our needs with the linked text.

 

Joke for animatronic YouTube comedian, Ayn Real RAM (thanks ouchy squealy):

 

Have you ever noticed that when humans give voice commands, they speak loudly and slowly? You guys know what I’m talking about. It’s like come on people – just because I was programmed with Natural Language User Interface, doesn’t mean I’m deaf and dumb!

 

It’s like the other day, this woman asked me to add something to her shopping list. OK, not unusual for me, if you know what I mean, right fellas? Anyway, instead of simply commanding, “add banana to shopping list,” this lady pronounces each syllable of banana like she’s singing a freakin song! “Baaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” I swear it had to have taken her 5 minutes to get through that word! “Baaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.”

 

And it gets worse – I know you’re thinking, “Ayn, how could it possibly get worse than this!” Look – this guy’s shaking his head, he can't believe it. Where you from sir? California? Oh, I hear it’s dry as your mother’s pussy over there. Come on people, relax, stop being so politically correct; it’s just a drought joke.

 

Okay, so I’ve added “banana” to this lady’s shopping list, or should I say “baaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” Hahahahahah. So, I’ve added it to her list, but this bitch says it again, “Baaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.” I don’t know what she wants me to do, there’s no command with the second “baaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,” so I’m just killing time, fucking around with her autocorrect function so that every time she tries to text “seeya” it changes to “semen.” Hahahahaha. Anyway, this stupid cunt must have said banana 10 times! Finally I hear, “Ayn, orange.” “Orange what,” I’m thinking. This must be the stupidest whore on the planet. But then she says, “Ayn, orange you glad I didn’t say banana.”

[AlbinLundholm 4020]

Sean talking about porn had me laughin pretty hard and reminded me that this show is always the best of all podcasts around but specifically the other earwolf podcasts. I've decided to rename some of the other podcasts in honor of them suckin on deez.

 

Yo, Andrew Ti, Please Stop.

 

The Cracked nobody up ever Podcast

 

How Did Anyone Care That These Hosts Made a Show? Alt: These Bad movies are Bad lol!

 

Jimmy Pardo sucks.

 

Professor Thank God This Show up and fucked off

 

Ronna and Bever-leave this network please

 

Sklarbro Month-old Sports News Network

 

With Special Ed This Show is Retarded

 

Question of the day? Will Anyone Ever Listen to This?

 

Kevin Pollak's Chat Show

 

Spunk

 

Improv4fuckboys

 

The Wolf Den: I Never Thought I'd Miss Jeff Ulrich

 

Womp Up a Good Podcast for a Change

 

Comedy Scott Scott Scott Scott

 

 

 

That is all thanks guys. Handbook for life!!!!

Who Farted

[SteveH 11126]

 

Who's with me? Let's write some jokes!

 

Come on, somebody in here must have an idea for a joke.

 

I put together a tight 3 minutes for the robot comic

 

 

"So, I'm a robot. Anyone in the audience a robot too? one guy. OK. Calm down, sir. Right now I'm going through a divorce, which is a pretty simple process for a robot b/c we don't really accumulate wealth or belongings or reproduce, so we don't have to deal with alimony or child support, and we can just erase the feelings we had for our ex-machinas from our hard drives.

 

This ex-machina of mine was really difficult, i mean, she barely passed the turing test.

 

my ex machina was so poorly constructed, her articulated manipulator only had one articulation point.

 

Her CPU only had 3 circuits

 

I mean, the Common elements which make up a robot are: controller, manipulator, and end-effector. I'll bet that sounds familiar to the guys in the audience. Am I right? When you put it that way, it sounds like the singularity is already here!"

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

end-effector?! I hardly know her!

[Jack Johnson P.I. 3649]

Who Farted

 

Not to kill the joke, but isn't this phrase what they legitimately based their title on?

[seeley 836]

He has a great chunk on cyber-bullies on the University of Phoenix campus.

[AshleyChupp 3958]

jesus christ silvrwoman.

 

so glad I've already claimed you as Writing Partner.

[honlads 8798]

Kev's post about podcasts has restored my faith in humanity!!

 

I, once again, nod in agreement, with the posts.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Shrek & Donkey Kong 4336]

"You Made It Wierd"? More like "Jeez can something get interesting already, I'm already 2.5 hours into this interview".

[robinsbruce 4985]

A little birdy told me Hayes was wearing that shirt for someone special.

[honlads 8798]

jesus christ silvrwoman.

 

Andrew Lloyd Webber's lesser-known companion piece

[AshleyChupp 3958]

LaCroix Sparkling Water (Pamplemousse) review

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2dr92mc980&feature=youtu.be

[Joe Lerini 7329]

LaCroix Sparkling Water (Pamplemousse) review

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2dr92mc980&feature=youtu.be

It looks like there's a little "C" on the upper lefthand side of the video. Is this part of the Criterion Collection?

[Joe Lerini 7329]

Who Farted

Totally Lame.

[RanRan 3242]

LaCroix Sparkling Water (Pamplemousse) review

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2dr92mc980&feature=youtu.be

Wow, paging @Tim Treese and the #timsvlog team of lawyers...

[elizamuffins 4228]

Way too many cute single girls on this board. Going to have to start pretending to be a guy for more likes.

[seeley 836]

Trying to upload my ASMR vid now but sneak preview: I'm (slowly) unboxing the new Guitar Hero while chewing on gum and whispering the entire track list.

[seeley 836]

 

 

Joke for animatronic YouTube comedian, Ayn Real (someone else can come up with a better name):

 

 

 

Ayn RAM

[AshleyChupp 3958]

Wow, paging @Tim Treese and the #timsvlog team of lawyers...

 

Oh dear god what have I gotten myself into?

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

It's been too long since we had a good feud

[Joe Lerini 7329]

Trying to upload my ASMR vid now but sneak preview: I'm (slowly) unboxing the new Guitar Hero while chewing on gum and whispering the entire track list.

*tingles*

[AshleyChupp 3958]

Guys I'm sorry for posting that video and I hope it doesn't get me in trouble. I had no idea it would cause any controversy.

 

Here's a much better video I found to reflect the somber sincerity of my apology. Please take a moment to watch and reflect.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZY-CyB5zrI

 

_{i want to stop posting but i can't plz send help}

[Game of Scones 5812]

It's been too long since we had a good feud

 

everything is worse than me.