EPISODE 107 — Paul F. Tompkins and Joe Wengert Present Brandon Content, A WolfCool Exclusive Character

[AshleyChupp 3958]

Guys apparently my old livejournal account has been "deleted and purged". Do you understand what a tragedy this is? That's volumes and volumes of uncomfortable Bones fanfic written by horny virgin teenage Ashley lost to the ether forever. Let us all take a moment of silence.

 

Edit: I did manage to find the series of absurdly long poems I wrote from the perspectives of different Watchmen characters, so I guess today wasn't a total waste.

[chicknsandwich 2495]

Guys apparently my old livejournal account has been "deleted and purged". Do you understand what a tragedy this is? That's volumes and volumes of uncomfortable Bones fanfic written by horny virgin teenage Ashley lost to the ether forever. Let us all take a moment of silence.

 

wow just imagining Bonyanus and New Girl's mom getting hot and heavy wets my whistle big time

 

if you have any remnants of these fan fics could you post them on here and/or PM me

[Game of Scones 5812]

Edit: I did manage to find the series of absurdly long poems I wrote from the perspectives of different Watchmen characters, so I guess today wasn't a total waste.

 

show, dont tell

[AshleyChupp 3958]

Hollywood Handbook Forums presents:

Untitled Poem by 17 Year Old Ashley in Character as Rorschach From Alan Moore's Original Graphic Novel Miniseries Watchmen Written Colloquially and With Lots of Rhymes Because She Thought That if She Got Good at Rapping She Could Maybe Turn it Into a Cool Rap Song Someday

 

I was born with a mask so I built myself a face,

And I used it to purge the land I used to love of all disgrace.

I am not in the business of defending the weak.

I am not here to give you hope when your forecast's bleak.

I am here because no one pays for what they've done.

I am here to fashion vengeance from your innocent fun.

You're all stocked up on your get out of jail free cards.

You knew that getting out of debt was gonna be hard.

I never had affection for you leeches and you bastards.

I'm your hangman not your jailor, not your mother, not your master.

 

Someone laid waste to the land I used to love.

Someone dripped poison on the fingers of the wise man's glove.

Someone laid waste to the land I used to love.

Someone marbleized the sea and set fire to the last lone dove.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I looked down, I whispered 'no'.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I gave you justice and you gave me game shows.

 

The best laid sins of mice and men

Sprouting cracks in the stone with a fountain pen

Disease on your breath and murder in your heart

I can lay your lungs to rest and tear that muscle apart

I can tell you of the horrors your crimes deserve

I can tell you of my calling as the underworld's scourge

It's apparent you don't understand your straits are dire

Let me make your fate clear with a knife and with fire

Your secret's out. The jig is up.

No time for last words, hope you're ready for your closeup.

 

Someone laid waste to the land I used to love.

Someone returned the virgin's kiss with a kick and a shove.

Someone laid waste to the land I used to love.

Someone marbleized the sea and set fire to the last lone dove.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I looked down, I whispered 'no'.

It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I fought your darkness with my flames aglow.

 

Thank you for visiting the Hollywood Handbook Forums. This may be the most regrettable thing I've ever done online and I've sent nudes to boys I met on reddit. More than once.

Edited October 29, 2015 by ashley absinthe

[thejjar 5031]

A Bones-ing to Remember

Written, directed and produced by Ashley Absinthe

 

 

It was a dreary Saturday morning in Washington DC which was the way Temperence Brennan liked it. She was never really the happy go lucky noodlehead that her sister, Jess from New Girl was. She liked dark and evil things like Nightmare before Christmas and Hot Topic clothes. She was a detective who studied dead bodies so you know she was hardcore. She put her latest John Green novel down and pushed the hunk in her bed awake.

 

"Get out of bed, I got cop stuff to do", said Temperence angrily.

 

"uhhh ok heh heh you were great last night, they don't call you Bones for nothin", said the stupid good looking guy that Temperence just used cause she's a powerful woman and men are the sex objects in her life.

 

"First of all that is extremely sexist and counter intuitive to my strong feminist ideals", she lectured. "And secondly they call me Bones because I'm the best damn bones detective around. Probably the same reason they call you Burger Flipper"

 

The hot man instantly became a feminist and realized he was wrong. This was gonna be a good day for Bones.

 

When Bones got to the crime scene there was a big crowd around the body. They instantly parted when they saw her because they knew that they couldn't compete with her brain or her looks. Bones knelt down and pulled out her detective tools. This was like no other skeleton she'd ever seen before! It almost seemed... alien... All of a sudden Bones heard a loud strange noise

 

WOOOSHHH WOOOOSH WOOOOSH

 

A blue police box appeared out of nowhere! It was the TARDIS!!! Bones had heard about this before so she wasn't really surprised. The David Tennant version of the Doctor came out and looked at the bones.

 

"Well Bones", he said "looks like we got some work to do" ,

[Game of Scones 5812]

I used to really like poems.

[AshleyChupp 3958]

A Bones-ing to Remember

Written, directed and produced by Ashley Absinthe

 

Dear god I've been hacked

[AlbinLundholm 4020]

BOO

[AlbinLundholm 4020]

Did I scare anyone

[chicknsandwich 2495]

BOO

 

If I wanted to see Boo I'd watch To Kill a Mockingbird

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Very impressed with ashley's poem. It is actually pretty good. It made me feel things - mostly depression for it not being bad enough for me to make fun of.

Now that your interests have changed, however, I think its time for you to write a HH related one. And because you were able to write that amazing Watchman poem when you were only 17, you must be a genius poet by now. No pressure

[Game of Scones 5812]

If I can find it, remember too, I'll post a poem I did when I was 5/6 about a guy who heard voices in his head.

 

I'm a weird guy.

[jackstar7 108]

Listened to this for the third time today. It remains one of the funniest things I've ever beheld.

[chanson 9697]

 

he i HAVE heard of. the MRA guy from the call-in episode, right?

 

 

Hmmmmmm... I like to think I'm so much more than that. But this isn't wrong either.

[souprman 10477]

 

Hmmmmmm... I like to think I'm so much more than that. But this isn't wrong either.

are you still Chanson today is what i want to know.

[chanson 9697]

are you still Chanson today is what i want to know.

 

as Chanson as I'm going to get.

[souprman 10477]

For Norm by souprman.

 

Basketball basketballs basketeen rabbit

69 assholes best of seven

Sexy-ass nuns and a bad ass habit

Timberwolves beat Lakers 112-111

And violets are violet, not blue

It's in the damn name.

 

>

 

this poem is based on what I assume is Norm's usual inner dialog.

[Game of Scones 5812]

 

 

this poem is based on what I assume is Norm's usual inner dialog.

 

fail

 

you didn't mention titties once, bro

[Joe Lerini 7329]

Hollywood Handbook Forums presents:

Untitled Poem by 17 Year Old Ashley in Character as Rorschach From Alan Moore's Original Graphic Novel Miniseries Watchmen Written Colloquially and With Lots of Rhymes Because She Thought That if She Got Good at Rapping She Could Maybe Turn it Into a Cool Rap Song Someday

 

 

 

Ashley, please marry me.

 

A Bones-ing to Remember

Written, directed and produced by Ashley Absinthe

 

 

 

Wait, sorry, I take that back. thejjar, please marry me.

[seeley 836]

Guys I have a LiveJournal poetry review blog and I'm writing up Ashley's Rorschach poem, do I go with I am Pagli-UCCCH-i as my headline or Less with Moore?

[AlbinLundholm 4020]

 

Ashley, please marry me.

 

 

 

Wait, sorry, I take that back. thejjar, please marry me.[/center]

If you love Ashley and thejjar so much why don't you marry them

[AshleyChupp 3958]

 

Ashley, please marry me.

 

Sorry, I'm saving myself for a Forum Elder. Thanks for the offer, though.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

 

Ashley, please marry me.

 

 

 

Wait, sorry, I take that back. thejjar, please marry me.[/center]

Joe, I think you forgot that you're only allowed to flirt with me. ashley's cool, so I don't mind if we throw her in the mix, but thejjar's ego is big enough as it is, and I don't even think he'd be down for any weird stuff. No big deal though, people forget things all the time

[Silvrwoman 4998]

Sorry, I'm saving myself for a Forum Elder. Thanks for the offer, though.

I had to read this post three times before I realized it didn't say, "Elmer Fudd"

[thejjar 5031]

Joe, I think you forgot that you're only allowed to flirt with me. ashley's cool, so I don't mind if we throw her in the mix, but thejjar's ego is big enough as it is, and I don't even think he'd be down for any weird stuff. No big deal though, people forget things all the time, and they're usually forgiven

 

Baby you don't know half how weird I can get