Eragon (2006)

[Dan 5]

This film, an adaptation of a book written by a fifteen year old, is one of the biggest train wrecks I've had the misfortune of catching in the theater. Jeremy Irons is obviously sad, Robert Carlyle is hard to watch, and John Malkovich delivers a Nic Cagean performance so insane, it's a miracle that he's still allowed to work!

With so many terrible dragon movies littering Wal-Mart bargain bins across the country, it's impressive to be the absolute worst. I would love to see Eragon taken on.

[Johnny Unusual 525]

It's pretty nutsy bad. I agree that this would be a good one.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

This also brings up the trope of Jeremy Irons and/or John Malkovich in Terrible Fantasy/Sci-Fi Films ('Dungeons and Dragons' an example for the former and 'Mutant Chronicles' for the latter),

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

The only defense I've ever really seen of this film is "but it was written by a 15-year-old", which sounds more like an excuse than a reason why I should give it a break. Here's an excerpt from a CHUD.com writer's "Worst of 2006" where this earned the #1 spot:

 

"Based on a truly fucking awful novel by a 15 year old who cribbed everything he could from Tolkein and the AD&D Monster Manual, Eragon is pretty much an illustration of why nobody has made many fantasy movies. I wonder what the cast and crew screening of this was like – there’s no way that anyone could sit through this junk and think that there’s a single redeeming element. Except maybe the FX people, because the dragon actually often looks good. But if Jeremy Irons kills himself in the coming days, don’t be surprised to find the Eragon theatrical poster left as his suicide note."

[JereGryllz 1]

I'd love to see this movie annihilated by HDTGM. It was my favorite books series for years, and I was so excited when this movie was coming out. It crushed my hopes and dreams. It reminded me of the South Park episode where George Lucas and Spielberg rape Indiana Jones except for me it was the entire cast/crew raping Christopher Paolini and my favorite book series.

[tynan 1]

This movie is ripe for HDTGM. Unintelligible exposition and lore. A psychic CGI dragon. John Malkovich giving maybe 5% effort as the main antagonist.

 

speaks volumes.

 

Think about it.

[bella_008 188]

This movie is so fucking awful, I'd love to see them do it although I wonder with Jason's love of YA if he'd enjoy it.

[screa2008 13]

I'd love to see this movie annihilated by HDTGM. It was my favorite books series for years, and I was so excited when this movie was coming out. It crushed my hopes and dreams. It reminded me of the South Park episode where George Lucas and Spielberg rape Indiana Jones except for me it was the entire cast/crew raping Christopher Paolini and my favorite book series.

 

My roommate in Korea took us to see this because she loved the series as well, and I think that her reaction was pretty much the same. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, not even enjoyably bad, just BAD.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I'd be interested in a discussion about this and the other dozen or so mid-'00s movies that tried to be the next Lord of the Rings and/or Harry Potter that tried harder to convince us that they were the next big thing than they did to make a good self-contained film that anyone could give a shit about. If they're being watched by anyone now that didn't have that perspective, they must be SO confused why there are so many movies like this that are maybe half a movie or the first act of something that had no payoff whatsoever.

[nthurkettle 148]

I always felt like the filmmakers just selected the lead, Ed Speelers, using a picture of 1977 Mark Hamill and a vaguely-accurate "What Celebrity Do I Look Like?" Facebook app.

 

 

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I'd be interested in a discussion about this and the other dozen or so mid-'00s movies that tried to be the next Lord of the Rings and/or Harry Potter that tried harder to convince us that they were the next big thing than they did to make a good self-contained film that anyone could give a shit about. If they're being watched by anyone now that didn't have that perspective, they must be SO confused why there are so many movies like this that are maybe half a movie or the first act of something that had no payoff whatsoever.

 

The Percy Jackson movies come to mind, also that one where Nicolas Cage was playing the wizard from Fantasia.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

It is funny looking back though, I always laugh at teens growing up reading stuff like this and Twilight. Then I remember that I read Animorphs when I was a kid and realize I have no right to judge anyone on their book preferences.

[youreacrookcaptainhook 0]

Please do this movie! It takes mediocre source material and makes it 100000x worse. Dragons with feathers. Evil John Malkovich. A roundabout, convoluted plot made even more roundabout and convoluted by the movie. A failure of epic proportions. The director's only movie. See for yourself:

 

 

16% on Rotten Tomatoes and I don't know how it even achieved that much.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

After skipping DragonHeart, maybe they should do this one instead. It feels far more deserving.

[nthurkettle 148]

If I remember right, nearly all of Malkovich's scenes take place in front of the same stone map-wall. I pretty much believe his contract said he'd get a big payday to be the main baddie in movie #2 but meanwhile they'd have him out in one day by lunchtime on this one.

 

This look just screams "Do I *need* to go to another set or can't I just do this evil blah-blah right here?"

 

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Robert Carlyle was the only one who legit gave it his all in this.

 

They didn't deserve the amount of effort he put into this movie. Malkovich was being much more honest in how much he really felt like trying.

[sub780lime 1]

I would definitely be in for this one. The book was pretty good, but made more so because of the age of the author.  The movie is just horrible and did no justice to the story.