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Episode 135 - Jon Daly, Our Close Friend

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Henry, did you not get my PM, or are you ignoring me? If you are ignoring me, you should know that I didn't mean to type a message or even log on to my account, I just fell asleep on my keyboard, probably accidentally smashed the keys with my head. On the other hand, if you like the message, it took me 7 hours to compose and I didn't even use the spell check feature - I already knew all those words

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One time I was on the way to the grocery store and I saw a raccoon cross the road. It stopped momentarily to stare at me with its wise little eyes and strange apposable thumbs as if to say "hey, man, fuck you for driving on my road." I later saw that same raccoon eating garbage out of a trash can. It just goes to show you that wise-looking animals are actually not wise and eat garbage just like the rest of us.

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Hold up, everyone shut the fuck up for a minute!

 

I noticed a few of you newbies are posting and you aren't liking my posts. Who the fuck do you think you are? I've been a part of this forum for a long damn time. Longer than any of you shit brains. If this place doesn't shapen up real soon, I'm going to get my close personal friend Dan Engler to do it for me.

 

Dude,

 

You're just getting too old... Make room for the young kids (the future).

 

End of story, and sincerely your friend,

Gollstone

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i think Eskimo is hacking the forums, very scary.

 

Just keep your mouth shut and your head down and hopefully he won't give you Bitcrabs.

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One time I was on the way to the grocery store and I saw a raccoon cross the road. It stopped momentarily to stare at me with its wise little eyes and strange apposable thumbs as if to say "hey, man, fuck you for driving on my road." I later saw that same raccoon eating garbage out of a trash can. It just goes to show you that wise-looking animals are actually not wise and eat garbage just like the rest of us.

 

True story and life lesson:

 

Driving back from a successful trip to Home Depot (not a sponsor), with my then girlfriend and now wife, we had 4 baby raccoons run out into the road. I stopped the car, expecting them to run into the woods on either side, but to my surprise they ran under my car! And not having the ability to slap the baby raccoons out from under my car, like Sean and Cecil the Lion, I had to fish them out with a towel. I would get one out from under the car and when I turned my back it would run passed me to join its brothers/sisters under the car. It took over an hour to get them out from under my car. The runt of the litter, while the rest were now gallivanting in the woods, was trying to get into my car! Sadly I didn't have the resources to take care of a raccoon at the time, so I drove off as soon as I could, leaving the runt behind. It was a weird day.

 

Home Depot - 6.7/8.3

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Hold up, everyone shut the fuck up for a minute!

 

I noticed a few of you newbies are posting and you aren't liking my posts. Who the fuck do you think you are? I've been a part of this forum for a long damn time. Longer than any of you shit brains. If this place doesn't shapen up real soon, I'm going to get my close personal friend Dan Engler to do it for me.

 

I think we all thought you were... the nicest one here?

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One of our more popular and "Voted Least Liked Forum Member 2 Years Running" Handbook head, Dwayne the Rock Hard Johnson, has called into the new Earwolf show 'Hard Nation' twice now! First episode 4 and then the most recent episode (Episode 9 with Megyn Kelly).

 

Thank you Dwayne for making my day!

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I listened to the episode. It was really good. A true treat for me; a good boy and a treat enjoyer. Thank you, Sean and Hayes - I mean it.

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OK EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!!!

 

I've noticed I've been posting and some of you "oldies" haven't been liking my posts. WHO IN GODS NAME do you think you are?? No really, who are all of you? I am very new here. I've been here more briefly than the majority of you shit-for-brains, that's for goddamn sure!!!!! If this place doesn't deteriorate more rapidly (and thus become a more welcoming environment for my pathetic contributions) I'm going to have my mom sign up for an Earwolf account.

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I listened to this ep yesterday, but then I thought about it his morning and did a big ol' smiley face. This ep was so good, I might have to listen to it...DALY

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OK EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!!!

 

I've noticed I've been posting and some of you "oldies" haven't been liking my posts. WHO IN GODS NAME do you think you are?? No really, who are all of you? I am very new here. I've been here more briefly than the majority of you shit-for-brains, that's for goddamn sure!!!!! If this place doesn't deteriorate more rapidly (and thus become a more welcoming environment for my pathetic contributions) I'm going to have my mom sign up for an Earwolf account.

 

Well I'm Houston and it's been clearly established that I have worms for brains and not shit for brains. Please pay attention. I recommend jokes over name calling. We came here for laughs, not yelling. Welcome.

 

PS. is your mom single?

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Did they rescind on removing the Earwolf back catalogue for non-Howl users? I've got a few dozen gigs of poorly-labeled podcasts I would rather not try to tidy up.

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Quick Q, not to deflect from this cool intergenerational war that's been happening, but how the fuck else do you pronounce Bunnicula? The reference is clearly to Dracula, in which the antepenultimate syllable gets emphasised.

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Well I'm Houston and it's been clearly established that I have worms for brains and not shit for brains. Please pay attention. I recommend jokes over name calling. We came here for laughs, not yelling. Welcome.

 

PS. is your mom single?

 

WOW. Was not expecting that, but here goes... Whether your brain is being deftly operated by a worms or not, Houston, I would be HONORED to call you my step father. My answer is yes! YES! A thousand times, yes!!!!

 

Is my Mom "single"? Relationship-wise, yes... physically, she does *technically* have a conjoined dead twin. I hope you're not one of those superficial types that lets something like that get in the way of a potential super-intense step-son relationship.

 

 

P.S. I'm nervous about your predisposition to "not yelling"... Dad, that's just how she and her dead twin sack communicate! You'll get used to it.

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I met PFT last night and asked him if he will be on HH any time soon. He said "I hope so. I love those guys." I also met Tim Baltz, and I think he'd be a great guest on the show.

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Henry, did you not get my PM, or are you ignoring me? If you are ignoring me, you should know that I didn't mean to type a message or even log on to my account, I just fell asleep on my keyboard, probably accidentally smashed the keys with my head. On the other hand, if you like the message, it took me 7 hours to compose and I didn't even use the spell check feature - I already knew all those words

 

My apologies, it literally took me this long to figure out where and how to open it. The first several hours I was sleeping, but still...

 

I'll inform you of my decision when I figure out how to do that as well

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Watched the last 20 minutes of The Equalizer on cable (thought the first 1.5 hrs were covered well enough in the teaser freezer

 

A few notes

No resolution on whether or not that old man ever caught that fish

Home mart is prominently featured in the final action scene (awesome)

 

Was Denzel the bad guy??? Confusing movie

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Watched the last 20 minutes of The Equalizer on cable (thought the first 1.5 hrs were covered well enough in the teaser freezer

 

A few notes

No resolution on whether or not that old man ever caught that fish

Home mart is prominently featured in the final action scene (awesome)

 

Was Denzel the bad guy??? Confusing movie

 

Sounds like their denoument wasn't nearly as advanced as my favorite book, "The Story of the Cat and... Hey It's Me, Deadpool, Bet You Thought You Were Gonna Hear the Rest of This Title But the Only Title I'm Interested In Is The Titles in Kate Upton's Bra"

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OK EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!!!

 

I've noticed I've been posting and some of you "oldies" haven't been liking my posts. WHO IN GODS NAME do you think you are?? No really, who are all of you? I am very new here. I've been here more briefly than the majority of you shit-for-brains, that's for goddamn sure!!!!! If this place doesn't deteriorate more rapidly (and thus become a more welcoming environment for my pathetic contributions) I'm going to have my mom sign up for an Earwolf account.

 

The only people you need to care about are those of us who've gotten stars. You're worthless without a star.

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WOW. Was not expecting that, but here goes... Whether your brain is being deftly operated by a worms or not, Houston, I would be HONORED to call you my step father. My answer is yes! YES! A thousand times, yes!!!!

 

Is my Mom "single"? Relationship-wise, yes... physically, she does *technically* have a conjoined dead twin. I hope you're not one of those superficial types that lets something like that get in the way of a potential super-intense step-son relationship.

 

 

I'm nervous about your predisposition to "not yelling"... Dad, that's just how she and her dead twin sack communicate! You'll get used to it.

 

Your mom and I have been working through that. It's going to be a difficult process, but thankfully I have a powerful Total Recall fetish. I think we'll get through this. Also, please clean your room. It smells unnatural.

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I can't wait for the new HOWL shows Earwolf Ads Archive hosted by Matt Gorley & Cody Skully and Yo Was This Ad Racist? hosted by Andrew Ti & Andrew Dice Clay.

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