Monster Trucks (2017)

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Its really hard to even fathom how anyone, let alone a large group of people thought that this would be a good idea.

 

[IRONicmerMAN 391]

It has Barry Pepper on the cast. What could go wrong?

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

The lead actor in this better hope to fucking god that the Macgyver reboot turns out to be awesome. Because if that flops on top of this which has an insane budget of $130 million, I really doubt that dude will be seen in another big project for a while.

[ElieB 238]

No fucking way, somebody spent $130M on this garbage fire???? God damn hollywood is too big too fail... The number of god awful movies recently finished or still getting greenlit is bonkers. Like a bunch of rotten mortgage securities

[IMAHUGEHDTGMFAN 1837]

"COMING SOON!"

 

"RANDOM & ALMOST FORGOTTEN I.P. : The Movie"

[Cakebug Tranch 6873]

Was I the only one who caught the acrid stench of the same plot structure of 'How to Train Your Dragon' in here? I'm seeing a lot of Hiccup finding Toothless, fearing him then eventually training him, finding out he's awesome, only to be interrupted by Astrid, who has to be won over before she too realises that the monster isn't so monstrous. But y'know, in this case, with trucks.

 

 

I am heartened by the presence of Tom Lennon in this. That gives me hope that this is supposed to be light, and silly. That monster in the truck just evokes this guy to me...

 

I feel like he also looks like some other movie reptile that I can't put my finger on. Maybe Nessie from the Ted Danson classic 'Loch Ness'?

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Interesting fact, this movie has been in the can so long they almost premiered it against Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation. They held this back for nearly two years and are already projecting a loss of $115 million on it.

 

The pitch meeting for this must have been have been something to behold.

[NathanGordon 1096]

Yeah, people are shocked when crappy movies like this have high budgets, but you have to look at the production history. The longer a project goes on, the longer it sits unreleased, the more hands it changes, the bigger the budget gets.

 

That's how stuff like Pluto Nash ends up having a $100 million budget. It changes studios, needs reshoots, gets a different edit, updated marketing, a million little things to ensure that the film can still eventually be released. It's a greater financial loss if it doesn't get released in some form. At a certain point, there's been so much money dumped into these productions that a studio can't just stop and shitcan the thing. They have investors they need to satisfy, and the only thing worse than a box office flop is a film that shuts down completely when money has been spent.

 

Monster Trucks has no stars, so the most money is being spent on CGI. That can be a ton of money, but not $130 million. Like ElleB said, it really is too big to let fail.

[RyanSz 3140]

As stated already, the studio is preparing itself for huge losses, I don't know if it will be on the level of Ben-Hur's losses as kid's movies tend to bring in some money even if they are terrible, Mars Needs Moms and Doogal being prime examples of the minority. Even when a movie does fail, the public and investors never really know how big a loss is for the most part as studio math comes into play to muddy up the situation. Ben-Hur and Ghostbusters are two prime examples of this as they have stated losses from the studio, but there are other sources that contradict those that make it seem that they aren't as huge. Ben-Hur has reported losses of 100 million but it estimated to be more due to a late promotional run towards its release date while Ghostbusters was reported to lose 70 million, but Paul Feigi himself said that the movie needed to make half a billion in order to break even and even then he said that was a generous estimate.

 

Yet even if these movies fail, no one really loses anything as they just go to a different studio or get a new deal with their current studio, Jon Peters in the early 90s was a prime example of this while Robert Evans was the example in the 80s. The failure literally needs to be a Heaven's Gate scale of failure for serious change to be made, and even then it eventually reverts to what it was. The interesting thing will be in 2018-2019 when sites like Cracked have predicted for the blockbuster bubble to burst because studios have scheduled so many huge potential blockbuster movies to be released at the same time, that they will just cannibalize each others' potential box office take in. The carnage in its wake could lead to complete overhaul for how movies are released, at least for a few years.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

I just dont understand the timing, who the fuck cares about monster trucks anymore? More importantly why think that a movie about them being inhabited by tentacle monsters is the solid makings of a franchise?

 

This movie is going to be an amazing bomb domestically. But honestly if this gets marketed well enough internationally it more than stands a chance to make its money back. After watching Monster Hunt, I really cant help but think this movie could reach a significant level of success in China at the very least.

[RyanSz 3140]

I just dont understand it the timing, who the fuck cares about monster trucks anymore? More importantly why think that a movie about them being inhabited by tentacle monsters is the solid makings of a franchise?

 

This movie is going to be an amazing bomb domestically. But honestly if this gets marketed well enough internationally it more than stands a chance to make its money back. After watching Monster Hunt, I really cant help but think this movie could reach a significant level of success in China at the very least.

I think this kid would be the only one who cares.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cE-vhp6gXBo

[nthurkettle 148]

I usually don't endorse a movie for HDTGM that hasn't been released yet, but given how no one can seem to find a precedent for a studio announcing it as a giant money loser months before it's even released, that almost justifies an exception.

 

And this closes the deal:

 

"conceived in 2013 by Adam Goodman, then the president of Paramount’s film group, off an idea he had bandied about with his then-4-year-old son."

 

http://www.wsj.com/a...-yet-1474577856

 

The story for this was partially-conceived by a LITERAL PRE-SCHOOL CHILD.

 

A true HDTGM first.

[RyanSz 3140]

I usually don't endorse a movie for HDTGM that hasn't been released yet, but given how no one can seem to find a precedent for a studio announcing it as a giant money loser months before it's even released, that almost justifies an exception.

 

And this closes the deal:

 

"conceived in 2013 by Adam Goodman, then the president of Paramount’s film group, off an idea he had bandied about with his then-4-year-old son."

 

http://www.wsj.com/a...-yet-1474577856

 

The story for this was partially-conceived by a LITERAL PRE-SCHOOL CHILD.

 

A true HDTGM first.

I can almost bet that they were watching Sharktopus on SyFy and the son said something about monster trucks, and that dude thought that should make for a great movie. I can't remember but didn't Disney say something about how they were expecting John Carter to lose money, they just didn't know how much?

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Yea the whole Axe Cop formula really doesnt lend itself well to huge budget movies.

[bella_008 188]

If they can get it released in China I feel like it could do pretty well, it reminds me of a couple of different Chinese kids movies.

[Oldcore 1]

This movie looks pretty strange. Let's run down the HDTGM criteria:

 

1.Hugely expensive (reportedly $120 mil.)

2.Horrendously terrifying monster that's supposed to be cute and lovable.

3.Bizarre, insanely convoluted plot that appeals to know one.

4.Weirdly sexual scenes (monster squirts in teen boy's face, pile of slimy tentacle monsters squirm all over each other on the floor).

5.Bland, yet hunky male lead.

6.80's teen superstar (Rob Lowe).

 

We might have a real next level bonkers pile of steaming trash on our hands. Lets make June, Paul and Jason see it so we don't have to!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnX-ZFM1UD4

[Chainsaw Starring Nic Cage 95]

Like The IO9 review pointed out, the monsters come in 2 colors: blue for boys, and pink for girls.

 

Fuck You, Movie.

 

They absolutely should do it, but I'm pretty sure it'll fall in the "People we know we're on this film, so we're going to not do it out of respect" umbrella.

 

But for reals...Fuck You, Movie.

[bella_008 188]

Even the posters for this look terrible, seriously how the fuck did this get made.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Well the reviews are in, this is a very fucking dumb but watchable movie. It has all the makings of a classic HDTGM episode.

[NathanGordon 1096]

This movie looks pretty strange. Let's run down the HDTGM criteria:

 

1.Hugely expensive (reportedly $120 mil.)

2.Horrendously terrifying monster that's supposed to be cute and lovable.

3.Bizarre, insanely convoluted plot that appeals to know one.

4.Weirdly sexual scenes (monster squirts in teen boy's face, pile of slimy tentacle monsters squirm all over each other on the floor).

5.Bland, yet hunky male lead.

6.80's teen superstar (Rob Lowe).

From what I understand, $120 million for a theatrical release isn't even "hugely expensive" anymore, it's mid budget.

 

And Rob Lowe is a legit celeb whose popularity has far exceeded his teen hunk status. I mean I guess that's not inaccurate but most people today recognize him for Parks & Rec.

 

I just can't watch bad kid's movies for fun. I've had to skip all those -- Gooby, Kazaam, Smurfs, etc. There's something really offensive about truly awful, cynical, condescending media made by adults for children.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

Bump for Cameron's fave movie of the year!!!

[Cameron H. 23786]