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sillstaw

Dragon Wars: D-War (2007)

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Two planks of wood fall in love. Not the plot to Pixar's next short, but rather the impression you'll get of the lead actors in this movie. This movie is so confusing, even the title is mystifying (is it "Dragon Wars," like the poster says? Or "D-War," like the title card says?).
$75 million. "Dragons" named Buraki and Good Imoogi. Robert Forster kicking three random guys' asses. Netflix Streaming.

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Two planks of wood fall in love. Not the plot to Pixar's next short, but rather the impression you'll get of the lead actors in this movie. This movie is so confusing, even the title is mystifying (is it "Dragon Wars," like the poster says? Or "D-War," like the title card says?).
$75 million. "Dragons" named Buraki and Good Imoogi. Robert Forster kicking three random guys' asses. Netflix Streaming.

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This film was spectacularly awful. The main characters have literally no impact on the resolution of the story. If they had just given up immediately things would have actually worked out better for everyone. If you've ever wondered what Deus Ex Machina means, it's this movie.

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This is a must-see for bad movie-lovers. Can't believe they haven't done it on the podcast yet.

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Gotta toss in another vote for this one. I consider myself lucky to have been able to witness something this awful in the theater. And it's amazing how much it has in common with other HDTGM movies: giant lizards that no one really seems to notice or think are particularly strange when they do, cool special effects thrown onto banal and everyday backgrounds like colorforms, mass destruction that surely must result in the deaths of hundreds of people we never see, and an impenetrable backstory involving magic and monsters and ancient societies.

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As an added bonus, it looks like the entire film is posted on YouTube.

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D-War: Dragon Wars!

 

this movie is... it's simply incredible. it's almost on the level of Birdemic in terms of plot, acting, sound and script, but with pretty good CGI. i first saw the movie with Rifftrax commentary and loved it so much that i've seen it several times.

 

there is a scene where a character walks through a wall in front of an old woman--after seeing this, the old woman TRIED TO WALK THROUGH THE WALL AND SMACKS HER FACE INTO IT.

 

 

this is a movie where millions of people die and nobody seems to care, a guy is essentially stalked by a giant lizard; and twice within the first ten or so minutes of the movie, characters ask: "What are you talking about?"

 

it's sooooo good, and it's posted on youtube for some reason in it's entirety.

 

i think this is a great candidate.

 

P.S. also: Highlander II: The Quickening, Paranormal Activity and Laser Mission (starring Brandon Lee--and is available on youtube).

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You know, JustinL, I think you're right -- they might be shying away because they know people in it. A lot of cool actors were in this movie, in fact, and you can tell that they're struggling with the crap material. Meryl Streep would have struggled with this material, so I don't blame them. But I think Paul & Co. should use that to their advantage.

 

Seriously, I think they should TOTALLY do this one and get Craig Robinson (this guy: http://en.wikipedia....son_%28actor%29 ) to be their guest. It's a perfect fit -- he's probably a friend of theirs, or a friend of a friend, since he's been on Reno 911, and he's legitimately really funny. Plus, natch, he was actually in this movie. He looked really uncomfortable in a lot of scenes, I think because he knew it was such a load of crap.

 

Also, Robert Forrester -- this guy http://www.imdb.com/..._=ttfc_fc_cl_t3 -- had a bit role on NTSF:SD:SUV at some point, so maybe Paul could call him. He played it completely straight, as if he had no idea how crap the movie was. He's been in tons of stuff and is generally good, so I'd like to think that this movie didn't hurt him too much.

 

Billy Gardell (Mike from "Mike and Molly) was also in it, mugging away. I'd suggest trying to get him on as a guest too but he's probably too big a star nowadays.

 

And poor Elizabeth Pena. She had such a beautiful speaking voice and was always somehow so elegant, even in pieces of crap like this movie. May she rest in peace.

 

Fun fact: the main actress in the movie (the one who plays Sara) is a trust-fund baby, the daughter of the guy who wrote the song "You Light Up My Life," and her brother was convicted of strangling his girlfriend to death. http://www.nydailyne...ticle-1.1396514

 

Another fun fact: I actually saw this movie in the theater. Really. I did. I don't know. Blame my boyfriend at the time.

 

If you guys can't quite stand to watch it, the Rifftrax commentary on it is pretty funny. (JustinL links to a "best of" above, but I think you really need to watch the whole thing to get into the rhythm of the commentary.)

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I had sex immediately after seeing this movie when I was in college. I'm not saying this movie is an aphrodisiac, but I'm not not saying it either.

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I like this suggestion, purely on the point that the sub-title adds nothing. Sure we are used to pointless flavor 'colon' thing...but this is literally 'colon' slightly-abbreviated-title-of-that-which-precedes-it. I've seen this film, and it is somewhat earnest, and dramatic. That is a 'dramatic' colon. Almost as if they believe there would be more 'Dragon Wars', and they were pre-empting a necessity to differentiate and already leap-frogging to branding.

 

Even the tense is confusing "wars" = 'd-war'?

 

Dumb movies: D-movie

 

I also hereby trademark 'flavor colon'.

 

"The tastiest colon, the famliest colon, America's colon...flavor colon."

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In accordance with a Korean legend, every five hundred years, a woman protected by a man transforms in a serpent to fight against a dragon in a battle between good and evil. In Los Angeles of the present days, after a mysterious accident, the reporter Ethan Kendrick recalls his meeting fifteen years ago with Jack, who owned an antique shop and told him that he was the one supposed to protect Sarah Daniels. Ethan seeks out Sarah and together they fight to survive and destroy the devilish dragon.

 

 

All I remember from this movie was the shitty cgi and terrible story. I don't understand how this movie made so much money.

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