Episode 161 - The Fate of the Furious

[ZARATHUSTRA 245]

My picks for actors to appear in Fast and Furious movies.

Michael Caine, Judy Dench, Morgan Freeman, Forrest Whitaker, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

With a special cameo appearance from Pope Francis as a club bouncer.

 

 

As for future cast members; Sean Bean, Pierce Brosnon, Robbie Coltrane. What I'd really like though is for them to pull out someone like Gene Hackman or Jack Nicholson out.

 

I'd love to see some more strong women, like gimme Lena Headly or Sigourney Weaver

 

Sigourney Weaver is a dope idea. Sandy Bullock too, or Goldie Hawn or Rinko Kikuchi. I think they should have gone for something like that instead of the Paul Walker replacement guy. Why not change it up instead of putting in a replacement? Isn't it the ultimate disrespect to be replaceable? Or just put June in the movie already.

 

Plus I mean they have Kurt Russell. Just put him in every fucking scene. He's Kurt fucking Russell.

 

I think Sam Rockwell would be awesome as a villian, a la CharIie's Angels. He's the best thing about that movie. I think he'd be up for dying and not sticking around, this series needs more people actually dying, the stakes start to fray when everyone is good in the end. Plus we need less bodybuilder types and more properly evil characters.

 

I hadn't heard about a Rock/Jason Statham spin-off but I am so in. I love the action of these movies but I don't like Vin Diesel. He has no charisma to me and his douchiness bleeds all over everything. The Rock on the other hand is really watchable. I'm straight and male and I'd fuck him at this point. I'm so in for that movie.

 

Also really surprised that only a few people knew the Rock was doing a Haka with the soccer team. Do people not know about Hakas in America? I didn't think it was obscure but I suppose there's no rugby there which is the place most people have seen it . Its a wardance you do before battle, which is pretty dope for a girls soccer team. Only the Rock could pull that scene off.

[Smigg 1488]

Also really surprised that only a few people knew the Rock was doing a Haka with the soccer team. Do people not know about Hakas in America? I didn't think it was obscure but I suppose there's no rugby there which is the place most people have seen it . Its a wardance you do before battle, which is pretty dope for a girls soccer team. Only the Rock could pull that scene off.

 

With the Rock being Samoan, it'd be a Siva Tau, the Haka is a New Zealand Maori tradition... I'm pedantic I know....

 

I love it when New Zealand and Samoa face off, because they do them at each other.

 

[Smigg 1488]

But, the Haka has spread to other sports, the New Zealand basketball team did it to the US before they played

 

[JasonOfTheGroup 14]

I think everyone can agree the baby's name should've been Paul

[RyanSz 3140]

I think everyone can agree the baby's name should've been Paul

No, definitely should have been Car-y McVroomface sponsored by Corona and NOS.

[Smigg 1488]

[FisterRoboto 7499]

It's really funny how obvious it is that Vin is trying to be as big as The Rock. In Fast Five, they're so ridiculously mismatched. But by 7, Vin just looks like a poorly cased sausage.

[Cameron H. 23786]

It's really funny how obvious it is that Vin is trying to be as big as The Rock. In Fast Five, they're so ridiculously mismatched. But by 7, Vin just looks like a poorly cased sausage.

 

The saddest part of 7 is when they show all the flashbacks during the Paul Walker send off and you're like, "Oh, wow. They've all aged terribly..."

 

 

[Cameron H. 23786]

Okay, this one is for Dom. I wrote it in Free Verse, because Dom is all about freedom. (free...DOM? Whoa...) Anyway, this is my best attempt at a Walt Whitman thing. Maybe I should have named it "Balls of Brass?"

 

 

"The Right Tool in This Garage"

 

 

Rough, ragged, staggered, stooped

A baffling, bald-headed, Bacchus beckons us

on and on and on and on,

Deeper down neon flickered streets...

We fly into our Flights of Fancy--

A Family in Fortune; A Family in Feast; A Family in Famine

 

A Quarter mile passed, A Quarter mile gained,

The whole world fades when you stray from your lane

 

Stubbled, stump-footed, Street-Cracking

American Steel wielding, Angeleno

Haloed, Hallowed, Heart-headed Hesperus

Charging through an eight second life in a nine second Dodge

 

A Quarter mile passed, A Quarter mile gained,

The whole world fades when you stray from your lane

 

A Heavy-Lidded, Heavy-Handed, Heavy-Hearted Heavy

Lusus Naturae--Nightmare of Nightmares

A Wheelman, A Warlock, A Double-clutched Alpha

A head shaking, knuckle cracking Hooligan

 

Neck gripping, Tight lipping, Corona crowned Turbo Charger

"Only pussies run nitrometh..."

Transcendent Eyeball, eyeballing mini-skirted senoritas,

Whispering uninvented words about the Sins of London

 

Aggress across an unbroken Eternity,

Freedom ain't for runnin;' it's for Ridin' or Dyin'

...and escaping that Ghost Girl behind you

Haunting your steps like the wisps of a half-smoked Havana

 

Salute mi Familia

 

 

A Quarter mile passed,

A Quarter mile gained,

 

Everything else...

 

is just

 

fumes.

[RyanSz 3140]

 

The saddest part of 7 is when they show all the flashbacks during the Paul Walker send off and you're like, "Oh, wow. They've all aged terribly..."

 

 

 

Wow he is 3/4 the way to Stallone melted action figure body. And that face is the one a person has when they realized there was a bit extra weight to that fart and the bathroom is across the house. Also Tyrese, Ludacris, and Michelle Rodriguez all still look really good 16 years later.

[kateacola 2440]

Oh man, I don't know why I didn't think to share this earlier.

 

A young Vin being the hype-man for Street Shark toys at a toy fair.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kthtkKM0oQ

 

HAND SHARK!! lol

 

My bf kind of collects/ always on the lookout for toys from his childhood. He was really into Street Sharks as a kid, so he's been sort of looking into the street shark toys and joined a fb group and came across this last week.. it just clicked that I needed to share this with y'all

Edited April 29, 2017 by kateacola

[Cameron H. 23786]

Oh man, I don't know why I didn't think to share this earlier.

 

A young Vin being the hype-man for Street Shark toys at a toy fair.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kthtkKM0oQ

 

HAND SHARK!! lol

 

 

My bf collects/ always on the lookout for toys from his childhood. He was really into Street Sharks as a kid, so he's been sort of looking into the street shark toys and joined a fb group and came across this last week.. it just clicked that I needed to share this with y'all

 

 

I threw up a bit at "round, mound of pound."

[kateacola 2440]

 

I threw up a bit at "round, mound of pound."

Lol.

He had hair back then!

[kateacola 2440]

And also want to point out that his "fashion-sense" hasn't evolved much since then hahah

He's wearing a vest as a shirt..

[tomspanks 9039]

 

WTF is going on with his left bicep and the sleeve? Bad photoshop?

[Smigg 1488]

And here's Tonga's Sipi Tau going up against the New Zealand Haka

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgq71T80vk0

[RyanSz 3140]

Oh man, I don't know why I didn't think to share this earlier.

 

A young Vin being the hype-man for Street Shark toys at a toy fair.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kthtkKM0oQ

 

HAND SHARK!! lol

 

My bf kind of collects/ always on the lookout for toys from his childhood. He was really into Street Sharks as a kid, so he's been sort of looking into the street shark toys and joined a fb group and came across this last week.. it just clicked that I needed to share this with y'all

So are you saying he was "Jawsome" back then?

[paul hughes 0]

The question of where this series needs to go (under water, space, etc), I am of the feeling that this series can only do one thing and it involves a mash up of two franchises:

 

Fast and the Furious and Jurassic World.

 

Hobbs shows up at Dom's house one morning, telling Dom that dinosaur's are running amok in Los Angeles. Hobbs needs Dom's team to help stop the dinosaurs. Dom, his team, along with Chris Pratt run around Los Angeles chasing dinosaurs. Again bringing the series back home, but also giving new life to these two franchises.

 

And they can simply call it-Fast and Furious: Jurassic World

[RyanSz 3140]

Question:

 

I don't think anyone addressed this but why was Brian listed as #7 on the Interpol list? He had nothing to do with the EMP heist so far as we saw. So was he doing a "one more job" kinda deal and escape another way while the rest of them went down wrecking ball alley, or was Interpol being dickish and said "eh, he rolled with them for a while so give him an arbitrary ranking?"

[Smigg 1488]

Question:

 

I don't think anyone addressed this but why was Brian listed as #7 on the Interpol list? He had nothing to do with the EMP heist so far as we saw. So was he doing a "one more job" kinda deal and escape another way while the rest of them went down wrecking ball alley, or was Interpol being dickish and said "eh, he rolled with them for a while so give him an arbitrary ranking?"

 

Don't quote me on this, because I could be completely wrong. But as a known accomplice of the suspects, as well as doing some of that shit while he was a cop, he's probably earned that high spot on their list.

[Cameron H. 23786]

Okay, this one is for Elena. It's a limerick which is supposed to be a bit bawdy nonsense.

 

"There Once Was a Cop From Brazil"

 

There once was a cop from Brazil

Who'd forgotten to take her pill

Got knocked up by Dom

So now she's a mom

The fact she's been "fridged" makes me ill

[ElieB 238]

 

Don't quote me on this, because I could be completely wrong. But as a known accomplice of the suspects, as well as doing some of that shit while he was a cop, he's probably earned that high spot on their list.

Except didn't they all get pardons at the end of 6? Hence being back in America all this time? Why are any of them still on that list... Especially since they were working for the feds/spooks in 7.

[ElieB 238]

Reposting from Recommendations thread for Corrections and Ommissions:

 

Guyz, whhhhhhhhat is happening. The timeline of "Baby Brian" is fucking imposssssssible.

 

 

What people are forgetting is that all of Tokyo Drift happens between films 6 and 7. So if maybe-baby Brian was conceived in film 5, then he has to have been gestating throughout all of films 6, 3, and 7. You could assume that films 6 and 7 occur over very short periods but my impression of tokyo drift is that it takes place over a much longer period of months i believe. Lucas Black literally has to make friends, enemies and learn to tokyo drift, all from the ground up. I would estimate that Elena has to be at LEAST 5 months pregnant by the time she re-encounters Dom at the hospital in the beginning of film 7. Instead she gets blown out of a 5th storey window and appears 0days pregnant. Several more weeks must pass during this film.

 

UNLESS the child is born in between films 6 & 7, during the run time lucas black is tokyo drifting. But why doesn't she fucking tell Dom that he has a kid when they meet in 7?!?! SHE KNOWS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT FAMILY

[FisterRoboto 7499]

Reposting from Recommendations thread for Corrections and Ommissions:

 

Guyz, whhhhhhhhat is happening. The timeline of "Baby Brian" is fucking imposssssssible.

 

 

 

What people are forgetting is that all of Tokyo Drift happens between films 6 and 7. So if maybe-baby Brian was conceived in film 5, then he has to have been gestating throughout all of films 6, 3, and 7. You could assume that films 6 and 7 occur over very short periods but my impression of tokyo drift is that it takes place over a much longer period of months i believe. Lucas Black literally has to make friends, enemies and learn to tokyo drift, all from the ground up. I would estimate that Elena has to be at LEAST 5 months pregnant by the time she re-encounters Dom at the hospital in the beginning of film 7. Instead she gets blown out of a 5th storey window and appears 0days pregnant. Several more weeks must pass during this film.

 

UNLESS the child is born in between films 6 & 7, during the run time lucas black is tokyo drifting. But why doesn't she fucking tell Dom that he has a kid when they meet in 7?!?! SHE KNOWS HOW HE FEELS ABOUT FAMILY

Okay, so I don't think the baby timeline is all that crazy. Here we go:

 

Fast Five - Dom and Elena meet. She somehow falls in love with him when he comes to get his cross back from her apartment and puts his fucking sausage fingers over her mouth.

 

Fast Six - Opens with Dom and Elena in bed together. Sometime here or slightly before is when she got pregnant. The movie takes place over a couple weeks.

 

Tokyo Drift - Move takes place over...let's say a year and a half (there's no clear indicator, but that would make sense for Han to move over to Tokyo, set up his operation, and train that hillbilly shitlord Lucas Black). The baby is born, and Elena starts back to work. Assuming she's just barely pregnant at the beginning of Fast Six, that would make the baby roughly 9 months old by the end of this movie.

 

Furious 7 - Takes place immediately after TD. Assuming 3 months of maternity leave, Elena has been back at work for about 6 months at this point, and the baby is still roughly 9 months old. The movie takes place over a matter of weeks. Hell, to be generous, let's call it a month (although I think it's more likely closer to 10 days or so). Baby's age at end of movie: ~10 months

 

Fate of the Furious - Baby is roughly 10 months old.

 

Boom.

 

And I know people are going to be like, "Why didn't she mention it to Dom in the hospital in 7?"

 

Two things:

1. Hobbs is injured, and he's there to see him

2. She's still wrestling over whether or not she should even tell him.

 

(And also, they hadn't come up with the idea of the baby yet)

[ElieB 238]

Regarding the crew eventually going to space and the gravity problems that entails, here's my take:

 

Ok, the series thrives on constantly raising the insanity level so what if the answer had nothing to do with conventional space travel or the moon which doesn't have enough gravity for adequate racing. What if the answer was ALIENS.

 

Stay with me for a second. Cold open: Tej and Roman are at an undisclosed location in the Nevada deserts giving Ramsey driving/racing lessons. Ramsey behind the wheel in one car with Tej there for guidance, Roman driving the other car in a heated race. Suddenly both cars are shut off by some kind of EM pulse. Ramsey and Tej's car gets tractor beam abducted by a UFO. Roman looks up, dumbfounded, and cracks wise about being glad he was left out for once. Queue Credits.

 

Roman travels to whatever exotic location Dom and Letty are hiding out in and tells them they need to get the gang back together to save RamTej but nobody believes him cause he's the clown and they think he's just jealous that RamTej finally ditched him to get some alone time.

 

Cut to PCb, Tej and Ramsey have been imprisoned for some time but (with the help of RIDDICK mayhaps?) they hack their way out of the Alien prison just long enough to find a com system and transmit an S.O.S. But as the message is being sent the aliens recapture them.

 

Weeks or months go by when Mr. Nobody shows up to debrief the crew on a new mission. SETI has decoded mysterious signal received from Proxima Centauri b in the Alpha Centauri system, a slightly larger than earth planet in the habitable zone. Stranger still, Torreto is name-dropped in the garbled message and Mr.Nobody wants him on the mission.

 

Mr.Nobody brings the crew into a super secret mission briefing at Area 51 where the gang gets a special astronaut training montage a la Armageddon. The US government has been developing a series of spacecraft and extraterrestrial vehicles for decades based off of derelict space craft but they need some real speed demons to actually get behind the controls to test them. On to mission launch and operation ALPHA lead by none other than the alphiest alpha, Dominic Torreto. Space racing ensues as Dom's ship wants to get there first. Because like in armageddon there are two mission ships for redundancy and Dom can't accept getting there second.

 

They arrive and Roman comes with some half-cocked plan even though he really doesn't want to be there. Experimental ET vehicles touch down and space mission begins. Hilarity ensues as Letty comes face to face with Dom's alien doppleganger Riddick who decides to come back to earth with the crew, doubling the Vin Deisel quota of the franchise from there on. Or maybe Dom dies on the mission and gets replaced, Kree style, by Riddick and no one is the wiser. They just think Dom really loves sun glasses now.