The Snowman (2017)

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From Tomas Alfredson, director of "Let the Right One In" and "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" comes his new project that is getting slaughtered across the board this week starring Michael Fassbender, Rebecca Ferguson, Charlotte Gainsbourg and J.K. Simmons among others, it's "The Snowman".

 

It turns out the production was being rushed across the board, with Alfredson claiming they were forced to shoot only 10-15% of the script being admitted, and then there is Val Kilmer's bizarre cameo with his voice being completely dubbed. The whole thing sounds pretty messy not to mention that Fassbender's character name is Harry Hole.

[RyanSz 3140]

Cracked did a big segment of their "important pop culture news of the week" article asking if this movie was just an elaborate practical joke featuring Oscar winners and nominees so that a serious thriller/crime drama can have a main character named Harry Hole. With Val Kilmer being in it, I'm figuring that this will be like an episode of Law and Order where either he or J.K. Simmons is the killer since they're the most recognizable names outside of Fassbender.

[jimkiler 84]

I want to read the spoiler ending but wikipedia does not have it yet, sad face.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

This actually pissed me off. With the talent both in front of and behind the camera, this film could have been a classic in the serial killer/police investigation genre. But instead, it's apparently a pile of shit. I admittedly haven't seen it, but paying to see another terribly movie about a psychopath who murders women is not high on my to-do list.

[RyanSz 3140]

Since no one saw this crapfest, there isn't a full summary on Wikipedia, and even the wiki for the book is incredibly vague and doesn't say who the killer is. The one good thing I found is that the character's last name is meant to be pronounced "holy" which I still don't understand why it wasn't changed for English speaking audiences who would misinterpret it.

[Elektra Boogaloo 3371]

Is the killer Jack Frost? Does he turn other people into Snow Dads?

[RyanSz 3140]

Okay holy shit this needs to be done. I watched this pile of crap and was utterly amazed at how bad it was, though I was surprised by who the killer ended up being despite the reasoning for the person killing was lame at best. Val Kilmer is shown only in flashbacks and is completely unrecognizable, I don't know if he dealt with an illness recently but I didn't even know it was him for the first two scenes he was in, and even then because he is dubbed over in this movie, whether it's his voice in ADR or someone else I can't tell because there's an accent that goes in and out. Also they for whatever fucking reason, call the main character Harry Hole, not "Holy," which boggles my mind in that they thought that would fly. Lastly, this needs to be discussed if only for the fact that the area where these cops and profilers work is like a student center at a college where people are in an open area/library but are blasting rock music or RIDING AROUND ON A SCOOTER while trying to solve a series of killings.

[Jillybean 104]

Yes!! And this movie is on HBO currently. Perfect.

[Ofcoursemyhorse 1043]

That's what kills me about this movie. I get that for some reason the author decided that was a solid name for a character. But that doesn't mean that they had to keep that fucking awful name for the movie.

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On family road trips I make my mom listen to some HDTGM episodes that I know she'll enjoy (this time was Timecop) and she made me pause halfway through to tell me about how they NEED to do The Snowman because it was one of the worst things she's ever seen. C'mon gang, please do this for my mom.

[RyanSz 3140]

If they do this, it really needs to be paired with Jim Carrey's Dark Crimes, as they are two of the worst "crime thrillers" every made. Thankfully a Wikipedia summary has been created for this movie, so if you want to just read that to avoid this shitshow, you can.

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I created an account just to nominate this movie. PLEASE! Feature this movie! 

[SlidePocket 707]

It's one of the live shows for next Saturday peeps!