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CarolineEAnd

Bad Summer Movies!

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Yeah he and Paul are buddies. Is he in Click, though? It must be a small part, I can't remember him being in it at all.

 

He plays the Bed, Bath And Beyond creepy dude who wants friends

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Days of Thunder....just horrible. I fell for the hype and tried to convince myself that this is a good movie. Tom Cruise and his 'rival' driver have a wheelchair race inside a hospital -do I need to say more?

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Off "Days of Thunder," I was going to say "just about anything Tony Scott has made..." then I checked Wikipedia and found a surprising number of his movies were released in the fall. The only ones left besides "Days of Thunder" are "The Taking of Pelham 123"*, "The Fan," "Crimson Tide"**, "Beverly Hills Cop 2" and "Top Gun"**. It's annoying, because the only movie of his I've seen is "Man on Fire," and if any movie feels like a stupid summer film, it's that one.

 

* I've never seen the Tony Scott version, but I hate it solely off the impression that someone thought the 1970s classic needed less Matthau and Robert Shaw and more John Travolta.

** Yes, I'm aware plenty of people actually like those movies. I'm just listing.

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"The Punisher" and "Man on Fire" came out in the same month, and "Man on Fire" was so much better of a Punisher movie than "The Punisher" was.

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No Holds Barred was a summer movie. Plus, tie-in with the re-release.

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Guys guys guys! We've overlooked the most obvious choice!

 

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Danny Devito plays a detective who happens to be a cartoon cat named Whiskers. Sir Ian McKellan plays Death. This movie has to be done!

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Last Action Hero is AMAZING! Smiley Face Eyed bad guys? Come on! I agree, it must be done.

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JAWS: THE REVENGE!!!

 

It would be sacrilege to have a bad summer movie series without it...

 

The heartwarming tale of a telepathic shark that travels over 1200 miles through the chilly Atlantic to the tropical Bahamas in order to avenge his slain bloodline. You've got...

 

- Michael Cane playing Hoagie, a drug trafficker with a heart of gold. A role that caused him to miss accepting his Academy Award for Hannah and Her Sisters.

- A telepathic connection between Helen Brody and the shark (oh yes there are dream sequences!)

- A shark taking down a sea-plane... yes a f*cking sea plane!

- The shark's final demise involves recycled footage from the original

- The water tank wall is clearly visible for almost the entire finale!

and much much more!!!

 

Fun fact: In the original script (and featured in the novelization and may have even been shot - Universal is mum) the reasoning behind the shark's obsession with the Brody family is not revenge but a voodoo curse! Yes a gosh darn voodoo curse!.

 

Please please, please consider!

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My Super Ex-Girlfriend from Ivan Reitman the guy who gave us Stripes and Ghostbusters. Starring Luke Wilson and Uma Thurman with Anna Farris, Rainn Wilson, Wanda Sykes, and Eddie Izzard.

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Batman & Robin

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Battlefield Earth

Super Mario Bros.

Howard the Duck

Jurassic Park 2 (if for nothing else than the scene where that 10 year old girl does gymnastics and kicks a dinosaur in the face)

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Oh, also...this...

 

kazaam2.jpg

 

I mean..."He's a Rappin' Genie with an attitude...AND he's ready for Slam-Dunk fun!"

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Oh man...Cobra is the BEST! My favorite part is when he's eating the pizza, and he cuts just the tip off and only eats the little triangle.

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Transformers 3: Dark Side of the Moon

 

Absolutely horrible! Its 2 hrs 34 min, nuff said there, not to mention the absolutely retarded acting: to call the actor's performances childish is to severely insult all children around the world. It makes Stallone's Dredd performance look subtle and nuanced, I would rather watch Judge Dredd 20 times than have to watch 10 minuets of Transformers 3 again.

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How could I have forgotten quite possibly one of the greatest movies that was tailor made for this program?!?!

 

CONGO!!!!!

 

You need to do this movie. The list of everything in this film reads like a "Stefon" sketch: It's got Lava, Lasers, Sign language monkeys, sesame cake, Bruce Campbell, hippos, pygmies.

 

CONGO!!!!!

 

Also, need to second The Happening, as that movie melted my brain when I saw it. And Deep Blue Sea, because... it's Deep Blue Sea

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Speed Racer, which had to be the most physically painful to watch movies I've ever seen

Rocky & Bullwinkle

Osmosis Jones

every movie inspired by a video game

oh yeah, and how about North? that movie was TERRIBLE

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oh yeah, and how about North? that movie was TERRIBLE

 

Oh, my god NORTH! How could we forget the inspiration for Roger Ebert's I Hated Hated Hated Hated This Movie?

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I'm still pulling so hard for Wild Wild West. I second Congo and Super Mario Bros big time.

 

May I also submit The Haunting. Oh boy. I saw that movie a bunch of times as a teenager and it's so bad, I've blocked most of it out except for Owen Wilson's death scene. When I started watching Six Feet Under and Lili Taylor was introduced as a character, I went "Oh shit. It's that chick from The Haunting."

 

Then there's Stealth. It tried to be Top Gun. It failed.

 

If we're talking Michael Bay, I think Pearl Harbor is the way to go because not only does it suck, but it capitalized on a giant tragedy.

 

And just as a side note for why Wild Wild West NEEDS to be done: Will Smith publicly apologized for it.

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Someone mentioned movies based on video games earlier, and I think that needs to be expanded on, because those are a gold mine in general.

 

Two words, for instance; MORTAL KOMBAT!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT4nmnr6fWk"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT4nmnr6fWk

 

Based on the hit fighting game! Many people consider this to be the least terrible video game-based movie ever made, partly due to its

and lovably hammy acting.

 

On the other hand, the sequal,

, is unironically considered to be the worst video game-based movie ever made. I don't even know where to begin explaining why.

 

Alternatively, there's Street Fighter: The Movie, which stars Jean Claude Van-Damme and the late Raul Julia, and was the standard-setter for bad fighting game movies.

 

And there are so many others, too. Are you familiar with Uwe Boll?

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"Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" (which unlike the first one was a Thanksgiving release) is probably the absolute worst film I've ever seen in a theater, which is really saying something, as I manage a theater and watch all SORTS of shit that I'd never pay to see. Back in 1997 though, man, did I ever pay for it. I remember seeing "Boogie Nights" earlier the same day at the same theater, which has since become my favorite film of all time, so I guess the universe has a crazy way of keeping the balance.

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