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I’ll start the show. If you beg. Beg me like a worm.

Dear Hollywood - please make “Medea Goes Too Far”

Everyday I’m sufferin

I want to look in the sky and say "Everyday is Christmas, Santa!"

ts

Car kisses and carcasses: It's all we do and we do it well at Smith's Embalming Services and Auto Detailing. *My apologies to TootyBut2DButt who granted me premiere "car kiss" permissions and I squandered them with this catchphrase.

Milk, milk, lemonade; ‘round the corner, Bear Grylls waits.

The better to slurp deez nuts, my dear.

If I can paraphrase an animated Candelabra I saw one time, be my guest.

Now that it’s over, let me acknowledge that the Texas ice freeze was colder than Scully giving a cold shoulder to Mulder while he’s cracking ice from an ice cube tray holder to make an old fashioned at an outdoor bar in a town called Boulder. “Scully, even if you one day become my baby mama, I’ll never be your bitch,” is what he told her as her eyes smoldered. Later on at the hotel room: “I want you to draw me. Wearing this. Wearing only this.” She said as she held up an alien-green beanie with patch of a cartoon UFO with a tractor beam and the words: GET IN LOSER WE’RE NOT DOING BUTT STUFF ANYMORE, I’M OVULATING. He got aroused. “Well, that Texas ice freeze might have been cold, but right now I feel cooler than an Antarctic base station computer printer spooler,” said Mulder as he turned to the camera.

If you are listening to this, it’s already too late. Short shorts have gone out of style

Zip zop my blip bop. That's my homily ting tang.

X

Blame the 8-ball of coke or my 8-ball-sized prostate, but I will be making frequent trips to the bathroom this evening.

Looks like they really did a number on you—a number two, that is!

This isn’t a porn parody of Star Wars, this is Star Wars as George Lucas originally intended.

No? You're going with love? Okay then.