Episode 70.5 — Minisode 70.5

[wakefresh 689]

I'll admit I haven't seen Glimmer Man, so your opinion stands. But as far as hubris -- have you seen On Deadly Ground? That crazy "environmental" speech he gives? Seagal, directing Seagal?

 

And it was nominated for a lot of awards, too:

 

1995 Razzie Awards

Worst Picture nominee

Worst Screenplay nominee

Worst Actor nominee: Steven Seagal

Worst Director: Steven Seagal

Worst Actress nominee: Joan Chen

 

But I'm not arguing against Glimmer Man. I'm stoked for a Seagal movie. And I guess it'll be fun because I have not watched it. Hey, everyone should check out Seagalogy, it's a pretty fun book that breaks down ALL of his movies in chronological order. The later chapters that cover his straight to video years aren't much fun, but the first 2/3rds are a blast.

 

Oh, I haven't seen that one at all! He gives an environmental speech?! That already sounds funny.

[wakefresh 689]

 

See, I'd be on the opposite side of that. Sucker Punch and Burlesque are far less interesting to me because they were so universally mocked & accepted as terrible by critics and audiences alike. They are mainstream bad. Even as legendary as The Room might be, the vast majority of people will still have never heard of it. And really, it's a rarity in that every time you watch it you seem to find even more horrible things.

 

But that's why I think it's good they mix things up between old & new, because obviously everyone looks for something different in the movie choices.

 

I sort of am liking the peeks behind the curtain when they do certain movies because you get to see how someone with bad judgement can fuck up not only their career but other people's career's as well. Like, do you think Benjamin Bratt has posters of Hallie Berry on his walls full of knife marks?

 

And those kind of peeks can come from either a newer movie or an older one, so I really don't mind at all.

[wakefresh 689]

 

I keep hearing that they have a new version of In Living Color that is ready to come out, but haven't seen anything about it.

[seanotron 2307]

 

I sort of am liking the peeks behind the curtain when they do certain movies because you get to see how someone with bad judgement can fuck up not only their career but other people's career's as well. Like, do you think Benjamin Bratt has posters of Hallie Berry on his walls full of knife marks?

 

And those kind of peeks can come from either a newer movie or an older one, so I really don't mind at all.

 

That's why I liked the Croc Dundee episode. It wasn't so much the movie itself (which was mostly boring) but the behind-the-scenes discussion on how they writers were treated, why they thought certain scenes would be funny, etc.

[seanotron 2307]

 

I keep hearing that they have a new version of In Living Color that is ready to come out, but haven't seen anything about it.

 

Oh man, I don't know how I feel about that. In Living Color was such a product of the time. It could be good if Keenan Ivory was involved, but if it's one of his unfunny siblings (*cough* Shawn or Marlon *cough*) then no way.

[SlidePocket 707]

Man, I remember there was a short time when Keenan Ivory Wayans was angling to be an action star. Like, I think he was trying to be a 1990s version of Eddie Murphy but with more stunts, shooting, and explosions in his movies. A couple of years before this, he wrote, directed and starred in Low Down Dirty Shame.

 

I actually just happened to watch Keenen's followup to "The Glimmer Man" the year after that, "Most Wanted" just a few days ago. It also casted the likes of Jon Voight, Jill Hennessy, Paul Sorvino, Eric Roberts and Robert Culp. In addition to starring in it, Keenen also wrote the damn thing! And the director who made this, David Hogan, also happened to direct "Barb Wire" the year before! How crazy was that?

[justinmh05 1968]

 

 

I keep hearing that they have a new version of In Living Color that is ready to come out, but haven't seen anything about it.

 

It's been shelved. Fox didn't like Keenan's pilot so they put the whole thing in turnaround.

[inactiveuser501 168]

I actually am sorta on the side of tired of the choices of movies they've done, just not on the "age" argument. I feel like I'm getting burned out on the "Crazy Action Movie Vehicle" genre. I'm longing for an movie that can be crazy without fight scenes.

 

With that being said, the Wikipedia explanation of why he is called The Glimmer Man is pretty fantastic, and when I saw the title, I honestly thought it was going to be a "Jingle All The Way/Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot"-esqe Comedy.

[PhillipMedoc 648]

 

 

Mojo Priest has a song called "Alligator Ass", and another called "Talk To My Ass".

 

I gotta say, though, this song on youtube is, while not in my wheelhouse at all, is not objectively terrible. At least, not as godawful as

were.

 

[robinsbruce 4985]

"Songs from the crystal cave." Dafuuuuuuuuq?

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

"Songs from the crystal cave." Dafuuuuuuuuq?

I think Indiana Jones found something there. A skull maybe...

[Kickpuncher 5012]

What if the guest was Dan Van Kirk as Seagal?

 

(Answer - It would probably kind of suck. But still.)

[Joe Lerini 7329]

During the Squarespace ad, I thought Paul was gonna go for a "Geocities? More like Geoshitties!" joke.

 

Then I remembered Paul's way funnier than I am, and wouldn't do that.

[Ghost of HST 71]

Great piece on Seagal originally from Spy Mag:

 

http://www.lukeford.net/profiles/profiles/steven_seagal1.htm

 

From 1993 but still very interesting.

[DiesOnAToilet 23]

The Glimmer Man is on Encore today, 9/3 at 5:20 pm (Central). It's on again at 12:15 am.

 

 

After that, the next showing on Encore is 9/12 3:50 PM CST. I guess I'll be watching this one a bit late, becaue that's the only chance in Hell of seeing this trash in HD at this point. Also, if you have Comcast, it doesn't seem to be available on Demand at this point either, at least in HD (did not check for the SD version).

 

I'm not "on the spectrum", I swear, but God damn it if something is available in HD, no matter how terrible it is, I have to see it in high def.

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

I've always found Seagal to be really frustrating as an actor and as an action star. He's someone who clearly has spent a ton of time trying to learn about and understand Japanese and Chinese culture, Buddhism, and martial arts. His actual martial arts techniques are pretty legitimate, at least when compared to the kind of spinkick-parade nonsense done by guys like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. However...he's a self-aggrandizing, lying egomaniac. Not to mention he's just a terrible actor with all the charisma of a wet fart. He's also in movies that are either terrible or only watchable because they are insane or ridiculous. It's like if the makers of 'Crank' took themselves seriously and did shit like have Chev Chelios spout lectures on the environment or eastern philosophy. I can take such things from Bruce Lee, but not Seagal.

 

Speaking of Bruce Lee, ACTUAL LINE FROM THE MOVIE: "He took those guys out like Bruce Lee, only better."

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Anyway, about this movie in particular, I'm only about 30 minutes in and I already feel like Paul's intro into the actual episode should start with, "Ever wonder what 'Seven' would be like if it were made by people who can only count to five? Well, wonder no longer! We watched 'The Glimmer Man..."

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I've always found Seagal to be really frustrating as an actor and as an action star. He's someone who clearly has spent a ton of time trying to learn about and understand Japanese and Chinese culture, Buddhism, and martial arts. His actual martial arts techniques are pretty legitimate, at least when compared to the kind of spinkick-parade nonsense done by guys like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris. However...he's a self-aggrandizing, lying egomaniac. Not to mention he's just a terrible actor with all the charisma of a wet fart. He's also in movies that are either terrible or only watchable because they are insane or ridiculous. It's like if the makers of 'Crank' took themselves seriously and did shit like have Chev Chelios spout lectures on the environment or eastern philosophy. I can take such things from Bruce Lee, but not Seagal.

 

Speaking of Bruce Lee, ACTUAL LINE FROM THE MOVIE: "He took those guys out like Bruce Lee, only better."

I think it was in "Exit Wounds", which was sort of a comeback for Seagal at the time, that I noticed he'd adopted a new fighting style based on just standing there while someone runs at him, and then just sidestepping or grabbing the guy's shirt and pointing him at a wall, so as to allow the opponent to knock HIMSELF out. I remember a scene in particular where a bunch of guys are about to jack his truck or something, and they all take turns charging him, at which point they all end up getting put through the windshields of other nearby vehicles, saving Seagal's ride from destruction. What a fuckin' hero...

[PhillipMedoc 648]

I think it was in "Exit Wounds", which was sort of a comeback for Seagal at the time, that I noticed he'd adopted a new fighting style based on just standing there while someone runs at him, and then just sidestepping or grabbing the guy's shirt and pointing him at a wall, so as to allow the opponent to knock HIMSELF out. I remember a scene in particular where a bunch of guys are about to jack his truck or something, and they all take turns charging him, at which point they all end up getting put through the windshields of other nearby vehicles, saving Seagal's ride from destruction. What a fuckin' hero...

I have not seen Exit Wounds. But to be fair, that sounds similar to the basis of Aikido. I'm not a scientist, but from what I know of Aikido, it's less about "fighting" and focuses on redirecting your opponent's energy (kicks, punches, etc) so you expend less energy and don't hurt yourself blocking attacks. Like someone comes at you with a big fist, you move with that, take the momentum, grab their arm, throw them down. It's actually a very graceful martial art, and like Elitist Prick said upthread, Seagal really studied this stuff and made an honest effort to understand the culture BUT he's a narcissistic egomaniacal juicebox. I feel like On Deadly Ground is the best example of this dichotomous aspect of his personality.

[PlanBFromOuterSpace 3138]

I have not seen Exit Wounds. But to be fair, that sounds similar to the basis of Aikido. I'm not a scientist, but from what I know of Aikido, it's less about "fighting" and focuses on redirecting your opponent's energy (kicks, punches, etc) so you expend less energy and don't hurt yourself blocking attacks. Like someone comes at you with a big fist, you move with that, take the momentum, grab their arm, throw them down. It's actually a very graceful martial art, and like Elitist Prick said upthread, Seagal really studied this stuff and made an honest effort to understand the culture BUT he's a narcissistic egomaniacal juicebox. I feel like On Deadly Ground is the best example of this dichotomous aspect of his personality.

I understand, and I think I may have actually oversold his fighting ability in the film. It was as if these guys that Seagal was "fighting" were going to run into walls or throw themselves through windshields anyway, and he just just happened to be standing between them, so he'd merely sidestep them and gently tap them on the shoulder and let them be on their way. Yeah, Seagal has all of the agility of an oak tree in this one.

[wakefresh 689]

 

Oh man, I don't know how I feel about that. In Living Color was such a product of the time. It could be good if Keenan Ivory was involved, but if it's one of his unfunny siblings (*cough* Shawn or Marlon *cough*) then no way.

 

Yes, to all of this! Shawn is just lucky he was born into a family with talented siblings. Out of all of the Wayans, he is the least talented. I think that Shawn is a pretty good dramatic actor, but he can not do comedy. But because the family business is in comedy, he's sort of stuck doing that.

[wakefresh 689]

 

Mojo Priest has a song called "Alligator Ass", and another called "Talk To My Ass".

 

I gotta say, though, this song on youtube is, while not in my wheelhouse at all, is not objectively terrible. At least, not as godawful as

were.

 

 

Do you think Seagal's passion project is a Stevie Ray Vaughn biopic?

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

Yeah, the Aikido characteristics that PlanBFromOuterSpace and cat & beard mentioned are what I was referring to. That's a particular style of martial art that's pretty hard to get across on screen unless you have someone extremely talented and charismatic doing the fighting, like Bruce Lee in 'Enter the Dragon.' Not that Bruce Lee was doing Aikido, just that he was able to film the use-your-opponent's-momentum concept and make it cinematic and interesting. When you have someone like Seagal, co-starring with someone like DMX in a movie like 'Exit Wounds' (directed by the guy who brought you 'Doom' and 'Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li'), you get what looks like dudes running into the wall for no reason while Seagal stands there squinting. "Narcissistic egomaniacal juicebox" indeed.

 

I am not an expert but I sure love to talk like one!

 

ANYWAY, fuck, and I mean FUCK this movie for having the balls to actually include scenes from 'Casablanca.'

[wakefresh 689]

Yeah, the Aikido characteristics that PlanBFromOuterSpace and cat & beard mentioned are what I was referring to. That's a particular style of martial art that's pretty hard to get across on screen unless you have someone extremely talented and charismatic doing the fighting, like Bruce Lee in 'Enter the Dragon.' Not that Bruce Lee was doing Aikido, just that he was able to film the use-your-opponent's-momentum concept and make it cinematic and interesting. When you have someone like Seagal, co-starring with someone like DMX in a movie like 'Exit Wounds' (directed by the guy who brought you 'Doom' and 'Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li'), you get what looks like dudes running into the wall for no reason while Seagal stands there squinting. "Narcissistic egomaniacal juicebox" indeed.

 

I am not an expert but I sure love to talk like one!

 

ANYWAY, fuck, and I mean FUCK this movie for having the balls to actually include scenes from 'Casablanca.'

 

Now that I know he has the blues guitar magic in his fingers, Seagal should have broke out his Epiphone and fucking rocked the bad guys to death.

[cmac94 191]

ANYWAY, fuck, and I mean FUCK this movie for having the balls to actually include scenes from 'Casablanca.'

 

Which was absolutely bonkers because Casablanca didn't play into the actual plot of the movie in any way, just as a dumb "Haha! A man crying!" joke.

 

Am I the only one who kinda thought this movie was just terrible terrible and not good terrible? And don't get me wrong, it definitely is a movie perfect for HDTGM and I can't wait for the episode. But when I was watching it last night in preparation I just kept getting bored and disinterested. There are a few good terrible scenes but for the most part it was difficult to push through this movie.