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JulyDiaz

Episode 73 — Congo

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Giant talking gorillas, lasers and volcanoes are all a part of the insanity that is Congo. Nick Wiger joins Paul, June, and Jason (via computer magic) to ask important questions such as: what are communication lasers, what’s the deal with Dr. Peter’s strangely erotic relationship with Amy the gorilla, and why is Tim Curry’s character even there? Grab yourself a piece of sesame cake and tune in! Make sure to watch Ass Backwards now on VOD & iTunes!

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Captain Munro: "There's the wind."

Peter: "I hope it blows us someplace good."

Karen: "Me too."

 

Of course Peter (Dylan Walsh) and Karen (Laura Linney) hope the hot-air balloon takes them "someplace good"... because they certainly can't afford to return to the states. Their entire trip was funded by diamond-monger R.B. Travis (Joe Don Baker), and he certainly isn't going to pay for their trip home. Karen thoroughly burned that bridge with a mega laser beam. :)

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I thought the exact same thing about a post-credit sequence where the balloon is shot down. This movie was fucking crazy.

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Jason sounds like he's using a payphone in the 1880's

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Here's where the movie lost me: when Peter is confronted by the male gorilla and Ernie Hudson (as black, seemingly British Indiana Jones) tells him not to run or make eye contact, Peter responds with "Yeah, I've read the books." Um. What books, Peter? The books you wrote ... since you're a gorilla expert? What are you talking about Dr. Peter? You've obviously spent nearly 10 years in grad school studying primates, just to move to a post-doctoral fellowship where you teach an ape sign language. And, yet, when confronted by a gorilla in the wild -- WHERE YOU MUST HAVE BEEN AT SOME POINT -- you act like you read this in a travel movie. Ugh. Terrible.

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And I almost forgot: when Peter and Laura Linney (don't remember her character's name) are awoken by the sound of horny gorillas, Ernie Hudson tells them "When there's a moon like that, every monkey for 200 miles thinks he's Elvis Presley." Hey guess what, Ernie Hudson: EVERYONE can see a FULL MOON. I mean, why are you making a comment on distance? The full moon is not localized over your tiny camp, you weirdo.

 

Also, please write a spinoff for Ernie Hudson.

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What about when Joe Pantoliano says "A talking gorilla! I can feel the money hairs on the back of my neck going woo woo woo." What?! That's not a thing.

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The dialogue sounds like they had a b-movie screenwriter punch it up just before production and the producer didn't let anyone proof it before shooting.

 

 

Joe Don Baker (our first Steven Segal) looks at the script for a moment then sneers at the director, " 'I'll be human later?' I'm actually supposed to say this shit?"

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First of all, it's JOE DON BAKER, not John Doe Baker. Secondly, the ex-husband at the beginning of the film is Bruce Campbell hisownself, also missed in the conversation.

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First of all, it's JOE DON BAKER, not John Doe Baker. Secondly, the ex-husband at the beginning of the film is Bruce Campbell hisownself, also missed in the conversation.

 

...thought it was 'ex-fiancee' and The Bruce WAS mentioned towards the end.

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OMISSION: Delroy Lindo says "Liar, liar, pants on fire" with a TON of conviction.

 

ALSO: During the powerpoint presentation at the beginning of the movie, shown to many supposedly important scientists, there is a clip of a man using the same technology Amy has. He signs "this is the first time I've heard my own voice" and the robot voice says it for him, and NO ONE bothers to explain to this poor deaf man that he doesn't really sound like an AT&T answering machine. That's the computer talking, not you, deaf guy! They just let this man believe that that's his real voice??

 

The premise that this technology is mind-blowing and will change the lives of many deaf people was also kind of dismissive of deaf people, as if they can't get through life now without it? The only reason this technology was created is because the hearing population is too lazy to learn sign language. No other benefit as far as I can see. Deaf people don't need this technology, hearing people need it to avoid having to learn sign language.

 

Terrible terrible movie. A whole hour could have been spent on Ernie Hudson's amazing dapper-Englishman-to-New-Yorker-Ernie-Hudson accent transitions.

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What about when Joe Pantoliano says "A talking gorilla! I can feel the money hairs on the back of my neck going woo woo woo." What?! That's not a thing.

 

I completely forgot he was in this movie. Why did they get so many "actor actors" to play bit parts that were never brought in again!?

 

This movie could have been made with half the budget if they'd cast bit part actors. Even less if they'd replaced the gorillas with brown terry cloth towels, which would have had the same effect.

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This movie is definitely about modes of transportation.

 

 

2428787.jpg

 

This was that strange period in the 90's where Tim Curry decided to just do random vague European/Russian accents for funsies in movies. See also (How Did This Get Made caliber films): National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1 and McHale's Navy.

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I'll say this about Ernie's accent/affectation, if I had panties they would have melted.

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"These monkeys don't know which way is up!"

 

Awesome episode, such a great job of tearing this dumb movie apart. I can't believe they didn't mention shooting the rockets with flare guns though! Laura Linney does have amazing aim, I guess.

 

And goddamn, I love that Second Opinions theme.

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Well with shooting the rockets, what they were going for is that they're heat seekers (thus go for the flares, you can see they change direction into them.) So its not about her aim, just have to get it close enough for the missile to go for it like a decoy.

 

Of course that doesn't really explain why the first couple missiles missed so that they can then have to time to recognize they were being shot at and they need to do something about it. Maybe they started out with shooting regular RPGs and then switched to the heat seekers after they missed and decided they really wanted to spend a lot of money and energy downing that random plane?

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I guess this was another one of the screenplays John Patrick Shanley released after he was imprisoned for killing John Lennon?

 

I wonder if Mall McCartney is a fan.

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