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agata

Episode 26 — Jason Mantzoukas, Our Close Friend

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Hey listen man, I know what you're going through right now. Andy Daly implied that I don't bathe myself on a regular basis and Damien Fahey laughed at me and said he wouldn't answer my question because my name wasn't real... so I've been there, bud. It gets better. Anyways, would love to offer some advice on how you can get through this difficult time but I've g2g figure out how to order human beings to come to my home here at Sears to take care of the color-treated abomination that's happening right now on top of my head.

YO. NAME DROP MORE. jeesh

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Your new radio show is good.

 

I support it.

 

thx. we steal from tha best

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oh wow the third bullshit knife is just priceless info. I wish I could share it with you all.

completely unrelated, hey valerie bryant, you want to snort an adderall?

 

Junkie, you don't have to trick me into taking a roofie. If you want to rape me, all you have to do is ask.

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It's so cute how Mantzoukas called our very own baby Brillo "B-R-R-2". And can we just give it up to Sean and Hayes for being sweeties and geting the guest to create a special moment for the person who they know it will mean the most to. They know Bruce RR Martin loves Jason and they decided to make his day. Those boys have class out the ass.

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i'm going to change my picture to the next episode's guest every week until someone famous finally answers my question: how do you get a guy to like you?

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How do you get a guy to like you?

 

Give him a copy of Blade Runner on lazer disk. Or you could give him a copy of vibes on lazer disk.

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i'm going to change my picture to the next episode's guest every week until someone famous finally answers my question: how do you get a guy to like you?

 

While that will finally end our WORTHLESS Scoop Troop's failed attempts to tell us the next guest (OctoDocto and MmmBoP), but to save you the trouble, all you have to do is tell him, "I'm not dating anybody right now because I am just taking time to work on me."

 

If that little droplet of your milkshake doesn't bring him to your yard, he is probably "lactose intolerant".... if you catch my drift...

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Agata Bambaataa, just be yourself. I know it's simple and trite, but just be who you are. Unless you're a dull person who lacks initiative and doesn't like to go clubbing and sip on OD molly water at ultrafest while we're rollin our balls off to some disgusting dirty drops and beats from these grimey nice producers then you should become that and really just lie about everything. Cause most guys are idiots and they don't even know what they're doing. They're just looking for the next party or the next Bahamian dancehall twerk contest in Freeport that they can go to watch even though they don't like dancehall music too much but they'll drink an ice cold Sands and get involved. So just be yourself and it'll all work out in the end.

 

edit: no spoilers tho on episode guests I like being disappointed when it's not someone as famous as the previous guest

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how do you get a guy to like you?

 

u-gata, i have outlined a few techniques that should help you with your boy troubles.

 

1) You gotta be bad

2) you gotta be bold

3) you gotta be wiser-er

 

4) You gotta be hard

5) you gotta be tough

6) you gotta be strong-eh-eh-ehr

 

7) You gotta be cool

8) you gotta be calm,

9) you gotta stay together

 

 

All I know, all I know, love will save the day

 

-shosho

 

ps. a lot of us bros on the forum DO like you. it's just that we don't really need fourum girlfriends when we already have girlfriends that are steady eightums..

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talk to 100 people who seem interesting, probably 1+ of them will like you

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i'm going to change my picture to the next episode's guest every week until someone famous finally answers my question: how do you get a guy to like you?

 

Sure fire way to lock down any man in L.A.:

 

1. Grab said dude's ass in public to establish your territory (let the other honeys know he's yours)

2. Neg him (like suggest that you couldn't even suck on dees because his be tiny and such)

3. Give him the clap and then tell him that no one else will ever love him because he's tainted with your love poison

4. Enjoy your new man piece guh! I suggest getting a pitcher of melon ballers and shopping while ignoring his phone calls

 

 

OR you could just tell him that you work for a fucking boss ass slammin LLC called Earwolf and that if he ever wanted to "network" with some hollywood bigshots you're his only in.

 

Either way, cornering him and making him hate himself is the best route. I stake Jason Mantzoukas's name on it.

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ps. a lot of us bros on the forum DO like you. it's just that we don't really need fourum girlfriends when we already have girlfriends that are steady eightums..

 

I mean, it is only because her name is cool. That is the theme of this forum: Freja, Agata, Valkyrie.... pattern here?

 

Nobody....not one guy would bat an eye if her name was like Fred or something...

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I'm no seduction artist but I appreciate a subtle approach. non verbal cues such as a lingering glance followed by a private grin, a slightly higher voice pitch, faster blink rate, especially a silly laugh just reach me on some primal level.

 

Here's some ideas that have worked on me

1. Bring an extra snack pack in your lunch and give it to him everyday until he expects it and then stop suddenly

2. act like a total square around your friends and then smoke reefer with him behind the bleachers like its an adventure

3. Grab a big handful of his [redacted]

4. Wear grunge rock concert tees that you are way too young to have ever actually attended

5. Give him a funny yet endearing nickname on an earwolf forum

 

check and mate

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i can confirm that this true since all time is before midnight and i will never like ANY post that occurs at exactly midnight

 

Although you think you've outsmarted me (and don't pretend like you don't) did you consider that I was already aware that all time was before midnight? Also, did you consider that all time is also after midnight and that you're equally as wrong as you are right?

 

...And did you consider that I knew you would be shitty about it and call me out so that I could be shittier and call you out? No? Good. Because I didn't know that. But being shitty is my thing.

 

Let me just say this, July Diaz. I am on to you and your plot to hoard all of the likes for yourself and I'm not having any of it. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But someday there will be freedom on this forum and your tyranny will be over and I would like you to consider how it will feel when you're down here with the little people and how much good all of those likes are going to do you then.

 

Okay? Okay. Fair enough.

 

PS - Agata, we know you're baiting us for compliments (not in that way, you sickos). The problem is that you're too pretty to not know the answer to the question you're asking. It's unconvincing and patronizing in all of the ways that make guys all tingly inside (not there, you sickos). So STOP MANIPULATING US! MEN ARE PEOPLE TOOO! NOT JUST MEAT!

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Are you joking, Common Sence? Last time I checked it was MANkind and Mr. Socko, not WOMANkind and Mr. Socko.

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Listen I've seen enough adverts (UK speak for commercials) to know that all men are little more than dogs with shirts on, basically totally useless idiots who don't even know how to work a bloody (UK speak for freakin) washing machine for God's sake!

 

edit hmm not happy with that post, I guess I was joking. I don't know. Whatever. you know what I've not been the same since Paul Walker left us

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Dude, just got so blazed deep...

 

effin freakin' high baby.

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Dude, just got so blazed deep...

 

effin freakin' high baby.

 

duuuude. lets go smoke some ciggies and hit the skate park so we can show those posers how real gutter punks ollie.

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duuuude. lets go smoke some ciggies and hit the skate park so we can show those posers how real gutter punks ollie.

 

 

Can I bring my rollerskates?!

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thanks for the advice, guys. i mean, i asked for advice from a celebrity but i'll take it from you guys too. this has to be the nicest forum on the internet.

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Listen I've seen enough adverts (UK speak for commercials) to know that all men are little more than dogs with shirts on, basically totally useless idiots who don't even know how to work a bloody (UK speak for freakin) washing machine for God's sake!

 

edit hmm not happy with that post, I guess I was joking. I don't know. Whatever. you know what I've not been the same since Paul Walker left us

 

All men =

 

article-2419316-1BC85213000005DC-510_634x415.jpg

 

or maybe a little...

 

article-2511787-1993EA1100000578-523_634x520.jpg

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thanks for the advice, guys. i mean, i asked for advice from a celebrity but i'll take it from you guys too. this has to be the nicest forum on the internet.

 

 

Well to be fair we have been listening to some of the most dope-est bass (boss-ass) bros on the planet. With all the hollywood knowledge S and H have been droppin, we're totes qualified to give you relationship advice. Us web board wing-mans are gonna get you SO laid agata.

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