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JulyDiaz

Episode 102 — Tango & Cash

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When Cash went to the talent show strip club to meet Katharine - didn't Katharine tell Tango in the beginning of the movie that she "had a plane to catch" and was going away for 1 or two months? Since their bust, trial, imprisonment and escape seemed to occur inside of a week, I thought this was strange.

 

I was flummoxed by this as well. Not only did she not leave town, she clearly had shifts still scheduled at the Cleopatra Club. The writers were so worried about convincing us that Sly and Teri were bone zoning that they forgot to... well, fuck these writers.

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You seemed to have touched on how crazy the prison in this movie was but you didnt menyion that when they first get walked to their cells - the fucking hallway was on fucking fire! There was open fires and the guards didn't not only care but seemed totally cool with it.

 

 

You nailed it. Tango and Cash are so blase about (1) being sentenced to minimum security and ending up in maximum security, (2) the raging inferno when they arrive at the state pen, (3) being attacked 200 on 2 in a stadium style prison boiler room, complete with torture rack, pools of water, and live high tension power lines cut open for some sort of fucked up electrocution torture scenario.

 

They just quip their way through these insane circumstances to the point that as an audience member I felt no stakes whatsoever. They aren't concerned, so why should I be?

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Correction & Omissions: Concerning the Cash “tripod” insult…

 

1. He could mean that Tango has such a small penis (microphallus) that his balls and penis look like a very small tripod.

2. As stated prior: Cash could be saying he has a very saggy scrotum, and that his balls and penis look similar to a tripod.

3. Cash could have flubbed the line and meant to say something like “tuna can dick”, but they left in the line “tripod”.

 

My only answer is that it was sarcasm. Like calling a huge dude 'Tiny' or Stallone a 'great actor'.

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One thing I think was overlooked on the podcast: How did breaking into Palance's palace, killing all his men, blowing everything up, and shooting Palance himself prove Tango and Cash's innocence? From an outside perspective, wouldn't it just look like two escaped convicts, driven insane by beliefs that they've been set up by some omnipotent third party, destroyed the warehouse of a reputable businessman and went on a killing spree of everyone they came across? What evidence did they presumably collect to clear their names?

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They did cover that, and no, they did nothing to clear their names. Although...I guess you could assume that they got the audio expert to confess that the tapes were faked?

 

I forget if they covered this part though: what was the LAPD doing with not only a Q Branch bullet proof "RV from hell", but why was there a mounted GATLING GUN on the thing? Does a police department really have a need to mow down waves of people like blades of grass, or taking out soft target vehicles from a mile away?

 

Even the freaking military doesn't use them in anything short of an attack aircraft.

 

 

And speaking of that...not only did they 100% for sure rip off the Stevie Wonder driving joke from 1988's Die Hard, but they ripped off the RV joke too! A villain in Die Hard jokingly calls the LAPD armored vehicle an RV, Cash jokingly calls the LAPD super truck "the RV from hell".

 

One weird thing that stuck out. Tango and Cash were heroes, everyone on the force loved them, and everyone on the force thought their trial was total bullshit. You would think they had some contacts and friends at the department they could get in touch with to help them without fear of being turned in.

 

And here's ANOTHER thing, they have this giant manhunt looking for them...for what exactly? Remember, they were supposed to be on a short slap on the wrist sentence to a minimum security facility. THIS WAS ON COURT RECORD. It was only Jack Palance making a bribe to a bureaucrat to pull a last minute switcheroo during their transfer. Wouldn't the jig be up the instant Tango and Cash broke out and told someone what really happened? All it would have taken is having a cop buddy or someone take half a day to look into the minimum security facility they were supposed to have gone to and discover that they had never arrived. What was the manhunt going to do, arrest them for breaking out of a prison they shouldn't have been at in the first place? No matter what, any action would have exposed the presumed bribed bureaucrat who fudged the paperwork sending them to Flaming Penetentiary.

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Correction:

 

"The shot of a man's ass---and I think I speak for most women---does nothing."

 

I love June, but she doesn't speak for me on this one. I think a lot of ladies appreciate a good ass shot.

 

 

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On relistening I noticed one of the second opinions say that Tango and Cash spawned other great action duos, such as Seagal and Wayans.

 

There is someone out there who watched The Glimmer Man and thought "now THIS is a good action duo!"

 

Incredible.

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Correction:

 

"The shot of a man's ass---and I think I speak for most women---does nothing."

 

I love June, but she doesn't speak for me on this one. I think a lot of ladies appreciate a good ass shot.

 

Well, I think that we've seen that June isn't necessarily attracted to the physicality (see Bad Ernest vs. John Travolta in Staying Alive). I'm similar. My High School celebrity crush was Peter Falk from Columbo (and this was in 1996). I thought that he was just so smart and was oozing sexuality in a way that I didn't get from Marky Mark or Aaron Carter or any other hearthrobs or that time. So, a nice butt doesn't really do anything for me.

 

That being said there have been two times when I remember being attracted to a male body part in a movie. Ron Livingston's lower back when he's on the ground trying to get the letter from outside of the locked office in Office Space and Brad Pitt's Adonis Belt from Troy. But not butts. Never butts. That's just you and Tina Belcher.

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major omission: how was there no talk of the guy with the HUGE face!!!??

 

That guy's face scared the shit out of me. I was flabbergasted.

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Great ep guys!

 

 

You seemed to have touched on how crazy the prison in this movie was but you didnt menyion that when they first get walked to their cells - the fucking hallway was on fucking fire! There was open fires and the guards didn't not only care but seemed totally cool with it.

 

And when Kurt Russel met Teri Hatcher he asked her if she knew it was him and she said she pieced it together. WHAT!?!

 

You mean your brother was on trial for murder and you never once went to the court to see what was happening or for that matter read a newspaper article about the trial or watched a news story on it.

 

Oh and you never read one of the many articles just about his day to day exploits?

 

I was totally going to say that about the fire! I was like "is this Judge Dredd again??" Just looked like a post-apocalyptic setting. Probably a leftover set. haha

 

Oh and that's a great point about Teri Hatcher. Hilarious.

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As a person who has worked in a state prison for a while now I can honestly say that they did have a lot of things right in regards to prison life, outside of the corrupt fighting and boiler room thunderdome scene. Outside of solitary or administrative segregation, the inmates are able to move freely to another inmates cell and visit or visit out on the yard, unless there is a code happening and then the inmates are placed into their locked cells. They are able to decorate their cells within the guidelines of the prison (no explicit porn or violent images, etc.). Many do have jobs inside the facility and if they are late it is the staff's responsibility to make sure they make it to their job by calling the guards to check on them.

 

Honestly I don't work in a prison, but I feel like I've seen enough TV where this kind of thing happens, so I wasn't surprised by that stuff. But the fires in the hallways... haha

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Aside from the insane prison fires, there were just two other small things that jumped out at me. First, NO WAY was Cash wearing that bulletproof vest when he was shot. You could totally see his chest, like, bouncing a little when he was running.

 

Secondly, when Tango scares that guy about to eat pasta, after a bit the guy says the other badguys were going to kill him. So he knows someone's out to kill him, but he just chills at home rumaging around in his fridge??

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One thing nobody mentioned is that the way they identified which mirror held the real Jack Palance made no sense.

 

Somehow in a room full of mirrors, they found the one reflection that didn't look like the rest? Somehow the dead giveaway was a monogram or a ring? How could those things be inverted and not, let's say, THE HAND HE WAS HOLDING THE GUN IN?

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Another thought on gadgets...

 

How practical is it to have a bullet with a built in lock pick?

 

Now I'm no ballistics expert, but I imagine this would render its primary function as a bullet useless, and as a lock pick it is being disguised as an object that, in the event of capture, will 100% be confiscated.

 

So to all the gadget makers out there, just remember, not everything can be a magical "Lennon/McCartney" type combination. Sometimes you end up with "McCartney/West/Rihanna" and nobody wants that.

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I'm sure someone else mentioned this but I didn't notice:

 

Was Nick Kroll on for 4 episodes? Because 3 wouldn't break the record. Scott Aukerman was on both Sharknados and Speed 2. Maybe I'm just not thinking of the 4th Kroll episode (Burlesque, FJTK, and Tango & Cash).

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I know there was the whole, homoerotic subtext thing going on, but about halfway through the movie I had myself 100% convinced that Tango was *actually* gay. He made a lot of "Is that a proposal" "you're not my type" kinds of jokes, and by a lot I mean too many for it to be a coincidence (I think there were 5 before I convinced myself of that). After I made that decision there was nothing to convince me otherwise. He never showed any interest in a woman besides his sister (and the sister bluff kind've convinced me as well). By the end of the movie I ended up being angry at him for being such a stereotype. (So like, insisting on being well dressed, and You know how "strong female characters" always make the 'you hit like a girl' joke?) I was genuinely surprised when he didn't come out at the end. It would have felt like a very 80s punch line

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To answer the gang's question, Katharine is screaming "it's in!" during the massage in reference to Cash's vertebral disc that popped out when he fell from the belt zipline during the prison escape.

 

Also, Squarecrow ("what else would you call it?") is up there with Rat-brain as far as HDTGM movie insults are concerned.

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Omission: What about the fact that while under great duress at the end, Jack Palance took the time to draw a 'BOOM' cartoon on a piece of paper.

 

Also, why was it not okay for Cash to shoot the bad guy when a laser dot was clearly on his forehead (prior to the realization that there was a grenade)... but falling back and shooting him with his BOOT GUN moments later was fine.

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I'm sure someone else mentioned this

 

Yep!

 

Regarding the question of watching or not watching the movies (I think this was in the most recent minisode thread), I've said before that the show is a lot better when you watch the movie, but this thread really emphasizes how much better the forum discussions are. This is a six-page thread (which is great) where 80% of the comments are about specifics of the movie, and I've skimmed through or totally ignored most of them because I didn't watch the movie.

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ommission: a shout out to repeat second-opinion-haver timotee! the commenter who thought that tango and cash are the ultimate duo also had this trenchant observation of "fair game": "william baldwin: WHY? cindy crawford: YES!"

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ommission: a shout out to repeat second-opinion-haver timotee! the commenter who thought that tango and cash are the ultimate duo also had this trenchant observation of "fair game": "william baldwin: WHY? cindy crawford: YES!"

 

Excellent research, Mr. Lafarge.

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Did anyone else think it was weird that in the scene where we first meet Gabe Cash, man of the people, he steals a piece of pizza from another officer in the precinct who is carrying an open pizza box above his head like a fucking house elf at Hogwarts? Why was the dude walking around like that?

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Something to point out that I found weird.

First of, did the bad guy live in a bullding site? So the guy runs crime for lots of money, he invest it in a bad guy HQ and moves in?

 

Second, when they arrive at the bad guy HQ, how long did they drive around, before they mentioned that the were running out of gas? 5-10-15 minutes maybe? So what was their plan? Just driving around, hoping to kill enough bad guys with the car, within the first 10?

 

Lastly, breaking out of jail is a crime, even if you are innocent. So after clearing their name, for murder, they would have to go back to jail and also do the time for breaking out of jail!

 

 

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Did anyone else think it was weird that in the scene where we first meet Gabe Cash, man of the people, he steals a piece of pizza from another officer in the precinct who is carrying an open pizza box above his head like a fucking house elf at Hogwarts? Why was the dude walking around like that?

 

Absolutely! He yells "Pizza!" like a goddamn Ninja Turtle and swipes a piece. I actually thought the guy with the pizza was the delivery guy--because he was carrying it on his shoulder--which made it even weirder. My thought was, "Hey Cash, if the Delivery guy is leaving with a partially eaten pizza, there's something seriously wrong with it. Congratulations, dumbass! You just got E. Coli."

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