Episode 74 — Kumail Nanjiani, Our Close Friend

[marshall mellow 1671]

You should know that I restrained from posting a lame '300' number just now because I knew one of you would have an epic 300 post !

[NoahTomaszewski 2768]

Nice 301st post!

[marshall mellow 1671]

Can I go back to work now Anastasia ?

 

Ran Ran, I am very excited to listen to your band and will be doing that shortly !

[BertramCooper 122]

I really don't understand why the sequel to 300 wasn't called 301.

 

I mean, why not follow the very successful and well-established 102 Dalmatians/22 Jump Street/Four Weddings and Two Funerals model?

[A Bear 1813]

This is our generation's moon landing

[Casaba 5942]

Can I go back to work now Anastasia ?

 

Yes. Thank you everyone for your hard work! You put in the effort and that's all I ask for. When you work hard, you can accomplish anything!

 

I'm so proud of you all!

[BertramCooper 122]

This is our generation's moon landing

Not to get all political here, but I'm pretty sure our generation's moon landing is "global warming."

[Joe McGurl 8358]

As you guys, know I've been very busy given my new found fame. However, I do want to be a part of the race to 300 posts, so I will share with you a story from my first day on set directing Whites & Golds:Baby Grandpa -

 

We started shooting at 6 AM because we were trying to get 2 episodes done in one day to accomodate everyone's schedules. Things didn't start out well. Roseanne was 3 hours late and we were supposed to shoot one of her scenes first. Apparently, she plans to commute back and forth from her Macadamia nut farm. This is going to be a problem.

 

Turns out Tom Hiddleston's dad has no acting experience whatsoever. So that was a challenge.

 

Then this Pita guy shows up. Apparently he's in some Hungry Gang movie and is a big deal. Everyone on the crew just kept making jokes about how they're Hungry and they would love to eat a Pita. Pita is a bit of a Diva and locked himself in his dressing room for 3 hours and refused to come out until we contacted his spiritual advisor to come for counseling.

 

Hayes' baby spit up on everyone, and we had to do at least 5 takes for every scene. And don't even get me started on the wardrobe budget.

 

I also had a few disagreements with some of the members of the writing staff. Smokey the Bear insists on having some sort of reference to fire prevention in almost every line, which really throws the story off.

 

The little furry creatures from the Quizno's subs ads have their own language, so every script they've written is unintelligible. However, I just have a feeling that what they're coming up with is pure gold, and i don't want to just toss it off. I've contacted a representative from their home planet and have arranged to have a sort of Rosetta Stone provided so we can translate. It's going to take a year to get here though...

 

Then there's the ice cream cone. I can't even get into that now.

 

More to come.

 

This isn't canon

[SteveH 11126]

I think there's a wolfpop podcast about that (Yo, is this canon?). Take it up with them.

[Andy Dick Cheney 3779]

Can't wait:

 

[kobthatreal 5896]

Does anyone on here know who Tom Friedman is?

 

Im bartending at a speaking hes doing... Is that what you call it? A speaking? Anyway... Hes saying some really great things. And yes theres a bar cause apparently you need some liquid lube to enjoy this. So im gonna share some of his quotes so u dont have to pay 60 bucks to see him or whatever. These are actual quotes.

 

"In 2004 facebook didnt exist! 4G was a parking lot! Big Data was a rapper! And skype was a typo!!! And i was already saying the world was flattening. We are all connecting. And i knew that in 2004."

 

"I was born in 1963. Im part of a weird cohort."

 

"Gary Kasparo was the last human chess champion."

 

"I was out in silicon valley a few weeks ago."

 

"The plane crashed because of good weather."

 

"President Kennedy had a lot of fun in that hotel before the internet was invented!"

 

"I flew from Yemen to London a few weeks ago."

 

"I love software!"

 

 

"Robots are sports writers now."

 

"I was in New Dheli a few weeks ago."

 

 

 

Do you guys want more?

[Andy Dick Cheney 3779]

Yes.

 

6 more please

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

I just finished the Hayes ep of TWB, it was real boss, esp the hot robot piano lady.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Does anyone on here know who Tom Friedman is?

 

Im bartending at a speaking hes doing... Is that what you call it? A speaking? Anyway... Hes saying some really great things. And yes theres a bar cause apparently you need some liquid lube to enjoy this. So im gonna share some of his quotes so u dont have to pay 60 bucks to see him or whatever. These are actual quotes.

 

"In 2004 facebook didnt exist! 4G was a parking lot! Big Data was a rapper! And skype was a typo!!! And i was already saying the world was flattening. We are all connecting. And i knew that in 2004."

 

"I was born in 1963. Im part of a weird cohort."

 

"Gary Kasparo was the last human chess champion."

 

"I was out in silicon valley a few weeks ago."

 

"The plane crashed because of good weather."

 

"President Kennedy had a lot of fun in that hotel before the internet was invented!"

 

"I flew from Yemen to London a few weeks ago."

 

"I love software!"

 

 

"Robots are sports writers now."

 

"I was in New Dheli a few weeks ago."

 

 

 

Do you guys want more?

These are so good! I can already feel these quotes fixing my life, if you give me any more I will feel obligated to mail Tom Friedman a check for $60.

[kobthatreal 5896]

More quotes from Tom Friedman speaking to a bunch of elederly people.

 

 

"If China gets another haircut, good!"

 

"I was doing a seperate documentart on showtime about the Syrian revolution blahblahblah i stopped listening here."

 

"What a great time to be a consumer. Its a fantastic time to be an innovator."

 

"I played golf with a couple of Pakistani Americans the other day."

[RanRan 3242]

MBOP do you live inside the TV show Party Down?

[kobthatreal 5896]

"With cell phones now adays.. Everyones a paparazzi. Everyones a reporter. Everyones a filmmaker. And youre the star now. Smile, Youre on candid camera."

 

Wow.... Wow.. What the.. Wow.

 

 

 

Yes ranran. I actually get asked "are we having fun yet?" a lot and idk if its a party down reference or not... I dont think enough people watched that show for it to be a reference. But hey, as the dinosaurs say, "Its a living!"

[Zsinjeh 1677]

The pretzels were nice greggy but I think I fucked up the boiling part, Swedish baking soda probably doesn't have enough pretzel units to work good. So they did not end up photogenic enough

[Casaba 5942]

If China gets another haircut, good! should be our collective catchphrase from now on.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

The pretzels were nice greggy but I think I fucked up the boiling part, Swedish baking soda probably doesn't have enough pretzel units to work good. So they did not end up photogenic enough

 

Well, you know what they say about Swedish baking soda. "Mmm...BORK-BORK-BORK!"

 

(That's a quote from the Muppet Show, which is a television program that we used to have in the United States. I hope it isn't offensive to you.)

[Toro y Moist 695]

I think there's a wolfpop podcast about that (Yo, is this canon?). Take it up with them.

This is actually my podcast, I'm happy to answer any questions!

[marshall mellow 1671]

I mean, is there really any point posting now if you can't get a like from JMonsterface ? Do you think he will cave soon?

 

New competition --- get JMonsterface to like your post !

[A Bear 1813]

Yes ranran. I actually get asked "are we having fun yet?" a lot and idk if its a party down reference or not...

 

It's a Nickelback reference.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

If China gets another haircut, good! should be our collective catchphrase from now on.

 

RIP "Ummm, ACTUALLY, that's gross" The official catchphrase of the Hollywand Handbook Forum.

 

Gone too soon

[kobthatreal 5896]

 

It's a Nickelback reference.

 

Welcome to my cool guys list.