Episode 85 — David Letterman, Our Close Friend

[Just Add Pepper 2026]

Ross when you were on Celeb Fit Club you lost 40 pounds. Did you ever find them again? Where were they, and was it in the last place you thought to look?

 

 

edit: Alternate joke if that one doesn't land:

 

Ross when you were on CelebFitClub you lost 40 pounds and won the grand prize, but if you were on a british poker tournament and lost 40 pounds you'd probably come in last place. Can you speak on that?

[Andrew 4646]

Ross, why in Quiddich does anyone bother to do anything except get the Snitch? Nothing matters except that.

 

This shows a pretty amateurish understanding of the game to be honest. Going straight for the Snitch might make sense on paper, but think about having to find a walnut on a football field - how long would that take you? Now it's constantly moving. Now introduce altitude.

 

Not to mention the two Beaters aiming Bludgers at you. Not to mention the flying around on a stick. And during all this, then the other team only has to have a 15 goal lead to negate the effort of catching the Snitch.

 

Any team with a strong Beater pair and a methodical Quaffle strategy should be able to beat a team with a hotshot Seeker.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Dear Ross,

Would you rather have a frontal lobotomy, or a bottle in front'a me? I'm asking for a friend.

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

Dear Ross,

My friend Wang keeps telling me that my "Hang Out With Your Wang Out!" shirt is racist. That can't be true, right?

 

Edit: Sorry, yo. Wrong pod.

[honlads 8798]

 

This shows a pretty amateurish understanding of the game to be honest. Going straight for the Snitch might make sense on paper, but think about having to find a walnut on a football field - how long would that take you? Now it's constantly moving. Now introduce altitude.

 

Not to mention the two Beaters aiming Bludgers at you. Not to mention the flying around on a stick. And during all this, then the other team only has to have a 15 goal lead to negate the effort of catching the Snitch.

 

Any team with a strong Beater pair and a methodical Quaffle strategy should be able to beat a team with a hotshot Seeker.

 

But, Andrew, you're forgetting about the fact that you could be carrying a snaffle bug that day, thus negating any attempt by the opposition to scupper your attempts to use the flanderry to sideswipe the trod and catch the bletch. It's very easy win the entire garnflow when you just do that.

[Shrek & Donkey Kong 4336]

Ross, why does my cat hate me and my mom say that's why I shouldn't have gotten a cat and I can't have any responsibilities and I might as well move back in?

[Houston 4819]

 

But, Andrew, you're forgetting about the fact that you could be carrying a snaffle bug that day, thus negating any attempt by the opposition to scupper your attempts to use the flanderry to sideswipe the trod and catch the bletch. It's very easy win the entire garnflow when you just do that.

 

I remember the days when real witches and wizards would play for the love of the game. Those kids with their weird hair, tattoos, and performance enhancing potions... they just don't play the game the right way anymore. All flash, no fundamentals.

[Cathy ACKerman 361]

Dearest Ross,

 

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

 

if there was nothing before the big bang, where did the components for the big bang originate from?

 

these are the things that keep me up at night.

[Colt 595]

Do you ever regret calling your E! series "Hello Ross" rather than "Aloha Ross" because it may have appealed to a more international audience? And also because of the movie?

 

You were a communications major at the University of La Verne. To be funny, did you ever refer to it as the University of La Verne and Shirley?

[Game of Scones 5812]

This would have been a good guest for last week?

 

Ross, Dave's gone. Bittersweet?

[SteveH 11126]

sean met this guy ross mathews at a class to make bagels at home. he is jay lego's friend, nice kid. gonna be on the show to do questions with. from: hayes

 

I like the way Hayes signs his posts the way grandmas and aunts do on Facebook.

[Andrew 4646]

 

But, Andrew, you're forgetting about the fact that you could be carrying a snaffle bug that day, thus negating any attempt by the opposition to scupper your attempts to use the flanderry to sideswipe the trod and catch the bletch. It's very easy win the entire garnflow when you just do that.

 

I assume these are hurling terms. If they aren't then you really missed an opportunity for a funny good joke.

[honlads 8798]

There are no hurling terms. Hurlers can't talk.

[nohorseman 5423]

Someone says to you "You're dunross" : do you interpret this as brand of sports card or career prediction after appearing on this show ?

 

EDIT: I ugh just looked this great joke up and it's definitely Donruss not Dunross.

[Casaba 5942]

Remember that time Sandra had a bag of walnuts, but she couldn't crack them and when she went over to Dandler's apartment to borrow a nut cracker Niall was there and he was like "Here's our nut cracker...you can use it." !!!!!!!!!

 

Oh Niall....what are we gonna do with you.

[Asteck 1250]

Ross, you told People magazine that Gwyneth Paltrow once "pointed at my tummy and said, 'What's going on here?" What was going on there? What are you keeping in there that would so confuse such a respectable woman and mother?

 

When you do Undercover Ross do you feel bad that you're lying to people who are less fortunate than you for money?

 

How often do you cry and how much is too much?

[honlads 8798]

My favourite bit in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is probably when Niall has a lot of Dandler's clothes on, and he says to Dandler, "I am wearing your clothes and they're rubbing off my balls." It's my favourite bit because it was a sign of things to come with regards to the eventual breakdown of Niall and Dandler's relationship and Niall's subsequent arrest for the manslaughter of Ian in season 9.

[Joe McGurl 8358]

I love the episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when Feeby's cousin Neil is visiting from Philadelphia and the hi-jinx that happens when Neil and Niall are in the same room! This is my favorite all time scene

 

Sandra: ...so then the priest says to get down in front of him and kneel!

Neil & Niall: What?

(everyone laughs)

*Dandler enters Central Pork holding an eviction notice*

Dandler: Well, guess what, Niall..

Neil and Niall: WHAT?!

(Neil and Niall both look at each other like "oh boy, we did it AGAIN!")

 

*credits*

[nohorseman 5423]

Do you remember when Feeby came back from seeing her cousin Neil and his lovely wife's child? She said he was a great baby and even better second cousin (I speculate that Neil was Feeby's father's sister's son, making them first cousins, although many F.R.I.E.N.D.S. F.I.E.N.D.S. condemn this as a continuity error as this was never established. The episode was attributed to fan-hated writer Michael Borkow {Bore Cow!} although I never thought his episodes were that bad, plus he was said to bring bagels to the writer's room), to which Ian says "Now that's what I call a Neil's son rating!"

[Jakal 4475]

Ross am I too late to ask you a question? If yes, why didn't you wait for me!? Rude.

[Jakal 4475]

Didn't watch too much F.R.I.E.N.D.S. growing up, but I did take a buzzfeed quiz once, and I found out that "I'm such a Sandra."

[Houston 4819]

F.R.I.E.N.D.S was alright, but it went on a few years too long. That said, using the monkey in that crossover event with Outbreak was a real game changer in the multi-camera sitcom genre.

[souprman 10477]

Ross,

 

are you happy? because you always look really happy. can you really be as happy as you look?

 

assuming the answer is yes, please tell us how to be as happy as you.

 

thanks you,

[chanson 9697]

Sometimes I wonder when I made so many posts.

[Jack Johnson P.I. 3649]

Mr Ross.

 

You were born on September 24 1979. On your birthday Pete Rose reached his 200th hit for the tenth time. Have you eber done something for 2000 times?

 

You have appeared several times on Days Of Our Lives, so what's life like now that you don't need to buy soap anymore?

 

If you could use anyone's bathroom whose would you use?