Episode 87 — Whitmer Thomas and Clay Tatum, Our Close Friend

[Spunky Foonerism 8561]

There's still time to edit your post before Joe sees it. Like to a non-confrontational dog or cat photo or something.

[Casaba 5942]

Around these parts, we are all quite partial to Mr. McGurl. We think he's funny and handsome....very handsome. So, I reckon we appreciate his rules.

 

PS - Have you read the rules? They're very funny.

[honlads 8798]

I'm not a fan of this JoeMcGurl guy...who does he think he is coming up with 'rules' for posting here in the Hollywood Handbook forums. You don't have a monopoly on the comments section guy!

 

You bout to get wrecked, mate

[marshall mellow 1671]

I'm not a fan of this JoeMcGurl guy...who does he think he is coming up with 'rules' for posting here in the Hollywood Handbook forums. You don't have a monopoly on the comments section guy!

 

Ehhh, WRONG.

[broncotruck11 250]

No one's saying JoeMcCurl isn't handsome but who died and made him guy in charge?! We can't all walk through life on our looks!

[souprman 10477]

I'm not a fan of this JoeMcGurl guy...who does he think he is coming up with 'rules' for posting here in the Hollywood Handbook forums. You don't have a monopoly on the comments section guy!

it's like you said - i'm not fan of this Hayes guy. who do he think he is being cool on this p'cast?

[Casaba 5942]

This guy clearly hasn't read the rules or he wouldn't be so upset.

[ellieanglin 39]

I've been getting dirty looks here in South LA, where everyone knows me to be a huge handbook head, all week! I didn't know what was up because I was late to listen to this episode (I was re-listening to serial and I know who did it), but now I get it! Listen everybody it wasn't me who sent that Eh, Wrong! Text to the government! I think Hayes and Sean are smart, funny and nice, and satire? They're doing it right! I look to them as my brothers in arms at the forefront of feminism and I would never send condaleesa that nasty text! However, it did flood my basement to hear Sean say "points, Ellie!" And I would love to make that my ring tone!

 

Love from Ellie "eh, right!" Anglin.

[JMonsterface 1974]

No one's saying JoeMcCurl isn't handsome but who died and made him guy in charge?! We can't all walk through life on our looks!

I think you misunderstand the intention of those "rules". They're not meant to be a decree, but rather a collection of tips from a seasoned pro. They're there to help the little guys.

[Casaba 5942]

I've been getting dirty looks here in South LA, where everyone knows me to be a huge handbook head, all week! I didn't know what was up because I was late to listen to this episode (I was re-listening to serial and I know who did it), but now I get it! Listen everybody it wasn't me who sent that Eh, Wrong! Text to the government! I think Hayes and Sean are smart, funny and nice, and satire? They're doing it right! I look to them as my brothers in arms at the forefront of feminism and I would never send condaleesa that nasty text! However, it did flood my basement to hear Sean say "points, Ellie!" And I would love to make that my ring tone!

 

Love from Ellie "eh, right!" Anglin.

 

No worries, Ellie. We know who sent it:

http://forum.earwolf...post__p__150476

 

But I'm glad that you got the rush of hearing your name on the HH. Many fight and die for that honor. Cheers to you!

 

PS - welcome!

[Jakal 4475]

If you wanna get the likes, you gotta follow the rules.

 

edit: bee-tee-dubs everyone, look at this sweet poster I finally put up after owning for a year.

 

[Joe McGurl 8358]

I've been getting dirty looks here in South LA, where everyone knows me to be a huge handbook head, all week! I didn't know what was up because I was late to listen to this episode (I was re-listening to serial and I know who did it), but now I get it! Listen everybody it wasn't me who sent that Eh, Wrong! Text to the government! I think Hayes and Sean are smart, funny and nice, and satire? They're doing it right! I look to them as my brothers in arms at the forefront of feminism and I would never send condaleesa that nasty text! However, it did flood my basement to hear Sean say "points, Ellie!" And I would love to make that my ring tone!

 

Love from Ellie "eh, right!" Anglin.

 

Great first post!

 

If you want, there is a link to a set of rules that I wrote regarding to posting on the forum. But please take note, they aren't really meant to be taken seriously and if you do, you're probably some limp dick chump tryna take a shot at the king but you're gonna miss everytime baby. You'd be fuckin Allen Iverson tryna nail a trey from beyond the arch and I'm Dikembe Mutumbo towering over you like the little shrimp you are, I block that shot, grab the ball and pick you up by the fuckin feet and drag your sorry ass down the court as I dunk the ball and stuff you in the net. Then I wag my finger in your face and the crowd fuckin erupts in cheers. I'd pull your pants down and then everyone starts pointing and laughing at you. Then, as customary, the king gets carried out on the shoulders of his fans and supporters and you're left cryin lil pussy pansy wansy tears that fill the arena and you drown in your own sorrow and sadness and no one even cares cause you were the chump tryna take on the champ baby.

 

Anyway, glad to have you!

[broncotruck11 250]

 

Great first post!

 

If you want, there is a link to a set of rules that I wrote regarding to posting on the forum. But please take note, they aren't really meant to be taken seriously and if you do, you're probably some limp dick chump tryna take a shot at the king but you're gonna miss everytime baby. You'd be fuckin Allen Iverson tryna nail a trey from beyond the arch and I'm Dikembe Mutumbo towering over you like the little shrimp you are, I block that shot, grab the ball and pick you up by the fuckin feet and drag your sorry ass down the court as I dunk the ball and stuff you in the net. Then I wag my finger in your face and the crowd fuckin erupts in cheers. I'd pull your pants down and then everyone starts pointing and laughing at you. Then, as customary, the king gets carried out on the shoulders of his fans and supporters and you're left cryin lil pussy pansy wansy tears that fill the arena and you drown in your own sorrow and sadness and no one even cares cause you were the chump tryna take on the champ baby.

 

Anyway, glad to have you!

 

Unfreaken believable....

[broncotruck11 250]

I think you misunderstand the intention of those "rules". They're not meant to be a decree, but rather a collection of tips from a seasoned pro. They're there to help the little guys.

There was this guy in Germany who had a few 'suggestions' about how things should be done....guess who that guy was. Hitler. I rest my case.

[rod aug 5637]

If you wanna get the likes, you gotta follow the rules.

 

edit: bee-tee-dubs everyone, look at this sweet poster I finally put up after owning for a year.

 

is that from shark tale

 

andrew said that once hahahaha i thought it was good

[Toro y Moist 695]

guess who that guy was. Hitler.

Absolutely no time given to guess. None.

[Toro y Moist 695]

If you wanna get the likes, you gotta follow the rules.

 

edit: bee-tee-dubs everyone, look at this sweet poster I finally put up after owning for a year.

 

Do you and Kittens still toss around that friz? Haven't heard from him in a while.

[souprman 10477]

 

Great first post!

 

If you want, there is a link to a set of rules that I wrote regarding to posting on the forum. But please take note, they aren't really meant to be taken seriously and if you do, you're probably some limp dick chump tryna take a shot at the king but you're gonna miss everytime baby. You'd be fuckin Allen Iverson tryna nail a trey from beyond the arch and I'm Dikembe Mutumbo towering over you like the little shrimp you are, I block that shot, grab the ball and pick you up by the fuckin feet and drag your sorry ass down the court as I dunk the ball and stuff you in the net. Then I wag my finger in your face and the crowd fuckin erupts in cheers. I'd pull your pants down and then everyone starts pointing and laughing at you. Then, as customary, the king gets carried out on the shoulders of his fans and supporters and you're left cryin lil pussy pansy wansy tears that fill the arena and you drown in your own sorrow and sadness and no one even cares cause you were the chump tryna take on the champ baby.

 

Anyway, glad to have you!

i'm so fuckin jealous.

[broncotruck11 250]

I feel like we got off to the wrong foot here guys....will there be a chance for my redemption?

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I feel like we got off to the wrong foot here guys....will there be a chance for my redemption?

 

You know how to fix this. You've known all along. Joe McGurl fan fic.

[Sillylillyquee 1015]

Hey Everyone!

 

So, awhile back I had this sweet idea for a drawing project and I told you guys about it in a drunk post, then I realized after some crazy work stuff, getting sick and then have to drop $500 to fix my car, hey that idea was way too ambitious. So all this while I've been afraid to make posts and... well... can I come back now? I miss you.

[Houston 4819]

You might want to take that bear to the vet. That hole in it's abdomen is massive. He also makes me want to cry. Hug it and tell it whatever it needs to hear.

[robinsbruce 4985]

god damn that a sad bear

 

come back to us Mrs. quee

[Jakal 4475]

Do you and Kittens still toss around that friz? Haven't heard from him in a while.

Haven't heard from kittens since the bag of beer incident of '15. Wonder what hes doing right now...

 

Hey Everyone!

Hey Silly!

[Joe McGurl 8358]

It was a dangerous time to be a cop. After the murders of Officers Crowder and McNally, the whole force was on edge. All except rookie Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson. He was a loose cannon with a really unwieldy name that forced him to wear two badges just to fit the name on the uniform. Sergeant Lachlann considered transferring him to the the 96th Precinct but with Crowder and McNally gone, he could use all the man power available, especially with the Mayor's Gala coming up.

 

--

 

Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson looked at the assignment board. "You gotta be fucking kidding me....gate security?" This was bullshit. He knew that he was the best goddamn cop that Sergeant Lachlann had on the force. He should be Mayoral security or sniper duty at least...

 

--

 

It had been a quiet night, to say the least. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson had been sitting at his guard post stationed outside the gate for 3 hours now. The wind was bitter and the cool moisture in the air gave warning of rain. "Simpson!" A voice cried out. It was his partner Detective Nunez. "Break time, pal. Go inside and grab a bite but don't get comfy. Lachlann wants you back out here at the next hour." He checked his watch which read 6:27...33 minutes. It would have to do. As Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson walked the grounds towards the party tent he felt the rain starting to fall slowly. A big jolt of thunder cracked with lightning following right behind and lighting up the brisk June sky. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson looked up at the mansion and admired the gargoyles that decorated the spires. He had always loved gargoyles ever since he was a boy and watched the cartoon on Saturday mornings. Another crack of thunder and flash of lighting gave way and suddenly he found himself falling to the ground....blood slowly pouring out of his mouth.

 

--

 

Sergeant Lachlann was gathered around the body bag with Captain Finnerty. Lachlann had gotten the call early this morning after he just finished fucking Senator Chambers who he took home from the gala the night previous. He'd be lying if he told anyone he wasn't still drunk but a man has a duty to his city and to his force so he begrudgingly climbed out of bed and the warm embrace of Senator Chambers to find himself in the dank and cold fingers of the city's mortuary. Finnerty gave Doctor Jordan the nod and she began to unzip the bag. It was him. Goddammit. Another one. Officer DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson's lifeless corpse lay on the slab of the cold chamber. Lochlann felt a strange sense of relief suddenly wash over him. DefinitielyNotO.J.Simpson was kind of a pain in the ass, he meant well and was probably a nice guy that made a mistake but...vengeance spares no man. "It's him." Captain Finnerty said. "There's something you should see," Doctor Jordan said. She flipped over the body of the reckless rookie rube and showed the men that scratched into his back with what must have been very sharp claws were the words "Joe McGurl's Hollywood Handbook Forum Guide" followed by a set of what looked like some really funny guidelines. No doubt this was the work of one of the boyz. "Lachlann. Did this kid have any family?" Finnerty asked. Lachlann shook his head no. "Okay. Burn the body, Jordan. Don't ask questions, just do as I say. This is the third murder in connection with The Gargoyle Boyz this month. We can't have word spread about another dead cop at their hands. Burn this body and Lachlann, erase him from the system at the precinct. Any mention of him. He's a ghost. He doesn't exist and he never did. Do it. At once." Lachlann saluted his captain and walked out of the room and down the long, quiet hallway. The only sound were that of his boots clacking against the ground, "A Gargoyle never forgets," he thinks...