EPISODE 92 — Fans, Our Close Fans

[Houston 4819]

I like that this request for awful things from your lives turned into let's embarrass our girlfriends.

 

Dixon, how do you feel about the ass pencil story?

[Houston 4819]

My dad had a chronic liver disease. We found out he was sick in 1995. He got a transplant in 1998. He started getting sick again in 2003 and needed another transplant, but someone thought it was a good idea to change the way organ transplants were allocated so he went from being near the top of the waiting list to middle of the pack. In October of 2004 he began to die. I was in Texas and tried to get back to Atlanta as fast as possible. My plane was delayed and by the time I got home he was responsive. He never regained consciousness. I never got to say goodbye properly. That disappointment still lingers.

[SteveH 11126]

my parents got divorced when I was like 23. who does that?

[Jakal 4475]

Both my grandpas died last year, I was devastated when my mothers father passed away, I saw him every week and worked with him for years, every time I think of him I still get really emotional. He was rough on the outside, but really an amazing person. About 3 months later my fathers father passed away, I found out though a text from my brother. I was at work, my phone shake and I saw the message, 'Chuck died.' I walked out the front door, shed a single tear, then walked back into the office to continue what I was doing. Chuck lived the next town over and I hadn't seen him since I was around 5 years old. I almost never think of him.

[Just Add Pepper 2026]

OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... but the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

 

PS: My first kiss was a boy when I was 12 years old, my next kiss wasn't until I was 18

[RocHoover 400]

I like that this request for awful things from your lives turned into let's embarrass our girlfriends.

 

It would be naive to think that awful things from our lives do not involve other people. Especially old girlfriends.

[Ensendada Slim 480]

I know that I give off raw animal magnetism on the forums, but there is a darkness for which I am compensating. To those who know me, it's clear I'm talking about the fact that when the lights go out and it's nakie nakie time with a special lady, I have never once had discernible genitalia and most closely resemble the brown Imps from popular 90's shooter "Doom". For those who don't know me, I have no dark secrets and saddest family memory I can think of is any day when my Dad doesn't wake me up with news that my "bank account just doubled over much like the haters when they get wind of this"

[elizamuffins 4228]

My laptop broke and I am using my boyfriend's tablet so I can't write out anything long. I can share though that my parents are perpetual teenagers who are less mature than my children and I have an ex husband whom I married at 19 and is a narcissistic psychopath but I got rid of him and met this guy who got me into HH so things are going pretty well.

 

Bonus fun fact: I worked at Walt Disney World for 4 years

 

Plz accept this,Valerie!!!!!

[KevinEla 175]

I ate a big glass Christmas ornament.

[funny Before & After name 127]

I once broke up with a guy because it annoyed me that he really didn't like spicy food. I also apparently think that I am Seinfeld character.

 

I don't have much going on

[dixon 5920]

[Jakal 4475]

OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... but the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

 

PS: My first kiss was a boy when I was 12 years old, my next kiss wasn't until I was 18

 

Was it finally with a man?

[devscoots 2561]

I snuck a calculator into class in grade 2 and never properly learnt how to do multiplication and I'm still real shit at maths to this day.

 

My weed dealer tried to get me addicted to heroin when I was 14 so that I would deal for him. I didn't.

 

Was super into hard trance and raves for a while. Did a bunch of pills and stuff. Had those big fat pants.

[RocHoover 400]

I shit my pants in high school.

 

Ditched the underwear IN the toilet.

 

It happened LONG before I became the successful entrepreneur, producer, industry insider that I am today. I have come a long way.

[Tron_doe 703]

I shit my pants too.

 

Just now

[rod aug 5637]

all of my family members died in a mysterious brush fire that may or may not have been caused by global warming, ever since then i have had it out for the human race and i will not rest until our great planet is no longer ruled by these dishonorable people but instead by dolphins, or people of the sea, because we all know that they have a very progressive culture with no racism or sexism as evidenced by chuck darwin's work The Next People.

[Danny Boy Wizard 1342]

Just listened to this ep on the way back from summer orientation for college

V funny, v good

[Keith Urban Dictionary 216]

I was going to post my only breakup story, but then I realized everyone on earth has one or many breakup stories and mine is just not that interesting unless you are me.

 

Also, this was a great episode.

[seeley 836]

Gosh, there is a lot of #realtalk in this thread. A lot of it sad, a lot of it raw and a lot of it relatable (I shit my pants on the first day of sixth grade; my mom picked me up and made me sit on a cardboard windshield sunshade on the humiliating ride home).

[Blink 1844]

I had a house party once in high school. I don't know what I was thinking, since I knew my dad normally got home from work around 1 or 2 in the morning.

 

It went pretty alright, overall. Some guy was just sitting in my parents' bathtub with the curtain closed while people went to the bathroom, but I somehow think it wasn't for that kind of pleasure.

 

Finally, my dad shows up, and he's got this confused look on his face. I'm a little too drunk to react appropriately, so I just stare at him walking through the party. Finally, a group of friends come out of my bathroom with a much-older guy (25 or so, versus the average age of 17). They had been doing foilies, which is a cute way of saying they were freebasing cocaine. The older guy walks up to my dad, doesn't change his expression, and asks "Who's this chump?!"

[Rose_Cream 1246]

I always tell my deep dark guilty secrets to my bed at night before I fall asleep.

 

It supports me.

[Blink 1844]

In high school, I generally hung out with a lot of older people. It was nice, because they could buy as much booze as they wanted. I grew up in a town whose population is still only 1,555, so I had to drive for pretty much everything.

 

I drove out to a small party in the countryside, my only cargo a stolen bottle of booze from the gas station I worked at. That night was my first introduction to bar dice, which is a huge tradition in the Midwest drinking culture (but I always forget the damn rules). However well I did, I got shitfaced. I went outside to get some air, when I noticed a kitten and a BB gun.

 

...

 

I apparently pet the kitten while shooting the BB gun off in the distance for a couple hours. One of my last memories was getting pissed off over why the damn BB gun stopped working for me.

 

And then I woke up in my bed, wearing swimming trunks, and feeling like I had been skullfucked by the liquor gods. My car wasn't outside. I found my pants underneath my bed, soaking, and it all made sense.

 

Apparently I had just pissed myself while sitting by this cat, shooting BB's. They found the gun jammed with an excessive amount of BB's, which explains why that didn't work. My friend gave me a ride home, and I guess I refused to sit on a towel and just soaked up his front seat.

 

It was devastating, but I figured I would recover. That night, my friend had her high school graduation party. As soon as I showed up, one of the guys that was there the previous night yelled "HEY, ISN'T THAT THE GUY WHO PISSED HIS PANTS?!"

[Blink 1844]

Surf Ninjas is a quality movie, by the way

[mikebonetti 3718]

Surf Ninjas is a quality movie, by the way

This trailer is amazing.

 

[xoValeriexo 4369]

I went to a fair about an hour from my house and broke my ankle when I slipped on some old chinese food. I had to stay the night at my cousin's place because I couldn't drive home. A bunch of people were over, drinking. One guy brought a dog and the dog bit someone who kept getting in it's face even though he was warned the dog might bite. The owner of the dog picked it up by the collar and started punching it in the face. I screamed for him to stop. He was confused. The guy who was bitten started yelling at me. Calling me names, telling me to mind my own business, and he wouldn't stop. I told him he would amount to nothing because he's trash and he knows it. I told him he should leave because I can't, so he did. I hid crying under a blanket for the next hour, while everyone around me hung out without a care. He came back later, still kind of mad, saying I was disrespectful, but then I allowed him to join me under the blanket and he told me he'd been crying too. I appreciated that but was still very upset. That was the worst night of my life.

 

That guy shot himself a year and a half ago.

 

I got $16,500 for that chinese food fall though. So it wasn't all bad!