Episode 97 — Julie Klausner, Our Close Friend

[sheeshkabob 213]

Ugh get a room you two! Nothing more awkward than real-life friends in an internet forum. It's like taking your masks off at an orgy! And in case you don't know what I'm talking about because you don't go to very many orgies, it's NOT COOL! It reduces the turgidity of everyone's erections by an average of almost 17%. Sure, its still enough to get the job done, but frankly if you think of it like a job, then you shouldn't be at an orgy in the first place. You should only go to an orgy if you really love fucking. Fucking strangers. Who goes to an orgy to try and reconnect with their acquaintances? Weirdos that's who. Now both of you go change your usernames to something anonymous, and we'll pretend this never happened.

 

Edit: and just to be clear, ladies can have erections too. Read a science book.

 

Don't worry. Flibanserin, baby! Female hardons are saved.

 

Edit: And in the meantime, we can always go with the happy meal option. (Thank you, second listen.)

[honlads 8798]

Great episode. Wish I could bump into someone I know on the forum to fit with the theme of doing that this week.

[honlads 8798]

Great episode. I love to listen to Hollywood Handbook with my son honlads.

 

I think I know u

[blockofice 82]

Hey everyone, I just wanted to give you all a much needed and deserved update: I used bathroom at work. While I was in there, I started wondering to myself if you guys ever have this thought, "Heh, how cool is this, brother? I'm getting PAID to take a whiz. Liquid gold, my man. Liquid gold."? Yes? No?

 

Anyway! Talk you you later.

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

 

I think I know u

 

Nice. Great post right there. Take notes, everyone (SteveH).

[Scooby Donkers 1514]

 

I think I know u

 

I clicked the arrow to see the original message from "Dad" three times before I realized I'd been duped

[Toro y Moist 695]

 

I clicked the arrow to see the original message from "Dad" three times before I realized I'd been duped

Didn't know this arrow thing existed. Thanks.

[souprman 10477]

That would've been sweet if Spunky told honlads and his d to get a room.

[elizamuffins 4228]

No one I know irl is cool enough to be into podcasts.

[Silvrwoman 4998]

When will I be able to change the title or whatever it is above my user photo? I'm dying to exhibit some mediocre word play

[honlads 8798]

 

I clicked the arrow to see the original message from "Dad" three times before I realized I'd been duped

 

Just got duped bro look at your face

[SteveH 11126]

 

Nice. Great post right there. Take notes, everyone (SteveH).

 

Have I been posting wrong? Sorry, let me try to do it right.

 

UHHH hey uh JeffreyParties don't I know you in real life DUUUHHHH ERRRRR

 

great first post. That not a cannon

 

UHHH making fun of new posters look at my impression

 

Dog picture

 

BETTER?

[DoctorFrog 649]

Have I been posting wrong? Sorry, let me try to do it right.

 

UHHH hey uh JeffreyParties don't I know you in real life DUUUHHHH ERRRRR

 

great first post. That not a cannon

 

UHHH making fun of new posters look at my impression

 

Dog picture

 

BETTER?

 

u mad, bro?

[kobthatreal 5896]

 

Just got duped bro look at your face

 

Oh man i just spent 5 minutes trying to look at his face lol. Its just computer.

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

I grew up in Staten Island, New York. It might not sound like it, but I did. For those of you who don't know, Staten Island is like Brooklyn and New Jersey had a baby. A baby that would grow up to be either a cop or a fireman.

And you know, Staten island get's a bad rap, but it's just like any other suburb. I mean sure it looks like this. And this. But what most people don't realize is that Staten Island also looks like this. And this.

And for me, every single summer since I was old enough to remember looked like this: The Great Kills Swim Club.

This is where I spent every waking moment of my summers. From 8:00am Swim practice till they threw us out at night. This is where I found friendship. This is where I tasted victory and defeat. Where I fell in love. And it's where I had the best job in the history of the world: I was a lifeguard.

Unlike beech lifeguards, who actually..... Guard lives. Then there are pool guards, who basically do this. The only reason I became a lifeguard is because of this idiot (Zach Pearlman) my best friend in the whole world, Frank Gones(?)

Frank said girls couldn't resist a man in uniform and said that we'd be quote "knee deep in snizz." But the only thing Frank was knee deep in, was the baby pool.

I don't know what it was, but Staten Island girls were never interested in me and Frank. They were always too busy fawning over this kind of guy.

That's Anthony Debono. I'm pretty sure that Anthony was sculpted right out of a suburban mom's sex fantasy. Anthony was joining the navy. If he could pass the written exam.... He could not.

As far as I could tell, being in the navy was like 90% push ups, and 10% saying 'god bless America'

That's Mary Ellen, her dad was a cop and she was basically raised a dude. And that guy, the guy rolling in an hour and a half late to work: that's Billy Thompson, better known as Scooch. Scooch did this year round. Summers at the swim club and winters at the YMCA. He was a lifeguard. That's all he was. He was Scooch.

We were a team. United together against this one asshole: Our manager; Chuck Cassina.

Chuck thought he ran the place, but no one runs summer. It was paradise, but hey, even Adam and Eve couldn't stand heaven forever. And right after labor day.........

[JeffBurtMacklinMarra 6724]

Sorry I upset you, Stephan, I was just making a joke. Love you brother, keep it crispy (Pete Holmes reference)

[SteveH 11126]

I thought we were in a feud. I'm feuding. If you can't stand the heat...well, you know what to do

[ABRAXAS 366]

Isn't Staten Island also full of bees?

[ABRAXAS 366]

Just rewatched the "Triumph" video.

Apparently the epidemic has spread to all of New York.

 

thoughts and prayers

protect ya neck

[watchayakan 1021]

 

Have I been posting wrong? Sorry, let me try to do it right.

 

UHHH hey uh JeffreyParties don't I know you in real life DUUUHHHH ERRRRR

 

great first post. That not a cannon

 

UHHH making fun of new posters look at my impression

 

Dog picture

 

BETTER?

At least you didn't talk about how great Howl is.

[Blink 1844]

Pretty sure I post the same shit all the time on the internet and just forget and think I'm being novel

[Shrek & Donkey Kong 4336]

Isn't Staten Island also full of bees?

 

[SteveH 11126]

At least you didn't talk about how great Howl is.

 

I'm a huge supporter of Howl. We have meetings every week. The location rotates between Scott Anchormans, Adam Sachs, Jeff Ullrich's, and then on the 4th week we do it at Codys house. Next week is my turn to bring the snacks. We call ourselves the Howligans

[chanson 9697]

Gotta reserve these spots early in case something good happens.

[ABRAXAS 366]

I feel like Hayes and Sean tried to warn us on this Howl stuff.

 

I mean, Howl was written by an Allen G.

Hayes and Sean met on the set of an Allen G.

 

There's no way this is a coincidence...