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JulyDiaz

EPISODE 117 - Theodore Rex: LIVE!

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I can actually answer this one! First of all, Whoopi is definitely more of a cyborg than robot. When it is revealed to Theodore, she tells him all the "Guns" have been implanted with electronics making them "more human than human." Theodore says he didn't know that and asks if it's classified. She tells him "yes" and that he should keep his mouth shut about it.

 

So, since it's classified, there's no reason the kid would have known this. I did find it odd that he kept trying to hook her up with his dad though. He was being awfully cagey about the whole thing. For awhile, I thought it had been her asking about his dad because he was this unsupervised kid working at an outdoor diner(???) and she was just making sure he was okay. I thought it was going to be revealed he had been orphaned and she would adopt him at the end. But no, his dad's there at the end-- no lines, just there. Good forbid this movie try to inject any kind of heart into it....

 

My hat is off to you sir. Admittedly I didn't even realize that Whoopi was supposed to be a robot/cyborg until well after the movie. I feel I may have missed some crucial plot points between their non-existence, the mumbling of Teddy, and my out loud rantings at the TV.

 

Also I should note, an outdoor diner that serves "mystery meat." Maybe this helped to drive the dinosaurs to vegetarianism. Mystery meat could very well be Kane's failed genetic experiments.

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Just for those curious, the two smaller puppets of the caterpillar and the guy in the bag were not created by the Henson team that made the dinosaurs. Rather they were made by the Chiodo brothers who also made the puppets for Team America World Police. Seeing as this is How Did This Get Made we might be more familiar with their working in creating the krites in Critters and for writing and directing the cult classic Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

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I know everybody is hung up on the sneakers in drawers, which is admittedly mind blowningly bizarre, but can we take a moment to actually talk about the shoes themselves? They are basically three individual sneakers fused together at the heel to make one three toed sneaker. Each toe is capped at the end and in its own individual compartment. Wouldn't it be easier to make it more like regular shoes and just put all the toes together? How does a T-Rex with such small arms even put shoes on?

 

What if the guy that invented toe shoes saw this movie and was like "This gives me an idea. Each toe separate and individually housed, why aren't we doing that?"

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Teddy's clothes baffled me for the whole Movie. Paul, Jason, and June touched on Teddy's clothing a little bit, but I think I have it figured out.

 

At first he's wearing a sweater, a vest, and another sweater on top of that. Then his "undercover" outfit is a different sweater with a hoodie and a leather jacket. I couldn't figure out why he was wearing so many layers, and thick heavy layers at that. At first I thought maybe all the clothing was to hide seams in the dinosaur costume, but then I realized that being a reptile, Teddy is cold blooded and requires those extra layers to keep him warm.

 

Also at some point Teddy says to Coltrane "The only time you soft skins pay attention to other creatures is to shoot them eat them or wear them". Why then is Teddy okay with wearing a leather jacket?

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Near the end of the movie, Summers is trying to take his place on the ark. Dr. Shade asks him what diseases run in his family, and he responds "Very big feet". That is totally a big dick reference right? In this kids movie. For kids.

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When Teddy and Coltrane go to Kane's complex the first time, we overhear Dr. Shade telling a worker "Freeze the elephants first, midnight is only five hours away". What? So Kane will start the next ice age in five hours and they haven't even started preparing their ark? No wonder a rookie dinosaur detective can thwart Kane's plan in like a day. He obviously did't plan out his world domination very well if he's leaving these things to the last minute.

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Every time they referred to Whoopi's character by her last name, it reminded me of the scene in Royal Tenenbaums where Royal asks Danny Glover if he was trying to steal his woman:

 

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Pons Maar: "Maar performed as the voice and body model for The Noid in the popular Domino's Pizza commercials of the 1980s."

 

Yo, Noid!!!

maxresdefault.jpg

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Did anyone else notice how Teddy basically had no peripheral vision? I mean at no point during the movie did he appear to have the ability to look down.

 

Couple that with his shorter than normal arms and I can't imagine him getting anything done. How does he dress himself when we cannot look down to put on his pants and shoes? Or eat? Or use the bathroom? Or anything involving any sort of hand eye coordination, like passing a police exam?!

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So, the more I think about it, the more the scene with getting the clothes for Teddy to go "undercover" really bothers me. And it's not just because he was playing racist caricatures or even that dimwitted Ella didn't seem to know what kind of clothing was appropriate for an undercover operation (I reject the theory that she was just fucking with him; they seemed to be good friends, so I'm assuming she was just as stupid as Teddy).

 

What really bothers me is this: why the fuck did the police station clothing changer thing even have THOSE particular clothes?

 

Like, how many times have they seriously needed ANY of those costumes?

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(Long post alert! However all these points fall under the theme of "police work" which, as you might guess, I found to be highly suspect. Sorry about the length, but I felt one long post was better than a bunch of smaller ones.)

 

So right after Whoopi is saddled with this ridiculous dinosaur, she asks him what he has on the case. He tells her, "We got a dead dino--which is a first. No suspects, no clues, no motives. So we need to determine a cause of death, right? Where would you have a dino-autopsy? Yes! The Museum of Natural History!"

 

So wait a minute, are you telling me that the first thing they have to do is solve the mystery of "Where exactly would the police perform an autopsy?" YOU ARE THE POLICE!!! Why is this information being kept from you??? Can't Whoopi just use the high tech, doodads in her skull to ask someone down at the station? Or, if that doesn't work, maybe make a phone call? And seriously movie? The Natural History Museum? You live in a world that appears to be comprised of a population that is 50% anthropomorphic dinosaurs and you don't have a hospital set up to care for these citizens?

 

Then, later in the film, they go to see the Toymaker--ostensibly to buy weapons. Despite having every reason not to trust them, he just starts pulling out his arsenal. Theodore and Whoopi have a brief argument as to how to handle this situation, and Whoopi reluctantly allows Theodore to take the lead. Now, they've already gained his trust so you'd figure they'd use that to their advantage--maybe cajole some information out of him, but no. Instead, Teddy just outright accuses this guy of aiding and abetting a murder. If your plan is going to be "accusation" right out of the gate, why the big charade about wanting to buy guns?

 

Then, after they capture the Toymaker and perform a little bit of light, PG rated torture, the Toymaker tells them that he sold his weapons to Kane. At which point Teddy says, "Kane! Where is he?" Okay, two things...

 

First of all, it's really nice that Kane keeps his middlemen in the loop as to his goings on. I'm not sure about the kid, but Molly was 100% kidnapped while they were already at the Toymaker's lair. Did Kane just call him and say, "Hey Toymaker, yeah it's me, Kane. Yeah, I know this part of my evil plan doesn't really concern you, but just thought you might like to know I kidnapped a kid and a singing dinosaur. What? No, that's all. Just thought you'd like to know. Bye!" Secondly, and probably more importantly, "Where is he?" Really, Teddy? Where the fuck do you think Kane is? Do you think he might possibly be at his Emperor Palpatine-esque throne room where you just were three hours ago? Do you think that may be a good place to start?

 

Fuck! Summers was right. By all accounts, Kane should have absolutely gotten away with his evil scheme with numb-nuts Theodore Rex on the case.

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I would also like to submit this movie's most ridiculous job title: Dr. Armitrage, head dinosaurologist. I suppose this means there are several junior dinosaurologists working under her? I mean, more power to this woman for owning dinosaurology at that Museum. But that's quite a mouthful to be reciting when she's introducing herself at dinner parties. It's like she was given her job title by a 4-year-old who just watched an episode of reading rainbow about archaeology.

 

dr-armitrage.png

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I don't have much to say but I was there and it was a lot of fun. Haven't got to listen to the episode yet but I am guessing they cut out the part where Jason told the dude not to take a picture. If you go to a show and they ask you not to take a picture just don't take a picture, I felt bad for Jason I could tell it really pissed him off especially when the guy didn't listen. Btw I had a question but didn't get picked, my dino name totally was going to be Heynong man-Rex. Was a really fun experience, hope they come down again.

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Omission: when they're flying in that two-seater helicopter thing towards the end of the movie, the one-eyed guy says "Kane is gonna make tyranno-sore-ass soup out of all of us." My favorite line in the movie.

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What about this exchange?

 

Rex: I'm gonna get me a Zappy [the clones] Meal!

 

Coltrane: What do you mean you're 'going to get a Zappy Meal?' You're a vegetarian. What are you talking about?

 

Rex: Hey, I binge once in a while...

 

So, correct me if I'm wrong, but Theodore just totally admitted that on occasion he murders and eats humans, right? Why couldn't that scene be in the movie?

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The picture I showed Paul comparing Teddy to My So Called Life's Jordan Catalano (aka Jared Leto) can be found here:

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I tried watching this movie lastnight. it was hard. I got to the 30min mark and gave up.. this poster sums up my feelings about this weeks pick.

 

hs6s7n.jpg

 

isn't that really just the movie they wanted to make.

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first question, did anyone else notice that in Whoopi's introduction scene she zip lines onto the back of the truck and through what is apparently a glass roof on this truck!

 

second question, when Teddy goes to ask the commissioner if he can be assigned to the dino-homicide he meets Elizar Kane. Kane then proceeds to say that he already knows Teddy because he is his "crowning achievement", now my question is this, if Teddy is the "crowning achievement" of Kane's genetic research then why does every other dino you meet seem to be infinitely more qualified at their respective jobs than Teddy is at anything? but perhaps "crowning achievement" means Teddy is his first talking dino, if that is the case then why does Teddy seem younger than every other dino?

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Listening to the episode a second time, I caught something when they played the clip of the opening crawl. Here are the first ten words:

 

Once upon a time in the future:

 

-At midnight tomorrow...

 

Okay. "Once upon a time" implies that this takes place in the past. But it's in the future. They're clearly trying to invoke a Star Wars kind of tone here. But then they jump to "At midnight tomorrow..." which implies that it's the present.

 

WHEN THE FUCK DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE?

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Great episode!!! I noticed that near the end of the movie just before Whoopi gets shot Theodore Rex shows her the ark and the thousands of cryo-chambers with all the animal couples (male and female)

 

I immediately remembered the Eminem video "My Name Is..."

 

So are we to believe that Eminem was part of Kanes plan? He wanted to save "the world most famous white rapper" for his new earth??? He wanted some entertainment inside the ark???

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNPnbI1arSE

 

 

P.S.: All kidding aside... Is Eminem the biggest "Theodore Rex" fan out there???

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For the Omissions segment... Here are some other random things that I noticed:

 

* I may have found another bible reference Adam ( The inline skates clone ) and OL-EVE-er (The first dino in the movie killed by an explosive butterfly ) escaped from Kanes paradise to "expose him" just like Adam and Eve (sorta... NOT AT ALL)

 

* Everytime someone calls the police operator / dispach the same audio file for the word "Yeah" is used... Was it supposed to be a super funny joke?

 

* In the episode nobody talked aboud Mr. Edge's crazy wig! ( Or maybe someone did and I didnt heard )

 

* I was truly scared when a red eyed thug jumped from the arcade game screen and grabbed the kid... It totally woke me up too! Its like the people who made this said "People get so bored by this point in the movie that we need to put a loud ass jump scare to jolt them awake..."

 

* What kind of security does a keypad / codepad with feelings provide??? *Ouch!*

 

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend! C Ya!

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There is so much of the Toy Marker scene that needs to be explored.

 

When the exploding butterfly murder weapon is reconstructed, the investigator immediately ID's the creator as the Toy Maker who runs Dragon Tail Dead Storage company as a cover for his arms business which is located in the Ninja Grid. (side note, Dragon Tail is yet another dinosaur tail joke)

 

Why is the Toy Maker still at large? The police know he makes these weapons and know exactly where to find him. Why is he not in jail? How many people and/or dinosaurs have been killed by this man's exploding insects? Those deaths could have been prevented with the Toy Makers capture.

 

Then there is the question of the dead storage company itself. What is this business? You see bodies hanging in capsules; is this what people do with their dead in the future? Why not bury them? At the end of the movie, you see an award ceremony in a park, so we know there is available land. What is being done with these bodies?

 

The most disturbing part of this scene is Teddy's and Coltraine's brutal torture and murder of the Toy Maker. First they have him handcuffed to a pole, where Teddy blows bad breathe into his face. When this is ineffective, Coltraine punches him in the face, likely giving him a concussion. They move on to Teddy sitting on the Toy Maker, crushing the Toy Makers body, while simultaneously farting on him. The weight of a dinosaur would cause massive amounts of internal bleeding. The movie then cuts to Toy Maker hung upside down. Teddy threatens to eat the Toy Maker and lunges at him. The Toy Maker finally breaks and tells them all the info they need to solve the case.

 

As they leave, Teddy's tail accidentally wacks the Toy Maker in the head. The Toy maker stops moving.

 

My boyfriend and I disagree on what happened to the Toy Maker. I think Teddy snapped The Toy Makers neck and he's dead. My boyfriend thinks Teddy just knocked him unconscious. But since Teddy and Coltraine left the Toymaker tied up, upside down, with major head trauma, and internal bleeding, he's still going to die.

 

Teddy and Coltraine have the following exchange:

 

Teddy: Oops.

Coltraine: Ah, so what? Come on.

Teddy: Ok.

 

This is how the heroes of a children's movie respond to torturing a man and leaving him for dead.

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Also, Sebastian and his father run "The Mystery Meat Stand". What meat are they selling? The main animals we see in this movie are:

 

Humans (including clones)

Dinosaurs

Dogs

 

Any other animals are part of Caine's compound, so would not be publicly available.

 

At the start of the movie, Coltraine finds a dog. She tells Sebastian to take it up to her room. We never see the dog again. I'll let you do the math.

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Listening to the episode a second time, I caught something when they played the clip of the opening crawl. Here are the first ten words:

 

Once upon a time in the future:

 

-At midnight tomorrow...

 

Okay. "Once upon a time" implies that this takes place in the past. But it's in the future. They're clearly trying to invoke a Star Wars kind of tone here. But then they jump to "At midnight tomorrow..." which implies that it's the present.

 

WHEN THE FUCK DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE?

Yes this greatly bothered me too. While we cannot pinpoint a year that is somehow once upon a time in the future, the time of the narration can be placed. The last section is "An hour ago, two workers escaped from the New Eden compound and are racing to tell the police." So if we combine that with "Tomorrow at midnight" and the scene where "mystery meat oh and hey would you mind marrying my dad" boy asks Coltrane to meet him tomorrow and the fundraiser Kane was having we can assume this movie takes place roughly 6PM the night before the master plan... but we see Teddy having a vision of the murder while sleeping... but the rest of the scenes are at night... Maybe Teddy works nights and the Kane's fundraiser was really late... Yea you're right there is no way to make sense of any of it.

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