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Episode 98 — John Cochran Again, Our Close Friend

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OH YEAH. PRACTICALLY TWINS.

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since WTF is part of the Howl family now, shouldn't there be a forum for it? I wanna jump in there and become like the greggy of WTF forums. I'm sure regular WTF forum posters would be a real fun bunch

 

pow i just shit my pants

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These pics are getting a little too avant-garde for my taste.

 

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It's called art! Check out a museum sometime

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I don't get the shoe art. Guess I am not very cultured.

 

Beatsme!

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It's called art! Check out a museum sometime

 

and while you're at it, check out a Foot Locker too. Geez...

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I just watched this masterpiece by Tim Treese, and I was laughing so hard that my apartmentmate asked me if I was OK:

 

So do you think I discovered this 'cause I watched those Box Angels videos, or more likely because YouTube has an algorithm which determined that people who watch dog/chicken cuddling videos as well as British documentaries split into eight 11 min videos, also tend to make large electronic purchases?

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Seriously, it's like, "Hello Hayes, move back a little, the front of your cushion is getting squished."

 

I just couldn't resist!! LOL! Classic gag

 

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CHAPTER 2. The Carpet-Bag.

 

I stuffed a shirt or two into my old carpet-bag, tucked it under my arm, and started for Cape Horn and the Pacific. Quitting the good city of old Manhatto, I duly arrived in New Bedford. It was a Saturday night in December. Much was I disappointed upon learning that the little packet for Nantucket had already sailed, and that no way of reaching that place would offer, till the following Monday.

 

As most young candidates for the pains and penalties of whaling stop at this same New Bedford, thence to embark on their voyage, it may as well be related that I, for one, had no idea of so doing. For my mind was made up to sail in no other than a Nantucket craft, because there was a fine, boisterous something about everything connected with that famous old island, which amazingly pleased me. Besides though New Bedford has of late been gradually monopolising the business of whaling, and though in this matter poor old Nantucket is now much behind her, yet Nantucket was her great original—the Tyre of this Carthage;—the place where the first dead American whale was stranded. Where else but from Nantucket did those aboriginal whalemen, the Red-Men, first sally out in canoes to give chase to the Leviathan? And where but from Nantucket, too, did that first adventurous little sloop put forth, partly laden with imported cobblestones—so goes the story—to throw at the whales, in order to discover when they were nigh enough to risk a harpoon from the bowsprit?

 

Now having a night, a day, and still another night following before me in New Bedford, ere I could embark for my destined port, it became a matter of concernment where I was to eat and sleep meanwhile. It was a very dubious-looking, nay, a very dark and dismal night, bitingly cold and cheerless. I knew no one in the place. With anxious grapnels I had sounded my pocket, and only brought up a few pieces of silver,—So, wherever you go, Ishmael, said I to myself, as I stood in the middle of a dreary street shouldering my bag, and comparing the gloom towards the north with the darkness towards the south—wherever in your wisdom you may conclude to lodge for the night, my dear Ishmael, be sure to inquire the price, and don’t be too particular.

 

As most young candidates for the pains and penalties of whaling stop at this same New Bedford, thence to embark on their voyage, it may as well be related that I, for one, had no idea of so doing.

With halting steps I paced the streets, and passed the sign of “The Crossed Harpoons”—but it looked too expensive and jolly there. Further on, from the bright red windows of the “Sword-Fish Inn,” there came such fervent rays, that it seemed to have melted the packed snow and ice from before the house, for everywhere else the congealed frost lay ten inches thick in a hard, asphaltic pavement,—rather weary for me, when I struck my foot against the flinty projections, because from hard, remorseless service the soles of my boots were in a most miserable plight. Too expensive and jolly, again thought I, pausing one moment to watch the broad glare in the street, and hear the sounds of the tinkling glasses within. But go on, Ishmael, said I at last; don’t you hear? get away from before the door; your patched boots are stopping the way. So on I went. I now by instinct followed the streets that took me waterward, for there, doubtless, were the cheapest, if not the cheeriest inns.

 

Such dreary streets! blocks of blackness, not houses, on either hand, and here and there a candle, like a candle moving about in a tomb. At this hour of the night, of the last day of the week, that quarter of the town proved all but deserted. But presently I came to a smoky light proceeding from a low, wide building, the door of which stood invitingly open. It had a careless look, as if it were meant for the uses of the public; so, entering, the first thing I did was to stumble over an ash-box in the porch. Ha! thought I, ha, as the flying particles almost choked me, are these ashes from that destroyed city, Gomorrah? But “The Crossed Harpoons,” and “The Sword-Fish?”—this, then must needs be the sign of “The Trap.” However, I picked myself up and hearing a loud voice within, pushed on and opened a second, interior door.

 

It seemed the great Black Parliament sitting in Tophet. A hundred black faces turned round in their rows to peer; and beyond, a black Angel of Doom was beating a book in a pulpit. It was a negro church; and the preacher’s text was about the blackness of darkness, and the weeping and wailing and teeth-gnashing there. Ha, Ishmael, muttered I, backing out, Wretched entertainment at the sign of ‘The Trap!’

 

Moving on, I at last came to a dim sort of light not far from the docks, and heard a forlorn creaking in the air; and looking up, saw a swinging sign over the door with a white painting upon it, faintly representing a tall straight jet of misty spray, and these words underneath—”The Spouter Inn:—Peter Coffin.”

 

Coffin?—Spouter?—Rather ominous in that particular connexion, thought I. But it is a common name in Nantucket, they say, and I suppose this Peter here is an emigrant from there. As the light looked so dim, and the place, for the time, looked quiet enough, and the dilapidated little wooden house itself looked as if it might have been carted here from the ruins of some burnt district, and as the swinging sign had a poverty-stricken sort of creak to it, I thought that here was the very spot for cheap lodgings, and the best of pea coffee.

 

It was a queer sort of place—a gable-ended old house, one side palsied as it were, and leaning over sadly. It stood on a sharp bleak corner, where that tempestuous wind Euroclydon kept up a worse howling than ever it did about poor Paul’s tossed craft. Euroclydon, nevertheless, is a mighty pleasant zephyr to any one in-doors, with his feet on the hob quietly toasting for bed. “In judging of that tempestuous wind called Euroclydon,” says an old writer—of whose works I possess the only copy extant—”it maketh a marvellous difference, whether thou lookest out at it from a glass window where the frost is all on the outside, or whether thou observest it from that sashless window, where the frost is on both sides, and of which the wight Death is the only glazier.” True enough, thought I, as this passage occurred to my mind—old black-letter, thou reasonest well. Yes, these eyes are windows, and this body of mine is the house. What a pity they didn’t stop up the chinks and the crannies though, and thrust in a little lint here and there. But it’s too late to make any improvements now. The universe is finished; the copestone is on, and the chips were carted off a million years ago. Poor Lazarus there, chattering his teeth against the curbstone for his pillow, and shaking off his tatters with his shiverings, he might plug up both ears with rags, and put a corn-cob into his mouth, and yet that would not keep out the tempestuous Euroclydon. Euroclydon! says old Dives, in his red silken wrapper—(he had a redder one afterwards) pooh, pooh! What a fine frosty night; how Orion glitters; what northern lights! Let them talk of their oriental summer climes of everlasting conservatories; give me the privilege of making my own summer with my own coals.

 

But what thinks Lazarus? Can he warm his blue hands by holding them up to the grand northern lights? Would not Lazarus rather be in Sumatra than here? Would he not far rather lay him down lengthwise along the line of the equator; yea, ye gods! go down to the fiery pit itself, in order to keep out this frost?

 

Now, that Lazarus should lie stranded there on the curbstone before the door of Dives, this is more wonderful than that an iceberg should be moored to one of the Moluccas. Yet Dives himself, he too lives like a Czar in an ice palace made of frozen sighs, and being a president of a temperance society, he only drinks the tepid tears of orphans.

 

But no more of this blubbering now, we are going a-whaling, and there is plenty of that yet to come. Let us scrape the ice from our frosted feet, and see what sort of a place this “Spouter” may be.

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Herman Melville is said to have taken part of his inspiration for Moby-Dick from the view of Mt. Greylock from his house, Arrowhead, in Pittsfield, MA. Mt. Greylock is the highest natural point in Massachusetts. Contrary to popular belief, Mt. Greylock is a part of the Taconic Mountain range, not the Berkshires. A network of hiking trails traverse the mountain, including the Appalachian National Scenic Trail, whose expanse stretches from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin located in beautiful Baxter State Park in Maine.

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Herman Melville is said to have taken part of his inspiration for Moby-Dick from the view of Mt. Greylock from his house, Arrowhead, in Pittsfield, MA. Mt. Greylock is the highest natural point in Massachusetts. Contrary to popular belief, Mt. Greylock is a part of the Taconic Mountain range, not the Berkshires. A network of hiking trails traverse the mountain, including the Appalachian National Scenic Trail, whose expanse stretches from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin located in the beautiful Baxter State Park in Maine.

I don't know who the fuck Herming Melvoine is but I do know my buddy Jakal took part of the inspiration for his writing from a popular book about a guy and his friend who was a whale.

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and while you're at it, check out a Foot Locker too. Geez...

Aw, no one should start with that, it'll blow their mind too much.

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What a fun ep! Good thing I have the mp3 of his previous appearance already downloaded. When they referenced the old episode, unavailable for streaming, all I wanted to do was listen to it. Good thing I beat that Howl system!

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Hey guys I'm flying to Los Angeles tomorrow morning and would love some advice.

 

Where can I find good coffee in LA? (not Starbucks)

Which bus tour of stars homes goes past Sean's Dad's house?

What are some fun things to do/see?

 

I pretty much just booked my flights and forgot about actually planning things to do so I would love some ideas.

Thanks

 

 

on a sunday, go get coffee at the bourgeois pig and then go next door to see Sean in Shitty Jobs at UCB. that will be the best LA experience possible, and you will be able to go back where you came from, satisfied, after that.

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Hey guys I'm flying to Los Angeles tomorrow morning and would love some advice.

 

Where can I find good coffee in LA? (not Starbucks)

Which bus tour of stars homes goes past Sean's Dad's house?

What are some fun things to do/see?

 

I pretty much just booked my flights and forgot about actually planning things to do so I would love some ideas.

Thanks

 

 

on a sunday, go get coffee at the bourgeois pig and then go next door to see Sean in Shitty Jobs at UCB. that will be the best LA experience possible, and you will be able to go back where you came from, satisfied, after that.

 

 

 

 

 

whoops that posted twice can this one get deleted?

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Hello.

 

New to Earwolf Forums, and new to Hollywood Handbook. I've been a longtime listener of CBB, Improv4humans, Andy Daly among others, but for some reason did not know HH was funny. Now that I noticed I have been binge-listening, going back and forth btwn the oldest eps, the newest eps, and the in betweenest.

 

I'm curious: how do people submit questions for the hosts and/or guests??

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go back where you came from.

harsh bro.

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Hello.

 

New to Earwolf Forums, and new to Hollywood Handbook. I've been a longtime listener of CBB, Improv4humans, Andy Daly among others, but for some reason did not know HH was funny. Now that I noticed I have been binge-listening, going back and forth btwn the oldest eps, the newest eps, and the in betweenest.

 

I'm curious: how do people submit questions for the hosts and/or guests??

 

Used to be we were able to interact with Hayes and Sean right here on the forums. Since scipppppps took over they wouldn't even let Sean post to say thanks for all the birthday well wishes we sent him!

 

Scuttlebutt is that you néed a premium howl account, an iPhone, and 6 lbs of hair from a wicked man to even be able to SUBMIT a question. No word on the odds of it being answered.

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Used to be we were able to interact with Hayes and Sean right here on the forums. Since scipppppps took over they wouldn't even let Sean post to say thanks for all the birthday well wishes we sent him!

 

Scuttlebutt is that you néed a premium howl account, an iPhone, and 6 lbs of hair from a wicked man to even be able to SUBMIT a question. No word on the odds of it being answered.

 

Thanks for the scuttlebutt! I did get the Howl account so I'm 2/3 there, all I need is an iPhone.

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Hello.

 

New to Earwolf Forums, and new to Hollywood Handbook. I've been a longtime listener of CBB, Improv4humans, Andy Daly among others, but for some reason did not know HH was funny. Now that I noticed I have been binge-listening, going back and forth btwn the oldest eps, the newest eps, and the in betweenest.

 

I'm curious: how do people submit questions for the hosts and/or guests??

 

Hi Rayman, I'm a big fan of your video game series but I have a question how do you have feet and hands but no limbs? Also what are you supposed to be? An animal? Some kind of bug thing?

 

That is an example of how I would submit a popcorn gallery question, when prompted, if you somehow became a guest on the show but history has shown that no forum poster has ever crossed over from our world to their world as a guest, so it's just a purely hypothetical but if you want to answer anyway, I welcome it. Thanks.

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A like would be appreciated if my post was helpful to you, raymand.I know you SAID thanks but that kind of means nothing around here. I am sure you meant well.

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Hello.

 

New to Earwolf Forums, and new to Hollywood Handbook. I've been a longtime listener of CBB, Improv4humans, Andy Daly among others, but for some reason did not know HH was funny. Now that I noticed I have been binge-listening, going back and forth btwn the oldest eps, the newest eps, and the in betweenest.

 

I'm curious: how do people submit questions for the hosts and/or guests??

I'm a big fan of all your movies. Can you tell me will there be a follow up that covers the events that happened after you sent your brother back to the institution on that train? Does he still count real good?

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A like would be appreciated if my post was helpful to you, raymand.I know you SAID thanks but that kind of means nothing around here. I am sure you meant well.

Forgive me Eliza, I really mean I am REALLY new here, to the extent that I did not even notice the "like" button. Last time I was semi-active on ANY forum, it was on a site about fishing off of piers and I was a very different man. Oh, the stories I could tell!

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