Episode 76 - A Summer Theatre Camp in Michigan (w/ Nicole Parker, Shulie Cowen, Mark McConville, Tawny Newsome)

[JulyDiaz 2797]

Paul F. Tompkins welcomes all citizens with different voices to this week's episode of Spontaneanation! This week, Paul’s special guest is Nicole Parker of MADtv and the Broadway stage! They chat about what small business Nicole would like to own, having terrible adult handwriting, and the unusual private school Nicole attended as a child. Paul is then joined by Shulie Cowen, Mark McConville, and Tawny Newsome to improvise a story set in a Summer Theatre Camp in Michigan. And as always, Eban (only the best) Schletter scores it all on piano!

 

The next live Spontaneanation happens October 1st at Largo at The Coronet! With improvisors Ryan Gaul, Colleen Smith & Drew Tarver, and special guest Horatio Sanz! Get your tickets for this show and Spontaneanation in Anaheim and Brooklyn at paulftompkins.com/live!

 

 

Come see us at the Now Hear This podcast festival: nowhearthisfest.com

[Jon Onyx 1226]

Havn't listened yet but from the title I can already guess shulie gets to do a little kid voice

 

and that gives it a 10/10 rating from me.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

Sadly, I think you might be wrong. (Or if I'm wrong, someone please point it out so I can go back and listen again.)

 

Speaking of signature voices, Tawny's dude voice is remarkably similar to Colleen Smi's dude voice.

 

Great, super-silly episode.

[DeliciousBoat 14]

Sadly, I think you might be wrong. (Or if I'm wrong, someone please point it out so I can go back and listen again.)

 

Speaking of signature voices, Tawny's dude voice is remarkably similar to Colleen Smi's dude voice.

 

 

There's a tiny bit of it in the Bosom Mame scene at around 50 minutes. And I also came to say that I'd never noticed how similar Colleen Smith and Tawny Newsome sound! I hope they do an episode together soon.

[IanR 153]

Imagine how Bombshell on Smash would have been if they both played Marilyn at the same time like Babe In The Cat's Mouth

[Pokwok 32]

So this episode was amazing.

[KatherineIsOdd 486]

I love the expression "pleased as Pontius Pilate" and that PFT momentarily forgot that trains are not boats, and are on land.

 

Nicole's interview was fun and there was so much amazing improvised singing in this one, I just can't quite tell the women's voices apart well enough to know who to credit, so I'll credit all of them! Any excuse to make people talk at the same time is a good one in my book, it gets me every time.

 

EDIT: Oh my god, I forgot about the baby with the tail! The baby with the tail, whaaaaaaat???? Hahahahaha!

[Jon Onyx 1226]

This week in eban song spotting.

 

A whole new world from Aladdin right before the second ad break

[Quasar Sniffer 4174]

I love that Paul F. can get people talking about their strangest childhood experiences with about 90 seconds of chit-chat (or less).

[DanEngler 5249]

I know a young lady who has made replicas of two David Bowie suits.

And that young lady's name is April Richardson. Here's her take on Modern Love and Aladdin Sane.

[nrkist 71]

Just started episode, and I am honestly flabbergasted regarding the "See ID/Check ID".

 

What do you think this accomplishes exactly? You have already handed the person your credit card. Best case scenario, you have needlessly made this transaction longer. You have indedliby created a system to inconvenience yourself daily, thereby confusing and irritating the person you handed the card to.

 

The entire signature 'thing' is a hold-over from the early days of credit cards, when we didn't have ease of electronic transparency and oversight. We already have much better checks and reconciliation for stolen cards and fraud.

 

If you write 'See ID' on the back of your credit, and hand your card to another individual for processing, 1 of 2 things is going to happen:

 

1.) They are just going to swipe the card whether they see this note on the back or not. You are then in the position of pointing out that they didn't check your ID, thus getting into an uncomfortable position of forcing the other person to backpedal and ask for your ID...thus verify the card is indeed yours and finishing the transaction that was always going to happen. OR, what probably happens 99 percent of the time, you simply silently accept that this was a silly and ineffective form of fraud prevention.

 

2.) You are trying to pay for something real quick while having a conversation with someone on a phone or wrangling your children. The salesperson/clerk/server has to politely ask you several times for your ID, in which case you become irritated regarding the stupid thing you wrote on the back of your Credit Card that serves no actual purpose but to waste your own time and create uncomfortable situations. Now, this individual you have tried to pawn your ACTUAL card off to is really off-put and pretending to examine your credit card and ID with the hardened-eye of an FBI fraud investigator. This charade carries on until you are either bursting red in the face, or nod, dully satisfied in the rigid standards of the pimply 15 year-old, managing the register at a walgreen's, natural eye for multi-layer counterfeiting.

 

Just sign the back of the card!

 

Edit: I do like the idea that your license could have an option in the signature area that says 'See birth certificate'. And then the clerk has to carefully pretend to compare the rings on your toes with those of your birth certificate and make some hard decisions regarding the validity of your purchase.

[Kickpuncher 5012]

I'm sure this 8-paragraph message board post will cause Paul to re-think his entire approach to in-person credit card transactions.

[IanHeydon 106]

Mark doesn't need to read anything to see why Brian Wilson and Al Jardine don't perform with the Beach Boys any longer. He just needs to see any picture of Mike Love - he'll immediately the true evil that lies behind his cold dead eyes and he'll understand

[The Spider-Gentleman 114]

I could have listened to Nicole Parker and PFT chatting for hours and hours. Everything about Nicole's school was wonderful and so funny.

[Paul F. Tompkins 736]

Just started episode, and I am honestly flabbergasted regarding the "See ID/Check ID".

 

What do you think this accomplishes exactly? You have already handed the person your credit card. Best case scenario, you have needlessly made this transaction longer. You have indedliby created a system to inconvenience yourself daily, thereby confusing and irritating the person you handed the card to.

 

What this accomplishes, hopefully, is that maybe the clerk will ask someone who has stolen my card to see I.D., and hopefully that person who has stolen my card does not look like me. Also, just looked up the word "indelibly" and you maaaaaaaay be wrong about the "system" I have "created."

 

The entire signature 'thing' is a hold-over from the early days of credit cards, when we didn't have ease of electronic transparency and oversight. We already have much better checks and reconciliation for stolen cards and fraud.

 

That's true, at least! Hey, you've really done your research for this bit of scholarly condescension on a comedy podcast discussion forum! Oh, and speaking of archaic practices, it's actually spelled holdover. You don't need the hyphen. And you're double-spacing after your periods.

 

If you write 'See ID' on the back of your credit, and hand your card to another individual for processing, 1 of 2 things is going to happen:

 

(Neither of the two things you're about to illustrate has ever happened, but go ahead.)

 

1.) They are just going to swipe the card whether they see this note on the back or not. You are then in the position of pointing out that they didn't check your ID, thus getting into an uncomfortable position of forcing the other person to backpedal and ask for your ID...thus verify the card is indeed yours and finishing the transaction that was always going to happen. OR, what probably happens 99 percent of the time, you simply silently accept that this was a silly and ineffective form of fraud prevention.

 

I would not point out that they didn't ask for I.D., because I know that I am me and that I am using my card which has not been stolen from me by me. I don't work for the store; I am not the "secret shopper," so my goal when writing "Please ask for I.D." on the back of my card is not to test the cashier. All of these forms of fraud protection are flawed and you're kind of throwing a Hail Mary that anyone will even check a signature. So this is not, actually, any more absurd than a signing the card. If anything, it may deter someone who doesn't have my exact face from using a card that says "See I.D." because what if the cashier does ask? See? So I lose nothing by writing that on my card. It's kind of a lateral move in terms of security, but one that I prefer.

 

2.) You are trying to pay for something real quick while having a conversation with someone on a phone or wrangling your children. The salesperson/clerk/server has to politely ask you several times for your ID, in which case you become irritated regarding the stupid thing you wrote on the back of your Credit Card that serves no actual purpose but to waste your own time and create uncomfortable situations.

 

Thing is, I'm not an asshole, so I never talk on the phone when a human being is waiting on me. I also don't have kids to wrangle. I also don't live in the cold open of an infomercial. So although you can see these scenarios so clearly, indelibly even, they are not predestined.

 

Now, this individual you have tried to pawn your ACTUAL card off to is really off-put and pretending to examine your credit card and ID with the hardened-eye of an FBI fraud investigator. This charade carries on until you are either bursting red in the face, or nod, dully satisfied in the rigid standards of the pimply 15 year-old, managing the register at a walgreen's, natural eye for multi-layer counterfeiting.

 

And maybe your little sketch here says more about you than it does about how ridiculous and thoughtless I am supposedly being? Because it seems like you really have contempt for cashiers.

 

Just sign the back of the card!

 

Why? The entire signature 'thing' is a hold-over from the early days of credit cards, when we didn't have ease of electronic transparency and oversight. We already have much better checks and reconciliation for stolen cards and fraud. So it doesn't really matter what's on the back of the card, right? RIGHT?

 

Edit: I do like the idea that your license could have an option in the signature area that says 'See birth certificate'. And then the clerk has to carefully pretend to compare the rings on your toes with those of your birth certificate and make some hard decisions regarding the validity of your purchase.

 

OH THANK GOD YOU WENT BACK AND ADDED THIS JOHN OLIVER-TYPE EVISCERATION TO YOUR FLAWLESS POST THIS IS SOME GOOD COMEDY AND YOU SHOULD QUIT YOUR DAY JOB (IF IT IS NOT ALREADY COMEDY)

[RandyMiller 28]

Nicole Parker is delightful, if that interview had lasted the entire episode I don't think I would have minded. Great episode all around.

 

Now, this individual you have tried to pawn your ACTUAL card off to is really off-put and pretending to examine your credit card and ID with the hardened-eye of an FBI fraud investigator. This charade carries on until you are either bursting red in the face, or nod, dully satisfied in the rigid standards of the pimply 15 year-old, managing the register at a walgreen's, natural eye for multi-layer counterfeiting.

 

Walgreens sells alcohol (in California at least) and medicine. The clerks know how to check a fucking drivers license, it's a routine part of their job.

 

Also, the Brian Wilson mention reminds me of when I saw one of the two competing touring versions of Black Flag a few years back and they spent the first 10 minutes or so talking shit about Greg Ginn. That was a weird rift.

[StopMakingSense 88]

This is one of my favorite episodes. I hope Nicole Parker returns as a guest in a future episode. And let the guest in the episode before her know that they are required to ask the question "What the hell is up with that school?!" I bet she has an entire episode worth of stories about that place.

 

Also, it's super weird that nrkist decided that, of all things in the world that could be complained about, the hill s/he chose to die on was about whether or not a stranger signs the back of their credit card. NOT WORTH ONE SENTENCE, LET ALONE 8 PARAGRAPHS.

[KatherineIsOdd 486]

It's also weird that he felt the need to be a jerk to a fictional teenage Walgreens clerk whom he just made up, on top of being rude to Paul and his children that he doesn't have.

[StopMakingSense 88]

It's also weird that he felt the need to be a jerk to a fictional teenage Walgreens clerk whom he just made up, on top of being rude to Paul and his children that he doesn't have.

 

Nothing offends me more than insulting imaginary children. Real kids can fend for themselves. Imaginary kids have no one to advocate for them.

[KatherineIsOdd 486]

Until now!

[nrkist 71]

LOL, I love you Paul.

 

I won't quit my day job to be a comedian though, because I believe there is a jocular tone to your suggestion intended to make me look foolish if I were to take your advice.

 

Your trap lies forever untripped.

 

I really didn't expect that you would reply, but I do have to ask why you are putting people through hoops when processing your card. Do you have your ID at the ready, just out of sight, like a loaded gun, awaiting the gratifying request for ID? Or do you wait for the requisition of the ID, before fishing it out of your wallet? Or are you secretly happy nobody reads the INDELIBLY written 'See ID' on the back of your credit card and just processes your payment?

 

What was wrong with my use of 'INDELIBLY'?! Do you write 'See ID' on the back of your credit card with a dry erase marker? You have introduced a new problem to your security system.

 

You're awesome Paul. This wasn't a dig at you. I don't think you took it as one, and I would love to argue wonderfully inconsequential minutiae with you in the future...as long as it doesn't interfere with my day job.

[nrkist 71]

Update: Since this post, every major bank has force re-issued 'chip' cards.

 

We did it guys...I guess?! Can we all just have a fail high-five for one freeze-frame?

 

Edit: Paul, you are still allowed to scrawl things on the back if you wish, it just doesn't matter now...also it's a way worse security system than the one you 'devised'...

[StickyKeys 22]

Aww, I was hoping more people would talk about the singing!

[MitchMcWiggins 0]

One of my favs! I had hoped Crinkle would have to save the musical somehow, I hope he comes back someday.