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Episode 165 - Ninja Terminator: LIVE!

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Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer of Broad City join Paul, June, and Jason to discuss the 1985 martial arts film Ninja Terminator. Recored live from Colossal Clusterfest in San Francisco, they cover blonde wig guy, Garfield land line phone, the little robot, and much more. Plus, June asks “what is a ninja?”.

 

Check out the HDTGM Art Show over at Gallery 1988 (www.gallery1988.com).

Check out new HDTGM merch over at https://www.teepublic.com/user/howdidthisgetmade

Where to Find Jason, June & Paul:

Paul’s new comedy Drive Share is available on Go90. Paul can be seen on Veep. You can see June and Paul on NTSF:SD:SUV:: on HULU. June stars in Grace and Frankie on Netflix, as well as Lady Dynamite alongside with Jason.

 

Jason can be seen in The House, The Lego Batman Movie, How to Be Single, Sleeping with Other People, and is still indeed in The Dictator.

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An all right bad movie, but boy was it screachy.

 

When the bad guy was up to his knees in sand I was sure Jaguar was just going to beat on his head until he was completely buried.

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To answer the question "What exactly is a ninja", it's a pretty simple explanation, they're basically guerillas.

 

What Jason was describing as "henchmen" were Samurai. Samurai would serve to protect various Lords, masters and nobility throughout Japan, whereas a lot of Ninjas were peasants or farmers or menial labourers, which is why they attempted assassinations in the dead of night, wearing black, because they couldn't go toe-to-toe with the Samurai, because the Samurai were trained when they were very young to fight and die for their masters, so anyone without their level of training would have been destroyed with relative ease.

 

Which is where this movie fucks up a lot, because they just take Samurai code (and Japanese culture in general), and just say "Yeah, Ninjas would do that, they're Japanese, so of course they'd do this", which could explain the weird parts of the movie where guys would just allow themselves to get their asses kicked, because they had been defeated, which could have been some misinterpretation of Hara Kiri (the art of redemptive suicide). so allowing themselves to be beaten up some more would some how redeem their performance. Which doesn't make a lick of sense now that I've written this out, because, if anything, they've embarrassed themselves further by just letting it happen.

 

I hated this fucking movie!

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I have to bring up the weaponry, because this shit is all over the place.

 

With the exception of a few characters, a lot of these so-called "ninjas" are using the wrong sword. A lot were carrying katana swords, which is the long blade that the Samurai use, whereas Ninjas use the Ninjato, a shorter sword, which allows a quicker draw.

 

A few were carrying the Ninjato, which is more than can be said for a lot of ninja movies, so I do appreciate some modicum of accuracy, as opposed to "They're Japanese, they'll use Katanas"

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I couldn't have been the only one who thought the production company for this movie just ripped off their ident from Columbia.

 

ColumbiaSlider_01.jpg

 

899703170.jpg?389

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The original Garfield phone...

 

Bell1.jpg

 

 

Too soon?

 

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giphy.gif

 

Amen, brothers. What a piece of shit.

 

 

giphy.gif

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After watching this movie, I finally appreciate how June has felt over the last few years, because dammit, this experience has left left serious damage on my film sensibilities.

 

Be that as it may, I wish the gang discussed the insanity around the fact that these ninjas have the ability to teleport! Case in point, there was a time the red ninja is just doing random back flips, and then all of a sudden disappears and then re-appears a short distance away. And if he has these capabilities, why when faced with scaling a high tower, did he not just teleport from the base to the apartment above? Thoughts Paul?

 

Also with regards to the weaponry, it seems against a "ninja code" to outfit your katana with a flame thrower. That's a sacred weapon and honestly, if you have the choice of a flame thrower or a sword with limited reaching power... why not just use the flame thrower and call it a day!

 

04ZwaWb.png

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I have to bring up the topic of the toy robot. That's a knock-off of Omega Supreme from the Transformers, minus a lot of the parts that make it both identifiable as Omega Supreme and look more menacing. (That toy has literally fifty parts.) So I guess this makes it the HDGTM/Transformers crossover?

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Although we can agree it's not really feasible that a ninja can change out of his normal clothes into his ninja attire in mere seconds, we can assume he has it under some form of tear-away clothes.

 

But what about the extremely apparent and heavy eyeliner. How in the world does that take place in those mere seconds?!

 

oi8FwWt.jpg

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I couldn't have been the only one who thought that the production company for this movie just ripped off the ident for Columbia.

 

ColumbiaSlider_01.jpg

 

899703170.jpg?389

 

I'm glad you noticed this too! Not only that, but listen to the first four seconds of the fanfare for this. They literally ripped it right out of the soundtrack of Star Wars, I think the actual song is called "Imperial Attack."

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When Jason started talking about his cousins and brought up the leotard he was interrupted causing him to say "My cousins Leah and...," and leave it hanging.

 

Didn't anyone else start to wonder if he had a cousin named Tard before he came back to it?

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Okay, more weapon based fuckery, this time, it's the use of smoke.

 

While I appreciate that these are "modern" ninjas, why would they still use smoke? They need something that emits smoke, which would probably involve carrying around some kind of cannister, especially the amount they were spraying out.

 

So, why not do some research, and look into "Black Eggs", which have a similar purpose, they're used to blind their target, leaving them wide open to attack.

 

They take a poultry egg, empty the insides out and fill it with either crushed glass, or a capsicon-based solution, break it and throw it in your opponent's face. The smoke just makes it harder to fight, because now you can't see either.

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In the episode, Paul said Godfrey Ho used parts of a Korean movie The Uninvited Guest, but the correct title is The Uninvited Guest of Star Ferry (there seems to be a different Korean movie called An Uninvited Guest, 2010).

 

In a town called Seroa near Hong Kong, a Korean immigrant's store does flourishing business. The natives (Tiger and his gang) get jealous. In order to buy out the store, they sell their goods at a lower price. Lee Sang-kuk (Ikaza) manages the restaurant his parents and sister Na-young (Machiko) left behind. One day, he is gunned down by a sniper. Jo Suk-ju and Chairman Kim ask the government to arrest the murderer. While they are there, an immigrant named Han Sung-min (Jaguar) shows up. When he finds out that Lee Sang-kuk (Ikaza) is dead, he is greatly surprised. Sung-min (Jaguar) starts to investigate Sang-kuk's (Ikaza) murder. Na-young (Machiko) is kidnapped when the organized crime groups put on the pressure. But due to Sung-min's (Jaguar) actions, the whole truth is revealed. Na-young and Sung-min (Machiko and Jaguar!) go to their native Korea for their honeymoon.

 

I'm glad I looked it up, because now I have a sort of resolution to the Jaguar story line.

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I think I could listen to all 5 of them discuss men's fashion and what kind of bathing suits the guys wear for 500 years. That was so damn good!

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I think I could listen to all 5 of them discuss men's fashion and what kind of bathing suits the guys wear for 500 years. That was so damn good!

 

There were too many damn pleats in the ninja outfits. It makes the men look too hippy, imo.

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There were too many damn pleats in the ninja outfits. It makes the men look too hippy, imo.

Honestly I think the peak of men's fashion is a well-tailored suit. As seen here on Idris Elba for GQ.

 

idris-elba-gq.jpg

 

(Upon further research Idris Elba looks good in anything)

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Oh and the gang was confused about Jaguar placing Tiger (blonde wig) under arrest. However, earlier in the film, there was a line about Jaguar being from INTERPOL. Did anyone else catch that?

 

ETA: Also wanted to ask whether the GNW statue makes the ninja suit invincible? In the beginning, when the main ninja demonstrates the power of the GNW statue with the katana, shouldn't his ninja suit sleeve become shredded?

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i found watching this movie to be a really fun but at the same time an infuriating experience. i mentioned this in the mini but i'll just illustrate it here. i bought a copy of this on dvd and it is either a rip of the non-widescreen (full screen) version on youtube or visa versa. only i didn't know there were 2 versions out there. anyway, as i was watching it, in amazement, the grave side scene paul played (where one character was talking off screen for what seemed like 15 minutes) came on and i had to pause it cause i had never seen something so stupid in a movie. who converts a widescreen version to full screen without ever thinking about how it would effect the scene like this? and i didn't buy a bootleg or anything. it's a genuine copy .. if you look below you'll see what i mean:

 

VMmqAna.jpg

 

but the scene that had me on the floor was the boardroom scene where 2 characters are sitting at either end of a table. in the widescreen it looks fine but in the full screen version (again, the version they sold on dvd) this happened

 

jFFuY0C.jpg

a full minute of talking with no one on screen!!!!

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A few things about the robot-delivered VHS tapes:

 

When the Sweaty Steve Irwin ninja gets his hara-kiri video, he is in his ninja gear practicing his stances... or... whatever. We then cut to him popping in the tape and then sits on his couch. SHIRTLESS. Is it me, or did it seem like he was prepping for a jerk-sesh?

 

When Harry and his wife are watching the snuff film, the camera angle changes from Machiko getting beaten to her first-person perspective. Is this just a Godfrey Ho cut-and-paste or did they hand her the camera while they were interrogating her?

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i found watching this movie to be a really fun but at the same time an infuriating experience. i mentioned this in the mini but i'll just illustrate it here. i bought a copy of this on dvd and it is either a rip of the non-widescreen (full screen) version on youtube or visa versa. only i didn't know there were 2 versions out there. anyway, as i was watching it, in amazement, the grave side scene paul played (where one character was talking off screen for what seemed like 15 minutes) came on and i had to pause it cause i had never seen something so stupid in a movie. who converts a widescreen version to full screen without ever thinking about how it would effect the scene like this? and i didn't buy a bootleg or anything. it's a genuine copy .. if you look below you'll see what i mean:

 

VMmqAna.jpg

 

but the scene that had me on the floor was the boardroom scene where 2 characters are sitting at either end of a table. in the widescreen it looks fine but in the full screen version (again, the version they sold on dvd) this happened

 

jFFuY0C.jpg

a full minute of talking with no one on screen!!!!

 

I was just going to comment on the last picture. We've already seen Blondie and the Professor's faces in that scene, why just have their hands in view? That solves it. I think it's worth noting my favorite quote from the movie, from that scene. After showing Blondie the bomb and explaining its sophistication.

 

Blondie: "But will it blow my enemies up?"

Professor: "Well I'd say, SKY HIGH, eh? Heheheheh"

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