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Episode 195 - Never Too Young to Die: LIVE! (w/ Matt McConkey)

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9 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

So Ragnar's big weapon that all his cronies love is "the finger" which is basically a razor sharp finger nail. However "the finger" is only like an inch long if that.  Do you know how deep into your body your internal organs are? Hint, it is more than an inch. So what's the threat of "the finger"? In theory you could use it to sever major arteries and cause them to bleed out but in most cases in the movie when Ragnar uses it he goes right for the chest area. You are doing nothing there. Yes it'll cut you and hurt, but at that length there is no way it could kill you right away. Also at that short length Ragnar really would have to get in super close in a fight to make it work, and because of its location there is no way he could make a fist and fight effectively hand to hand. 

I just assumed it was poisoned, because that seemed to be the least-stupid explanation.

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Surely the original title for this film was going to be Stargrove?

Why else would the flawless Stargrove song be front and centre?

But Stargrove suggests a sci-fi adventure or at least a sci-fi suburban dwelling so they probably changed it to the no-problems-at-all title that we all know and love.

 

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2 hours ago, Robert Denby said:

I just assumed it was poisoned, because that seemed to be the least-stupid explanation.

That would make far more sense but then Stargrove would be dead from his gut stabbing at the end. Also welcome to the forums!

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I think it’s funny that in Never Too Young to Die Gene Simmons is trying to get the “RAM-K” and in Runaway he’s trying to get “Ramsay.” Do you think Gene Simmons’ blossoming acting career was derailed by typecasting?

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4 minutes ago, CameronH said:

I think it’s funny that in Never Too Young to Die Gene Simmons is trying to get the “RAM-K” and in Runaway he’s trying to get “Ramsay.” Do you think Gene Simmons’ blossoming acting career was derailed by typecasting?

The following year he was in this movie Wanted: Dead or Alive with Rutger Hauer in which he plays terrorist Malak Al "Rahim" who is being tracked down by CIA agent Nick "Randall". Both kinda close to Ram-K and Ramsay.

I think you may be on to something.

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14 hours ago, sycasey 2.0 said:

Let's also note that the payoff for this chewing-gum bug is that it does absolutely nothing to help our heroes stop the bad guy. Stamos leaves it with Gene Simmons, who discovers it immediately and flushes it down the toilet, and that's the end of that.

At least in the first Mission: Impossible they introduce exploding gum and then have it actually blow up a damn helicopter.

Also, college or boarding school, I wasn't even allowed a hot plate in the residents hall. Someone apparently missed freshman orientation if he thinks it's ok to experiment with lasers, accelerant, and whatever other crazy shit he had.

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On 8/18/2018 at 2:17 PM, CameronH said:

I think it’s the height of arrogance that Stargrove goes to all the trouble of creating a secret, underground spy bunker to house all of his counterintelligence memorabilia, but keeps all of his top secret and classified files in an unlocked, run-of-the-mill, Office Depot filing cabinet.

 

I wanted to know what was the difference between the files that said "secret" and the ones that said "confidential."

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On 8/17/2018 at 12:37 PM, taylorannephoto said:

I have to disagree with June on the amount of time it would have taken Gene to do that eye makeup in the helicopter! I do agree that it wasn't the best job done and it does look rushed, but that was for sure at least a 15 minute apply job. It takes me around 15-20 minutes to do my eyes and I'm not doing anything nearly extravagant as that and if you ask any drag queen how long it usually take them to do their makeup they all say usually on average 2 hours. Of course that is meticulously applying everything on the face perfectly, so if you just focus on the eyes and rush it that sounds like it could have taken him 15 minutes at least.

I've got to disagree, my love. That looked like a rush job at best. His makeup looked so much better at the Incinerator.

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1 minute ago, hotironskillet said:

I've got to disagree, my love. That looked like a rush job at best. His makeup looked so much better at the Incinerator.

Lol!

I recognize that was a rush job, and that it looked better during his Incinerator, BUT it still actually takes time to even rush through something and that was a lot of eyeshadow there, my love.

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5 minutes ago, taylorannephoto said:

Lol!

I recognize that was a rush job, and that it looked better during his Incinerator, BUT it still actually takes time to even rush through something and that was a lot of eyeshadow there, my love.

I'll be honest, I don't really know much at all about how long eye makeup takes to put on but I really wanted a chance to use "my love." 😁

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Just now, hotironskillet said:

I'll be honest, I don't really know much at all about how long eye makeup takes to put on but I really wanted a chance to use "my love." 😁

I appreciated it, but I'm not letting go of this point! Lol!

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I was and still am very confused about who the woman at the beginning of the movie was. At first I thought she was a member of the Stargrove family because she was wearing Stargrove crest earrings. Then I thought if she was, why would Ragnar need those to let him know Stargrove was involved. Also if she was, why wasn't she in any of the pictures at Stargrove Sr.'s house. Then I thought that she was the "bond girl" to Stargrove Sr.'s bond. He used her to get the RAM-K and probably slept with her. This still doesn't explain where the earrings come from. Unless Stargrove Sr. hands them out to any woman he beds or helps in which guess isn't that a little too tacky? Giving out your family crest to people just seems like a legit douchy move. Also, if that is the "reward" for "helping" him, what if they were to run into another woman also wearing them? Talk about awkward moments. Not to mention the obvious implication that we get from this movie that if they are ever captured they will know that somehow Stargrove is involved. 

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On 8/18/2018 at 12:13 PM, Quasar Sniffer said:

BOND NERD DEBATE! No way, Lazenby is clearly the WORST. He's just so dull and uninteresting in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, a movie that is otherwise pretty great (Telly Savalas as Blofeld, Diana Rigg as Tracy Bond, possibly the best Bond Girl). My favorite moments of his performance in that movie is when Bond is supposed to be doing an accent of a heraldry expert and Lazenby is dubbed by another, better, actor.

And I have watched the Hulu documentary about him, which only made me dislike him more. He just came across like a egomaniacal tool, while Bonds like Dalton and Moore are Unqualified Gentlemen.

Speaking of Dalton, I really enjoy him as Bond. I think Moore had so solidly established a brand of his quip-heavy, arched eyebrow charm as James Bond, the franchise needed something drastically different. Timothy Dalton brought that, with his searing sexiness and undercurrent of rage. He's, in my opinion, the closest Bond to Fleming's novels and so I definitely enjoy his performances.  Craig has that anger and bitterness too, but it's more on the surface, more unleashed than the quintessentially English Agent Dalton plays him as (even though the character is of Scottish heritage and Dalton is Welsh).

Dalton was okay as a Bond but fell into the trap Moore's Bond had where the producers were just trying to ape the popular genres of the time and throw Bond in the mix. So having Bond try and be a run and gunner like a Rambo or John Matrix type of character is so off base for the series. I may also hold OHMSS in high regard as it really helps shut down the conspiracy theory that James Bond is a codename rather than an actual person.

On 8/18/2018 at 6:58 PM, CameronH said:

I don't know a whole lot about motorcycles, but I do know that rolling up to the heavy metal nightclub riding a dirt bike while everyone else is riding medievally-accoutred, horse-motorcycles is lame as fuck.

nevertooyoungtodie1986xvidvhsripbyalenav

Also, wouldn't front loading your bike with that much metal completely throw off the balance?

And I don't know if it's been added to the "signs of a bad movie" list, but maybe having Gene Simmons in a major role should be at the top of that list.

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I am hung up on one of Lance's lines that I think is supposed to be his most Bond-like.  When the bad guys burst into the cabin bedroom with the two look-alikes Lance says "I must be in love. I think I'm seeing double."  Is that a thing?  And Lance would have had to do some really quick math about how those two might look from a few hundred yards away because they didn't look that similar.  In the remake I'm going to suggest they change the line to "Hey, I've got that shirt."

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21 hours ago, Cam Bert said:

So Ragnar's big weapon that all his cronies love is "the finger" which is basically a razor sharp finger nail. However "the finger" is only like an inch long if that.  Do you know how deep into your body your internal organs are? Hint, it is more than an inch. So what's the threat of "the finger"? In theory you could use it to sever major arteries and cause them to bleed out but in most cases in the movie when Ragnar uses it he goes right for the chest area. You are doing nothing there. Yes it'll cut you and hurt, but at that length there is no way it could kill you right away. Also at that short length Ragnar really would have to get in super close in a fight to make it work, and because of its location there is no way he could make a fist and fight effectively hand to hand. 

I took this as a sort of half-baked representation of phallic penetration. You know, because Ragnar is both man and woman, The Finger is the most purely masculine act he participates in, which is why his gang fears him so much. They are all, it seems, attracted to the feminine aspects of Ragnar, so when the masculine and penetrative aspect shows itself, they shrink away in fear (or get stabbed and die).  What does all this amount to? Not much, because this film is bullshit.

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13 hours ago, Quasar Sniffer said:

I took this as a sort of half-baked representation of phallic penetration. You know, because Ragnar is both man and woman, The Finger is the most purely masculine act he participates in, which is why his gang fears him so much. They are all, it seems, attracted to the feminine aspects of Ragnar, so when the masculine and penetrative aspect shows itself, they shrink away in fear (or get stabbed and die).  What does all this amount to? Not much, because this film is bullshit.

That's it everyone, go ahead and pack it up because Quasar knocked it out of the park.

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I remember when this movie came out, Vanity and John Stamos were dating and their relationship was being used to sell the movie. Stories about how they got naked in the VO booth doing ADR, etc. etc. Even as a 10-year-old kid, I didn't buy it.

Also, another HDTGM connection: In addition to producing BABY GENIUSES, Steven Paul was a producer on BRATZ and happens to be Jon Voight's manager, which is why Voight did that film and why one of the Bratz is played by Skyler Shaye, who is Paul's niece and Voight's goddaughter. As Voight's manager, Paul helped convinced him to go fi-core a few years back, infuriating much of the industry. 

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On 8/17/2018 at 9:39 AM, ChunkStyle said:

Hilarious episode.  My favorite part of the movie had to be Cliff.  He is an absolute first ballot entry into the Roommate Hall of Fame.  There is a good chance that Cliff and Lance never met before getting randomly paired up for their dorm assignment.  Then a year or two later absolutely no questions asked he is a killing machine against impossible odds to help out Lance.  Normally you are just happy if you have a roommate that keeps things relatively clean.  Cliff puts everyone to shame.

I don't know if the movie made this explicitly clear but Ragnar killed Carruthers and then assumed his identity, right?  It makes me think the real Carruthers must not have had a great working relationship with his coworkers if no one in this organization ever batted an eye at his replacement.  Also he must have had no friends or family to notice that he had gone missing.  That unseen character is really bumming me out.

 

Chunkstyle isn't it even crazier and more interesting if he was Carruthers all along?  Living this incredible double life moving up the ranks in the government, going to boring meetings, making small talk at the copy machine, typing up reports, going through different wigs and beards all while assembling a punk army and waiting patiently for the perfect chance to reveal himself as Ragnar. That shows his true commitment to his craft and a work ethic that is pretty great considering he seems to be very successful in both identities plus add performance artist to it he is a true renaissance man. 

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How's this for a coincidence. After watching the movie ahead of last week's episode, I was listening to the audiobook Barrel Fever and Other Stories by David Sedaris. One of the journal entries he reads from the 80's says:

In the mail we received a video guide of new releases. One movie is called Never Too Young to Die. The brochure reads, “A vicious hermaphrodite wants to control the country, and only two people stand in his way. The resulting ‘battle of the sexes’ will blow your mind. With a heady mixture of powerful heavy-metal music, state-of-the-art weaponry, martial arts, and espionage that makes this exciting action flick a winner.” - Things are looking up when a hermaphrodite wants to control the country and only two people stand in the way. 

Notice, he doesn't mention actually seeing it, but it looks like just the description left an impression.

 

 

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2 hours ago, joemajesty said:

Chunkstyle isn't it even crazier and more interesting if he was Carruthers all along?  Living this incredible double life moving up the ranks in the government, going to boring meetings, making small talk at the copy machine, typing up reports, going through different wigs and beards all while assembling a punk army and waiting patiently for the perfect chance to reveal himself as Ragnar. That shows his true commitment to his craft and a work ethic that is pretty great considering he seems to be very successful in both identities plus add performance artist to it he is a true renaissance man. 

I definitely considered that and the movie is vague enough that it is an option.  I just thought it was less likely because it would make Carruthers/Ragnar the hardest working person in the world.  In that scenario it feels more likely that Carruthers starts out on the level and then slowly becomes disillusioned and takes on the Ragnar persona.  Because to go into it as Ragnar from the start looking to infiltrate is an incredibly long con as I assume it would take many years to reach that level within whatever that organization was.  Also how would he know which organization to infiltrate?  It could just as easily have been the FBI going after him.  I still think Ragnar killed Carruthers but any one of the backstories is good.

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On 8/18/2018 at 4:09 PM, CameronH said:

Okay, so here's a problem I have with this "movie" and its "plot."

We're told that this disc will allow Ragnar to re-route radioactive waste from Diablo Canyon into the city's drinking supply and contaminate it "forever." Okay, fine. But, I mean, like, that's it. That's all that it does. It doesn't actually control Diablo Canyon or the reservoir. If Ragnar doesn't have that disc, then there really isn't a threat. I mean, seriously guys, it's just a shitty floppy disc. Just snap that fucker in two. Problem solved. 

Had the movie been the slightest bit interested in making sense, they would have wrote it so Ragnar had aleady hacked into Diablo Canyon and rigged it to redirect the waste into the drinking water in two days. Then he could say to the government, "Hey, in 48 hours I am going to irrevocably poison your water supply. The only way to stop it is with this disc in my possession - which I will give to you for one billion dollars in gold, ransom, jewels, and money. Ragnar out!" Had they gone this route, then you could have had Stargrove in a race against the clock to steal the disc before it's too late.

I don't know, it just seems to me that the only real conflict in the movie is between our heroes and their moronic refusal to end Ragnar's madness at literally any moment of their choosing.

Wow, maybe take a step back and chill ... What makes it beautiful is all of the idiosyncrasies ... why would you make it a good movie and then ruin it? ;o)

 

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7 hours ago, davgoncas said:

How's this for a coincidence. After watching the movie ahead of last week's episode, I was listening to the audiobook Barrel Fever and Other Stories by David Sedaris. One of the journal entries he reads from the 80's says:

In the mail we received a video guide of new releases. One movie is called Never Too Young to Die. The brochure reads, “A vicious hermaphrodite wants to control the country, and only two people stand in his way. The resulting ‘battle of the sexes’ will blow your mind. With a heady mixture of powerful heavy-metal music, state-of-the-art weaponry, martial arts, and espionage that makes this exciting action flick a winner.” - Things are looking up when a hermaphrodite wants to control the country and only two people stand in the way. 

Notice, he doesn't mention actually seeing it, but it looks like just the description left an impression.

 

 

This film was featured on Red Letter Media's first episode of "Best of the Worst". They read that description from the VHS box, and also pointed out the misleading press quote from the L.A. Times: "...explosions, one-against-a-hundred-bazooka battles,  and chases..."

Misleading for a couple reasons.  First, what bazooka battles? This would imply that there are at least 101 bazookas.

Second, have a look at the original review for comparison. The full context of that line is:  "You want James Bond? You want high-tech teens? You want gymnastics? You want drugs, sex and rock 'n' roll? You want car chases and chopper wrecks? You want vanity in a bikini? (And out of it?) You want explosions, one-against-a-hundred bazooka battles, and chases in the sewers? Hang on a while. If it moves, and it's sleazy or violent, producer-writer Steven Paul's team will try to grab it."

So it's not "chases"...it's "chases in the sewers"...if that's the kind of crap you're into. You have to admit, the marketing team who designed that VHS cover has cojones. They took a review that called the film "aggressively bad" and pulled a quote to make it sound  complimentary.

Here's the VHS box:

https://www.blogto.com/events/video-vengeance-10-never-too-young-to-die-1986-free-vhs-screening/

And here's the original review:

http://articles.latimes.com/1986-06-17/entertainment/ca-11719_1_producer-steven-paul

 

 

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18 hours ago, Coensister said:

I remember when this movie came out, Vanity and John Stamos were dating and their relationship was being used to sell the movie. Stories about how they got naked in the VO booth doing ADR, etc. etc. Even as a 10-year-old kid, I didn't buy it.

Also, another HDTGM connection: In addition to producing BABY GENIUSES, Steven Paul was a producer on BRATZ and happens to be Jon Voight's manager, which is why Voight did that film and why one of the Bratz is played by Skyler Shaye, who is Paul's niece and Voight's goddaughter. As Voight's manager, Paul helped convinced him to go fi-core a few years back, infuriating much of the industry. 

Voight also starred in Baby Geniuses 2, the Baby Geniuses TV show that only aired in Italy and the Far East, as well as Karate Dog. Needless to say Voight needs a new manager.

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